„We Still Worship This Love”

* -means explicit 18+ content

Every story has its own warnings. I write everything by myself, so please do not copy my work.

„Gracie, don’t go too far!” You call as your daughter rushes happily towards the playground.

„Okay, mommy!”

With a quiet sigh you sit on a free bench, setting your bag aside. Today is just for you and her. You already ate breakfast at your favorite waffle place and now you’re in a Central Park. Gracie begged to come here for almost a week. She loves it here and you love watching her having fun.

Pulling out your phone, you record a short video of her playing in the sandbox. She especially asked you to grab her bucket and spade today. Other kids are also around, but it’s quite peaceful at this hour. You didn’t send her to the kindergarten yet, because you wanted to take in the motherhood. You longed for it for so many years that now it would feel wrong to just hand over your daughter to other people. You’re working from home anyways.

„Gracie, wave to daddy!” You say from your place and she looks up at the camera. Harry’s working right now and you send him videos and photos like this every day. He can’t wait for any insight into Gracie’s life when he’s gone. After your four-years-old waves happily and comes back to her play, you stop recording and send him this.

The answer comes immediately.

Harry: God, she’s so adorable.

Harry: Hope you don’t have too much fun without me.

You smile to yourself, imagining him in a stiff suit and signing documents in his boring office. He’s devoted to his work, but he much rather be here in a linen shirt, playing with your daughter. Harry’s priorities changed over the years and as he became a father he sees nothing else, but you and Gracie.

You: Never. But we might go to the toy store later…

Harry: You’re cruel.

A chuckle escapes you as you read the message. Shopping with Grace is one of his favourite activities.

But then another text appears.

Harry: Buy her something nice from me.

You put your phone in your bag and look up at your daughter. She seems already bored of the sandbox, because she stands up and brushes off sand from her leggings. „Mommy.” She approaches you.

„Yes, honey? Come on, let me help.” You go down on your knees to be at her level and get rid of the rest of the sand. „You want some juice?” You ask and she nods.

Gracie crawls onto the bench and patiently waits till you grab the small apple juice box with a straw. You always carry them in your bags. It’s striking that in the past you used to have different types of lipglosses there and now you exchanged them for juice boxes and My Little Pony plasters.

But you wouldn’t have it any other way.

„Here, baby.” You give her the juice and brush her golden locks from her face. Grace holds it with both of her hands, clearly thirsty. Today it’s quite warm, Spring greeting you with sun and delicate clouds above. A perfect weather for a mommy-daughter date.

„Mommy, I don’t want anymore.” She hands you the box.

„It’s fine, you’ll finish later.” You lay a kiss on her head.

„Excuse me?” Hearing a female voice, you look sideways to find a woman and a little boy standing a bit behind her, clinging shyly to her leg. „Hi. I don’t want to interrupt, but my son, Otis, wonders if your daughter would like to play?”

She looks a bit older than you. Very pretty and seems kind. You can see she tries to help her boy find some friends. And how lucky she is, because you were trying to get Gracie more around people, too.

You turn to your daughter with a soft smile, encouraging her with your calmness. „Huh, Gracie? What do you say? Do you want to play with Otis? He seems nice.”

Grace hesitates, clinging to your side as well. Ever since you adopted her, you try with Harry to deal with her fear of strangers. Your daughter is a very sweet, but shy girl. She opens up slowly. Her time in foster homes did that. And now that she has you, you want her to also have friends her age. And it’s been hard to do.

„I’ll be right here. You can go play.” You add squeezing her small frame gently. Her eyes land on Otis who is also hesitating. His olive skin and brown hair reflect the sun. He seems like a nice boy. You’d like Gracie to befriend him and maybe you could also befriend his mother? It would be so cool having a girlfriend who is also a mom. You didn’t meet anyone yet.

„Okay.” Gracie whispers and hops off the bench.

Your heart swells with pride and love for your little girl. She’s being so brave.

Soon, you watch her play with Otis, while engaging in a conversation with his mom. You discovered her name is Gianna and that they moved in to New York a month ago. You told each other some stories about how the motherhood treats you, you smiled together when Gracie and Otis hugged. You even exchanged numbers and scheduled a playdate, because your kids seemed to have so much fun together. That’s what you wanted for your daughter. You’re so happy she made a friend.

When Grace gets tired, you say goodbye to Otis and Gianna and head outside the park. You still have a toy store to visit. So now you hold her small hand, walking down the lane. She looks so joyful despite the tiredness. You never saw her like that before.

„You had fun with Otis?”

„Yes! Can we see him again? He likes cars like me!” Your daughter can’t help the little jump as you walk. It makes you grin.

„Sure, we can, honey. I bet he can’t wait to see you again.”

You are so focused on Gracie and her infectious happiness that you don’t notice the person that stopped on the way before you. Only her voice finally catches your attention.

„Sweetheart?”

You freeze, looking up.

„Mother?”

All of a sudden your grip on Gracie’s hand tightens. Little girl looks between you and her with curiosity. She doesn’t know her grandma, you made sure of that. To her, the older woman is a complete stranger.

To you? Some could say she’s a stranger to you as well. You haven’t seen Eliza for about… two years? But you had no plan to change it. And seeing her at Central Park by accident is definitely the last thing you expected today.

„Mommy, who is it?” Gracie asks you and finally the weight of what’s happening settles on you. Grace never saw her. And now she’s here…

„Just mommy’s friend, you know?” You fake a smile, saying that in a hidden panic.

„Friend? Are you serious?” Eliza steps closer, clearly disturbed with your words. But you don’t want your daughter to have anything to do with her. Your mother was never a mom to you. You still remember how neglected you felt in your childhood home and you swore to yourself Gracie will have it better.

„Yes. I don’t want you near her. And I don’t think I have to explain why.”

Your mother huffs, but she acts like she didn’t hear what you just said. Like good old times. Eliza takes a better look at Gracie and all you wish for is to pick her up and run away. Your mother never cared enough to check on you, you’re not sure if she was even aware that you became a mom, too.

„When did you have her? She looks like she’s five.”

You want to roll your eyes. Some silly part of you, the little girl that craved attention years ago, still hoped that maybe she at least asked your siblings about your life. But now you have proof it’s not true.

„She’s four and we adopted her.”

„Adopted?” Eliza’s eyes widen.

„Mommy.” Gracie tugs at your hand, because she’s bored. Not even minding the tensed conversation. Just childishly oblivious. And honestly, you’re thankful for that. With a quiet sigh you pick her up into your arms. Your daughter clings to you as always when a stranger is near.

„Listen, I am so much happier when you’re no longer in my life. And I want it to stay that way. Don’t ever get near me, or my daughter.” You say, internally stunned that you found strength to speak the truth that’s been waiting in the back of your mind for so long. Eliza though, stares in shock at you. You wonder is it because she realized she made a mistake, or if, like usually, she can’t accept the tone you’re using against her.

„I have to go.” You say already passing her. „I have a day to spend with my child.”

And just like that, you leave your mother for the last time in your life. No looking back. Just forward. At the future with Gracie and Harry. They are all that matters. And through last couple of years you learnt a lot about your worth. She no longer has any power over you.

„Ready to buy some new toy?” You coo, bouncing Grace in your arms.

For the rest of the day you hid your shaken state the conversation with your mother has left you in. You didn’t want to worry Gracie, she’s too young and you wanted her to have an amazing time. At home you faked, too. When your husband came home, he instantly noticed something is off with you, but he decided to not comment on that. Yet.

Now? Harry enters your bedroom after putting Gracie to sleep. You’re already in bed, with a book in your lap, but you read the same page for the tenth time.

„She’s finally down. You really got her excited with that new Barbie.” He smiles widely, but it softens with every step he takes towards the bed. You’re both in your comfy clothes, basically ready to curl up and fall asleep as well. But not yet… Not until he knows what’s up with his wife.

„Good.” You hum absent-mindedly. That’s when he’s sure something is eating you up.

Without a word, Harry sits next to you. Back against the headboard, but he angles in your direction. His hand rests gently on your thigh.

„Hey… Are you alright?”

His gentle voice and attentive eyes make you soften. At this point of marriage, you’re perfectly aware there is no sense in hiding your feelings, because Harry knows you inside and out. One look at you and he knows.

So, you put your book aside and sigh.

„Today, at the park… We bumped into someone.”

„Someone? Who?” His hand now delicately rubbing your arm.

Your eyes find his. „My mother.”

You tell Harry the whole story. All this while he holds you and listens carefully. He sees how it took its toll on you. He hates that he wasn’t there, but also he’s proud when he hears you stood up for yourself.

„I just… It was the first time I saw her and Gracie in one place together and I just couldn’t let her get closer. I actually never saw clearer. I swore to myself Gracie will never feel the way I did as a child. And I swore to myself I will never beg for her attention ever again. You know how good it felt to say that to her face?”

