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@postal3morelikepostalpee
Just kiss already smh…

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Cropped P3s from Postal 3 concept art [CREDIT]
Ah yes... the early days of my beautiful fuck ass of a game...
I love u so much p3… 🫶 ur my favorite postal dude! I love how funny you are & ur extremely handsome!!
oh well.... thank you! its nice to hear this over the sea of "your game sucks balls" i like your posts too!
p3 would love weird al, especially his live performance of like a surgeon
p2 prefers the music video
reasons why i dont let myself post in the postal tags most of the time;
you'd be seeing
"which dude is most likely to buttchug/boof poll"

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PSA //🍇without the g -DD
Keep reading
behold, the best thing i have ever created
----
transcript: Ok...and? What if I WAS a poor little meow meow? You couldn't try me for anything. And even if I DID commit all those crimes? You couldn't even arrest me. My babygirl ratings are off the charts. I am but a little scrunkly, the blorbo from your video games, a comfort character, even. I'm just a little guy, a little DUDE, if you will. Yeah, I've done a fuck ton of horrible, traumatizing, gruesome, UNSPEAKABLE crimes, but I was just in a silly goofy mood, man. It was just a prank! I "did it for the vine"' as the kids say.
GUAGH
Im alive, i think- yeah, damn i really have to visit this app more, hey why dont you guys send me asks, or hell if any of the other dudes want to talk im more than happy-
No p3 slander on my page EVER. He is girlypop, sweetheart, misunderstood, dogboy maid boyfriend.

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you poopa stinka
get your head busted in by a pipe
I fucking love crack
Sorry ive been enjoying my vacation after being booted off steam...
[@scratch-thxt] *stares in mild disgust*
What, you wanna chip or something?
"You are the most repulsive person I have ever laid eyes on..."
The paper man folds his arms over his chest. That look of mild disgust doesn't change.
"I - I - I mean - and with being stuck in the Dude's mind for most of the time; that's saying something. I can't tell if I should be appalled or amazed."
"Listen we both know if he didn't get this stupid head wound I wouldnt be here, so I may as well get comfy. No Hate to ya alright."
He stays in a calm manner trying not to escalate the situation as best he can, grabbing a loose cigarette from his coat pocket and lights it with a match before taking a drag from it
Scratch tuts his tongue and follows in tow, reaching into his breast pocket and snatching his half-empty packet of cigarettes. He shakes one out and brings it to his lips.
"Lemme guess; You're from that bad dream the Dude had a couple years back. Akella and the end of the world?"
Scratch didn't really care for an answer.
"Not the proudest moment of mine, but yeah."
"What a shit show that was, who are you anyway, my memory is a bit fucked from all the aerosol catnip I've inhaled over the years..."
He chuckles at the last sentence a bit, though it is true to a degree.
Scratch hums, digging around in his breast pocket for his lighter. He hisses quietly at himself. He forgot it at home.
"Imaginary friend of his, mate. Was made up by him when he was - like 4? Was here ever since."
The sound of crumpling paper filled the space between the two as Scratch turns to the ginger. He holds out his cig to him.
"Got a light?"
"Yeah, here."
Lighting another match to ignight the cigarette he then waves the match out to extinguish it.
"So since the shithead was four, damn, I kinda feel sorry for ya bud, sometimes this place is a shitshow."
"I mean, remember when those purple portals n toilet paper where everywhere? Not to mention the rabid dogs, that was horrible."
“ Speak of the devil.. Christ. ” He barely noticed his ice cream starting to melt over his fingers. “ It’s like he cruises on in when it’s most inconvenient. Can’t even shit-talk about him. ” He looks over to whatever the youngest Dude was scribbling down, but it was pulled out of his sight.
“ I thought it was all just in your head. ” He looks back over to his more stressed out look-alike. “ We can book it out of here if you want, just say the word.. ”
@postaldudecommittedtaxfraud
"That's not a good way to say hello you know, no wonder why we are all loners."
He takes a long sip from the shake, still at the counter as to not make one of them or all shoot up the place.
"Listen, all of you, I'm just as confused as you are, though maybe a little less."
“Not like we were any wanted company in the first place, no offence guys. We’ve only got each other.”
He basically drank whatever was left of his ice cream, since it had melted. Took a bite out of the cone, as well.
“We’d appreciate being less confused, if there’s something you wanna offer.”
"It all started in... this fellas mind right here"
He points to p2 with the cup in his hand.
"after his "unfortunate firearms incident" and a really fucked up dream it all sort of, well I don't know, it's weird."
"And don't ask me how I can hop through, your minds? I don't know. Anyway, you here about that big bulky guy? Built like a body guard, long hair."

