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just watched the new avatar movie. cried. heart exploded and died. aang is the least dirtbag 25yo the world has ever seen (and thats counting the spirit roid rage). need 1.5 more hours of the non aang gaang screentime and 100,000 more lines from each. followed by 10 seasons spanning 10 years watching each of them in their separate spheres and together <3
rounding out phase 2 of my mcu journey, here's my live reaction to ant-man (2015)! all i remember from this movie is the michael pena lip sync bit but i def remember liking it. kind of strange that they're closing a phase with the introduction to a new protaganist rather than an ensemble but i remember loving the cast chemistry in this film and enjoying the characters more than the avengers
[long post warning]
omg peggy <3
omfg who's peggy and dipshit sr's third this guy's reopening fridge wounds as a means of coersion??
i <3 scrappy nerd paul rudd
omg michael pena you're so charming <3 im loving their chemistry already
this is my favorite sitcom
lmaooooo fired by my anticapitalist boss bc he too is a slave to the man
obsessed justice for the people and some pettiness for dessert
absentee founder lmao this guy thinks he's daddy god returned home with the milk
oh daughter is CUNTY and the bald man too
continuing to check my slides under the microscope while the current ceo delivers his primingly sinister visionary speech to the absentee founder but also very much to all of us here in this room. i just dont give a shit
lmao this is the most cartoonishly sinister villian intro so far of this series and on top of it hes petty as fuck this bald man and scott are gonna have a total bitch off
omg hope i love you holy shit double agenting for my father with whom i have a deeply fraught relationship likely in large part due to hard decisions we've both made for our shared ideals of the greater good :(
omg overstepping cop stepdad bobby cannavale
judy greer holy shit this cast just keeps getting better and better i cant believe marvel made a truly delightful comedy film its so early and i already love it
omfg divorcees who will always love and respect each other but have also both suffered deep betrayals that will never heal coparenting without a map this HURTS
insane move to use a stall but not close the door when a free urinal is right there
holy shit that bitch peggy saved from getting his ass whupped got buried in a literal klenex and flushed incredible
the writing and directing is such peak heartfelt comedy again i marvel(!) at this tone shift for the series like they've done funny but they're truly doing COMEDY here
and this score is truly such a major component im obsessed
this guy's incredible he's breaking and entering with women's gymnastics and fishing in the junk drawer for a means to pull a finger print
debating titanic canon with eurotrash rivers cuomo while on speaker phone with a guy who just unlocked a finger print scanner with super glue and is now at the final boss lock (which he's gonna freeze open this movie is so funny)
macgyver could never
omfg watching the robbery i set up for myself on the live ant cam feed
businessman mad scientist is such a chilling archetype
holy shit the gasp i gusped genuine relief when he landed a good inch from the drain
nooooo this sicko in my ear is narrating bestie unknowingly drowning me
omg hes so little and theres so much scary shit happening one right after the next :(
lmaoooooo he's the perfect nervous genius idiot
everyone in this movie is so fucking petty its delicious
master of ants deliver unto me my freedom
he put a saddle on a flying ant incredible
waking up to a creepy girlboss watching me sleep and the last thing i remember is trying not to puke in my helmet whilst riding a flying ant i fear i'll never see my daughter again
omfg holding this guy captive in bed via super bite ants every choice in this movie has me asking delightedly why the fuck would you do that
master of ants hank pym youre so cunty in every way
you tell him cassie
baldy had a little lamb
hell yeah tonys catching strays and i dont even have to look at him
oh god hope and hank are both so justified in their feelings this HURTS
lmaoooooo delightedly watching my emotionally estranged daughter punch our only hope in the face
lmao checking out paul rudd after absolutely beating his ass
oh hope :(
also i NEED this house
omfg revealing to my daughter that her mother is stuck in an existential horror after decades of secrecy and fucking paul rudd is here butting in (brother i wouldntve known what to do either)
lovingly feeding my brave steed this singular drop of water
the ants are so fuckin cute dude
lmaoooooooooo immediately taking the honesty route upon the falcon discovering that i've infiltrated the avengers compound
regaining respect for this idiot bc he wrapped his legs around the head of national hero sam wilson hope i love you
these petty bitches dude waiting to reveal that i succeeded in the job until after boss man chews me out a bit incredible
hell yeah bringing in the boys scott is so friend shaped
lmaooooo coping with the existentialism of watching bestie shrink down to sub-ant size with half a xanax and a physics lesson
maybe my fav canon ship yet in marvel the chemistry is phenominal
oh god scott my heart breaks so bad for you and the estranged father AND to some degree estranged daughter watching a version of my younger self go through my traumas in real time and also in some ways seeing how things could have been better for me HURTS :(
im obsessed with luis this is a man who loves life
ridin these crazy ants through the plumbing
the score could be a little louder here but it's really so fucking great for this kind of action adventure scene
lmaoooooo these cops cant stop getting pwned
openly doing business with hydra?? this guys so far beyond the rails they're but a faint memory
cock(in the gun sense get your head out of the gutter)blocking this bald man with my mind controlled ants
omfg keychain tank this is incredible
holy shit rip my brave steed ant-thony :(
omfg reround bc i had to see it again absolutely insane that this movie had a carepenter ant get shot by a bullet and he made the most heartbreaking little sound :(
punching through the window of an actively flying helicopter from the outside there was truly magic in that writers room
fuck yeah now lets do that to every weapons manufacturing facility
incredible bursting out of this briefcase that fell from the sky into this lovely family's pool when they're just trying to have a nice dinner in the yard after having a tiny fight to the cure
ive reround so many times i genuinely cant tell if scott was on the table or if this mf just lasered it for no reason
lmaoooooo killing my nemesis via bug zapper and my daughter's overstepping stepdad shows up to taser me
fuck yeah model train set ant fight im as delighted as i am horrified for cassie the range of emotions this film invokes is fantastic
some man broke into my room and derailed thomas :(
holy shit giant ant immediately followed by giant thomas the tank engine kool aid manning through the entire second story this movie has everything
local overstepping stepdad gets bulldozed by giant ant in his own home
nooooooo entrusting my daughter's safety to her overstepping stepdad bc i need to sacrifice myself to eternity in an existential horror to save her this HURTS
oh bobby cannavale thats some fine facial acting <3
my fucking heart dude the little shadow waving goodbye just big enough to make sure cassie cant miss it
lmaooooo walking in on this dipshit kissing my daughter and we're both being little cunts about it
coparenting trio is in harmony and giant ant is this creepy little girl's dog all is right in the world <3
luis is me this is exactly how i tell stories and everyone's mad at me about it like ok sorry i was trying to set the scene immersively for you my bad
also stan lee lip syncing michael pena was v cute
AND IT WAS BECK this score fucked so hard omg christophe my love. omg i just googled to make sure i spelled christophe right and apparently the guy who did loser isn't christophe beck?? genuinely my entire life i thought it was 1 guy and he used his full name for his work in tv and film and just his last name for his radio stuff
hope my love it IS about damn time (but also hank i understand i understand i understand i underst)
another banger the music in this film truly has been a joy i didnt think marvel was capable of delivering a FUN score but there was barely any soundtrack and i had a fucking blast with the music thank you beck i love you
this has by far been my favorite marvel film yet scotts motivations are so fucking raw and i believe the feeling behind his every decision fantastic cast fantastic writing fantastic directing fantastic music fantastic plot fantastic characters fatastic insect allies fantastic creepy little girl child actor with no front teeth fantastic character dynamics fantastic nearly total lack of glorification of united states military power fantastic ongoing humilations of cops i love ant-man <3
omfg we dont get to see the moment of stucky reunion i was really looking forward to that. terrible ending. but also yay bucky and steve and sam im excited to see what is hopefully a properly juicy jealous brainwash rehabilitating my bf's dead bf with my bf trinamic on my television
i love ant-man scott lang is my best friend and i'm dragging him to therapy. also i truly think the super suit is cool
interestingly NOT rounding out phase 2 of my mcu journey, here's my live reaction to avengers: age of ultron (2015). i don't remember this movie, but the description says this is where tony's ai programs get out of hand so i'm interested to see how this works out to be pro united states military power in the end
[long post warning]
omg these fight graphics are so cartoony and the group shot was adorable
oh fuck i now remember exactly 1 thing about this movie which is that they spend the whole film dunking on steve for saying language it's like they don't respect his faith in christ :(
incredible clint blew up an entire building with a songle arrow
got dunked on for my 1940s buttoned up christian sensibilities and had to throw my motorbike at some nazis in an attempt to distract my workplace bullies
dipshit why are your robots trying to evacuate a sokovian public space in english
fuck yeah nazi forced labor supersoldier jailbreak
did hulk attend obedience school or something
i love how often steve just holds his shield in place for his friends to hit/jump on
gently grazing my fingers over my hulked coworker's arm to remind him he's human (my job bc i'm the team girl)
stevie enhanced female isn't nearly descriptive enough why arent you warning anyone about the telekinesis
knocks out your monocle glass
lmao why did wanda show tony one (1) dead rando with all of his dead friends
oh brucey there's genuinely no way the hulk provides enough of a boost to the team's success to make frequent hulkings worth it :(
read the room thor
flying the homies into my ugly skyscraper's helicopter pad and 2 hot girlbosses are waiting for us i'm the coolest guy ever
oh steve your politics confound me you belong in one piece where anarchists are allowed to be good guys and also your costume would be better appreciated
mark army returns home to the conveyor belt
"that's terrible" said so softly with that little smirk omfg they should let bruce be a poised bitchy gay and also that's how im hcing him to feel better about nat being his caretaker
"pretending to need this guy really brings the team together" insane that joss never made anyone say that about xander harris
omfg ultron is stolen nazi ai ip obviously jarvis and mark army would never do what he's about to do
determined to complete the realization of my fantasy to be in charge of my own private mass surveillance state on a 3 day time crunch
incredible that joss did a worse version of willow deciding the world is in too much pain to allow it to continue spinning 15 years later
baiting this billionaire and this alien into a girlboss wife-off
incredible nearly killing stan lee via alien booze
prima nocta mention can't get through a jw work without at least alluding to sexual assault
this sword in the stone bit was legitimately adorable loved rhodes and tony double marking it and thor's genuine worry that steve might actually be worthy
lmao james spader is playing this frankenstein's robot like jd from heathers
omfg accidentally motorboating my workplace crush as we flee mark army and i try not to hulk out
rip my firstborn ai :(
thor should've killed him and then the rest should've kicked his corpse before giving bruce a fair trial
i gotta know if ultron designed his own physical form or if he just jacked a pre-made robot
if steve was truly a man of christ he'd crucify this war criminal
waiting to crash my evil ai's attempt to overtake a weapons trafficker's operations until after it cuts off said weapons trafficker's arm
omg the steve and nat visions HURT
gotta break out the mega mark bc my useless hulk trap from outer space that we named fucking veronica for some reason just led to public infrastructure destruction
buying a building before i use hulk to smash it in an attempt to mitigate this international incident
backed into a corner where i have to let my coworkers know i have a family bc i need my wife linda cardellini to harbor us while we evade accountability for wreaking havoc upon public infrastructure (ambiguous as to if we killed anyone) overseas
lmao silently confronted this alien for stepping on my legos and he just flew his ass home
omfg BRUCE this is so frustrating nat's right you two should just run away and try to be your own people together
called to the secret principal's office at the safehouse
love you father figure but i really wish jane were here
obsessed with the kids just being there for the extra secret government conspiracy to save the world chat and also i love seeing nat have loved ones (which includes a close friendship with another woman!)
omg vision's infinity stone came from loki's staff does that mean he has mind control powers? insane for there to be a couple where both parties have that going on
"wait for me you guys" villian moment in a jw project i might as well make a fucking bingo card
dropping bestie out of the hovercraft and she slays away on her motorcycle absolutely cuntacular
nat would be a fantastic looney toon
listen to this vaguely eastern european teenage-adjacent witch steve
wtf bruce your dipshit coworker resurrected his firstborn ai and in about 30 seconds he convinced you to drop all apprehensions and put it inside an artificially grown organic robot to defeat the ai on an active doomsday path which he also designed?? for all the times joss had buffy's friends exile her when she got on too much of an i know best trip you'd think he'd have these guys do it to tony at least once PLEASE
texting bestie to break me out of this saw trap
fuck yeah steve and the wonder twins destroying the lab and here comes thor tagging in with the deus ex machina scorched earth finish
lmao mild tempered ai get's midwifed by an alien and then copies his outfit
um ok so thor electrocuted the cradle intending for mr. red hot to get out unharmed and it's not that he pivoted after said electrocution failed to kill it?
dw guys this is space ai totally benevolent
lmaooooo brushing off the ego political implications of this organic robot lifting my hammer in front of my coworkers
incredible tony has 2 ai sons who hate him and one's working with him to destory the other
im sorry is the national language of sokovia english??