Harry sees it in your eyes. You seem wired, but also… relieved. Like something cleaned up the mess that remained for years in your head. You’re finally free.

„I’m proud of you, baby.” He says, kissing your forehead. „So proud of you.”

His words mean a lot. Because it’s your husband who first showed you that you deserve more. That you deserve full attention. He showed you you’re lovable and wanted. Since then, with every day you gained more of that confidence. He was with you through it all, even if your relationship was difficult to maintain sometimes. You made it with him.

„I’m finally happy. No remorse, or longing… I am exactly where I want to be. And it’s here with you, guys.”

Then, he pulls you into a warm hug. The one that speaks louder than any words could. The solid form of his body is your anchor, you slip your hand beneath his t-shirt to feel his skin. Your breathing instantly slows, your mind doesn’t swirl with unwanted thoughts. It’s just you and your husband in the comfort of your shared bedroom.

„You belong here. You always did.” He whispers against your head. „I love you.”

You squeeze him tighter. „I love you, too, baby. So much.”

For a while you just remain like that. No awful mothers, or guilt. Harry holds you, making sure you feel comfortable and seen. The emotions settle slowly and you’re able to breathe without the weight on your chest. You glance at him with a soft smile.

„And what do you think about Otis? Gracie couldn’t stop talking about him at dinner.”

Harry huffs with quiet amusement, but he’s glad you feel okay enough to talk about something else. „Well, I’m so happy she made a friend. I just wish he was a girl.”

„Oh, come on, they are kids.”

„I know, I know… But he’s still a boy. I don’t want him to hurt my little girl.”

„Harry, they are four.” You sit up with a giggle. „The worst thing he can do to her is stealing her truck.”

„Exactly. I better not see her crying, because he took it.” The way his face turns into that serious expression makes you almost laugh out loud. Since becoming a father, a new side of his protectiveness awoken in him. You can’t lie… It suits him. But still, it’s adorable to watch him care like that.

„God, you’re such a dad right now.” You grin.

„I’m taking it as a compliment, baby. I’m not taking any chances with our child.”

„As you should. It was very much a compliment.” You scoot closer and press your lips to his. „Being a daddy really suits you.”

„Oh, yeah?” He hums pulling you closer, so you basically straddle his lap. „Am I hot?”

„As hell.” You grin kissing him again.

You love your life. You love how Harry can make your thoughts go quiet and remind you what’s really important. Your mother is no longer on your mind, you don’t think she ever will be again.

All that matters you have here. A husband who makes you feel seen. An adorable daughter who is your whole world.

It feels great.

***************************

A/N: I love it and I hope you guys do, too. I missed this family!

A hurried tapping of the raindrops against the roof is matching the rhythm of your beating heart. The air is sultry, it makes the blanket beneath stick to your bare skin. And the gentle, worried rustle of the leaves makes you sleepy. The nature looks so green and pure with rain washing off the heat of the summer.

You’re on a terrace of the house you rented. Lying on the mattress your boyfriend dragged outside, because it seemed like the best idea. It was.

Resting on your back, you observe the folkloric cutouts and ornaments dangling from the ceiling. They’re so colorful. Red flowers, some animals, and other pieces of culture you don’t know about. The owner of the house is Polish, if you remember correctly. She is a kind, older woman. She smiled so brightly at you and your boyfriend once you arrived.

You needed a getaway from your horrible corporate work as well as he craved a break after intense months of closing some millions-worth deal. Your lives are busy and lately you pulled away from each other. That’s why you came up with the idea to go somewhere completely secluded. Just you and him. You found this exact Airbnb and fell in love. Right by the lake, surrounded by your favourite willows and birches. A wooden cabin with twinkling lights and cozy blankets.

And now after the intimate moments you shared, you glance at Harry.

He’s lying on his back, forearm beneath his head, his eyes closed. He seems finally relaxed. Enjoying the sounds of nature around you and focusing on just his breathing. No phone calls, no board meetings. Just him and you in the middle of nowhere, few hours away from bustling New York City.

„I can feel your eyes on me, baby.” You hear him murmur and you scoot closer with an affectionate smile. Your hand rests on his bare chest, right where the heart is.

„What can I say? It’s a rare view — you being so relaxed and at ease.”

Harry sighs quietly as the wind picks up speed, making the leaves rustle in a sudden dance. You love how nature around is busy with the rainstorm, but your are safe watching it from your roofed terrace.

„I know… And I’m glad you dragged me here. Even if we have no electricity.” He opens his eyes, saying these words with a quiet submission. Like he appreciates the fact you actually done something to help him out of his workaholic hollow. „No electricity is good. We’re closer to each other.” You respond pressing a kiss to his chest. Harry’s hand pulls you closer by the waist, so now you’re basically lying on him. That gentle smile still lingers on your lips, because you’re just so happy to be here with him.

„Yeah… that’s not so bad.” He smirks.

Without another word, you lean in and kiss him properly. His other hand tangles in your hair, delicately massaging your scalp just as you like. He swallows the hum that escapes your mouth, pulling closer. You let your hands wander, too. They sneak up to his broad shoulders, keeping him pressed against your body.

Neither of you care about how sticky you both are, how the heat of the day clings to your skin. The air is heavy with moisture, but in that freeing way, when you know you have nothing to do except for actually living.

That is what you and your boyfriend do.

Take in all the benefits that Mother Nature has to offer. It includes you, the rain, the tranquility of this place.

„I love you so much.” Harry whispers, brushing away some hair from your forehead.

„I love you, too. You’ll never know how much I love you.”

He smiles and you want to high five yourself whenever he does. You are one of little reasons this man is not locked up in his office, stressing out from the amount of work. You push him to seek balance in his life. You’re his anchor. And for that? Harry will appreciate your presence till his last breath.

He watches you as you lift your head, enough to admire the nature around you. The rain is still pouring. It bounces off the wooden planks where the roof doesn’t reach. It soothes you. The sound and the view. Something you don’t get in the city.

Making love to Harry right here on that terrace was something you never knew you needed. And now, in the sweet aftermath as you just rest together surrounded by the green of the trees… You feel completely at ease. Your mind doesn’t wander to numbers, or emails. It stays right here. Grounded. Brought back to life.

„The wind is picking up, darling. It’s so nice being here, but maybe let’s hide inside.” Harry’s deep voice pulls you out of your thoughts. You look at him with a nod, but before he can sit up, you lay one more kiss on his lips. He grins into your face.

You get up and first you gather the blanket and two pillows, carrying them to the cabin. Then, together, you drag the mattress inside. A laugh leaves your mouth, when Harry almost trips in the narrow doorway.

Once everything is settled back in the place, he grabs your cardigan and wraps your naked form in it. „Come here. You got cold.”

It’s true, as the weather finally got blessed with the rain, the temperature dropped a little. Thank God.

„What now?” You raise an eyebrow, smirking.

„How about I light the fireplace and you prepare marshmallows?”

„We’re gonna roast them over the fire?” Your eyes sparkle up at the thought. It’s been a while since you and your boyfriend done something so simple.

„Exactly.” He kisses the tip of your nose.

Soon, you sit on a couch with long sticks aimed to the fireplace. The rain is still pouring outside, but in here there’s just pure joy and love. You rest your head on his shoulder as you laugh together. No stress, just the promise of a sweet treat and a good time.

„We definitely need more getaways like this.”

„Agree.” Harry responds.

You are sitting on a windowsill, watching your brother doing medicine ball throws.

Extremely interesting, isn’t it?

You’re bored out of your mind, but you’re the supportive younger sister. Right after your shift at the cinema, you always end up in a sweaty, full of testosterone gym. Which is exactly what a girl wants after an exhausting day.

But your brother, David, is training for an upcoming fight. He wants to become an Austin’s champion. To achieve that he needs to be first in the local rank. With that, he could go further, take part in regional tournaments and then… national. He always talks about how he’ll become the most famous boxer on Earth one day. That he’d beat Mike Tyson, or Muhammad Ali.

You’re not sure if that’ll happen. Of course you wish him the best, but your brother tends to be too aggressive and reckless. He lacks the stoicism that sometimes is crucial. When he’s on the ring, he doesn’t think.

Not like some of his opponents.

Speaking of them…

The best part of your day walks through the door with his manager.

Joel Miller.

Your brother’s biggest rival.

You feel your hands squeezing the edge of the windowsill a bit too tightly. It’s always like that when he appears. It’s hard to look away from Joel. He intrigues you with his calm demeanor and this restrained anger he lets out on the ring. His eyes speak in a language you wish you could understand. You wish you could know what he thinks when he glances at you during the training. Because… he does it sometimes.

Not like you care.

Of course not.

He is your brother’s rival and he’s a jerk.

