Lovely souls

If allowed, fear will drown you. It swallows you whole and destroys the parts of you that pushes you through. It's ugly and once it has you, it creates a darkness that stops the light from coming in. It stops you as you walk closer to the door, your hand reaching for the knob. You feel yourself craving life, you want out of this too familiar room with shadowy walls and dust filled book shelves. It stops you suddenly, your daydreams become too close to reality, it screams at you - "you're not good enough for crowded laughter and a simple hello" you'll feel your cheeks turn cherry red, palms sweat, and your heart beating out from your chest, you'll break and "you'll look like a fool" it tells you. "Everyone will hurt you, you'll never be safe, and you are better off alone." As it found it's way to my heart, broke me down, and created insecurities that I never wanted, I became that very thing - Fear, it had me and it swallowed me whole. Afraid to fail, afraid to trust, and afraid to be alive. Life, it's about the unknown, the mistakes we'll make and the many failed attempts we face. Every broken heart we feel won't always be in the shattered pieces that people left us with. You're knees won't always be bruised from each tumble and fall. You're smile won't always be a mask to cover the torment that has become a piece of your daily life. You'll find yourself, love filling your fragile heart, healing and stitching the shattered pieces that were once too many created, fear will no longer keep you in the dark, you'll find your light, you'll feel it - that you've finally made it alive, free and above.

It amazes me how sudden the courses in our lives change. One moment we imagine it to be one way, and then it turns out to be absolutely nothing as we played it out to be in our minds. Our worlds get flipped upside down, we break, and we are drained until there is nothing left - only left with a choice to start over again. And that's what it is, a cycle, until we get it right. Everyone faces their own battles, we deal differently - some attempt to drown their sorrows in the dizziness of alcohol, then they realize it's the alcohol that drowns their souls while their demons take complete control. Some live their lives as if nothing was thrown right in the center of their hearts, they carry on with high hopes that the shattered pieces will be carefully put back together, until one night they find themselves laying at the foot of their beds praying that the pain will go away, realizing they can't put those pieces back together standing all alone. Then there are others, reading words in books trying to find themselves in the characters, trying to find reason and understanding, trying to find their purpose through the very last sentence written on that last page. However we cope with what happens in our lives, we are not very different. We crave that life of answers, of love. We are all very much the same.