incredible move to put the twins on the evac effort like yeah they're efficiant but mind control and threat at assault rifle point really isn't great pr for this super squad that's already so far beyond thin ice that they're drowning under the waters of boiling scrutiny for crimes against foreign public infrastructure from which they're still evading accountability. oh and they might be minors but even if they're not they did recently escape nazi custody where they were experimented on from when they were preteens
fuuuuuck dude ik they're both in later movies but i'm choosing to believe nat and bruce actually give up on the super squad life
my brother in stark, cease these doomsday deeds
hovercrafting a chunk of eastern europe out of the earth and leaving steve behind :(
omfg we got a private kiss in a marvel film but it was to force the hulk out nonconsentually
as much as jw hates women he is more willing than most of the other marvel directors to let women get a little silly with it and for that i am grateful
oh girldad clint barton what a heartfelt display of indoctrination that was some of the most joss ass dialogue in this film
omfg the crumbs are few but steve and thor have great chemistry like i'm not really shipping it but i do need them to have a deep and true friendship
avenging out on these robots so the arrow guy will adopt me and hopefully my asshole brother too
lmao ok joss you've found your stride with the writing in this ensemble like this man should never be allowed in a writers room without jane espenson and marti noxon but this script is so much better than avengers 1. i'm actually feeling very at home with steve's freak out and clint's homicidal grumbling
lmao pietro this guy's a menace i fear he'll die before i really know him at all
why did tony give his proto ai this accent
giving my coworker a martyr suicide propaganda speech when my sneaky fed father figure shows up in his flying aircraft carrier to save us
who tf is this seemingly single mother with cunty eyeliner like is she ever going to become a character
fuuuuck dude STEVE all it takes for you buy back into the government conspiracy machine is some hovercraft lifeboats
fuck yeah bestie's here to double mark this chunk of flying eastern europe with me i got so excited i had to make a dick joke
lmaoooooo thank daddy god this mild mannered ai doesn't care to usurp me
triple blasting my ai son with my absolute boys (my other ai son and this alien)
fuck yeah hulk that's what we should all do whenever an ai is speaking
motherfucker save the home renovations for retirement
and nat's enabling i hope she also agrees with laura when she complains i need her to be this couple's messy total yes man friend
oh i see we've been primed to give a shit about her son being saved ok joss not really necessary but yeah ig i give maybe 10% more of a shit about this kid bc i've seen his face in previous scenes
omfg PIETRO you never even got to practice a true eurotrash lifestyle as was your greatest destiny :(
no fucking way hulk can fly that plane
fuck yeah flaying of warren mears 2.0 ai edition
holy shit manget blasting one side of this chunk of flying eastern europe while an alien god lightning blasts the other side
omfg hung up on by my hulked out workplace crush
vision would've slayed in the buffyverse
lmaooooo dad's off on a chunk of flying eastern europe and i'm back at the farm reading diary of a whimpy kid
had to move to buttfuck no where upstate so as to not further destroy manhattan public infrastructure. we're still gonna do that overseas though trust
lmaoooooo checking out besties' fat new baby in the absolute middle of this very wide hall
oh bruce you made the right decision for you nat will find you if she gets to a point where she can leave too :(
beam me up idris this field needs a cunty little crop circle
omg wait tony quitting now reminded me that he also quit at the end of iron man 3. wtf kind of storytelling is this why did he start this movie already fully back in the fucking saddle
incredible whole team quit but nat and captain steve so now they've been replaced by 4 flyers, 2 of whom have mind control powers and 2 of whom are highly trained and trigger happy combat soldiers i'm sure this new team will be far less destructive. but real talk i think both nat and steve have the potential to be positive lights in wanda's life if marvel allows it to be so
interesting so how much of that did thanos see is he omniscient
the score in this movie was generally good but there was no fucking soundtrack not even a tony jerk off :(
as a buffy fan i've always felt that the crisper camera quality gets the worse it is for jw's art, but i enjoyed the overall esthetics and directing here more than in avengers 1. the horror elements benefited him as much as the greater familiarity with the characters i think. it's certainly not the body but he got some good shots i'll give him a few flowers
wtf no post credits scene what happened to branding
i liked this one far more than avengers 1 even though we got very little fury and ZERO loki. real drop off to come right after guardians though like tbh i don't truly believe all of these people love each other. but everyone on the team has at least 1 relationship that i do believe and also i think steve truly loves everyone and most of them truly love him
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
next in my mcu journey, here's my live reaction to guardians of the galaxy (2014). i don't remember particularly loving this film when it first came out, but i DO remember it having a robust soundtrack. something literally every film prior in this series has been severely lacking imo (like why is iron man the only one allowed to have a COUPLE of fun songs per film??). these films are so fucking camp but they take themselves too seriously to have fun with the music like 70% of the time. i also remember thinking this is a far more fun ensemble than the avengers so yay i'm excited to hopefully see some unrestrained fun from marvel!
[long post warning]
omg fuck yeah baby chris pratt has been using music as a coping mechanism since he was a kid to deal with his mom dying?? this is looking like a recipe for exactly the kind of ptsd induced goofy guy i wanna see on my television i really really hope he's properly goofy
and hes a redneck?? incredible
holy shit ok i am pmsing and a little stoned so emotions are high and primed, but yes i am legitimately crying
and on top of everything his dads come down to alien abduct him
ok this planet is gorgeous it looks genuinely vintage sci fi (not in every shot though but thats ok i'll let it slide)
holy spyware spaceman
opening credits cut out and we've already had 2 great songs plus a thus far poignant score also peter's so silly and mean-spirited i have a feeling i'm going to love him as a character but will never come close to having any desire to know someone like him irl. please peter please be a more successful tony stark i want to love you
cringefail narcissist that actually gets an appropriate reaction yesssss
fuck yeah he sucks so deliciously this dipshit's addicted to getting his absolute shit rocked
and he did it while his hookup was still over. incredible
i gotta stop entertaining earth boys this redneck drove his trailer out to a robbery while i was still over and then he fought with his boss on video call in front of me
oh fuck yeah alien organized crime boss kidnapping father figure is so fucking camp
ritualy performing war crimes to avenge my father. incredible and immediately we're introduced to gamora's cyborg sister shes so hot
fuck yeah sibling rivalry of severely political proportions
lmaoooooo stan lees getting spied on alien cheating under rocket's bitter watch i love this movie
omggggg rocket and groot are his bounty hunters this rocks
absolutely incredible zoe saldana is really selling the misery fueled determination of being the most competent person in a fight that just won't end
lmaooooo getting roasted by my arresting officer john c reilly
glenn close?? incredible i hope this is another ben kingsley situation please let this legendary performer put every ounce of her endless talent into the most ridiculous character possible
peter thinks he's eating so hard i love him
this guy thinks he hatched from a one of a kind rock incredible. vaguely east coast animal testing victim with no sense of where you came from i love you dearly
crashing out bc i've spent all day listening to a tree introduce himself and then my fucking jailer listened to my walkman
this is how you apply a fucking soundtrack marvel we're having fun with trauma and abuse here
kinda strange he hasnt heard of gamora given he was listening to news radio about her political theater company earlier i'll choose to believe this adhd king just keeps it on like peanuts adults style background noise
lmaoooo gotta stick with the jailers who will get me out of the first ring of jail
oh gamora the trials you and dave bautista are about to go through before becoming besties the score in this film is making me GIVE A FUCK marvel take note
gotta follow my bounty bc he wants to be a hero. this horny dipshit heard a hot genocider's brief verbal defence and got a fucking chivalry boner
chivalrously applied racialized misogyny this cringefail narcissist redneck dipshit is incredible to watch in action hes like a beautiful trainwreck
didn't get to kill her and then my favorite knife got stolen :(
lmaoooooo "asleep for the danger, awake for the money" i love that this is a pattern for groot
the villainous line readings in this film are consistently top notch
turning around in my floating rock throne the voice style to engage in heated diplomacy and also remind my daughter that's here that it's actually her turncoat sister who i unambiguously love more
i love this idiot squad very public jailbreak planning
groot is my best friend and rocket is so cute scurrying around in his prisoner uniform
"creepy little beast" and the creep LOCKS IN
ambiguous as to if he got consent or not super not great to begin with and then there's that
holy shit rocket's the biggest dick of them all in this troupe of absolute dicks do i remember correctly that we don't even get his tragic backstory until the third movie? too long to wait i fear i need to know all of these assholes' traumas intimately RIGHT NOW i love them all
"do not ever call me a thesaurus" drax is fantastic he's like an even more literal version of what i imagine would've happened to anya on buffy if xander got vamped at their wedding instead of leaving her at the altar
trying to jailbreak these assholes and one of them straight up states that he's eaten my people fml idek who my people are i'm so not in the headspace to dissect this rn. and the broad called me rodent :(
omfg i forgot he named his ship after alyssa milano tbh i would've too but in a cool and gay way bc i'd be thinking of her from charmed
doubling back on my jailbreak to save my tunes i would've too man dw
"behold" bro i am this dipshits hubris is fantastic
dave bautista is my favorite actor why is drax the funniest fucking person in this series
finding evidence that this asshole racoon is risking blowing up my ship and he swiftly blows me up emotionally fmlllll dude
these assholes all suck so bad and it's delicious
wow glenn close is running a mass surveillance state with dog shit prison conditions and she's somehow not even medaling in the top villian race here
peter's father figure is such a better villian than tony's and i'm so endeared to peter's tragedy allowance assholery thank you james and nicole i love you forever
this collector guy is so sinister
omg astral whalefall ecosystem
groot's so shaggy coded
getting turnt at the indoor murder dog race track
lmaooooo having a genuine moment with a hot chick while comparing her to kevin bacon dw she doesnt know who he is
"pelvic sorcery" lmaoooo gamora is such a warrior pilled nerd incel i fear he's perfect for her
oh rocket my little meow meow
escorted out of a casino fight to a trafficker's lair no one's doing it like these assholes
this guy would slay on one piece live action
sci fi planet hopper movie of all time there's world-destroying jewelry and the universal space federation currency is called units
damn emancipation suicide bombing that's a hopeless metaphor
and the trafficker survived but seemingly none of his victims great love that
except for the puppy whatever i'll take it
holy fucking shit idiot plot of all time the scale of destruction has been on an exponential incline and we're only halfway through
wow both of their kidnappers found them at the same time gamora and peter are such foils her kidnapper isn't even here bc she's just an object to him and his is extremely emotionally here bc in a disgusting way he's become attached and views him as a complex person the utter tragedy of both sides of this coin holy fuck
me and this racoon are kool aid manning outta here
omg they were besties this hurtssssss nebula when does your redemption arc start and please god don't say it's at your death
not the payload!! the so-called hot broad too ig. rocket i love you
omg drowning you in this yellow biological substance inside a dead god's hollowed head
i love this guy and his fuckass rocket shoes calling my kidnapping stockholm syndrome father figure to kidnap me again so i can save this hot chick and also get her kidnapped he's really genuinely doing his absolute best and he's being such a dick about it
omg insane way to go about field medical response (successfully!)