And lately you didn’t see him much, because it’s him who David is facing on the ring in two weeks. Gentlemen hate each other so much, they can’t be in the same room. So, their coaches had to figure out the schedule, so they wouldn’t meet.

They’re fighting for the same dream. Fighting to get away from this sleazy gym in Austin. Sure, Joel and David won’t like each other.

„The fuck you’re doing here?” David throws the ball aside, already pissed with his opponent’s presence. You roll your eyes.

Before Joel responds, he steals a glance at you. It’s barely noticeable for others, but you feel the shiver crawl down your spine. It lasts just two seconds, Miller already looking at your brother again, clearly unimpressed with his behaviour.

„I came to box. It’s my hour now, so get out.”

„Like hell I get out.” David huffs.

„Kid, we really stayed longer than we should’ve. Come on.” Your brother’s coach chimes in, hoping to break the tension.

Joel throws his bag on the floor near the ring, showing he is not moving anywhere. And he has any right to. It’s your brother who’s childish again. He stands up. His jaw and fists clenched as he nears his rival.

„You old man, you think you’ll beat me? In two weeks I’ll show you who deserves all these hours on this goddamn gym.”

Joel sighs. He turns to David with that calm demeanor that always sets him on edge.

Joel is old for a boxer who tries to get into regional fights, it’s true. But you sometimes saw how he moves around the ring. He is not playing. He’s got experience your brother can’t have yet. He’s hardened by something else than just long hours exercising.

Does that sound like you root for him more than for your brother? Maybe.

„Just take your toys and get out of the gym, kid.” Joel says and you fight the smirk. What? You like when your brother gets humbled. It’s a normal sibling thing.

Completely it has nothing to do with how his rival’s voice got that low, sexy tone.

Not at all.

„What did you say to me?” David pushes him, but Joel doesn’t wait and also presses against his chest. Their coaches immediately rush to separate them.

„David, enough.” You finally say, jumping off the windowsill. „Just let’s go home.”

Men’s eyes land on you. Joel is smirking and David is irritated.

„Listen to your sis. She’s got more brains than you ever will.”

„Okay, enough gentlemen. Joel, we’ve gotta prepare you. And you guys just…” Joel’s coach waves you and your brother off.

„Go shower, I’ll wait here.” You say to David and he just huffs passing you, shouldering Joel on the way. His rival just shakes his head in amusement.

„You always this commanding?” Joel looks at you with that glint in his eyes. You don’t wanna go shy, but you really rarely talk to him. It’s one thing observing him from afar, other being with him face to face. It’s better to just watch him, because he has a reputation for being quite an asshole. But living with your brother and surrounded by men at the gym all the time… you learnt how to deal with assholes.

„Yeah, especially when I deal with men who act worse than children.”

His smile softens a bit.

„Yeah, you might be right… Look, I’m sorry for bringing disgrace to my gender.” He rests a hand over his chest with that stupid smirk. You really fight yourself to not let the corner of your lips lift as well. Joel is a jerk, but he has his moments.

„Stop flirting and get to work!” His coach calls. You look his direction, and around at other boxers here. Shit.

No one can hear things like that. You were not flirting with your brother’s rival. He’d get so mad if he heard any gossip about it.

Without another word, you just go back to the windowsill where you left your bag. You try to look busy, like you’re searching for some item, but in fact you can’t face Joel.

Or can’t look at him warming up shirtless.

Because, yeah, he just took off his t-shirt and shadowboxes on the ring.

God, just a little peek…

You tilt your head just enough. His grunts and breaths fill the gym, outstanding others. It’s like he is the only one here. Your eyes wander around his muscled chest. So sculpted and strong. You see all the muscles working with his sharp movements and it’s getting harder to look away with every second. People say he’s at his peak form. You actually see it.

Joel’s got the hunger that many boxers lack. His heart is burning with purpose and it’s clear as day. You find it admirable.

„Stay busy. Yeah… just like that.” His coach guides him through the punches. His stomach muscles flexing and it’s making you hot. Too hot.

Forcing yourself to look away, you miss the way Joel glances your direction. He falters in his movements which earns him a scolding from his manager. Miller curses under his breath. He can’t afford being distracted, but it’s damn impossible when you’re standing there all pretty in your shorts.

But you don’t see any of that, already focused on David who just left the locker room.

As you head out of the gym together, Joel is relieved he can continue his training without some unwanted thoughts.

As you could’ve expected, there’s no peaceful evening with your brother. David dragged you to hang out with him and his friends at the local bar. It’s a worse dive than his damn gym. But that’s all you get in this part of Austin.

You hope to get out someday. Move to the safer part of the city.

But for now… You have to deal with David’s jackass friends. You hate being the only girl at the table. Hate being squeezed between two big men whose hands like to wander. It’s disgusting, but you got used to it. Telling them to stop would only cause a wave of laughter at the table. They’d think you’re adorable. David’s younger sister. Or they’d even say you need their help to let some steam off.

And you’re hundred percent sure David would agree with them.

„Shit, forgot my phone.” Your brother sighs frustrated as he touches his pockets. „Must be at the gym.”

You look at him, seeing the opportunity to get out of here.

„I can go and grab it for you now, if you want.” You say.

„Yeah, do that.” David grins leaning back against the seat. Comfortable with his sister doing what he wants. He doesn’t see you’re just searching for an escape, which you’re pleased with.

„Damn, sugar, be my girl. I also want a cute servant like you.” One of his friends laughs and it makes your skin crawl. Bastard.

„Bet she’s like that in bed, too.” The other adds.

„Okay, shut up. No one gets my sister like that, hear me?” David finally says, but you see the amusement is written on his face.

„Oh, come on! Because of you, she’ll be a virgin in her thirties!”

You feel sick at the laughter that explodes at the table. You can try to shut down their comments as much as you want, but it will never work. So you just stand up ready to leave.

„I’m going.”

They didn’t even notice, or hear you, too busy with talking about stuff that doesn’t concern them at all.

The moment the evening air hits your nostrils, you breathe with relief. Walking alone the streets feels better now than staying and listening to David’s friends. You clutch your keys in your hand just in case and head to the gym.

The walk actually helps you clear your head. You know their words don’t define you, but it’s still hard to listen to all of those comments. A virgin. A bitch. A servant.

You hate those men. You wish you were seen for something more. For who you truly were.

You know you deserve more and that’s why you never actually had a boyfriend.

But for guys like David and his friends? It’s you who’s the problem. Too innocent. Too picky. They think that they’re a gift sent from God for women like you, but actually they’re just pathetic losers. You won’t settle for less.

Few minutes later you find the old, brick building where the gym is. You walk inside and the smell of sweat is the first thing you feel. Grasping the strap of your bag, you step in further. There are still some boxers training. The sounds of grunts, gloves hitting the punching bags and yells of frustrated coaches are loud and exactly not what you need right now.

Passing by the ring, you notice Joel is still here. Having a round with his sparing partner. Your breath catches at the view of his body glistening with sweat. You like the hair covering his chest and the way it’s heaving with the effort.

Holy shit.

Before he can notice you, you disappear behind the locker room door. Fortunately, it’s empty, but you can hear the sound of showers running. The last thing you want is to bump into some naked asshole.

Your eyes scan the room in search for David’s phone. Approaching his locker, you dial the correct combination.

„Are you lost, sweetheart?” Some male voice sounds from behind. A quiet sigh leaves your mouth. „Or maybe you were waiting for me?”

„No, just came to grab my brother’s phone.” You say, remaining calm.

Turning to the guy, you see he’s just in a towel wrapped around his hips. His eyes tell he likes seeing you here alone. Fucking great.

„You David’s sister?”

„Yeah.” You open the locker to find this damn phone. About to close it and get out of here, you are suddenly blocked by the arm resting against the other locker. You’re trapped with the guy’s body. You tense up, but try to not show that he scares you. „Could you step back?”

„Why? It’s you who came in here.” You can practically hear his grin.

„Yeah, to grab a phone. Now back the fuck up.”

„Ah, not the sharp tongue, sweetheart.”

The boxer steps even closer and you feel sick. His breath on your shoulder makes a shiver crawl down your spine. If being nice and then mean doesn’t work? With no options left, you have to turn to your last resort.

You elbow the guy in his stomach with all the strength you have. He groans in unexpected pain, stumbling just a bit. You think you might have an opportunity to get out of here, but the punch made him angry. He grasps your arm and pushes you onto the lockers. „You bitch!”

„Get your hands off of her.” Suddenly you hear a sharp voice behind him. You recognize it immediately.

„Stay out of it, Joel.”

„Hands off her.” He repeats stepping closer. He has just finished his training, but he wouldn’t mind punching this bastard the right amount of times. „Mind your business, Miller.” The guy grunts and in this exact moment Joel tugs him backwards by the shoulder. He stumbles, completely taken aback. But it’s Joel, of course he is not playing.

