PowerSuits

Alisha Monypenny is a painter, creative writer, and trained art therapist. We met as Artists-in-Residence at Flux Factory where I always admired her outrageous and at times overwhelming presence and excitement. She is currently on an open-ended traveling journey across the world -- definitely follow her journey on Instagram for super insightful thoughts and images on making each day valuable.

I love her ideas about being fully yourself, and using the internet to connect more authentically in real life. I’m inspired by the way she is making art without limitations, no matter where she is and with whatever emotions or materials she has available. 

I wasn't thoughtful about why I was making the choices I was making. Before, every choice I made was within the narrative of what I knew to be possible. I wanted to be married and own a house because I grew up seeing other people want that. So that's the main difference now -- designing my life being mindful of the fact that I can want different things, things that are more authentic to me instead of what everyone else wants.

How do you know what you want?

I seek the things that I need in that moment. Sometimes it comes down to these basic things -- I want a shower, I want a sandwich -- and then more of my brain-space can take care of other needs, like contributing to the world or being fulfilled emotionally. I have tried to let go of expectations that I need to be future focused at all.

I feel like I've been so future focused but not in a positive way, but in a fear way - I've got to get this right.

Another thing I've realized: even just the concept of having to be anything, why do I have to accomplish something today? Of course if it nourishes me, or makes me feel that I'm contributing to something, or exercising my intellect, or being creative -- those are the reasons why I want to accomplish something, because my soul needs to make something, not because I have to fulfill a quota to feel good about myself.

My favorite prompt of yours is "If you stripped away all your fears, what would you do/create?" I don't think our brains are designed to think about that question! I think our brains are designed to worry about scarcity and limitations and how to work within limitations. You don't know what to do with the prospect of abundance and freedom. So much of our time is just spent responding to obstacles.

If I didn't have a lot of fear, I see myself engaged with other people. It's funny because a lot of my art in the past has been very solitary. That was very self imposed, and now I'm in a place in my life where I want to invite people in -- or even invite myself out! I think a lot of the things I would create would be less object/image based.

So you think if you stripped away all your fears you would be making more social art?

I like the idea of crafting experiences, blurring lines between living and making. Maybe I'll start a band that lives in a bus.

Is it that living/making connection?

Yeah that really appeals to me. Not turning off art/creative time, having everything be this overflowing energetic, but somehow balanced, thing.

I'm also trying to think about balance -- how that can be sexy and exciting. I'm prone to excess -- anxiety or excitement-- and I think I want to be like, "let's just imagine really sexy, compelling, exciting, BALANCE." It's hard to get excited about "MODERATION! HEALTHY MODERATION!" but I think that's actually the key to having a sustained life of making.

I think something that has always drawn me to you is the way you are very out there -- just being yourself on loudspeaker almost. A lot of people are like "I can't be myself, I'll suppress that," which I always try to avoid, but you're right it goes both ways. I've always been someone who's loud and I thought that's ok, that's just me, but it suppresses people around me -- when I'm too much or too in your face or whatever.

And I think in the past being 'excessively yourself' has been my way in the past of combating this 'threshold to be your authentic self'. I want to be authentic in a way that's like a blooming flower instead of a motorcycle jumping over a canyon of cars. There are so many valid ways to be authentic. There are some that are going to make a fuller harvest for everyone.

How are you exploring that?

Traveling has made me realize I'm really interested in cultivating relationships. I've been trying to connect in the real world and also digitally. Following other people that are traveling where I am on Instagram, and then asking them to co-work together at a coffee shop I saw they posted. The internet makes it a little bit easier to do that: transition a very a fleeting interaction into getting to know each other. Or maybe this is so stalker-y and weird!?

No I think it's actually very specific and proactive, using the tools to find people in real life. I feel like I use social media mostly as a broadcast...

The internet is a way into someone's internal world, a way to connect with them. I used to poo-poo social media and I would scold myself for caring for something so superficial. But then I realized it doesn't have to be superficial, it doesn't have to be anything. Those interactions are what you make of them.