crash landing back into this dead gods hollowed head to rejoin the two idiots who didnt get themselves' kidnapped this movie is 100% the thank god i'm the only normal person here meme but i think rocket's repping it the hardest for sure
groot is me i would've said the same thing dude sometimes a gasp is the only appropriate response i need to know his repression
a naked guy, a half-naked guy and a cunty little jumpsuited guy set out a quest fueled by the power of friendship i love this movie (the half naked guy really needs the pick me up after not succeeding to defeat an entire army by himself. i love that they're showcasing genuine displays of one's inability to do it alone this is the kind of superhero ensemble i wanna see on my television)
oh fuck yeah nebula youre still a genocider but i'm so proud of you
oh peter my little meow meow your life sucks so bad
lmaoooo they're all so stupid
auto-cannibalizing through my praise
"bunch of jackasses standing in a circle" i love my little losers this is like an evil one piece variant
lmaooooo he's calling his arresting officer john c reilly so he come together with a military state to save the galaxy
i fear we let this critter get away with too much
these space pirates are so white trash it's delicious
"i dont know that i believe anyone is 100% a dick maam" imagine saying that to glenn close i love this movie
"they got my dick message" i truly can't believe marvel put together a truly silly group of traumatized assholes this is phenominal
nebula is at e-fucking-leven and i think she deserves to kill a significant percentage of this fascist military before they block her from moving on to civilians
no fucking way groot has bioluminescence this fairy magic dirtbag sweetheart i love him so dearly
my dickwad friend insulted me and then my bitch sister showed up
and then my dickwad friend blasted her out of my face so we're square
omfg w after w for the trauma bonded to protagonists villians here
and they went straight for the civilians cool cool that's fine and totally not thinly veiled pro us military power propaganda showcasing the villainous tendancies of our enemies we've genocided and exploited
lmaoooo baby's first attempt at a witty barb to pair with the killing blow
i wish so badly groot had subtitles
omfg amputating my hand so i can escape my sisters loving embrace and carjack her coworker that she def has a crush on
yet another film in this series chock full of driving through solid structures of the building or pseudo-building variety
groooooot screaming crying throwing up and he's looking so beautiful while he's doing it
they don't even have time to wallow in pieces of groot :(
and his last words were turd blossom incredible
and now it's getting freudian with interspecies worlds-saving polycule implications
incredible directing my brother delivering one of the most egregious villian heartening verbal expositions ever written
glenn close is letting me know im half god in front of the whole crew my life rules
this would be the exact government reaction in one piece except john c reilly would have been elected leader after the crew helped liberate the people of glenn close and her military super power
incredible king dipshit's gonna keep the crew straight for sure
noooooooooo his mom gave him that lame ass call sign this recontextualises everything omfg i feel so hard for him peterrrrrr
troll doll's going straight on the dash he's so proud and i really hope some part of peter knows father figure was protectecting him from a literal god in the best way he could
lmaoooo what is this total non-reaction to groot's resurrection and why is he pranking drax
this movie was so fun and the soundtrack AND the score fucked so hard i'm so endeared to literally all of these characters
this is how you write FUN assholes marvel
wtf the dog didnt leave?? i def remember her being characterized as a person in whatever was the most recent film where i saw her so that sucks
and why did the howard the duck cameo never pay off i want more creepy little beast freaks marvel
i truly didnt know what to expect here bc i dont think i've rewatched this film at all since first watching it in theaters and i'm so delighted by it. i knew i'd enjoy the characters bc it's james gunn but i'm so fucking relieved marvel didn't completely over-marvel it here
time for another steve film in my mcu journey; here's my live reaction to captain america: the winter soldier (2014). stevie is p boring, but chris evans plays him charmingly AND bucky's here! bracing myself for the brainwashed reunion it'll be v sad but i really hope his journey to becoming bucky again starts in this film. also! i read the disney+ description and he's "join[ing] forces" with nat! but sometimes the disney+ description misleads so i really hope she's legitimately around the whole movie like im actually going to need her screentime in this film to be more than iron man 2 and avengers combined
[long post warning]
lmaooooo run mogging anthony mackie immediately do they know each other atp or is he just another guy running at the reflecting pool (rip) soon to be revealed a character
okkkkk new bestie meet cute bonding over military service with the thawed soldier big day for anthony mackie
omg his little list of things to become acquainted with is adorable i love that only 1 thing is crossed off and its ambiguous as to if he watched star wars and only has the related line mate star trek left, or if he crossed out star wars and put trek bc someone told him trek is better dont waste your time on wars
also nirvana (band) dont wanna accidentally check out the metaphysical space prematurely
holy shit incredible day for anthony mackie he met captain america and then watched the black widow call him old and pick him up in her car like she's taking grandpa home from the park
saying im too busy to date and then jumping out of an airplane without a parachute #incellyfe
scaling an anchor chain steve sometimes you slay
enjoying nat and steves trauma bonded coworker friendship but i fear its leading to a romance plot between them and i cant watch my baby nat suffer a steve affair hes so fucking boring
omfg the character natasha couldve been if every single shot wasnt just just ogling her body scar jo really put so much more into this character than the script and directing seem to have intended like we get so little of her story but her energy is so fucking palpable
ABSOLUTELY PHENOMINAL SCORING obsessed with the drums over captain pirate's unnecessary gymnastics now marvel's making a fucking action movie
omg did he learn french from his wwii comrades thats cute
YOU DONT KNOW HER ORDERS back off steve. fuck
why is nat acting like she was wrong it literally sounds like someone (fury?) more in the know than rick flag sr had her on the files
and my WIFE nick fury confirms!! like steve should absolutely be pissed that the government conspiracy machine is government conspiracying but nat was literally doing her job and when it comes to fictional women i dont really mind the nuremberg defense
lmao laying the groundwork of my working class backstory for my employee before showing him a whole fleet of flying aircraft carriers so he'll quit his bitching about the good old days
continuous sub orbital flight with that tech?? big brother is big brothering big time
"holding a gun to everyone on earth and calling it protection" steve you say these things so often. why havent you defected? honey its allowed (by the law of your lord and savior jesus christ)
motorbiking off to the museum so i can pout with the relics of my time :(
peggyyyyyy omfg how soon did he manage to look her up after thawing and how soon did he first go to see her this is so much better than if she was dead
ok there it is im thinking shes way more than half the reason he stays with shield
oh peggyyyyyyyy even through those fuck ass prosthetics i was actually really moved by both of them here
omg fury inner saboteur
jfc tonys gonna end up drunk and belligerent at that childs bday party
omfg posing as cops to kidnap the director of a government conspiracy machine is so cunt
fighting the ai in my suv thats also a self driving tank
is there anything quite so marvel as hazardous driving
omgf buckyyyyyy v cunt reintroduction exploding the director of the government conspiracy machine's car
slay burning a square hole in the concrete to escape my employees brainwashed dead bf
lmaoooooooo breaking into my employees apartment bc i need a safe house playing his music loudly so he thinks he has a more malevolent home intruder and using marital problems for my cover story so the bug listeners think i dont have any actual friends to take me in
omfg does nat know nurse's deal??
incredible kool aid manning through an entire building in pursuit of my boss's shooter and its my dead bf with a sick robot arm
wait. what?? fury doesnt die im positive ive seen him in chronologically later films right??
i NEED a young natasha movie why have we been deprived shes acting like hes literally her dad
steve first of all howd you get the flash drive in a vending machine how much time could you possibly have had to sneak off to steal the key and second of all how can you be so fucking certain that 3 people arent gonna want some hubba bubba before you get back
anti negotiative propaganda
omg nicks bestie is framing him posthumously for treason and pretending it wasnt his idea this is tea
lmao im endeared to steve hes so honorable withholding information from a politician and then he slaps his shield on his back like a ninja turtle. he doesnt even know how lame he is and in that sense he is free
paranoid in the elevator in his little costume thats trying so hard to be sleek and subtle but its so not steve i love you
he wouldnt have escaped if it werent for his aerodynamic helmet
and its gone and hes completely gooped steve this was bound to happen
oh fuuuuuuuckkkkkk yeah nat bought 3 hubba bubbas and a flash drive
ugh ok theyre both charming enough that if they make them kiss i wont barf but they better not make them date
hacking at the genius bar in 2014 coed cosplay i love my wife
honeymooning at the site of my supersoldiering
insane for this guy with about 3 years of low tech espionage experience followed by a 70 year break to try to tell someone who's consistently engaged in modern spy work since she was in diapers how to slip a tail
first time thus far in this series that a public kiss has actually been usefully public
no fucking way steve rogers has been having casual sex what happened to saving dance for marriage
this flashback does NOT look like him is it bad cgi or did they recast twink steve??
oh fuck yeah this is the kind of control room i wanna see on my television
yesssss i love obnoxious nat and pouty steve give me more i need her to he more pesky and less suave hes infecting her with the power of friendship and he isnt even pleased
omfg ai chernobyl
holy shit an audiovisual villian monologue explicitly stating that nazi ideology fearmongered the public into accepting a global surveillance state in a series that consistently frames the united states military as an overall good institution with a few bad actors is crazy work the only way this cognition could get more dissonant would be if they acknowledge jim crow was the blueprint to begin with and still continued to jerk off the military only really villify fictitious government agencies and even then mostly frame it as the issue of a few bad actors vs institutional
this shield is constantly providing greater protection than its size would realisticly span what kind of electromagnetic energy did dipshit sr put in it
killed for looking at sebastian stan :(
this is actually really cute hey ik we only just met but can we hide out from from government assassins here met with absolutely youre my best friend forever
no fucking way the falcon suit was his military automobile
omg the bitchy senator from iron man 2 is hydra
sam youre so cunt
lmaoooooo kicking a bald man off a roof and immediately suggesting that my square ass coworker date a government accountant with a lip piercing
oh fuck yeah the score has been consistently pretty good for action/chase/badass moments and it legit made the jetpack wings look soooooo fucking cool
hell yeah bucky throw that bald man on the highway
fellas is it gay to physically help my buddy drive while my dead bf stands in front of our car on the highway? theres a hot chick on my lap though! marvel really made this 90 year old man their most blatantly bisexual superhero
yoink taking your steering wheel straight through the windshield. my robot arm pulling it out with the ease of a toothed spoon in spaghetti
omg holding nat and sam close to him on the exploded car door was actually so hot for a sec and then he had to go and drop sam
omfg shooting my dead bf who thought i was his dead bf in the shield so hard he rockets off the highway through a city bus
this large large man has to get so so small to fit behind his shield
seriously how is no one shooting his legs im actually pissed there are so many bullets flying why are they all pointed at his tiny shield
hell yeah piano wiring sebastian stan and putting a magnet on his robot arm
omfg this is such a soap opera im obsessed
fuuuuuuuckkkkk yeah hill! i need her and nat to have a decades long truly deep friendship for my own peace. oh to be bleeding out in high tech handcuffs next to some guy i just met while my coworker boo hoos over his brainwashed dead bf and then bestie reveals herself my savior
omfg my WIFE nick fury is ALIVE
omfg hes remembering buckyyyyyy
oh bucky my little meow meow sebastian stans facial acting is so fucking devastating
ignoring the boys talking and reading a lot into these looks across the table. a part of me is starting to lean toxic yuri rivalry built on a strong foundation of mutual respect but also i think nat severely needs a close platonic female friend and hill is my only option to project that onto as it stands now. im also choosing to believe hill already has a strong support system off screen bc i dont have the bandwith to worry about her too
omg this king arthur ass nerd and his faithful knights steve youre so correct and i love you
holy shit mourning how i never truly appreciated my brainwashed dead bf and my new bf shows up to lmk we'll have to kill him theres something about the way chris evans carries steves sadness that makes me give so much more of a shit about his backstory than anyone elses in this series. ig theres also that his backstory genuinely has a lot more heart than the others in this series but i truly wouldnt care nearly as much about steve rogers lame ass if it werent for how chris plays him
incredible stan lees losing his pension bc captain america stole his own suit
im actually lolling out loud the suit is so fucking lame but i actually think i do prefer this one to the all navy cartoon american patriot ninja cosplay at least this is genuinely and truly just this one losers very own look
lmao danny pudi stole a reservists parking spot while he was deployed i stand by my canceled wife
omfg bombshell over the loudspeaker if god was just and tony stark was the main character in a coming of age chick flick steve rogers would be the stuck up class president who ultimately reveals herself an antifascist who in fact has a PUNK and EFFICIENT stick up her ass
holy shit hundred gun standoff in the control room
imagine looking lamer than your sidekick. and hes dressed like icarus
omfg absolutely catastrophic cuntpocolypse nat in an angela merkel skinsuit??
do they only get 1 "shit" per movie? it feels so pointed every time but its pg13 do they know they can have more
i love emotionally charged attempts at political blackmail this is what iron man was missing
omfg punching a fighter pilot through a plane so hard it explodes with my cunty little red star tattooed robot arm
thats my WIFE cuntpocolypse at the publically digital whistleblowing event hes slaying so fucking hard in his little arm sling
the government conspiracy machine to end all government conspiracy machines continues to do less than the bare minimum to cover its ass wdym they deleted his healthy eye retinal clearance but figured the one that reads his blind eye is fine to keep. why would removing his clearance not delete that automatically??