„You’ve got a problem?!”

„Yes, you’re harassing stranger girls.” Joel says.

The boxer rushes towards him, ready to start a fight. But Miller is not having it. Tired after a work-out he’s not in the mood to deal with a dickhead like that. He blocks the punch and cages the boxer between the nearest wall and himself. You’re still standing by the lockers, too stunned to move. The guy tries to move, but Joel’s grip is steel.

„Apologize to the lady.”

The other man tries to push him away, fight the strong silhouette that keeps him in place. In response, Joel presses his arm to his neck. He enjoys the way this guy didn’t even expect to be cornered like that, he finally notices some respect flashing in his eyes. The reputation of a hardass pays off.

„Apologize, looking into her eyes. And mean it.”

„I…” The boxer struggles to find the words thanks to the pressure on his neck. He looks over Miller’s shoulder to meet your gaze. You’re still standing here silently, even if you could just make your way out of here with David’s damn phone. You clutch the strap of your bag tighter. „I’m sorry.” He finally chokes out and after that Joel lets go of him.

„Good. That’s all we wanted, yeah?” He pats his arm. „Just some manners.”

He just nods and heads to his locker, grabbing his stuff and leaving in his towel. He knows not to mess with Miller. When the door close after him, you finally let yourself to take a breath. It was stressful. You actually have no idea what would happen if Joel didn’t come in here after his training. But despite your fear, you don’t want to show it. Joel is still a man.

„You alright?” He turns to you and God, you’re so aware of him being in just his shorts. You’re not sure, if you are more uncomfortable, or shy. Seeing guys boxing in here for so many times, you should be gotten used to it. But it’s always different with him.

„Yeah. I would’ve handled it myself, you know.” You act all unbothered, because that’s how you survive.

„No doubt. Saw how you elbowed him.” He smirks, but notices your closed demeanor. Understandable. „Listen, I’m sorry it happened to you. But for your own safety you shouldn’t be coming here alone.”

„Shouldn’t men act decent instead?” You raise an eyebrow.

„Yes, they absolutely should. But unfortunately, that’s not possible.”

„Can’t you give all of them your manners lessons?” You crack a soft smirk.

That’s when he chuckles. Joel likes your witty responses. Enjoys talking to you, because you always somehow manage to make him smile. Even if you’re just standing on the other side of the gym.

You realize how easy it comes to you. Joking and being playful whenever you two talk. And it’s actually rare. And it dawns on you… The only reason you feel brave enough to talk back to him is because you feel safe. Joel has never made any comment on your body, on your words, or didn’t undress you with his gaze. He’s always keeping himself to the side and steps in when necessary. He actually made a guy apologize for pushing you. It’s… a nice change. Compared to others.

„Hey, um… If you give me like five minutes to shower, I can walk you home.” Joel says. „Don’t want you walking alone this late.”

„Oh, you don’t have to, really… I’m heading to the bar anyways to give David his phone.” You lift your hand a bit, holding the said phone. „He sent you here alone to get his damn phone?” A crease forms between his brows.

„Well, I volunteered. Didn’t want to sit with him and his friends.”

„Now, that I can understand.”

You huff quietly with amusement. Joel, being David’s boxing rival, also met his friends and let’s just say they all don’t like each other. And you see why. Miller is completely different. You sometimes catch yourself liking him more than you tolerate your brother. But you can’t think that. You shouldn’t be even talking to him right now.

„Let me walk you to that bar, then.”

You see he’s being stubborn, but you’re not sure why he cares so much. Or maybe it’s some kind of a trap? You met guys before who were nice at the beginning and then turned into biggest assholes. What if he’s the same?

„Okay, I see you’re hesitating. I’m going to a shower. If I come back and you’re still here, I’m walking you there. It’s up to you.”

After these words he just turns to the door and disappears to wash off all the sweat and the ache in his muscles. You’re not sure why aren’t you moving. You don’t know why you sit down on the bench instead.

It’s just something telling you that it’s okay.

It’s your heart that slowed down immediately when he first appeared in the locker room.

Waiting, you don’t even care that David is expecting you. Suddenly, all you think of is spending few minutes with Joel alone, just walking down the street. Nerves are humming beneath your skin. It’s everything - your brother’s friends, the fight in the locker room… the way Joel looks at you. It’s a lot to take in.

All you wished for was a quiet evening.

You hate that you always have to keep your guard up. Check if some guy isn’t too mad at you, or if you didn’t say something that might offend him. You want to just be without judgement. Without fear.

You used to believe that once David will start winning the tournaments it’ll all change. But now you’re not such a fool anymore. There won’t be any respect if you come from a place like this. If deep down you know, your brother is just the same.

So you study for yourself to do it by yourself.

You’re not sure if it will work either.

The door open and there is Joel, wearing only a towel low around his hips. Your breath catches as you look away.

„You stayed.” He notices.

„Yeah, whatever.” You choke out.

He stands by his locker to grab his clothes. You turn around in the other direction to give him some privacy. Jesus Christ. Every sound makes goosebumps on your skin clearer. Him putting on his boxers. The zipper of his bag. The quiet curse when Joel can’t find his sock.

It drives you crazy.

„It’s okay. You can look now.”

With a calming breath in you do so. He’s all in clothes now. Grey sweats and a loose hoodie that will keep his warmed-up body safe from the cool of the evening. And that soft, barely noticeable smirk. He’s really happy you stayed, but he won’t admit it.

„Ready?” He asks.

„Yeah.”

You stand up, put David’s phone in your bag and leave the locker room at Joel’s side. You pray others won’t pay much attention to you. It’ll be over if your brother found out you let Miller walk you to the bar.

Joel exhales the moment the fresh air hits his face. He spent a long time training today, his muscles are sore as hell, but God, wasn’t it worth it. And now he has a chance to walk with — in his humble opinion — the prettiest girl in town.

When he saw you cornered by that bastard, his blood nearly boiled. Sure, you’re feisty and strong, but guys like that are far worse. Whether he likes it, or not he spends a lot of time with them in the gym. He hears them talk often and it disgusts him. He also heard your brother’s friends many times. Talking about you. And that… He just can’t understand why are you still coming here.

His mother taught him better than that before she died. He might be an ass and grump, but he would never disrespect a woman.

„You cold?” Joel glances at you as you make your way down the sidewalk. It’s true that the air is chilly, but you don’t mind. „No, I’m good.”

„Okay.”

It’s quiet between you. Not because it’s uncomfortable, but because there is just no need to disturb this moment of peace. There are no noises of people boxing, no yelling. Just an upcoming night and warm light of street lamps.

Though, there are some people heading to the bars, or homes. Some already stumbling, because of the alcohol in their veins. That’s just how your neighborhood looks. Everything falls apart here. You and Joel gotten used to it, both of you spent here most of your lives.

„You will spend the rest of the evening at the bar?” He asks another question and it almost makes you laugh.

„I guess…” you sigh softly. „I don’t even want to. I should study now.”

„Then why not go home? You can give David his damn phone and I’ll walk you there.” He looks at you the same time you look at him. The way his eyes soften seeing yours… And that little smile ghosting on his lips… He seems so gentle now. Not like the guy who could break someone’s ribs.

„I mean… You’re probably right. I just don’t want David to get mad at me again. He says I’m not supporting his career enough.” You roll your eyes.

„And how exactly watching him getting wasted is supposed to help? It’s not like it’ll improve his shitty left hook”

That makes you actually laugh out loud. Joel didn’t expect that. But seeing that adorable grin tugging at your lips? Damn, he could offend your brother all night for that.

„I shouldn’t laugh. It’s wrong…” Your words trail off, because another wave of laughter overtakes you. It’s been a while since you could openly listen to someone talking badly about David. But now? It’s just you and Joel walking down the street. It hits you, you’re alone with his biggest rival and you’re actually having the best time since very long.

„But you have to admit your brother can’t use his left hand.” Joel also smiles, because your joy is infectious. „Yeah… he can’t.”

He can’t stop admiring your profile. Usually, your features are hardened and serious. Like you’re protecting yourself from all the world. Like you have so many things on your mind that there is no space for just breathing. Now, there is none of that left. It’s just you relaxing and maybe even… having fun with him?

As you round the corner, the bar grows before you. Just a bit more and your walk will be over. Suddenly, you feel sad. You don’t want it to end. Biting your lip, you try to think of pros and cons…

Fuck it.

„Um… You have any plans for now?”

Joel looks at you as hope flickers in his expression. He schools it immediately though. „Nah, probably just will head home.”

„So if I asked you to walk me home you’d say yes?”

Now that is what he wanted to hear.

„Sure.” He smirks, glad that it’s not really over yet. „What changed your mind?”