Sometimes we go into consume mode and that can leave you feeling empty -- it's the same effect as watching 10 hours of Netflix. But if you have dialogue and put something out there, then it feels less like you just gorged on junk.

Elana Belle Carol aka Party Nails is an electro-pop LA-based musician and performer. Personally she inspires me in the way she has ran head first after her passion, moving from NYC where her family and friends are to LA because she just knew it was the right step for her own future. I love her music and the vulnerable way she shares her life and her art with everyone around her. Listening to Party Nails feels like you're hanging out with your BFF, as does talking with Elana.

Thanks for being so vulnerable with me Elana! I learned so much from talking with you. Read on to see how Elana motivates herself to keep driving and playing the game, even when so many things around you telling you it isn't working.

p.s. you should definitely listen to her music while reading this interview, it's the perfect backdrop.

*****

I've always had fears - everyone has fears obviously. Not everyone has to deal with them in the form of anxiety and depression but a lot of us do. I've just found that my anxiety has been in direct opposition to what I want to do... and it's funny because what I want to do isn't really a choice it just sort of is what I'm good at, so it's been a really long journey!

I really feel like [being] really genuinely free in yourself, is actually more habit than it is magic. Once you figure out how to be in your happy bubble, it's never easy to stay there. It's a force of habit. there's always going to be something that comes and tries to make it harder for you, and sometimes you can fall back. and you're going to have to re-dig yourself out of it. And that's totally cool, that's totally normal -- it doesn't mean you've failed at being free and powerful and good.

Positivity is different - you really need to put yourself out there, you need to try it. And before you know it, all this good stuff is like a snow ball effect. Like smiles, or hugs, or just talking a little bit louder than you normally would, or wearing something wacky. You just try it, and sometimes it doesn't feel great, but sometimes you're like "helloooooo!" and it feels awesome.

Is that what singing is for you? You said you don't feel you have a choice, what do you mean?

I've always done it [singing] and even when I hadn't necessarily decided that was what I wanted to do, there I was, a teenager in a show with local musicians who were all twice my age. It was really fun, because I wasn't taking it seriously, it always felt like it was going to end at any moment -- but it was 10 years of that! Same thing in college - it took me 2 years to realize I really did want to take all the music theory and music history classes. It was a little bit of fear on my part, being like, I can't do this. Because who the fuck am I? All the people who are musicians are not like me, I'm not a real musician, who am I to want to do this?

But the thing is there's as many different ways to do music as there are to be a person. and so much of that has to do with plunging in and accepting that and just doing what you do. So yeah I guess that is what singing is for me. Singing kept being like "Helloooo Elana! I'm ready when you are!" And finally I was like, Ok! This is it! There's other things, but I still end up writing songs when I'm falling asleep, so I might as well try. But like, all the way.

What was the moment when you were like, "Yeah, I'm going to go all the way."

I feel like I reaffirm that once a week! Yeah, it was probably when I moved here [LA]. I remember thinking, I just have to go there even if I don't know anyone, even if I don't know if I want to live there. So I did. And that was really scary.

I don't know if it's just me, that i need to learn the hard way, or if there's just something about doing scary things that reinforces that that is for you. There's these moments where you feel like you have all this information in front of you and it's kind of against you. You can't just be like "Alright, well, this is no." You come up with a cool way to make it work, and it's something you've never thought of. It had to be uprooted in order for you to come up with a new way to do it. Finding a way to really truly build a life out of those risky moments -- that is really grounding and powerful and makes you feel like you can do stuff, you trust yourself to do stuff.

Is there a moment recently where you had to do something a new way, your normal way got uprooted?

So many times it's just like there's no way I can do this - make my shit work with all the different people who have come into the picture, keep my band excited and anybody who follows me on the internet and myself excited enough to make new stuff. I'd be waitressing or on the bus and feeling really broke and I just feel like -- there's no way I can do this. But in the back of my mind, and through the help of my many supporters like my mom and my boyfriend, there's always a voice that's like, "Don't be an idiot, you've solved other problems before. You can't just quit because you don't feel like it. You just have to play this game."