omg grabbing my dead bf's new bf's metal wing so he cant escape
confronting my brainwashed dead bf in my antique aerodynamic helmet
the tech in this series is so fun and camp sometimes i love lethal electric visitors' nametags
bucky's shot him so many times its delicious
omfg theyre genociding the midatlantic
like youre not even gonna try to leave the flying aircraft carrier thats about to get shot down seems like hill projects that youve got time this incel really wants to be a martyr so fucking bad
nat surely you couldve distracted him without severely injuring yourself
oh buckyyy hes like a squirrel under a tire :(
i love how much of a staple flying hovercrafts through buildings is in this series a real brand trope iconic
roughhousing the memory of me back into my absolute boy
holy shit the shield is literally like rose's necklace omg stucky is a titanic fix it fic
omfg this is so destiel
omfg theyre playing jewelry box ballerina music as bucky drags him out of a creek im gonna cry
the next timeline bullet im generally aware of in buckys life is being elected to congress im literally on the edge of my seat to see how he gets from here to there
oh sam i love you steve displayed the possibility of bff potential and you signed the lease immediately
ok does this display of agent nurse badassery mean she becomes a real character im sat
this script is so stupid but scar jo sells it lmao
omg concerned friend of all time look man i cant deny you intelligence on your ex but you should really move on please let me set you up with someone nice so you dont end up in a 70 year stale toxic best friends to enemies to lovers catastrophically dangerous to the public situationship
holy shit bringing my new bf to track down my brainwashed dead bf
holy fucking shit the shadow government nazis are rebranding again this time with lokis brainwash staff and the maximoff twins. and the boss has a monocle phase 2 is so fucking camp
the score was consistently really fun here i think so far in the mcu id put this one second behind iron man 3 but only in ig kind of a technical sense as far as personal taste goes i think it really wouldnt take much improvement for me to have preferred this one's scoring
holy shit regaining my personhood at a museum exhibit memorializing me with a super hi-def looks like this recolorized antique photo was shot on an iphone banner of my boys from the war (as in world, part 2)
i enjoyed this movie way more than i thought i would im so proud of my guy steve for betraying the military industrial complex surveillance state he woke up into. i need to see nat having friends (SEVERAL) but i'll say thank you for the crumbs messrs russo. nick fury remains cunt supreme i cant believe i survived 2 movies in a row without him. sam is my bestie i suspect he'll be v jealous when steve gets bucky back and i suspect it'll be delicious. speaking of bucky im going to burst into tears when he and steve fully reunite their chemistry is so good in all honesty i ship it bc i see it as plausible but whatever the exact nature of the love stucky is truly the marvel pairing thus far with the highest cumulative level of writing/acting that really makes me feel like im watching 2 people who love each other interact. and a close second is steggy, second only bc stucky has continued to develop more. in his first movie i found steggy more meaty simply bc peggy was around more than bucky. both of them are written so groundedly compared to other tangential characters (in marvel SPECIFICALLY) and all three of them put so much into acting out the emotions of their relationships. i really enjoyed peggys scene it was so fucking bittersweet that he got to reconnect with her but she's dying and she's senile but also he gets to see her see him come home over and over it hurts so good! she lived a complete life without him and chris puts so much into conveying both how happy he is for her that she lived the life she did and how absolutely devastated he is that he didnt get to live it with her. and even through those halloween mask prosthetics hayley conveyed that same conflicted devastation and ALSO the fantastical joy of seeing her long dead love come back to her in the twilight of her life fuck dude steve is peggys jack and buckys rose im going fucking insane over these three
continuing phase 2 of my mcu journey, here's my live reaction to thor: the dark world (2013)! thor was definitely my fav from phase 1 and i REALLY need this one to be beter than iron man 3 bc i can't let shane black turn my favor toward tony fucking stark so far that his phase 2 movie is better than my bestie thor's
[long post warning]
oh shit these doomsdayers have the same invisibility tech as the flying aircraft carrier new government conspiracy theory unlocked
these chains are so cunty not even incarceration can dim lokis shine
waitttt laufey left him to die was this said in the first movie or was i just supposed to understand that the rock odin found him on in the middle of a battle was unambiguously where he was left to die on purpose and not just where he ended up in the midst of battle chaos? i need to know laufeys motivations for abandoning his heir during war isnt that like the most important time to protect the royal bloodline?
incredible doing something sick and then immediately getting his shit rocked bc he was gloating too much is exactly what i wanna see from my guy thor
blindspot is so cunt i hope she has more screentime in this one
woah did cary elwes get recast or did he just depoint the mustache
omg janes in london on a date with chris o'dowd i NEED this to become an alien rom com where chris is the kindhearted competition
absolutely cuntacular darcy crashing my boss's date--fully pulling up a chair to have this convo in front of said date--to congratulate her for showering and let her know something fuckys going on in outer space
lmaoooooo fully getting into a car and not seeing the man in the back seat bc im thinking about space
lmao love that the reason jane continued to be allowed to drive the van after hitting thor TWICE is bc darcys even worse
omfg father figures suffering from post loki complications is clint??
regaining hope for love at the tiny wormhole
lmaooooooooo interns going home to his flatmate like fuck mate i spent all day getting bossed around by some yank with a liberal arts degree thinking it'd be worth it to meet my hero and then i went and tossed our car keys into a wormhole so now she thinks im incompetent. oh yeah theres a wormhole in that abandoned building the kids play at dont jump in you only have like an 80% chance of coming back
omg infected by the physical embodiment of destruction at the severed bifrost JANE i'd heard you die but please dont let it be today
this elf looks just like katya
lmaoooooo jane is so valid in literally everything she says and does
lmaooooooo crashing my boss's second private moment with a man of the day to deliver urgent information without any sense of urgency. but she deserved it this time bc she walked away from me, thus removing me from the scope of protection eminating off of her body with regard to the the rain that man #2 brought down with him from outer space
omg janes literally a romantacy mc wdym shes an astrophysicist getting carried through an interdimentional portal by a handsome alien i love this for her she deserves literally everything
and the first person she sees upon arrival on the handsome aliens planet is idris elba incredible
lmaooooooo daddy god interrupted my alien medical exam to say he doesnt give a fuck about me and human doctors are equipped to deal with my bomb disease
daddy god showed me his illuminated text and used modern earth scientific jargon
wow genociding doomsdayers is a real trolly problem marvels set before us here
real metal cultural custom stabbed at my promotion im honored
legitimately insane to put loki in gen pop. and under fluorescent lights??
omg wait was she a magic ai chatbot he made or was she magic hologram calling v sad either way
ohhhhh it was a smuggle stabbing my bad
omg left out of the jailbreak :(
ok what we're not gonna do is sow ill will between jane and blindspot
omg alien invasion at the rainbow bridge
ok incredible flying longship im obsessed
fuck yeah blackholing the throne instead of taking it katya slays
omg wait frigga has magic?? why am i just now learnig this omg now im crying over loki learning from her this mother son estrangement would hurt so good if we actually got to see the history
oh frigga you slayed i wish we couldve seen more from you
very slay funeral frigga
omg father figure rubber ducking at stan lee
omg imprisoning my sons gf to stave off apocolypse
omg yay darcy intern sidequest to spring father figure out of the psych ward
ohhhhhh fuck yeah bringing in my judas ass brother to save my gf
oh loki my little meow meow
phenominal cuntpocolypse in chris evans body
lmao jane loves hitting asgardian men
most believable family relationship in this series
whole crew cant drive father figure i need you to have the capability
cary elwes wannabe is being snarky at loki while piloting a flying longship? i fear im endeared
omg crashlanding on planet doomsday
oof the family drama is really hitting
darcys still unpaid?? how long is this internship
lmaooo calling my intern a nerd at the wormhole
lmaoooo throwing out my psych meds in a public trashcan after a womhole bird attcked me
omg katya is soul bonded to destruction
loki scorched earth is a little beyond dont you think
oh shit he didnt betray im gagged
brothers <3
brothers :(
so is this another guilt trip prank or does someone revive him
lmaoooooo she has cell service on doomsday planet and its chris o'dowd this really is a rom com
this movies obsessed with shoes
lmao escaping doomsday planet back to earth through a wormhole and taking a handsome alien to my car with exploded windows from my bomb disease we just passed on to another alien
jealous thor i love you
"did you go to a party" and father figures in his underwear janes like troy with the pizza
valid response father figure its ok
omg cuntpocolypse on the cold battlefield loki its incredible youve done this twice
omg the universe is about to implode at the prime meridian
its actually so cunt how these invisible spaceships are built to cut through land such a statement
obsessed with this already doomsdayer tacking a blood grudge onto his motivations
omg wormholing my intern and her intern (both unpaid)
love that this is happening in england. property damage be upon ye
omg tumbling onto doomsday planet with a couple of sedans
omg the tests theyre gonna do on that military pilot
omg murking multiple aliens via mini cooper
incredible literally no ones allowed to kiss in private in a marvel movie what is kevins exhibition kink
oi mate you know that alien what saved new york? i copped a feel on the tube
not very destructy to regenerate
omg getting crushed by a scyscraper spaceship at the prime meridian
dad convo of all time fuck off and die also i love you
no fucking way did loki kill odin??
cary elwes was zachary levi?? ok for sure a recast no way that was him in the first one
wtf is jeff goldblum a recast?? marvel loves a recast also this guy is creepy as hell
wow this was fun the score paled in comparasin to iron man 3 but i do think it was a step above most of what we got in phase 1
my husband (maybe boyfriend) returned from war (talking to his dad) <3
thor remains my fav avenger with movies (nat and clint are both cuntier but i havent sat through full movies of their problems so cant measure on the same scale). also im really really happy jane isnt dead yet i love her. i also love darcy and loki and father figure and idris elba and all of thors little friends and the subintern and the elves cunty little masks
onto phase 2 in my mcu journey, here's my live reaction to iron man 3 (2013). this is the first one that i'm not entirely sure i've watched before, but it was released when i was in high school so i doubt i had anything better to do for the fortnight that each marvel movie seemed to take over our single screen theater. tony is highly detested in my heart but i am very invested in what this asshole could possibly get up to next
[long post warning]
omfg mcu first the soundtack fucks immediately!! the violin over exploding marks was almost enough for me to stomach his little narration and then blue (da ba dee) came in SO FUCKING KILLER im actually charmed by his vibe at this party
wait wtf he and mirror guy met before magent install??
jf's wig is so stupid it distracted from the sexual harassment
why are you acting like this tony
lmaooooo causing a plant explosion that i mistook for y2k and using it as an in to join my boss and the plant's owner in bed
and just letting the small fire at the former site of the plant rage on im sure itll be fine
this dipshit just cant stop performing auto-surgery. ALONE
fuck yeah hes eating absolute shit to a fun winter jam i was literally about to reach through the television and strangle this fucker when he was being mean to his robot that he programmed that way on purpose this is the kind of loneliness to masochism pipeline that breeds serial killers (which on a very mass scale, he is)
holy shit orientalist fear mongering aside that was the best villian intro this series has produced so far. im not familiar with shane black's other work but the directing thus far and for this scene especially is so much better than anything in phase 1
wtf i have to look at this fuck ass iron patriot mark and bill maher at the same time shane why would you do this to me i thought we were buds
sorry for doubting you that disgust paved for maximum cunt from joan rivers
hows your relationship boys? last time i saw rhodes he and tony were making up over a commie iron man ass kicking. skip directly to tony asking for classified information at what was supposed to be a casual hang?? i need to see the poker nights and couples therapy transcripts in between
lmao girl hold off until the kids are gone
lmaooooooooo look ive had panic attacks and i dont want to downplay what hes going through but theres never been anything funnier than this dipshit staggering out of a restaurant directly into mark just chilling on the street
me??
shoot him pepper why is she never holding a gun she really should
saying thank you to acknowledging that you caused a 300% complaint increase lmao this fucker was really holding himself back when he was in the directors chair like the delivery is so much more cunt than anything ive seen him direct for himself
wow ok he wasnt allowed to be handsome when he was disabled?
lounging disrespectfully at head of security
"is this forehead of security" i must admit tonys lines are slaying but we're only 15 minutes in
lmaooooooo leaving the messenger in the wine fridge bc im getting remotely cucked happy is so fucking funny now wtf seriously
omg shes so horny over his acceptance of no
this dipshit isnt even in mark is he? shoot him pepper
DIVORCE. NOW!
lmaooooooo mark is slaying even his shitty motion graphics
take the suits get him in therapy leave his ass
wtfffffffff this is what happens when you build mark instead of sleep
holy shit exploding the tcl chinese theater via lava roid overdose
and the score's consistently fucked so far early to call it but is iron man 3 the best yet in this series??
omfg the lava roids are (maybe always unknowingly forced) suicide bombs?? this guy fucks so hard you almost forget about the connotations
oh no i think ive become endeared to this dipshit fuck you shane black
lmaoooooo threataning to murder (NOT assassinate) an international terrorist and then throwing some asswipes phone for good measure
working the problem in my fuck ass ai home forensics lab
omg dr. plant mom
this motherfucker did jarvis tell him or did he just pretend to not remember her either way real dick move tony
absolute slay fantastic bickering with a third and then property damage upon this rebuilt glass house from bestie's usaf and the pepper mark save genuinely fucked friendship ended with thor now tony (shane) is my best friend
omg what its not bestie its lavaboy they have a mark?? or actually was it just a normal missile fuck im totally mark pilled forgot about missile
new kink unlocked he wants her to keep mark ON
fuck yeah crumbling your uss enterprise ass house into the sea dipshit
baby granding choppers into the fucking sea tony is delivering cunt i never thought possible real heros journey for this dipshit
omfg drowning in mark and the last thing i see is my gfs custom rabbit i had made that she hates bc i dont care to learn what she likes
american hyperindividualism strikes again this dipshits his own hand of god
wtf why wouldnt he program mark to fly home if he falls unconscious this motherfucker thinks it just doesnt happen for him anymore
oh to be a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist dragging your dead battery mark suit through the snowwy wilderness wearing a pouty face and a weather inappropriate outfit
no fucking way this guy carries coins in his jeans
these writers really opened up ao3 and said we're making this fun thank you drew and shane
lmaooooooo getting earnestly threatened by a child wielding a potato gun
lmaoooooo a child fails to recognize me and then hands me a picture of my face
this kid is so funny i gotta know what age they thought they were writing him to be
checking my voicemail in marks head
i need to marry dr. plant mom
glow up youre so cunty wtf are you up to
holy shit wait this is ben fucking kingsly awkwafina's friend?? how the FUCK are we getting from here to there
"he went to hell on account of he didnt get a shadow" *nose wipe* child quest companion line for the fuckin books dude
occasionally i babysit dogs and this is exactly how i feel when i get stoned on the clock and then theres a dog next to me. they make me freak out so bad but nothing else really does so i continually dont learn my lesson that this is the freak out equasion
"what the hell was that" in that TONE omg if a kid said that to me after a panic attack id be contemplating corporal punishment
this kids in everyones business
"he didnt kill anyone" i wouldnt be so sure check the resume
omg lavagirl all growed up i love her
dude remember that shooting outside the bar? im p sure tony stark jumped over me through a window with his hands cuffed
microwaving dogtags to kill a chick with a sick ass haircut after i call her ugly im the coolest guy ever time to jerk off to my swimsuit calendar of me
omfg killing tony stark via melted water tower
i love this kid he slays
whats this guys problem i hate tony still but hes so fucking funny this time around
this is so mr. robot
wait i think im remembering is ben kingsly an unaware method actor??