„Me staying won’t improve his left hook anyways, yeah?” You match his expression. „Yeah… Will our walk improve mine?”

That makes you chuckle again. He is so effortlessly funny. Teasing in that adorable, not violating way. It really is refreshing. „Let’s be real, yours doesn’t need any improvement.”

You actually said it. Will he realize that you secretly watched him on the ring when you had an occasion? You exactly know what you’re talking about, you know his fighting style. You could just say you’re observant. That wouldn’t be far from truth. But in reality, you longed for even a glimpse of him whenever you were at the gym with David. You know his left hook is perfect.

If Joel understood, he doesn’t make any comment on it. But deep down in his soul? He smiles to himself victoriously. She looks at me too.

A minute later you’re right outside the bar. You made sure you’re standing aside, so David and his friends wouldn’t notice you hanging out with Joel Miller. You look at the broad man before you.

„Will you wait here? I’ll just give him the phone.”

„Yeah, go on.”

Walking inside, you already feel the heavy smell of cigarette smoke combined with beer and piss. This is actually the worst place around, but it’s also the cheapest. And for some people it’s the only way to get wasted.

Let’s skip the fact David should avoid the alcohol if he wants to win in two weeks against Joel.

You find his table, his friends instantly cheering when they see you. Much drunker than when you left.

„Here.” You hand David his phone. „I’m going home.”

„Home? Come on, Larry had something to tell you.” He says nodding at his buddy. Others instantly laugh like it is some inside joke.

„I don’t want to hear it. I’m tired after work and I’m going home.” You turn to leave, but he grasps your wrist. „Don’t be such a bitch. I’m trying to find you a date here. Cooperate.”

You huff, yanking your hand free.

„No way I’ll ever look at this junkie like that. Leave me alone.”

With that you rush out, hearing whistles and boos at your reaction. You are sure David will not leave it like that and have his way with you at home. But you will never ever date any of his fucking friends. They’re disgusting and selfish. And you have some dignity left. At least you like to believe so.

The moment you step outside and see Joel leaning against the wall something soothes in you. He remained here, even if you suspected he might just leave. He stayed.

„Ready?” He asks, pulling away from the wall when he notices you.

„Yeah.”

The way you say it turns out harsher than you meant. But it’s just how your brother and his friends work on you. They let out what’s the worst in you until you wonder if you hate yourself.

„Am I in trouble?” Joel cracks a smile as you two head down the street towards your home. You bite the inside of your cheek in guilt. He’s been kind to you all day. He is always kind to you and you’re acting like a bitch. Maybe you really are a one?

„No… Not you. Sorry, it has nothing to do with you.”

„Your brother?”

You nod. „And his idiotic friends.”

Joel doesn’t say anything, just remains a steady presence by your side. You thought he’d start insulting them, or something. He hates them after all. But Miller is quiet, as if he doesn’t want to add up to your resentment. He inhales the cool night air, adjusting the strap of his training bag on his shoulder.

„It’s the next turn right.” You say, nodding forward. This part of the neighborhood is more silent. Just townhouses from brick and the garbage lying around. It’s actually nice having someone to accompany you here.

„You said before you have to study… What are you studying?” Joel asks curiously.

„Pedagogy.” You smile faintly.

„Really?”

„Yes… What? I don’t look like someone who likes children?”

„No, I just… Now that I think about it… It makes perfect sense. I bet you’re great at it.” He smiles. „Now you’re just trying to be nice.” You giggle.

„No! Really, I… You’re very sharp-minded and strong, but you have this soft side, too. I bet kids will learn a lot from you.”

„Soft side?” You raise an eyebrow, not sure if you’re supposed to feel exposed.

„You know… I sometimes saw you working at the cinema on weekends and… I saw you giving a group of teenagers more popcorn for free.” He looks away from you with that sheepish smile. „Or last week you helped some lady with carrying stroller up the stairs. I was just passing by.” He shrugs. „You’re just… You’re good. Caring.”

His words make you pause. Because… how does he notice all of those things? Joel seems so genuine as the soft blush spreads across his cheeks. You choose to believe it’s from cold. In your mind he was always the asshole rival of your brother that you liked to look at sometimes. This… this is not like that at all. You realize this the real Joel Miller and it’ll make it harder to just ignore him after this night ends.

„Well… Thank you.”

Soon, you slow down, because your house is just before you. Brick-built, small, but it has pots with flowers on the porch. Your doing. You make this place feel nicer than it actually is. The light bulb burned out and despite David promising he’ll change it, he never did. So the only thing that gives light now are the moon and street lamps.

„It’s here.” You stop and lay your eyes on Joel. His are so dark right now, but not in the scary way. You just see all the weariness from today that makes him seem much softer. Harmless.

„Yeah.”

Neither of you know what to say, but the tension is clear. But how to name it out loud? You shouldn’t have anything to do with him. Your brother would kill you. But… It felt really good just talking to him.

„I should go now…” You take a tentative step back towards the stairs. „Thanks for everything. Standing up for me and walking…”

„Yeah… Yeah, don’t mention it.” Joel puts his hands in his pockets. After that you make your way to the door, grabbing your keys. You are perfectly aware of his gaze on your back. He still battles with something in his head.

„Go on a date with me.”

It makes you pause right before turning the doorknob. The seconds pass as your mind races, wondering how to respond. This evening had many unexpected turns, but this? This is another level of unexpected. Joel Miller wants to…

It just doesn’t add up.

You slowly turn to look at him.

„Is that a question, or a statement?” You choose what’s safe. Wittiness.

Joel laughs and you sense just a hint of nervousness in the tone. „Whatever you’d like more.”

„That’s a very political answer.”

„Honey, I’m a boxer not a politician.” He joins you in this little discussion. Grins spreading across both of your faces.

God, how to say no to him?

„Joel…” A sigh escapes your lips. „I don’t think it’s a good idea. You have a fight with my brother in two weeks.”

„I don’t see a problem.”

He takes a step closer.

„Well, I do. It’s just not right…”

„What if he doesn’t find out?” He tries. So persistent it makes you huff.

„You can’t assume…”

„Okay, then let’s do it the other way.” He cuts you off. „If you change your mind… Please come to the gym on Sunday morning. It’s empty before seven and the owner lets me do my additional training then. We’d be alone.”

You hesitate. It’s nice how he tries, but you still have understandable doubts.

„I’m not promising anything. Goodnight, Joel.” You answer softly and with a final glance you enter your home, leaving him alone with hope slowly blooming in his heart.

„Yeah!” He pumps his fist in triumph.

Since that day Joel had a hard time focusing on anything except for you. His thoughts are constantly drifting to the way you laughed. It sounded so bright and sweet. The best thing he ever heard.

He’s mad, because he told himself to stay away. His coach always repeats that women are a bad distraction. And he really wants to win with David. He needs to. Why on Earth he has to be so attracted to the sister of his rival? He tries to force himself to keep his mind in line, focus on boxing and winning.

But how is he supposed to do it after that night? After that walk?

Your gently sun-kissed skin flashes in his head as well as those shorts you wore. It should be illegal to look so pretty. He is a gentleman so he won’t mention the way those shorts hugged your ass, or how he imagined running his hand down your thigh.

All those thoughts, doubts and dreams he tries to sweat away hitting the punching bag at the gym.

It’s a Sunday morning.

You’re not here yet and with every punch his hope drops.

Maybe you don’t want to have anything to do with him? It would be reasonable, something he couldn’t force himself to. Maybe that night you were just humming with emotions after that encounter in the locker room and that’s why you let him walk you home? There are so many questions swirling that his hits turn more and more aggressive. He grunts, clenching his jaw. Just forget about her. Just forget…

That’s when the door creak.

He stops abruptly, turning towards the source of the noise.

His face instantly softens when he sees you.

You’ve got a leather jacket and jeans, your boots click against the concrete floor as you tentatively make your way closer.

„Am I interrupting?” You ask, trying to not be obvious with how your eyes wander around his already sweaty body. This time he wears a t-shirt, but his strong arms are still on display. Very much to your pleasure.

„No… Not at all.” He exhales, still quite surprised. „You’re here.”

„Yeah. Thought you’d use company.”

You set your bag on the floor by the ring and climb up there. Joel watches as you sit with your upper half behind the ropes and your legs dangling from the ring.

„So… How’s your training doing?” You ask, looking at him like it isn’t unbelievable that you came. Miller recovers with a cough. „Good. Was going to jump rope now.”

He walks up to the shelf and grabs an old skipping rope. You’re not saying anything, just admiring him in his field. Usually he seems more stoic. Now it’s like something is humming beneath his skin. Is it the fact that you’re here?

You’re… making him nervous?

Joel stands in the middle of the gym, facing you as he starts jumping. A smile ghosts on your lips despite yourself.