I think about when Cher from Clueless says "The White House can certainly play with the Haitians, you just have to get in there and rearrange some things!"

That moment right before I'm going to give up -- if I just get in there and give up whatever I think it should look like, then whatever I make from that is usually the right thing.

More often than not, you just start peppy, and that just sets the tone for everyone around me. I do this everyday. I say, "Ok, I'm walking through the door, and I'm going to be a little bit louder, a little bit sassier than I feel comfortable being," even if I'm overwhelmed or upset. You get back what you give. It really pays off, because people can depend on you to be that person.

Anything else you want to say or talk about?

What I feel like is working for me now are all things that I really really struggled to do earlier in my 20s. I couldn't deal with anything, I would just cry everywhere. Being able to ask for help in a way that other people can understand what you need - I can't stress enough how much all of that matters. It can just be a really scary place to feel like you don't have anything to grab on to that gives you a feeling of happiness and excitement in your own life. And it's there, it's totally there, even when you feel like it's not.

I’ve been kinda quiet for a while now. I sort of quit twitter, haven’t blogged in forever, haven’t sent a newsletter or a creative life update in over a year. I’ve been trying to “get my life in order” and “be a grown up”. And these are important things that I’m glad I’ve endeavored down the path of doing, but I will never have all of those things done, I will never be “fixed” enough or “ready” enough or grown up enough or somehow have figured it all out enough to actually start my art.

I’ve been doing some interesting things along this pursuit. One is obsessing with exercising. It is this concrete, tangible, somewhat fun, physical thing that I can do and actually, reliably, produce results. You go to the gym, you do whatever they tell you to do for 1 hour, endorphins fly, you feel fabulous and accomplished. I definitely choose this option when the other option is make a to-do list, get very overwhelmed, look at facebook for a while, get a snack, start to do one thing on your to-do list only to get distracted by 5 other things you should have done last week.

I’ve also been worrying a lot about what is the “right thing” to be doing. Very clear that I could, with the privilege of being white, middle class, college educated, alive and well in NYC, take on and succeed in a number of various things. And yet that open field of possibility has made me TERRIFIED that I will (or have already) chosen the WRONG PATH! omg this is so cliche I almost can’t write it. but for realz this is the most crippling self-appointed pressure on myself. it is so ridiculous. it feels so very real and scary.

I have been judging other people, organizations, businesses, blogs, even a goddamn stupid newsletter I received this morning, thinking about how I would have done it better, how I could have improved that part or this. But I’m still the one NOT making something, not putting myself out there, not trying, and they are, even if not perfectly.

So here I am, world, declaring (yet again, please forgive me for my past blogging failures) that I am up for this challenge. That I want to create something meaningful and valuable and beautiful and fun, that illuminates things we cannot otherwise see, that is worth it all. I have always thought best outloud, in conversations, and so this is my request to have a conversation and a discussion with you about all this, to bounce ideas and go from there.

Love and more thoughts with pictures soon,

The public presentation and reception for PowerSuit Camp was an incredible opportunity to share what we've been doing all week with our friends, families, and the people who participated in the project -- Flux residents and staff, and our neighbors who we interviewed earlier in the week.

Everyone got the chance to proudly wear their PowerSuits and explain the evolution of the garments. The team walked the brown carpet and strutted their stuff and showed off our moves-of-the-day dances. I can't say it had the same audiences as New York Fashion Week, but we definitely had the the pizazz and glamor of celebrities.

PowerSuit Camp Day 5 Report:

While the snow storm threatened to cancel our last day of Camp, everyone pulled through and made it happen. We assembled, practiced our move-of-the-day, completing each of our individual and totally unique 5-move dances (to be presented at the reception!). Some delicious homemade cookies (made by Denise!) in our bellies fueled the last push and we got right to work, finishing up the dresses, ponchos, skirts, boots, hats, ties, crowns, gloves, and any other last minute additions.