i cant believe aol instant messenger is doing this
this feels like the movie theater m&m phone silencing psa
stan lee was born to be a batty old man im so happy for him that most people only recognize him from that stage of life
lmao adam pally being a mega loser on my television this movie really is the gift that keeps of giving
omfg youre only just now recognizing him fuck off
shane you dog why are they in bed together
dw girl my sins absolve you god bless
omg maya i truly had no idea i love you
fuck yeah melt his ass
lmaooooooooooo paying this ipad kid in too much fucking candy to speaker phone call me and i tell him to pass it to my ai
the kid said just do it panic attack canceled
unibombering up a mark
holy fucking shit dude this is cinema tony im so sorry for everything ive said about you before you really are queen bitch all you needed was a REAL diy mark and a GOOD! fucking score
i cant believe this guy played gandhi
absolutely fantastic shane understands that this dipshit needs to be tied up
zip tied to a bedspring by some chick i fucked on y2k
lmao tied this dipshit up and blamed him for my suicidal ideation
omfg theyre lavaing pepper
omfg shooting my right hand while i force a job interview upon this dipshit
this buildings so cunty are we still in miami
i cant tell if thats lavaboy or if we're discovering as the audience here that the hometown soldier didnt actually die and go to hell. their faces are really similar to me you have to understand i spent half of american horror story hotel thinking matt bomer and cheyenne jackson were the same guy so . . .
no fucking way thats what hes wearing rhodes youre lamer than fucking steve in your fuck ass polo
these lava fuckers are incredible
i cant kick lava ass half marked
omg communist pro worker tony stark on my television
dude like how do you look lamer OUTSIDE of america mark and here comes tin man tony shane i need you carnally
insane im gonna be in trouble for falling asleep wake up response theyve got gandhi sipping beer in a la-z-boy at a shootout
norman fucking rockwell over here
getting shoved into an airplane lavatory by the iron fucking patriot on christmas
omfg assasinating the fucking president on christmas in air force 1 life before lava people wasnt life at all
omg tony ace one pieced him
jfc i need a cigarette genuinely the only cathartic save thus far in this series. falling out of a plane is so scary dude i actually tried closing my eyes but couldnt look away i gotta barf
and hes immediately hit by an 18 wheeler shane where have you been all my life
lmaoooooo mark scattered on the highway, bestie boat trip, we're brushing off the presidents death, and bestie is saying wifeys toast iron man 3 is my favorite movie
this fucking incel lava man my apologies i was blinded by his cunt earlier and forgot why we're here
omfg they made mark puke out the president
no fucking way theyre quartering the president in the lamest mark incredible
"death by oil" ben kingsley really did land the most cunt art house role ever and then it turned out to be real imagine being him dude fuck
absolutely cuntacular rhodes show this dipshit who the real sidekick is in your little fucking polo
deus ex machinaed by mark army
headed by general jarvis and captain iron hulk
merry christmas bestie i put more thought into this than everything ive ever done for my gf cumulatively
this petty bitch these 2 slay only when theyre pwning each other
making my ai robot throw bestie in the line of danger just so i can send another to save him
oh glow up i really do love you i cant lie
rhodes youre such a fucking loser but im endeared
also this score is phenominal
omg this pepper save feels so spiderman
omfg tonyyyyyy thank you for crying so good i almost forgot pepper got lavaed
getting fridged amplifies cunt tony i knew you had it in you
oh mark 42 you truly slay in a movie of losers you lose the most
mark 42ing this incel and then fleeing the explosion into a half mark tony i truly love you ive come to accept it
one thing capris'll never do in a marvel movie is perish
omfg peppers never looked better and tony cant believe
omfg lava pepper roid rage jacked a mark glove and now shes punching this incel to death best christmas movie of all time
this dipshits rounding 13 up to 20
mark fireworks to save the marriage
um ok vp norman rockwell was a total nothing sandwich thanks for 0 tea i dont even know if that was your kid or grandkid ffs
holy shit hes letting medical professionals perform surgery on him its a christmas miracle
also are they fully delavaing pepper she should def keep some right like a little is fine and safe right?
omg happy i forgot about you man you really served top nerd cunt for about 5 minutes and then fucked off into a coma for the rest of the movie
lmaooooooo waking up from my burn coma to check out my nurse over some downton abbey
lmao tricking out this latchkey kids garage like its nickafuckinlodeon
tossing my magnet into the sea bc that lava incel taught me to grow past my disability rip
holy fucking shit dude by far the best end credits sequence in this series both audio AND video ive never had a single ounce of interest in watching lethal weapon but now that ive seen my guy shane at it i fear i must
and the next song fucks too marvel PLEASE continue to slay on the music both the original score and the soundrack were so top notch (for marvel)
best christmas movie ever made is it problematic? extremely in so many ways but it was CAMP
omfg double cuntpocolypse in the post credits scene i cant believe we've been bruce this whole time absolute slay
im actually so fucking gooped and i cant wait for this changed man to get back on his mark bullshit now that hes fun. ok so wikipedia says my guy shane doesnt return but i still have hope that this phase will be more fun than the first PLEASE
alright this is what it's all been leading up to. heres my live reaction to the avengers (2012)! im a bit put off by the fact that 2/6 of the squad didnt get their own movie (hawkeyes only had 1 singular scene thus far ffs; no arrows shot) and 1 of the 4 who did was (jarringly) recast lmao (i still cant believe edward nortons hulk is part of the official mcu canon). however i do ADORE a fun team assembly journey and while i dont recall anything about this film, im certain megacunt nick fury will slay at every turn
[long post warning]
the cube is BACK i remember watching captain marvel like wtf is this cube and why is everyone talking about it like we know what it is. ig its had a long standing prominence my bad
this fed fucking nerd brutal first established face for me to take in
ALRIGHTTTTTT immediate palate cleanser with robin and then my WIFE nick fury
why is the cube just out in the open air if its so dangerous far be it for me to question janes father figure (love you <3) but shouldnt this setup be behind lead with the nerds using robots to fuck around with it? also whats it been up to since dipshit sr picked it up in his james cameron whip?
incredible dedication to never growing out of your emo phase clint
absolutely cuntacular i stand by my genocidally inclined wife and his decision to force undying fealty unto an astrophysicist who in a roundabout way helped his brother take the throne, a guy who at this point in canon i only know to have once pointed an arrow at said brother but not shot, and some nameless fed
omg this set dressing slays so hard and nats so radiant that it almost distracts from the fact that her torso isnt secured to this chair in the slightest. she can fully stand up in what world would they not anticipate the chair just becoming a weapon on her ass as soon as she gets her intel
had to do it early bc this fed nerd called and said besties in trouble
brucey baby im happy to know who tf you are this time literally the only thing i remember about this movie is getting jumpscared when he turned into the hulk bc i had no fucking clue
lmao how zen are you these days that you feel comfy baiting a shield agent youve never met into pulling a gun on you without fear of hulking out?
oh hes so cunty meets nat in a way i honestly dont think edward could
lmaooooooo whats the punching bag budget for our pal steve
this dipshit just wont stop until his little mark suit can do everything why are you scubadiving in heavy metal fuck off
lmaoooooo i love this fed fucking nerd only when hes pissing off tony just for being around. pepper should challengers them
ohhhhhhh my fucking god im genuinely disproportionately gagged that the hulk is a failed captain america recreation
this fucker's never heard of einstein? also tragic that hes tripping over himself trying to flatter and emulate a fellow incel nerd who doesnt realize how lame he is (ok incel might be harsh to hc without context but he gives it more than even twink steve)
let him give up on the cult of america you fed fucking nerd
this sweaty motherfucker could be serving ultimate ill guided cunt if the score would pick up for a single goddamn moment. hes barely even serving girlboss with this fuck ass music
sweetieeeeeees steve and bruce are both such sensative little guys and nats talking shit about that fed nerd to a guy she just met this is exactly what i want to see on my television
wow an invisible flying aircraft carrier again i ask how public is the advanced tech in this timeline compared to what we knew was out there in the real 2012
i get bruce's apathetic nonreaction to learning the government has everyones personal cameras actively monitored but did steve hear wireless and just tune out??
im actually so fucking gooped that theyre doing this to clint now bc without knowledge of later movies i literally wouldnt care that its him specifically
total cuntpocolypse interrupted by a somehow far lamer looking captain america
jfc this scene is getting lamer and lamer by the second let nat off the fucking hovercraft so loki doesnt keel over and die from looking at tony and steve at the same time without any kind of cunt buffer
at least this dipshit comes with a soundtrack
thor <3
SLAY kicking this dipshit across a hovercraft and flying my naughty little brother home by the scruff of his neck
jumping out of this hovercraft to kick false idol ass in an american flag USA USA USA USA
tonys been eating a lot of shit this film i love thor
ew dont make mark impervious to lightning i was really looking forward to tony eating electric shit
omfg supersonic deforestation
do loki and bruce know each other the vibe was giving tea far beyond just having heard of each other
this dipshits always monologuing into conversations he wasnt present for the start of
hit it stevie (it being tony. kill him so hulk doesnt have to)
ok wait to kill him until hes convinced you that this government conspiracy thing sucks
lmao wdym his mr. hyde of mass destruction is the same as your magnet that keeps metal out of your heart
oh no father figure looks very ill loki you need to learn to take better care of your brainwashees
"in my youth i courted war" bitch you mean last year??
holy shit nazi gas mask reveal while loki and nat go to trickster battle
"genius billionaire playboy philanthropist" jfc he said that about himself?? steve you were more than welcome to kill him several minutes ago
dutch angling this dipshit alien while he laughs at 2 dipshits for being dipshits
"i tried" bruceyyyyy :(
lmao steve you homo why are you caressing tonys waist as you both flee from an explosion after a public verbal spat
the tattered capris return wtf was in those gamma rays that the hulk growth has an expected ripping effect on tops but bottoms get extra stretch except for the ankles
hell yeah theyve got steve doing womens gymnastics on an exploded invisible airship
how is this thing still in the air? even before all the hulk smashing
like its not even tilted wtf
hill looking hot and bloody followed immediately by that fed fucking nerd just entering a room then back to the thor hulk fight we really didnt need to see him
dude after like 2 hits you shouldve realized that the lasers were only hurting the ship and left. now hulks smashing you and the mothership is even more boned
lmaooooooooo he caught the eject and then just tossed the guy aside for what purpose dude he was literally leaving anyway
had to rewind to watch hulk get blasted away with that little wail again hes like a stupid dog to me <3 felt like watching a dog not succeed in jumping fully onto the couch and then get too embarrased to try again
cuntpocolypse in the hulk hole trapping my brother in my cage while simultaneously revealing i was never really in it to begin with
omg brainwashed bestie fight while the fed nerd threatens a god in defense of another god the america boys are defending the blasted corner from both gravity and undercared for brainwashees and hulk got blasted to fuck knows where
omfg future knowledge dissapoints but im letting myself indulge in the thought that loki just killed his ass <3
cuntpocolypse in the hulk hole again stabbed this fed nerd in the literal back and then sent my brother to the bottom the ocean
biting my brainwashed bestie to manufacture an opportunity to deliver autonomy restoring tbi
incredible i love how often thor is a rock skipping on the pond that is earth
the score was generally good for this action sequence. couldve used more of a sinister drop on lokis farewell
omg wait he actually died?? rest in piss you fed fucking nerd never been more thrilled to have bad intel sorry fury. also im pissed that you havent been very bitchy not the time to bring up the issue ig but seriously half of tonys lines so far shouldve been replaced by you being mean to him
omg slay sorry for ripping into you like that throwing dead fed nerds bloody cap cards at steve ruled thanks for your sacrifice phil
lmao not tony acting like that was his blood brother
wait ok so thor lost his mojo and bruce is naked in rubble finally the capris perish
ok theres no fucking continuity with these pants. anyway love this security guard "youve got a condition" totally straight faced
wow major babygirl camera framing on clint
omg besties my need to see them come to be may outweigh my aversion to reading the comics (bc i'll end up wanting to read too many than i'll have time for (i really cant let this mcu thing break containment i've got other shit to consume) love graphic novels as an art)
"loki hes a full tilt diva" tony you occasionally slay
no fucking way father figure at dipshit tower
lmaooooo steve is fluent in domineering woman eye speak and he knows not to ask a single question
so now the hammers fine you were just holding your arm out to it moppily for no reason?