„Can I know what got you into boxing?”

He looks at you as his legs keep smoothly moving with the rope. It’s like a dance. It’s admirable how a grown, beefy man can also move so lightly like he weighed nothing. This speed and flow are what create a good boxer. Muscles aren’t everything.

„Ugh… I guess it’s the only thing I’m good at.”

„Come on, that’s not an answer.” You tilt your head teasing. Your arms rest against the ring ropes as you wait for something more detailed. Joel’s jaw seems to clench for just a second. But he manages to relax, also stopping his movements, letting go of the skipping rope.

„I mean it.” He says. „I have a younger brother, Tommy. You probably know him. When we were kids, he used to get in a lot of trouble. I was the one getting him out of them. Usually with fists.” As his low voice carries through an empty gym, your smile seems to melt into something more serious. He is opening up to you.

And it must be hard for him, because since he started talking, he hadn’t looked at you. He just walks around, stretching.

„Our childhood wasn’t… it wasn’t exactly good. Not only I had to protect Tommy from school bullies… I had to protect him at home, too. Our dad… And just, sometimes I just feel like fists are the only way I know how to deal with the world. My high school coach took me boxing, because I was called to the principal’s office far too many times. He showed me I can hit without hurting. Since then box became my… I don’t know… Safe space? It’s stupid.” He ends his monologue with that self-deprecating chuckle that breaks your heart.

Without a word you jump off the ring and step closer to him. Joel still avoids your gaze, so you bring your hand to his cheek. It’s the first time you ever touched him like that. So softly like he could shatter. He doesn’t want you to think he’s weak.

But the moment your eyes meet?

His fear disappears.

Because there is no judgement in the way you look at him. There’s just calmness. Comfort. You’re not trying to say anything. Not that you’re sorry, not that it’s awful. You come from similar upbringing. Your parents also weren’t great, you actually barely remember them. So all you feel now is a deep connection that flows with understanding.

„It’s not stupid.” You whisper. „It was honest. I’m surprised you actually told me.”

„Trust me, I’m more surprised than you are.” He chuckles, making your lips curl in a smile. You both didn’t even notice that your bodies drifted closer to each other. It hits when your nostrils fill with his scent. Musk and sweat. It somehow doesn’t repulse you. Instead, you lean in even closer, like you were hypnotized. Joel is much taller than you, so you have to crane your neck to keep looking into his beautiful eyes.

He swallows, suddenly aware of how close you guys are. The tension is unbearable, but he tries to be logical. He shouldn’t… He really shouldn’t.

But it’s like his hand moves on its own when he rests it on your waist. He catches the hitch of your breath and how a shiver runs through your body.

„Joel, what are we doing?”

„I’m pretty sure I’m about to kiss you.” He whispers lowly, the corner of his lips lifting despite the heavy with desire air.

„We shouldn’t…”

„I know.”

That’s when he pulls you closer, crashing his lips against yours. The moan that escapes you is ringing in his ears. God, he wants to hear it again. But more he craves your touch, especially when your hand slides up his sweaty t-shirt, feeling his muscles beneath it. Your touch is so curious. So fresh, like he was kissing a girl for the first time in his life.

His large hand holds the back of your head, pressing closer. His tongue making its way inside and another moan leaves your mouth. You never had a kiss like this. Joel backs you until your legs hit the ring, he sits you on the edge, ropes pressing against your back. It’s an impulse when you decide to pull at the hem of his t-shirt. He understands immediately, helps you pull it over his head. That’s when his bare, glistening chest is on full display for you. You bite on your lip, but he kisses you again. Hungrily and at the same time he desperately wants to savor the moment. It wasn’t supposed to ever happen, but here you are making out in the empty gym.

„Joel…” You breathe as he slides your jacket off of your shoulders.

„You’re so beautiful, you know?” He rasps and pulls you closer by the hips.

It’s an instinct when you wrap your legs around him. The need to have him as close as possible is overtaking you entirely. Your nails scrape his back, making him groan into your lips. That delicious sound is your undoing. The desire you feel is like nothing else you ever experienced. It’s all of him. The sharp scent of his sweat, his sticky skin… His stubble grazing your face as you make out. It’s all so animalistic, so primal and you’re shocked that it doesn’t scare you.

In fact, you only crave more.

And when his lips find your neck? When he nips at your skin there… You feel like you could fly away on the wings born of his passion.

Joel is addicted to the feeling of you in his arms. You fit so perfectly against him and yet it should be so wrong, right? No matter what… he’s not letting go. He can manage training and having his mind full of you, because after the first moment your lips met, he knew you’re the best thing that ever happened to him.

And then your kisses wander to his neck, and lower to his chest. You lick the salty layer off of his skin, making his breathing uneven. Your eyes though… they don’t match the filthy things you do… You look at him with such adoration and trust… He should be afraid.

„Baby, why did you come here?” He rasps, resting his forehead against yours. His hands cradling your face like you’re the most precious thing int he world.

„Because I never felt the way I do with you…” You breathe. „And screw it. Screw it, if it’s wrong. I don’t care.”

„You drive me fucking crazy.”

He pulls you in for another kiss. This one is slower, setting all the emotions in the right place. You open your mouth, letting his tongue find yours. You let him guide you through the movements, because you never actually kissed like that.

It’s a second kiss in your life.

But you don’t say it. You don’t say anything, scared he’ll pull away. You hope nothing betrays the butterflies that flutter in your stomach. Finally you felt safe enough to let someone get so close.

So this is what all the girls talk about? This is this good feeling that everyone longs for?

Hell yeah.

From now on, you’re gonna long for it every damn day. Long for Joel and his lips. His rough, yet gentle touch. His heart.

You hope he feels the same.

His hand slips beneath the material of your top, but that’s when the floor cracks somewhere in the hallway. Someone’s here. You gasp quietly, pulling away from him. Joel is surprised by your startled reaction, but he steps back.

„I have to go.” You say. „No one should see us together.” Slipping your jacket back on, you pause to look at him. He seems completely wrecked in the best way. You dare to think this kiss meant a lot to him, too. And that little smirk making his eyes crinkle sweetly…

„Wait… When can I see you?” He watches you grab your bag, already slipping away from him.

„Ugh, I don’t know. I finish my shift around eleven tonight.”

In rush you head to the back exit, afraid that someone might walk in any second. You pass Joel, fingers gently grazing his stomach as you do so. All he sees is a soft smile on your face and then you disappear behind the door.

He can’t even recover after your electrifying touch, because some boxer walks in.

„Miller? You so early here?”

„Y… Yeah.” He chokes out too distracted.

Joel came to pick you up that night.

And then when you had the next shift, he also came.

It became quite a routine. At least for now, when the fight with David is approaching. You understand Joel needs to focus and also you don’t want to be seen with him. Your brother would go furious…

You want to wait until the fight.

Then… Let the fate decide.

Right now? You’re preparing to close up the cinema, sweeping the floor, you hum to yourself. Joel sits at the stool by the ticket counter. His eyes wander around the pages of the open notebooks that lay there. You always study whenever you have time. A night shift is perfect for that.

„You actually have to learn all of that?” His eyes widen with every word he reads. A chuckle escapes you.

„Yeah. It’s not as hard as it seems. Truly.”

You steal a glance at him and smile to yourself. He always comes here when you’re about to close, because he wants to walk you home. He never complains about the late hour, despite all his muscles being probably sore from the training. He could be anywhere now and chooses you.

„What the hell is a Cognitive Load Theory?” He frowns looking at the page. It’s sweet.

„Ugh… Good question, I should know it by know.” You huff, hating how little time you have to study between attending collage, work and supporting David. You stop, biting your lip as you try to remember. „It’s… It says that our working memory has a limited capacity and a lot of it is consumed by just our tools we learn from. A mind needs a clear instruction to learn the most, because the brain uses energy to comprehend both the tool and the knowledge. So the learning materials should not be complicated to save the mental effort for the actual information.”

Joel can’t stop admiring you as you basically recite him the theory. He really enjoys listening to you when you study. He never met someone so smart. Most people that surround him don’t go to collage. He didn’t go to collage either. And seeing you, having all this passion for the topics that interest you… It does something to him. He loves seeing you in your field.

„Can’t believe you remembered that. You’re so smart, baby.” He says, making your cheeks flush just a bit.

„Oh, come on… It’s nothing.”

„It is something. I would never be able to recite a damn theory, or go to collage. I’m not clever like you.” Joel really means it. Maybe it is a little self-deprecating, but mostly his words hold the deep admiration for you. He’s glad you can chase your dreams.

„Hey, don’t say that.” You rest the broom against the cabinet and walk up to him. „You are clever. Maybe not in the exact way I am, but don’t ever call yourself any less than you are.”