It's been an amazing week and I'm so excited about all that we explored, all the people we talked with, the garments we created. At the reception we will present the pieces we made and talk a bit about the process, and even give you the chance to make your own PowerSuit Pendant to wear and take home.

Fingers crossed, we'll have some Girl Scout Cookies to eat as well....

See you tomorrow, in your most courageous and powerful costume.

PowerSuit Camp Day 4: Today we started off with group critiques of each other's in-progress PowerSuits - each offering up different suggestions or solutions to places where we might be stuck in finishing the prototypes or designs. Rylee from Weeksville Heritage Center came in to speak with us about her Dream Job - and the winding road she took to get there, learning as much from the jobs she knew were NOT her Dream Jobs as much as her current "Dream Job".

And them we went back to gluing, sewing, and taping together our PowerSuits - and such an amazing variety of kinds. They are really taking shape, and some people even started trying theirs on for size, looking fabulous and totally unique.

Today felt like a turning point of sorts. It was the second to last day of Camp and there was a pressure to finish our PowerSuits, some concern over whether individuals would be able to finish. The impending snow storm feels ominous. But also personally, I felt confronted. My eye started twitching. I felt nervous and anxious. As a person who normally thrives when surrounded by people and creative energies, I felt like I needed to be alone.

I think that today I confronted that I don't know what my own Dream Job is. Here I am, being the project facilitator and leading everyone through series of exercises exploring these aspirations, as if I have the answers. But in fact I don't. And I'm just as lost as the next guy.

Except for one thing: I'm doing something. I put my full heart and my full energy into this project to make the best experience I can. So that each participant, no matter how big a role they played, walks away from the project feeling that they themselves dug deep, and uncovered just a tiny piece of their boldest, most courageous, true selves. That each of us sees a bit of what we are so passionate about that we could dedicate our lives to. That each of us is willing to jump and risk for something, even if maybe it isn't the Ultimate Perfect Dream Job.

For the Girl Scout participants in this project choosing their Dream Jobs is easy. They each quickly and effortlessly spoke their futures, confident that they would sort out the details later. Where is the line between that confident and self-assured knowing that this dream will happen, and the the place where you're not so sure how to get there anymore? Do I really want to be an artist? What does an artist even do, anyways?

PowerSuit Camp Report Day 3: today we combined all of the individual moves-of-the-day we've been making each day and saw the dance we've created so far - a crazy mix of air punches, twirls, knee-slides, and butt shakes.

Then we thought about our personal "mission statements" - as if we were a corporation. What would our corporation's mission be in the world? What's important to each us?

Then Moira presented a slide show of different hats from around the world -- amazing creations that each told a different story and gave the wearer a different persona. Inspiration for the next part of the day when we...

Started our PowerSuits! Jumping right in, the team started in on making our own personalized PowerSuit. Including: a pink fuzzy cozy dress with kittens all over it and pockets for more cats; a pair of boots that tell the stories of where they have walked; a iridescent shiny vest that is see-through; a blue mermaid-style dress with silver music notes all over it; a pair of gloves with stories all over them. The garments have just started to take shape, but it's amazing to see how different each is from the others, and how each shares the individual's personality so loudly.

Day two: Molly warmed us up with some moving around and "flocking" (and push ups!) and then we headed out into the 2-block neighborhood to interview local business people about their current and dream jobs.

We talked to Manuel and Fabiola from Mike's Pizza about their dreams to be a lawyer and more. But how for now, they love that they get to work together as siblings at their family shop. We talked to Ruth from Issima Hair Salon about her dreams to have a more glittery and fabulous hair salon of her own someday, and how she got started doing her dream job when she was just a little girl, and following her passion of things she loves. Lewis at the Holiday Inn talked about how he loves creating a great space for people to walk into, being the smiling welcoming face and how he dreams of doing that in a huge hotel, the best of Manhattan. Steve at the U-Haul garage next door talked about his leather-working hobbies and his gardens upstate, but also about how he's made every business he's been a part of more money and more successful. Each person talked about having to love what you're doing, and that you can't just do something to make money - you won't survive. Follow not just what you're good at, but what you love.