absolute cuntpocolypse fury i love you forever staging props so my super squad is moved by this fed nerds death to the point of submission
mark looks sick after that explosion
"we have a hulk" honey all he did was smash the mothership, throw a guy mid eject, and fuck off into a concrete building
cant get through this dipshits magnet and now hes making ed jokes at my expense i never shouldve come to earth :(
avenging my bestie phil after my plan to still have vocal capability following my baited assault came together perfectly
bullets over broadway? more like aliens over astor. another really fun interdimentional travel medium
nat and clint look so badass and mr stars and stripes is at the vertex of their v formation get to the fucking back steve
phasing out of my cunty vertebrate mothership with the boys to menacingly scale manhattan
removing my brothers blade with ease, stung only by his departure
lmao sincerely fanboying in my perpetually sarcastic tone and the captain watched me arrow shoot an alien life after brainwash is gonna rule
whats the budapest tea i have to call my brother
murking aliens in front of the pigs to earn their subordination
how strong are clints arrows that he can stab metal aliens with them? i would say get a knife for close combat but ig youre set
lmaoooooo brucey howd you even find them on your (stolen?) little motorcycle did he just ride the rubbled grid until he came accross his reluctant coworkers just in time to get in on the final stage of super squad formation (acceptance)
lmaoooooo hulk did 1 mega smash and then got his ass in formation
captain steve is truly magic theres not a loose bolt on hulks cannon when hes giving the orders. its his faith in christ
oh fuck yeah getting juiced up at the empire state building and king konging living aircrafts at long range via electricity
hell yeah nat use that boy as your personal trampoline
lmaoooo knife ratatouilleing a colonizing air force alien is the sickest move yet in this film
hulk got 1 unordered smash and it was thor <3 only better option would be tony but genuinely i think thor and hulk need to very violently play fight like big feral dogs they both need the enrichment
father figure getting tbi rebooted into an interdimentional war in manhattan (that he brainwashedly opened the literal door to) is actually tragic get this motherfucker some hot cocoa stat
ashley johnson?? blindspot should come down from asgard and kiss her. warfare assistance optional
omfg quadruple cuntpocolypse loki catches clints arrow, arrow explodes him into dipshit tower (property damage <3), nat gymnastics out of her knife ratatouille situation, and hulk smashes loki inside disphit tower (more property damage <3)
yessssss tony did something productive and immediately got shot by several aliens this film is really putting his ass to work AND kicking it
oh clinty honey you know its always a possibility that you might have to blast through glass why are your arms exposed
lmaoooooo fury why even raise the little gun
living in the reality that this dipshit actually gets nuked behind the closed portal for as long as i can. also i hate that his ai is so formal with him im sure i would also hate if it was more casual though to be fair
woah ok the aliens are on a hive life deal and absolutely no suspense on tony coming back through the portal. everybody say thank you natasha and father figure
lmaoooooo getting my thunder stolen by a hulk reverse smash
throwing that dipshits mark mask haphazardly bc i didnt get to save him
lmaoooooo hulk is so hyped to be in perfect formation with his besties to back up clint while he aims right at lokis face
docilely fuming behind this guy i just met to indicate to my brother that im involved in the arrow i am personally not pointing at his face
skeptic stan lees gotta get back to his game of chess
lmaoooooo walking my highly powerful gagged and chained brother through new york city with no additional protection other than my 5 besties ive only just soul bonded to over an interdimentional battle
and why did they have to blast off from this very public location?
is that bruces (stolen?) bike steves riding away on
holy shit this was where joss whedon came in?? the script was so not buffy coded (except for when tony called clint legolas i was actually kinda taken out by that bc it just didnt feel like something tony would have referenced in previous films) BUT the directing does feel very him in hindsight. definitely better directing than the others in this series so far which is to be expected from him but, also to be expected, the writing lacked. buffyspeak works bc a team of much better writers than him refined it. the writing on angel is 1 step down from that in that its clear the angel writers are very familiar with the established buffyspeak but they struggle to develop it further. here he came into an established series with already dull writing, a large cast, only 2.5 hrs to tell the story, and studio execs who i would imagine probably dumbed down some good stuff that he maybe actually did try to get in. im biased to long form tv as it is but this whole movie i was just thinking fuck this would be so much better if it was a 22 episode season with flashbacks instead of verbal exposition. and turns out thats bc this came from the 22 episode seasons with more flashbacks than verbal exposition guy
omg thanos?? wow my perception of the timeline is totally fucked i didnt think he was introduced at all until after guardians of the galaxy
omg ok this song is kinda giving tony had his birthday at the bronze
cuties that was a very jw post credit scene. wouldve slayed after graduation on buffy
ok to be fair to jw tonys lines actually genuinely were at least a half step above what he got in his prior films but he was the only character who already had a base in his snappy wheelhouse. the score wasnt great but it was on par with the rest. buffy has pretty great scoring throughout but ig it wouldve been against the brand for it to fuck at all here. the soundtrack consisted of 10 seconds of a tony jerkoff and then one very jw song after the midcredits scene. while the buffy soundtrack vibe wouldnt necessarily transfer to avengers, we know this dipshit can select a song like a motherfucker so . . . why didnt he do more? also how did this idiot come up with such divas as cordelia chase, william "spike" pratt, anya jenkins, rupert fucking giles . . . and completely flopped on fury here. so little cunt was served by such a truly powerful cunt its actually astonishing (he slayed dont get me wrong. it just wasnt enough)
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onto #5 in my mcu journey, heres my live reaction to captain america: the first avenger (2011). my brother read a lot of the comics when we were growing up so he told me about our pal steve and i thought he sounded boring so i wasnt going to watch when it came out, but then he watched it and told me it was a musical so i caved. again, i dont remember the plot of any of these movies but i do remember watching this one at a us military base movie theater and thinking uso shows have really fallen off in production quality since wwii
[long post warning]
hell yeah hes getting the et treatment
ok insane craft to have come from the 40s and the boy who cried weather balloon knows exactly whos in there this is tea
hydra really has such a cunty logo part of me wishes these villians werent so directly linked to the actual nazis so i could indulge in them whole hog but way too many captain america fans have forgotten that their hero's primary ass kicking focus is nazis as it is
omg the cube! idr what it does but captain marvel had it at some point? scratch that mustve been a different cube. his subordinates are gooped
cuntiest secret compartment of all time now in the hands of tmj icarus
i genuinely find the twinking cgi completely believable. ive met plenty of very tiny men with very pointy bone structure who look exactly like this go to the gayborhood and youll see the very uncanny valley aura the cgi casts irl eminating from the boys who cut me at the bar bc they think we're in a cis gay male only space. the voice is kind of a jarring mismatch though lol
patronized at the army recruitment office i spent all day shirtless getting ab mogged in a waiting room for nothing
got my ass beat at the propaganda picture but then my very handsome friend deus ex machinaed the guy for me
steve hes right you could be slaying mad puss if you just stay in ny
ok how differently has technology publicly progressed in this tl vs the real world if dipshit sr is briefly levitating cars
bucky is so wifey steve needs to shut up and listen
whats this guys problem hes such a fucking redpill mgtow
bear stanley tucci sent an mp in to supervise my death wish granting
omg the score has actually been pretty good so far way better than the first 4 films but we're only 20 mins in so we'll see
femdom kink unlocked for both steve and me. also i didnt recall peggy being english i wonder how much the accent is a factor for him
lmaoooooo incredible eye acting on tommy lee jones's part hes like fuck dude how is this kid in front of me even fucking worse than you described
no fucking way theyre setting this incel up for a mulan
ok putting myself in peggys shoes that was hot im enjoying the tough domineering woman weak pathetic man dynamic but it is important for her to see hes got enough brains to be good for something ig
holy shit this guy really does want nothing more than to die a hero. peggys putting it in her spank bank shes ready to show him where she got her name
lmao dw man the roids only make you rage if you were going to anyway. if youre pure of heart theyll make you nicer :)
lmao bear stanley tucci you always keep us guessing
saving dance for marriage and shes frothing like a starved dog over the staggering degree of his monogamous ideology
the gatekeeper to the dod conspiracy lab is an 80yo antique shop owner hell yeah granny
holy shit dipshit sr is steves other dr frankenstein? kinda makes him and tony brothers woah the fanfics must have been crazy
how likely was this drastic of an immediate change projected to be i gotta know
rip bear stanley tucci :( wish you couldve stuck around and let us know if your vibe of reluctance is because you truly see this as an unfortunate necessity or if youre being coerced
gaggiest action sequence thus far in these films my jaw was properly fucking slackened. also chris evans did a good job i think of portraying someone who is mentally apprehensive about their newly imbued natural grace in a high adrenaline situation
omg the hydra salute is so fucking lame dude
chernobyl's pissing his pants youre next motherfucker
lmaooooooo i got supersoldiered, got 1 fight in before they could stop me, and then immediately got relegated to the propaganda pictures. steve stayed put and got tagged so katniss could run for a bit
hell yeah rotten tomatoes to the shield
steve will NOT let the nazis fridge him
were you silent, or were you silenced?
like father like son dipshit sr is committing workplace sexual harassment in his aluminum fucking plane
"its been tested more than you pal" legitimate slay moment for dipshit sr
lmao they legitimately taught him nothing about espionage his training consists of grunt bootcamp and script meorization
wow and yet jumping an occupied wagon did NOT completely fuck him in fact he got all the way inside and picked up one of those glowing matchboxes the serum was 30% leprechaun jizz or something bc theres no fucking way he wouldve had that kind of luck to go unnoticed even without the various assaults. he hasnt even attempted to disguise himself as hydra. hes carrying the fucking american flag dude
incredible he set all the pows free without even getting close to caught seriously what the FUCK was in that serum
holy shit tmj icarus is off the rails hes about to blow up his entire facility
vaporizing nazis with my nonwhite boys so i can come to understand them as actually being people
oh hell yeah bestie role reversal and sebastian stan looks like hes on his deathbed this guy is so hot no matter what they do to him legitimately one of the biggest reasons i thought i acually wanted to date men even after years of not liking it in the slightest
im sorry i really cant take the laffy taffy texture of tmj icarus's true face seriously
why is he speaking english with chernobyl isnt he german too? either way they spoke german in a private conversation earlier
jfc marvel is really obsessed with american hyperindividualism tony fucking starks solo successes are generally proportionate to what he would be able to achieve on his own but im actually still so mad that steve single handedly freed each and every pow the logistics of him getting to them on his own is just so absolutely batshit
yet another goated stan lee cameo senile general is fantastic
marvel loves to put these people in coming of age chick flick situations wdym you stood up the senator without notice
omfg natalie dormer?? hello i love you
"but youre keeping the outfit right?" damn both of his love interests are freaks
bucky doth protest too much sebastian was absolutely playing it like he and peggy were mind melding to get steve squirmy
hell yeah i love to see a stark eat shit
holy SHIT natalie you messy bitch <3 now this one requires actually 0 alteration to transfer over to coming of age chick flick territory
lmao did he legitimately think dipshit sr was outright using an established slang term for sex in the cultural lexicon to proposition peggy in front of him
the tried and true trashcan lid beckons
cuntpocolypse in the weapons lab hes so shook hes only apprehensively turned on peggy should get to shoot at him without protection
dipshit sr on the other hand is openely and blatantly EXTREMELY turned on
ok these graphics were fun and camp in ny but the explosions ratio is really high now and those are distractingly bad
literally just a black and white filter over digital film
ok 80 minutes in and im just now learning buckys a sniper
im no physisist but i really cant suspend disbelief that the regular guys would be able to hold on for the zipline ride against the aerodynamics here. youve got the speed that theyre going down alone but theyre also in a terrain that would suggest high velocity winds
"i know you did" you might as well be saying yes dear
no fucking WAY like i knew this was gonna happen in this movie but i thought it would be closer to the end omg steve's face chris evans i must commend you this is the first time this series has shown me a moving reaction to death
does thor know hes partially responsible for inspiring the ideology of a eugenics cult?
this fuckass salute is a jump scare every time
id start injecting hand sanitizer
the shield really doesnt seem big enough for his purposes here i almost feel bad for that dipshit mechanical engineer that he simply doesnt have enough materials to properly fit it to the bike in a truly protective manner
"you do [arrogance] better than anyone" if this motherfucker met tony stark hed keel over and die
grapple hook zipline rescuing captain america from getting vaporized by a laffy taffy nazi with my absolute boys
peggy machine gunned that nazi so good steve forgot what he came for he would develop a vore kink if he watched her eat meat
ok the getaway car fucks hard
right in front of tommy lee jones's salad this isnt as egregious as the tony pepper kiss circumstances like that one so easily couldve been private whereas narriatively it makes sense for this to be the moment for the kiss but why does the da always have to be p in this series
girl wait until youre off the precipice to actively weigh down the off end and watch longingly as your boytoy flies away
how super are these gas mask soldiers that this one can continue to fight steve on top of the dropped bomber
again i ask wtf was in that serum to provide a completely untrained pilot the ability to fly straight through a barely big enough hole in a moving aircraft
ok wait so the power source from the secret compartment was just a better cube too cunt to look at but the other one was chill?