He huffs quietly as the corner of his lips lifts a little. The way you took his words so seriously, when he said them without a second thought is… Is adorable. You’re so caring that he wants to wrap himself around you and never let go.

„Darling, let’s face it. All I know is how to knock out somebody on the ring.”

„See? I don’t know how to do it.”

He chuckles, resting his hands on your hips. Joel still can’t get used to the fact he can touch you. Talk to you. Or kiss you.

God, how he loves kissing you.

Focus, Miller.

„I’m sure you do.”

You look at him for a while. The weight he always carries is often visible in his eyes. Just like now. You would never thought before that a simple boxer can be so complex and emotionally diversed. Joel can be everything — a silence before the storm, a safe sanctuary, a passionate lover.

Not that you know about the lover. You don’t.

But it’s felt in the way he kisses you. Like he’s pouring everything into it.

„Well… I like you just the way you are.” You whisper.

Miller’s expression softens. When will you realize you’re too good for him?

„And I like you. A lot, darling.” He pulls a strand of your hair behind your ear, so tenderly it melts your heart. This invisible attraction makes you step even closer between his legs. Your breaths mix and your heart hammers in your chest. Joel notices the way your ears redden. He already knows it’s always like that when you’re nervous. He never comments on that, though.

When he leans in, about to kiss you, you hear the credits song play from the screening room. That was the last movie for tonight and that means soon people will walk out. You step back from Joel and he curses internally.

It’s a small cinema in your neighborhood, so at least there aren’t many people. But that’s a bigger possibility it might be someone you know. And that… You don’t want any gossip.

So you go back to work, close the register and wipe the counter. Joel doesn’t say anything, just closes your notebooks and puts them in your bag to help.

Soon, two couples leave the screening room. Fortunately, because cleaning after a full theatre isn’t your dream.

When everything is set for you to leave, Joel grabs your bag and opens door for you. After you turn the lock, you’re ready to go home. It’s much nicer when you have someone to walk with you. Streets this late are pretty creepy. But you absolutely could walk alone. You’re not some girl to be saved. It’s just… Nice.

„Do you feel ready? The big night is this Friday.” You smile up at him.

„Yeah, I believe I am. Coach says I’ve never been in a better shape.”

Joel’s arm wraps around you, resting on your shoulder. He likes having you close like this. And you… You feel good when he makes it obvious.

„Can I ask you something?” You look at him.

„Sure.”

„Why did you start professional boxing just now?”

His eyes drift to yours quietly. You always ask the questions that strike something deep inside of him. Since you started seeing each other he finds himself more willing to actually speak… No one ever paid such attention to him, so it feels uncomfortable sometimes. But he’s willing to open up to you.

You make it easy.

„Well… As soon as I became an adult, I took Tommy and we ran away from home. Dad was a bastard and I wanted better for my brother. Since mom died it was only getting worse, so I made a decision. Didn’t go to collage. I wouldn’t get in anyway… I went straight to work.” He explains pulling you closer as you walk. „I dreamed about boxing, but trainings would take too much time. I had to put food on the table. Take care of Tommy. And I did.”

A pause. He collects his thoughts and you listen. You always listen.

„And now… Tommy joined the army. They sent him to Afghanistan. And I’m here… It just felt right to think about box seriously. I wanted to do something for myself. Check if I’m worth it.”

You nod, thinking about how young Joel had to become a provider. How he put away his dream only for his brother to have a better life. It’s a thing you admire about him. He never puts himself first. And the fact that he’s taking part in tournaments? That he fights for what he always wanted? You feel pride blooming in your chest.

You sneak your hand around his waist with a smile. Joel watches you and how beautiful you are even after a long shift and studying.

„And you…? Who are you rooting for on Friday?” He asks.

„Seriously?”

„Yeah… Come on, baby, tell me.” That smirk on his face will end you one day. And his question… is really hard to answer.

Because a loyal sister would immediately say David.

But the girl that slowly falls for his biggest rival screams Joel.

You feel awful that a guy you’re talking with for not even two weeks became more important to you than David. It shouldn’t be this way. Family is everything. After your parents’ death, David is all you have. You shouldn’t be even hesitating between him and Joel Miller.

And yet…

„Can’t I just be neutral?” You smile hopefully. You take a familiar turn onto your street. Like a habit already, you and Joel pull away from each other, now just walking side by side. You wish you could still be wrapped in his arms. You wish you could invite him in without David making a scene.

„Sure… I know it’s hard for you. Sorry.” He clicks his tongue sheepish. Deep inside he hoped you’ll say it’s him. But he is aware he can’t demand such thing. He gets it.

„Don’t be. We are just in a shit situation.”

With every step you get closer and closer to your home.

„And what happens after the fight? No matter if I win, or lose? We’d still just see each other in the cinema, or the gym? Still like a dirty secret?” Joel asks a bit rougher than he intended. You stop in the middle of an empty street. That was not what you expected to hear… And suddenly you are very aware how it might look from his perspective.

It looks the same from yours.

And you hate it.

You’re not even a couple yet.

„Joel…” You reach for his hand and he steals a glance. He can’t resist the warmth of your touch. „I care about you.”

These words. The way you say them…

He’s not angry at you, he could never be. But Joel just doesn’t understand why on Earth you’re so worried about David finding out.

„I care about you too. And I thought I made myself clear, but… I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to be your man, care about you the way you deserve. I don’t get it why your brother is such an obstacle? He’ll get mad and then he’ll come around. My feelings won’t disappear, though.”

„It’s… Joel, he’s my only family. He’s an ass, but… I’m all he has.”

„You’re all I have, too.”

His voice laced with emotion he didn’t know he’s capable of. And when he sees the way you freeze…

„Shit. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it… You don’t owe me anything.”

You’re looking at him, at the man who feels sorry for expressing his feelings, because he believes they make you uncomfortable. And the only reason it’s true is that you actually know who your heart longs for, and you feel like you have to punish yourself for it.

„Joel, please.” You grasp his arm. „Look at me.”

Clenching his jaw he lets his eyes focus on you. On how desperate you look. The fear that he might leave you fills every part of your body. These days with him you were a better version of yourself. You smiled, laughed and let yourself feel something more than obligation and stress.

„I don’t wanna lose you… You make me so happy. And whatever this is between us? I don’t want it to end.” You say.

„Me neither.” A quiet sigh leaves his mouth. It sounds on the empty street, carrying the truth. You both feel it. The care about each other came way too easily for you.

But it was always there.

In the stolen glances. Shared looks.

„Focus on the fight, babe… And after? We’ll figure it out. But I’m not leaving you.”

He searches your eyes for any hint of hesitation, but finds none. You mean it. So Joel believes you.

„Okay.” He whispers and you take a tentative step closer. His arms sneak around your waist to wrap you in a hug. It feels so good being enveloped by him and his scent. Joel really fast became a very special person in your life. You’re not sure how you’re gonna solve your problem, but you really don’t want to let him go.

„On the ring, when you glance towards David’s corner… You’ll find me rooting for you.” You whisper against his chest and his heart skips a beat.

Rooting for you.

Joel squeezes you tighter, because you’re the only person he wants to see there. He’s been lonely after Tommy left and your presence really brought some light into his life again. He has another reason to fight for.

The Friday comes.

That means, on the evening, the fight between David and Joel takes place in a local hall. It’s not a big event, but people from around really like this type of entertainment.

You spend the day in classes and later join your brother to support him.

He’s riled up, hungry for victory over his biggest rival. You just stand quietly aside, but are honestly worried. Not about Joel. You know he’s in a great shape. But it’s just this silent care… An unexplained anxiety about this evening, because many things can go sideways.

When you’re already in the arena with David and his crew, the need to see Joel becomes unbearable. But people start to fill the hall… And he’s in the other changing room now with his coach…

You grab your phone and search for the right contact, hoping maybe Joel will pick up. You step aside, preventing from anyone overhearing the conversation. After few signals a voice sounds.

„Darling?”

„Yeah… Wanted to hear you before the fight. How are you feeling?”

„Ready.” He instantly sounds more positive. „And now that you called it’s even better.”

„I’m glad. You’ll see me soon. I’ll be there looking at you.”

„That’s really encouraging, baby. Gonna feel bad when I smash your brother.”

That gets a quiet giggle out of you. David’s coach glances at you, but looks away too focused on prepping him.

„Please, don’t hurt him bad. And remember he has a shitty left hook.” When Joel practically hears you smile something loosens in him right away. He can’t wait to see you, even if you’ll be in David’s corner.

„I will. Listen, I have to go. See you soon.”

„Sure.”

The call ends and for a moment you just press your phone to your heart. Some anxiety eased in you. The situation you’re in is still difficult, but at least you know Joel is looking forward to seeing you. At least he knows you do, too.

„Who the hell was that? Get over here and stop gossiping with your friends.” David says and you go back to reality.

