#pouredcoffee

Thank you so so much for this sweet message. You’re so lovely, and I really appreciate you taking the time to send this. 

Life is fun right now! As much as I sometimes wish I could fast forward to May of 2016 and get married life started, I’m trying really hard to just enjoy this stage of life. College years aren’t ones I’ll get to repeat, so I’m trying to soak in the freedom and the happy chaos… and continue to work on that nice balance between my GPA and my social life.

My depression and anxiety have kindly taken a back seat for awhile. I can feel them in the back of my mind and under my skin sometimes, but they’re well under control (says the girl who doesn’t know what’s right around the corner). I was a little bit in awe that I made it all the way through my trip to Italy without any real issues. In awe, and also proud of myself, because depression is really a mental battle, and I have to keep my mind strong.

I also think that Joey helps me a lot, more than I’ll ever really know. He is a calming presence in my life, and he knows how my mind works. When the darkness creeps up, he helps me shine light on it. He prays and loves and is so patient with me. I’ve learned so much about love from him. I'm so crazy excited that he's the one I get to spend my life loving.

My biggest accomplishments… This is so hard to answer, because I never really feel like I’ve accomplished something on my own.

I’m proud of my academic achievements— the scholarship that pays for college, the one that helped me go to Italy this summer, and the general sense that I’m a good learner… but I also feel like all of that has to do with my mom and how she’s always championed me to be the best I can be; she let me read as much as I want and took me to the library and enabled me to go to a good private school through 7th grade, and I’ll never stop appreciating that. 

I’m proud of the way I deal with depression— that I don’t hide it, that I’ve let it make me stronger, and that I’ve found ways to help others. I love that my depression has softened my heart to other people in so many ways… but I also know that I wouldn’t be alive if my mom hadn’t been watching closely, and that the past few years would have been very different without Joey by my side through lots of tough stuff.

But I think I’m mostly proud of the way I’ve grown into someone I like. I never want to be self-satisfied. I have so much growing and learning and loving to do, but I’ve come really far already— I don’t think 13-year-old Alyssa would recognize her 20-year-old self, and that’s a good thing (I was insufferable as a middle-schooler). I’m strong and kind and smart and sometimes funny. I’m great with kids, and I love to laugh. I think I would want to be friends with me. So I think that’s my biggest accomplishment.

Thanks again for this message. It truly made my day (and we all know that I like to talk about myself… but I promise it’s just because I want people to understand me).

((hugs))