damn tmj icarus got really truly mega icarused so hard his sun fell to earth for more
big time loverboy move that wouldve been stalkery if she wasnt a total freak who would abolutely get off on it if she knew he died looking at her picture that he had already been carrying around before they even kissed (just hours prior) (they kissed and then he immediately got on the plane where he died with the picture locked and loaded on his person) (and with the context ive entirely made up its really sweet that its a newspaper clipping im sure he read that article a hundred times and always clipped out any story mentioning her if he found one)
oh pegyyyyyyyy im legitimately getting misty actually and i am typically pretty unashamed about being an easy cry with movies but i really cant let it happen for captain fucking america (2011)
i really must admit that when i say dipshit sr its only about 30% derogatory whereas with his son its more like 90%. this motherfucker really benefits from his relatively sparse scenes, cunty little mustache, and his unabashed desire to be femdommed
waking up from a 66 year cryogenic coma alone without any life support is fascinating. i need to know at what point while he was still unconscious did they determine he didnt need any machinery and how long did he stay asleep after thawing? like whats his regenerative speed that he would be physically fine to be moved presumably from a bed with life support in a different physical space to here without getting jostled awake
omg ok i know this scene bc someone on the internet pointed out that steve wouldve immediately clocked this ladys bra as being period inaccurate
ok first of all this guys a fuckin steal trap second of all how fucking hard is it for the government conspiracy machine to end all government conspiracy machines to produce an archived radio baseball game from a little later in 1945 than when he got iced
yeah they really didnt think this through at all lets let this guy who's been on ice with experimental and never completely reproduced genentic enhancements for the past 66 years wake up in a poorly researched cardboard diorama of the time he came from im sure he wont kool aid man out and start swinging as would be reasonable for any scared animal who sees an out from their cage
holy shit i was actually so fucking overwhelmed by the thought of my first introduction to 2011 by way of 1945 being times square thank god nick fury is here steve and i need a dose of cunt stat
oh ok never mind good on fury ig for being respectful steve doesnt deserve the tony treatment youre right. bummer ending (affectionate)
pretty decent score throughout and the end credits music is pretty high up there compared to the rest of the mcu so far
holy shit that legitimately was stanely tucci ive never seen him look like that i thought for sure bear stanley tucci was a different actor lmao
very fun wwii propaganda superhero theme song
woah the bonus scene was a trailer i think i actually prefer that whyd they go back
except that i caught a glimpse of that fed fucking nerd cant get through a single movie without him showing up
ok so if i had to rank them atp i might say #1 thor #2 this (#3 iron man 2, #4 hulk, #5 iron man). the script couldve really pissed me off if the cast was less charming but i was thoroughly enjoying pretty much everything as delivered. my heart absolutely breaks for peggy iirc they do some time fuckery to get them together eventually but im very much living in the reality of her never seeing him again atp. and im also prematurely mourning steve reuniting with bucky but actually its the monster the nazis brainwashed him into and ik that turns out fine too but my most precious little ill guided patriot is doomed in love and hes already way too red pilled as it is he needs a femdom to keep him in line and unfortunately i dont think natasha would be genuinely interested in volunteering for the role and where the fuck else is this incel meeting any other women?
continuing my mcu journey, heres my live reaction to thor (2011)! as with all of them so far, i dont remember the plot in the slightest but i DO remember kat dennings. this film came out at a time when i was very good at not being gay until i was alone in my room with my private thoughts. except for when i was looking at her. then i was being gay in public. in the privacy of my own thoughts
[long post warning]
really great opening scene except i wish i could see it better lmao. cunty little research van. kat dennings in an extremely 2011 hat. thor half dead just outside the perimeter of his crop circle. and the score was great for the scene! but the historical pattern with this series suggests that itll reamin pretty much this mellow even in scenes where thats actually so ill fitting that no music wouldve been better. i dont remember this old guy but he seems like a very nurturing mentor turned father figure for natalie portman
lmao what are these floating walls at the cliff
ohhhh this is tea i didnt know the line of ascension wasnt clear cut makes more sense now that loki feels robbed
omg blindspots eye rolling i need her to kick his ass (for any reason of her choosing)
winking at mom, grinning at the boys, and pissing off dad just cus im here
hell yeah cyclops iron giant coming out of his room just to explode some ice men and then fuck off to whatever he was doing before
lokis absolutely living for the tea. you tell him dad!
motherfucker im sure you couldve just as easily gone to some kind of physical training space to rage in why are you flipping this pristinely set table over daddy saying no to your war
this messy bitch i love him
taking a road trip (setting on a war path) with my most precious friends (my fathers subjects who basically have to do whatever i say)
fellas is it gay to cross the rainbow bridge with a 5:1 boy:girl ratio
idris looking badass
phenominal interdimentional travel mechanism and the graphics are just underdeveloped enough to be on the side of camp more than cringe
whys this one guys mustache so pointy? is that an everyday thing or did he just dress it up for the corination? i cant imagine it staying put in combat
breaking a long-fraught peace bc some ice man called me a girl :( my approval ratings are tanked but i sure as fuck showed him
iconic kaiju kill
lokis absolutely going out disguised tonight so he can gossip about how thors dad showed up to take his ass home
ohhhh shit ok immediate exile and then odin just sent the hammer into the ether for some rando to pick up sword in the stone style
equality win! theyre letting kat dennings sexually harass the protaganist as he lays injured from crash landing onto earth and also a research van
and she tased him! wonderful moment for my love and then father figure very sweetly and gently caressed his head while depositing his unconscious body in the van <3 how fucked is he though to get knocked out by electricity? i get losing the hammer equaling a lesser resistance but did losing all his other accessories just make him like physically human?
ok very interesting that daddy god sent the hammer in the opposite direction from thor but it crashed like a few miles away . . . i wont question the interdimentional physics here i guess
hammer in the stone 1, randos 0
lmao "i thought you were a science major" even as someone with a poli sci degree i know thats too broad for father figure to say in this context
phenominal meet cute take 2 vehicular assault again
dude imagine queueing up for your crack at the key to ultimate power in new mexico
my thoughts when a bunch of drunkards chained the hammer to a pickup truck: this is going exactly as i would expect. my thoughts when the driver was revealed: another iconic choice from stan lee
this fed nerd again
"this mortal form has grown weak" ok so he is just a normal guy? did daddy god take his essence of godliness from within him or was it all in the accessories?
this doesnt make any fucking sense how has the truce been kept all this time if odin kidnapped the prince and passed him off as his own? maybe they dont know the prince is loki but they sure as hell know that the prince was taken by odin/odins people. like has this intent to use loki as a politcal bridge been a matter of ongoing diplomatic negotiations without his involvement or even knowledge for thousands of years?? the only thing that makes sense ig is that it took from that battle til now for the ice giants to think they have a chance at winning a war so thats why they didnt continue/bait one earlier BUT its very stupid to not have had loki involved in negotiations starting at the latest a couple of years before he would be of marrying age
guy whos never been chewed out by a peasant woman discovers new kink
no fucking way these 2 astrophysicists (and their liberal arts intern) had no clue that something else crashed until some guy spoke too loud in public after crushing 20 budweisers. in what world would they be like cool some guy came out of a wormhole im sure there wasnt anything else so lets not go looking??
no way asgard runs on imperial this motherfucker just wont admit he doesnt know what a mile is. or west for that matter whats the pole situation up there?
"darcy [no last name]" shes so tickled lmao shes gonna go back to school like guys i met the most legendary methhead in the desert and my pi hit him with our van TWICE. he may or may not have crash landed out of a wormhole anyway pass the bong
OK FURNITURE legendary store name. our shits fine do you want it or not
this fed nerd better LEAVE HER ALONE. darcy your taser is needed
*rips* *coughs* and then this fed nerd had his guys take my ipod and the old guy who came on late said this happened to a guy he knew. presumed dead
cuntpocolypse in the throne room
this motherfucker is such a diva he has his birthday every week
kyle from the pet shop is also gonna tell his friends about this guy over some weed
is this janes personal van? plot hole that they let her keep it even if it is they took darcys ipod ffs
running off the road bc this likely methhead who might actually be from a romantacy dimension is too charming to look away from
"more like a rainbow bridge" drove a guy 50 miles and he turned out to be gay
dying in my gold dust dome
drove this gay guy 50 miles and he thinks he can fly us out of a roswell situation so looks like im not getting laid AND im landing a defendant feature on jag
murking feds in my stolen rain poncho. he doesnt even how cunt that is but i fear this guys ego is far too large even without full context
omg hawkeye hey man i liked your show but im sorry to say the yuri subtext overshadowed my impression of you. way to get cucked on your own show i actually dont remember a single interaction that wasnt between kate and yelena. oh also my mom came in when i was watching and earnestly mistook you for zelenskyy
pretty embarrasing to let this fed nerd boss you around. when hes rainsoaked in the most unsexy way imaginable no less. at least you were snarky about it
clint was swayed by the male on male mud wrestling
hes so pathetic <3
*coughs some more* and then the old guy showed my pi some fairy tales so we could all kiki over how batshit that guy was but instead she was like idk i think we gotta check out every possibility and obvioisly i had to see where this was going so i outvoted him. oh and this was after the feds booked him so it was a jail break mission at this point
he doesnt know what a pager is but he knows it makes this fed nerd seem even lamer
omg cuntpocolypse in the holding cell legendary to say mom said so in that outfit during a conversation timed perfectly to ensure he wouldnt get a single moment to process multiple upsetting updates before that fed fucking nerd came back
oh he cant believe. the score was almost poignant like is marvel allergic to making any kind of impact above 70%
*takes another bong rip* *coughs for 3 days* so then the old guy drove 50 miles to the crater and we speaker phone called him to whip up the story that the wormhole methhead was on the grant but hes also a roider so he raged out when he heard the feds took all our shit. wouldve been an airtight story if we had more time to get his papers right but the feds just had to look him up
theyre always dutch angling this fed nerd but hes just annoying like i have to actively remind myself what his job is to read him as sinister
this fed nerd is messy as hell letting him go so he can tail him wtf is the legal recourse for not continuing to hold him after the id check came back falsified? like i get that shield is a total government conspiracy machine but even if he is totally above the law he does have a history of letting arrogant overpowered disphits slip him
phenominal father figure this man is pure of heart and highly susceptible to mirroring dumb of ass
does he know ice daddy knows exactly who he is?
im gonna need idris elba to kick lokis ass theyll both be better for it
jane is so precious to me <3
cuties finally a canon marvel ship that doesnt completely piss me off
lmao idris is the real daddy god wdym this all seeing eye isnt just applied to outside realms i thought he had a space telescope deal going on but this is incredible hes completely omniscient
damn these 4 really have 0 strategic awareness loki holds every single brain cell in this friend group and hes pissedddddd that they managed an actionable thought between them
obsessed with the cunty little crop circle but they should each get their own idc about the rainbow blast mechanism alter it
*sinks deep into the couch cushion until it feels like a cocoon* and then the methhead got the old guy absolutely wasted and i actually thought he might drown in his cheerios when i saw him at breakfast. have you guys ever seen a geriatric hangover its scary as fuck dude. oh and the craziest part was actually that the methhead made us a really nice meal while making total mooneyes at my pi. i thought for sure the old guy was gonna tell him to get fucked and leave after he sprung him like his friend literally died. i think. so like why keep the target around but whatever you shouldve seen him honestly he was hot enough to harbor at risk of death by fed
whats the iron giants deal is he a guy or is he a robot
what these people have never seen larpers before its new mexico ffs and norse aliens have been in the discourse with mufon types for a while if not forever idk i just know that if i knew about the talk back then plenty of nerds itching to don a costume would have as well
"xena, jackie chan, and robin hood" emotional eating will save you from getting nicknamed by a fed
lmao actually how the fuck did they find him so quickly they must have gone into the diner or something and immediately get clocked as having the same vibe as that methhead the physicists took in
so dissappointing they didnt let idris get a single swing in and the score didnt fuck in the slightest i barely registered lokis ice powers as cunt
hell yeah blowing up this fed nerds investigative site while unknowingly framing tony stark
ok blindspot said "it" so ig iron giant is a robot. or is a person who uses it/its pronouns but that would be an interesting choice as the one and only acknowledgement of genderfuckery as commonplace in the culture of norse mythology
*lifts my forearm just enough to point sharply, indicating a plot twist* but THEN these 4 larpers and a giant fire breathing robot showed up and you guys i think the methhead's story was legit like these were for sure aliens. the lamest one--the cary elwes wannabe--even he kicked way too major ass to be a human nerd
um ok really badass moment for my absolute boy and i dont wanna take away from that BUT total missed opportunity to not put the hammer in the hands of a human for a bit. darcy deserved it omfg she never even got to try
*sits up and leans forward, steepling my fingers* but he didnt actually die. im telling you guys right in front of my actual eyeballs this huge metal hammer came shooting though the sky and he caught it with his bare fucking hand and immediately got struck by lightning. total magical girl transformation and now hes in a fucking tornado killing the fire breathing robot. then that fed fucking nerd pulled up, didnt even thank the guy for doing his job for him, and then, like, ordered us to work for him. well i mean he ordered my pi but i gotta stick around and see what happens next. on top of all the alien discovery shit my pi made out with him in front of me so i really cant leave the tea unattended
getting assasinated by laufey i wonder who the encore will be
oh this tricky bitch im obsessed
but why did he kill his bio dad before having any kind of conversation? like is he all in on loyalty to asgard as a nation he just wants to be in charge?