„Sorry, brother. What do you need?” You respond casually.

„I need my sister to support me, goddamnit. Be useful.”

„I’m right here. What more do you want?”

„I don’t know, maybe stop being so bitchy. What got into you lately?” He growls.

Your jaw clenches. Of course when you start to set some boundaries, David immediately calls it being unsupportive and bitchy. Since you can talk so openly to Joel, you lost some of your restraint with others as well. And they don’t like it. Especially your brother.

You just sigh and sit on a plastic chair that’s there. It’s going to be a long night.

The arena is filled with cheering people. The tickets are sold out, because two biggest local favorites are fighting tonight. Your brother and a man who is on your mind all the time.

You are sitting right by David’s ring corner. You just walked in to some Eminem’s song playing and everyone went ecstatic. David jumping around the ring, warming up before Joel enters as well. You are on tenterhooks, waiting for the other boxer.

It’s so loud when Joel and his crew make their way to the ring. It’s a small event, but with a committed crowd. You clap as well and a ghost of a smile appears on your face. He looks good. Stoic and ready for what’s to come. His face doesn’t give anything away. Just calmness before the storm.

He climbs up on the ring in his red boxing trunks and gloves. He also moves to warm up and when the opponents look at each other, it’s clear it’s going to be a fierce fight.

As Joel shadowboxes his eyes wander around the crowd. You instantly straighten up in your seat, hoping he’ll notice you. And like on cue… he does. For just a moment the stoic facade disappears, replaced with softness. You look beautiful with your hair in a braid and that pink tank top he likes so much. For you, he’ll take any punch of tonight, just so you could look at him like right now.

The referee grabs the mic and introduces everyone again. The atmosphere is humming with excitement. The ring is full of tension.

When the boxers touch gloves, the opening bell sounds.

They circle each other carefully at first. David is more fidgety, while Joel assesses his opponent. They have ten rounds and need to win over a knockout, or points. Joel counts on a knockout.

The first jab is thrown by your brother. You relax, seeing Joel slipped it. And smile when he lands a right hand.

That pisses David off. He came in here so sure of the victory and he’s gonna do everything to win. But Joel does, too. The men move around the ring, your brother throws more punches, clearly impatient. Joel on the other hand tires to keep distance, provoking him further.

The first round ends without any big injuries and dangerous situations.

The real game begins later.

David chases after Joel, whose light footwork carries him around the ring. He’s such a tease there, just like he is in the real life. They throw jams and hooks, fighting for dominance. The atmosphere gets heavy when Joel is on the ropes, clearly in trouble. He has his guard up, but gets hit on the ribs by David. You cover your mouth scared.

„Get off the ropes, Miller!” His coach yells.

And just like that Joel pushes your brother enough to get away. He attacks immediately leaving series of jams and finishing with a left hook. He’s got angry.

David tries to fight back, but Miller corners him.

And just when another hit lands, the bell rings again.

They get separated by the referee and sit in their corners.

„This motherfucker ain’t surviving the next round.” You hear David as he spits the water. His team cleans the bruise he’s got on his cheek. „Gonna destroy him.”

As the words land, you look across to see Joel. His chest is heaving, covered with sweat, but his eyes are full of determination. He must sense you’re looking at him, because for just a second his gaze settles on you. You don’t know it, but you’re really helping him. Just a look on your face is enough to bring back his strength.

The fifth round begins.

David is mad, which makes him more clumsy. In comparison to Joel, he’s just a kid who has a lot to learn yet. But that doesn’t make him any less dangerous. He throws a right hand that sends Joel to the canvas.

„Oh my God.” You breathe standing up. The crowd goes crazy. Joel lays for two seconds as the referee keeps David aside. He counts, but Miller stands back on his feet. You’re relieved to see he’s okay, despite the cut on his brow. He’s fine.

This round ends without fireworks, but the opponents get clearly tired and frustrated. Joel knows he has to make rougher moves and win this. David is angry he didn’t knock him down yet.

You? You can barely sit in place, you wish you could talk to Joel. You wish you could kiss his bruise and hug him. It tells you a lot about your situation outside the ring.

You want to be in his corner.

And you’ll tell him this after the fight ends.

The crowd cheers as the sixth round starts. Joel is not playing anymore. His moves are calculated and he is not waiting. He goes hit after hit, even if David keeps up with him.

„Come on.” You whisper to yourself, biting your lip in nerves.

The series of serious punches lands, David barely stands on his feet. He uses the clinch to slow Joel down, but the referee steps in to break it.

Separate, Joel dances around the ring. That’s how you call it, because he really seems to be in his element now. He sees David is nearly done. He sees he’s swaying and it’s a sign for him to attack again.

Your brother attempts a jam, but misses. Joel uses the occasion perfectly.

One second you’re watching a simple punches exchange, the other Miller lands a brutal right hook right to the jaw.

You gasp.

David is knocked down.

Everyone in the arena holds their breaths. You clench your hands together waiting. Joel catches your gaze as he stands aside, waiting for the referee to start the count.

„One… Two… Three…” David attempts to stand up, but slips. The hit was really strong, it’s no wonder it’s hard to recover from. „Seven… Eight…”

You stopped breathing on five. It’s like every cell in your body is humming with anticipation. Your heart slow down and the hope raises slowly.

„Nine… Ten… Knockout!” The referee raises his hands, ending the fight.

The spectators cheer loudly, clapping, whistling. You jump up with a laugh, not caring that your brother’s crew might notice. They’re too busy collecting him from the canvas. You watch Joel’s shoulders slump in relief. Grinning like an idiot, satisfied with his work. He did it. He really did it.

He won.

Not thinking much, you try to get closer, but others already are there. The commotion makes it impossible to see him. People cheer and push through excited. You lose sight of Joel.

„Joel Miller wins by knockout in the sixth round!” The voice sounds in the arena.

Then you see your brother as they guide him off the ring. His face is already swollen a bit. Of course, you feel bad for him, but also are perfectly aware Joel was just better. You realize right now you won’t make it to him, so you follow your brother’s crew to the changing room.

There, the atmosphere is tense.

David is completely stunned by the turn-out of the fight.

„Fuck!” He yells, punching the locker. His coach sits him to have a better look on his face. You stand aside, observing.

„Calm down, David. Told you to avoid his right hand.”

„You gonna lecture me?! I want a fucking rematch with this bastard!”

The mere thought of your brother trying to beat Joel again makes you chuckle involuntarily.

It’s your mistake, because the second the sound escapes you, his eyes shift to you.

„The fuck you’re laughing at, bitch?”

You tense up, but don’t back down.

„Nothing. You’re just not thinking clearly now. Focus on getting better.”

„You’re not gonna tell me what to do! This son of a bitch is gonna pay for this. And you? You better shut up. You have no say about it, you know shit. Just stay quiet in your corner as always.”

„Okay, kid, that’s enough.” His coach tries to calm him, but you see clearer than ever. It’s not how he’d react if he had won. It’s how he acts when he loses. Just like now. You never did nothing wrong, you were there, supporting him, even if you were secretly seeing Joel.

It has nothing to do with human decency. And you’re so fed up with David’s behavior.

„No, he’s right. I’m going.” You say, grabbing your purse.

„What?”

„You heard me. I have someone important I need to see.”

And without waiting, you leave his locker room and head to Joel’s. Most people already went home after the fight, so it’s easier to get there. You don’t have any certain plan. You just know you want to be at his side now. And it’s not, because he won. But because you know that if he lost, he’d never act like your brother.

You open the door and find him there with his team. They all look up confused except for Joel.

He smiles.

„Guys, could you leave us for a second?”

They do, stealing glances at you. They all know who you are and wonder what the hell is going on. But no word is said.

And when the door close? A big grin grows on your face.

Stepping closer, you see the relief in his eyes. „You won!” You say excited and when you’re close enough to where he sits, he brings his hands to your hips.

„I did. All because of you.”

„Come on, it was all your doing. You did great.” Your hands run through his wet hair. „I’m so proud.”

„Yeah? Not mad about your brother?” He smirks.

„No. He deserved it. I don’t care anymore what he feels… I’m here now.”

That makes him pause. Despite being beaten, sore and tired… This is all he waited for. He waited for those words. It feels better than winning this fight. The knowledge you’re here and not going anywhere… Without any warning he cups your face and pulls you in for a kiss. You need to bend a bit, but instantly melt into the feeling of his lips against yours. Not caring about the sweat, or anything you hold onto his shoulders, deepening the kiss.

Both of you are smiling.

And when he leans back, resting his forehead against yours… sure that you’re right where you want to be… He asks a question that’s been on his mind for a while. „Does that mean I can finally ask you out on a date?”

You chuckle, feeling like the happiest girl in the world.

„Yes. Of course, you can.”