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“ Speak of the devil.. Christ. ” He barely noticed his ice cream starting to melt over his fingers. “ It’s like he cruises on in when it’s most inconvenient. Can’t even shit-talk about him. ” He looks over to whatever the youngest Dude was scribbling down, but it was pulled out of his sight.
“ I thought it was all just in your head. ” He looks back over to his more stressed out look-alike. “ We can book it out of here if you want, just say the word.. ”
@postaldudecommittedtaxfraud
"That's not a good way to say hello you know, no wonder why we are all loners."
He takes a long sip from the shake, still at the counter as to not make one of them or all shoot up the place.
"Listen, all of you, I'm just as confused as you are, though maybe a little less."
ice cream Wednesday except it’s not Wednesday? Please? -Redux
so you mean you wanna hang out and get icecream? alright, come on, i found a new shake place just out of town
Sweet!!
Should we stop by 1’s to see if he wants to come..?
Yeah, I'm sure he wouldn't mind, maybe we can all figure out what's with this horny brown coat version of us....
Hm.
He is weirdly horny. And violent.
i mean, you sure about the violent part, you do a lot of killing unprompted...
at least half is of your idea, Dude
Not unprompted, I got my reasons. Mostly self-defense…
go knock on 1’s door will ya?
Fine, it looks unprompted, and yeah sure I'll knock on his door,
*dude walks up to the green house and knocks on the door, the cold wind blowing in silence, he knocks yet again...*
After some shuffling around and quiet meowing emanating from the house, the door opens.
Resulting in a stray cat or two to slip out into the cold outdoors.
“ . . Hey. ” He sniffs, shoving tissues in his pocket.
Damn, you not looking to hot, you alright? Redux and I were going to grab some ice cream and have you come along, but looks like you need something a bit warmer...
*he looks at p1 was some concern yet mostly hidden behind his glasses
“ I’m not sick. ” He hated that word.
“ Allergies, sure. Someone dumped a bunch of cats here . . . ”
Speak of the devil, one bumps it’s head at his leg.
Damn, alright, kind of a weird thing to do to a person, dump cats in their house, let's get you outa there for a bit might help with the congestion.
*he picks up one of the cats trying to go back inside the house and holds onto it like a baby while petting it.
“ Guess I need the air . . Are we going to the usual — ” He sneezes into his sleeve. “ Usual ice cream place? ”
Yeah yeah, come on let's go, I also wanna talk about stuff once we get there. But we can talk now if you want
*they walk together in the semi desolate town, coats catching the wind to make them look like reapers looking for dying men
He sticks his hands in his pockets, head low, but on the lookout.
I wonder why anyone sticks around this part of town. Quieter, sure, but for how long.
*the streets start to become more alive the further they walk into town, though still quite for its size, the people seem to avoid the pack of dudes without seeming too obvious,*
Damn I really need to invest in a new alternator, this walking shit is starting to get boring
*he leans back a bit and pulls out a cigarette and a matchbox
I’ll say, but I guess it beats sitting inside with nothing to do — Hey, can I have one?
Yeah yeah, sure here,
*handing redux a cigarette and lit match they continue walking, the shop coming closer with each step
So, other than redux over here wanting to grab some ice cream I've got some stuff to talk about, with all of us,
*he goes quiet for a bit, thinking of how to phrase the conversation when they enter the shop
“ Better not be about me seeing a hairdresser again, you saw what she did. ”
The youngest Dude mumbles, his annoyed look obscured by his shades.
Ahhg, it's not that bad, yeah it's a little rough but your hair will grow out eventually, but no it's not about that. It's uh-wait.
*the cuts himself off remembering p1's birthday is today
Hey, isn't it your birthday? Shit let's get that out of the way first.
*they arrive at the ice cream shop, p2 let's p1 pick his dairy of choice first as the others sit down at a booth beside a window
He gets plain strawberry ice cream, and retreats to the booth.
“ We . . We don’t have to do the birthday stuff. ” He waved it off, eating his ice cream.
ahh, come on! its your birthday Dude! and hell if i dont at least make the day a bit better then i dont know what id do,
*as redux then gets his icecream p2 starts to fidget with his hands infront of him, occasionally looking out the window as the three engaged in meaningless small talk
You gotta do something for your birthday, dude. Dave would’ve dragged your ass outta the house if he was here…
He has another bite at his chocolate ice cream, drumming on the table quietly with his free hand. He spies the youngest taking out a diary, but doesn’t pay any mind. His attention soon turns back to the fidgety hands of P2.
Hey, you okay man?
Yeah, yeah, just that there's some really weird shit happening, like in my head, I'll let you guys finish your ice-cream first though, it's not urgent just, strange
*he rests his head on his hand with his fingers acting as a visor to actively ignore something outside,
“ Stuff in your head? — How long do you have your electricity going. Do you drink tap water . . ”
Now was his turn to be concerned, voice bordering on interrogation.
“ You look like you saw a flasher walk by. What’s the deal. Are they watching you? ”
"hey, hey, calm down, its well, like a fucked up mirror of myself, and hell hes talked, through?, As?, me? Its weird, hell i saw him outside like a fucking cartoon character in a fucking bush watching us, then i blinked and then he was sitting at the counter."
"i need to know if im not the only one cause this shit freaks me out, and im starting to get tired of horny one liners."
the dude tries to play it down as to not worry the kid even more than he is already.
I’ve bumped into him a few times, whispers, dunno what he’s saying. Disappears right after, like some kind of ghost…
It’d be funny if he didn’t look just like us.
It’s not one of us, right?
"Well... I'm not sure, but I think he is."
"In some sort of fucked up ghost way."
Once he had finished the sentence a patron entered the shop, the postal dude from catharsis, AZ, dude tried to play it off and look away from the catharsis dude. It seems like he's more than a mass hallucination.
"A mint chocolate chip shake please."
Handing over some dollars to the person behind the counter he then turns around and leans back on the counter, smiling at the booth of dudes.
"Hey guys, oh yeah happy birthday to you soldier'"
"Still paranoid as ever?"
Once given his shake he stays at the counter doing a cheers motion with the cup.