Millennials are vapid, shallow, evil creatures and I should know because I am one. We are lazy, entitled, brain dead, ridiculous, entitled, immoral, high, and entitled monsters. I would feel terrible about it, but as you know, Millennials have no souls (we traded them away for participation trophies). Any millennial living their best life has no time for sympathy or consideration; we're too busy:
purchasing ironic tshirts
appropriating vintage trends and technologies
disappointing our parents
creating dank memes
making avocado toast
destroying American industries and institutions
The media, in particular, has been highly focused on that last point. "88 Things Millennials Have Ruined" is a teeny 8-page zine I made back in June. It is the culmination of many, many articles heralding the end of all things, and I mean that literally. Fabric softener, the NBA All-Star Game, wine corks, brunch, democracy - you name it and some side-cutted rapscallian with an iPhone has torn it to shreds. Nothing is safe from the youth of America; not even you.
As a millennial, I like treat this booklet as a checklist, keeping track of what have I destroyed and what still needs dismantling.
If you’re a baby boomer, you might consider this proof of apocolypse and show it to your entire Christian knitting circle. Young people sure are spooky!
And if you're Gen X, you've probably deleted this email already. Oh wow, look at how cool and disinterested you are!!
You can download a full-page, digital copy of it here. And you can download the do-it-yourself, print and assemble copy here.