and total genocide too ok is he pissed that they didnt come to bring him home bc thats really not a full-realm sin
holy shit cuntpocolypse at the rainbow bridge lokis motivations (and far moreso his logic) confound me but i love to watch him act on them
omg wait ok now its thor waging cuntpocolypse at the rainbow bridge pinning him with the hammer on the chest dude iconic
omgggg wait for a second i was disappointed that he didnt just leave loki pinned to the bridge and fuck off but this scene absolutely fucks
holy shit faking my death at the destabilized wormhole to guilt trip my dad over siding with my brother on the genocide issue (i was pro)
*cradles the bong absentmindedly while staring into the middle distance* but uh hammerhead and his friends fucked back off to the rainbow bridge and after a bit the whirlpool stormcloud they went through dissipated so idk realistically we'll probably never see him again if what he said is true hes either dead or king now
daddy god has faith
very cute of the 4 ive gotten through so far this one has the most characters i actually like i could even stomach the fed nerd in an i no longer want to punch this coworker sort of way idk maybe tony brings something out in him that makes me actively want to pummel him
holy shitttttt lokis shoulder angeling father figure?? i was already psyched to see him in a scene with fury bc tbh i feel like they could have a really cute middle aged managers of idiots friendship but its gonna get SO fucking cunty with loki involved fury will really appreciate his input whenever he needs to think of something petty to do to tony
*coughs down from another bong rip* what was the timeline of events? like 36 hours
the score was mid but it registered as bad bc iron man 2s was upper mid so i wasnt prepared for a dropoff. i disagree with pretty much everything thor does politically and find his interpersonal decisions to be often ill advised, but unlike tony fucking stark i am thoroughly bought into the protaganist framing this guy is my best friend and he absolutely deserves to get the absolute shit kicked out of him by pretty much everyone whos ever met him, but he also deserves to be loved by his adorable friends who all grinned from ear to ear all pressed up against the glass when they spotted him and i truly believe he deserves the love of dr. jane foster and also i think theyre both totally ok with darcy checking him out every moment hes in her range of sight bc so much of his charm IS the arrogant up his assness and tbh i think it revs jane up whenever he gets an additional ego boost. she wouldnt actively encourage it (thor would actively entice it) but she wouldnt tell either of them to stop
continuing my attempt at working through the full mcu, here's my live reaction to iron man 2 (2010). i dont remember anything about the movie itself, but when it came out my family had just moved overseas and were living on a us military base for the first time. having your dad join the military when youre 12 is weird bc you already know what the real world is like and then you find yourself in a concrete cult community but at least theres socialism. anyway on base we had 1 single screen movie theater and for at least a week there was a constant line of 19yo e1s waiting to get in and watch this big budget military propaganda (preceded by, and im not joking, the national anthem which we all had to stand for before every movie at the base theater)
[long post warning]
omg finally after 2 painfully scoreless films the score is scoring tysm for letting me know this russian guy at the door is sinister in some way. not the most enjoyable score but ig i just have to accept that the dark gritty mcu is too serious to ever channel waterworld
okkkkk the score was actually extremely well done for this emotional scene of woulda coulda shoulda commie iron man's sick (father?) slipping away
oh damn its a legacy rivalry
scar jo?? omg yay i thought id have to wait til avengers
unfortunately tony commie iron man giving his bird a sip from his cunty little chalice during the opening sodering sequence was the nail in the coffin. im far too endeared to him to root for you in this fight buddy
new magnet just dropped
another phenominal use of ac/dc for our first look at tony. i really hope the soundtrack isnt just this like in the first one though
iron man rockettes this dipshits living the dream
ok whats the ventilation situation in mark (i still cant believe the suit is called fucking mark) bc that little pin stripe number is looking unrealistically crisp
no fucking way to company line is world (WORLD) peace has been achieved and maintained from the time he had pepper kill his father figure to now??
wow incredible restraint tony i cant believe you got through the whole expo in an outfit that obscures the glow of your magnet. thats real growth man remember when you were cutting holes in tshirts to show it off
obsessed with stan lees cameo choices. first he was hugh heffner, then he died at his home in milwaukee from drinking a soda ive never seen in a non-brazilian fridge, and now hes larry fucking king incredible
kate mara better use her us marshal status to fuck him metaphorically as well. i wont stand for another vanity fair situation
no fucking way hes arguing that mark isnt a weapon dude you literally named it after what it hits. incredible specimen of evil disability discourse
sam rockwell should top him. call it bringing down the hammer
bestie recast wtffffffffff???? i didnt know i was supposed to be understanding him to be don cheadle's character in the first movie. wow now im aware of 2 mcu recasts where the actors look absolutely fucking nothing alike
what a fucking asshole besties right you need to be on a fucking leash and also youre better off trying to work with him in his arguments for compromise you stupid stupid motherfucker anthony im literally going to drown you in your living room waterfall that somehow gives off the sense of being spiritually ai
*nixon pose* "ive successfully privatized world peace" im killing you with my mind
"ass clowns" on the senate floor someone cuntier deserved that line. and he really thinks hes queen bitch its staggering
and punctuating it with a jerk off joke thank god commie iron man's theme fucks i need a palate cleanser
incredible i wouldve done the same thing to my tv if i could
okkkkk the soundtrack continues to make his vibe more fun and less annoying leave it to the cars to even make me like his pedestrianally witty little ai
donating peppers entire modern art collection to the boy scouts of america might just be the funniest thing this dipshits ever done
ok im a little endeared acting like it was a spur of the moment decision to make pepper ceo and then immediatley producing champagne and a well-thought appointment speech without ever letting on prior to this moment that you were even considering handing her ANY kind of promotion will never be forgiven, but rdj did a very good job of selling how nervous tony was to have this very important conversation. and also the whole time this scene was happening i was mostly thinking about how sad it is that he programmed his robot to be a fuck up just so he could simulate the unpredictability of being around people
commie iron mans hair fucks i love this character design cuntiest bitch in the whole movie
omg shes here and shes totally unassuming and theres fun music and the director is boxing the star while she has pepper sign something and her outfit is plain enough to sell that shes a good spy but the hair is soooooooooo cunt femme fatale of all time
wtffffffffffff talking to her like that then forcing her to step into the ring and then telling pepper yeah im gonna need you to promote this lawyer but in a way thatll feel entirely like a demotion so i can sexually harrass her
jf is a freak lmao imagine directing yourself getting beat up by scarlett johansson
wtffffffff pepper caved and immediate elon jumpscare
ok im living for gwyneths facial acting as she walks away from him
omggggg vanity fairs back once again i must lament that she and tony arent in a coming of age chick flick together
damn if i didnt already know the deal with scar jo i would be frothing over what could be going on with her. i really really really really hope that she fucks him over a lot before they team up
oh to be an untouchable billionaire in your cunty little suit undone in a very slutty fashion, exposing your magnet as you break down in a luxury public bathroom mirror over your own impending mortality
waittttttt thats such a dick move to give the driver ZERO heads up that youre racing instead tony you motherfucker
fuck yeah commie iron man in the pit crew
dude hes looking stacked under that jumpsuit
oh fuck yeah the bdsm iron man harness burning the jumpsuit off dude the score could fuck more but it does fuck some and i love commie iron man
wow ok hes killing civilians who arent tony stark im a little sad i cant root for him as my personal protagonist anymore but commie ironman is a wonderful villain
directing myself slamming commie iron man into a concrete wall with my car im the coolest guy ever
mugging as my magical girl transformation completes
taking your magnet bc you choked me out at a televised sporting event
dude wtf why would you break it mr. blue is spinning in his grave that you would destroy that DATA
dude give commie iron man some fucking clothes
get his ass commie iron man
"not everybody runs on batteries, tony" get his ass pepper
yeah this guy fucks commie iron man is a better villian than father figure and major wet eyes combined
wait it wasnt natasha who sprung him? or does natasha work for sam rockwell??
get commie iron man his fucking bird sam rockwell right now dude
fuck you tony sitting in his fred durst wet dream car while his ai tells him all about commie iron mans dad if bestie doesnt punch you in the face ill reach through the tv and do it myself
i need a gf who dresses like tony stark. the haircut too
factory cucking sam rockwell i fucking love this guy
wow im actually in love with natasha
ewwwwwww djing in mark tony forgive me its your last birthday ever ill allow it
oh wait i thought you were doing that in private like ill still let you have it but on an emotionless technicality
this guys out of fucking control dude trying to kiss pepper in public at your birthday party and then shooting your glass wall why cant this motherfucker ever use his infinate fucking wealth to hire proper help when he has a fucking problem
shooting my birthday party to smithereens with my not weapon
rob his ass bestie
oh shittttttttt besties suiting up and we got a gallagher joke right before the fight?? now this is cinema
"give me a phat beat to beat my buddys ass to" this is gonna fuckkkkkkkkk
ok unfortunately another one bites the dust is undersaturated to the point of actually sounding like its coming from the next room in the scene. this is fun but only like 60% of what it would be if freddie was properly in the fight with them
fuck yeah blowing up my glass house in a supersonic reverse tug of war with bestie
wow im actually kind of moved by both suits facial acting when bestie blasted off good job mark and ealier mark
wow bestie flew to fort neverneverland straight on til morning
the score continues to be infused with only the essence of something fun and engaging. the fucking lacroix of movie scores dude
paused to respond to my friend asking if im watching the fireworks from my window and i told her im watching iron man 2 and im too mad at tony stark to pause and look at a real time display of 250th bday red blooded american patriotism
oh hell yeah sam jacksons here and hes being snarky and tonys being the most up his ass insufferable loser and the score is just good enough that this is really fun
no fucking way natashas already with the super squad please tell me shes double agenting with sam rockwell
natasha fury double slay megacunt moment theyre pwning tony into the fucking ground dude spiritually shoving him into a locker
motherfucker wheres commie iron mans bird hes gonna shove you into a locker for real for this
the dad beef is tea
and youre stuck here with this fed nerd dipshit i fucking love nick fury forever and ever amen he NEEDS to be in the coming of age chick flick with tony and vanity fair
this fed nerd is watching supernanny in my supersonically exploded glass house
sam rockwell was already getting on my fucking nerves and then he rolled up with a lollipop to jerk it to stolen ip weaponry
dude sam rockwell and tony stark would have the lamest scripted bdsm sex LET THEM
omg if it was any other actor id prob like sam rockwell even less than i like tony atp but im charmed hes a very good cringefail villain in his cunty little gloves and pinstriped waistcoat not to mention the glasses and nerdpocolypse hair part i want to carry him around in my pocket and then forget him in the laundry. washing machinular manslaughter
moodily checking my dads homework as videographic evidence of his parental negligence plays in the background
say it to my fucking face dad
howd she get pepper out of virginia
ok idk if this is the official story but someone on reddit said its bc of her freckles and thats good enough for me to believe until proven otherwise by an unsought source
i wont say sorry but i gave it a second of thought can i please get partial credit
comitted a public display of sexual harassment upon his former assistant turned company heir in front of a bunch of people who absolutely believe she slept her way to the top and he brought her fucking allergen to his not apology pepper shouldve shot him in the magnet
hes fucking gooped
collect his ass natasha
jazz hands bursting my new element all over my lab
jackhammering the concrete in my exploded glass house lab to a mid score
the fed nerd is pissed motherfucker you gave him an opening
plot relevant captain america easter egg and now the fed nerds fucking off to los alamos
this fucking loser getting congratulated on his new element by a fucking ai the lab should be full of nerds popping champagne im so fucking irritated
sharpay rockwell getting pwned by commie iron man
stfu belittling commie iron man for growing attached to his new bird sam rockwell im putting you in the washing machine on purpose this time
"maybe ill even get laid" wow nice one dude im really falling for all this macho swagger
bicoastal baddie hes contractually obligated to have his climactic battles in nyc
prematurely installing my new triangle magnet bc im running late for my duel with commie iron man i MUST avenge my father purely out of unearned familial loyalty in an inherited beef
sam rockwell is at max power when he gets to some cringe choreography that he thinks hes totally eating
oh shit pepper cant believe bestie would do this
commie iron mans a real scorched earth motherfucker
fuck yeah nat kick his ass
"honey" she better pull a gun out of that giant purse and shoot him in the head
directed scarlett johansson girlbossing me around in a pencil skirt my life rules
dude commie iron mans fingernails are round as fuck
saved a kid from getting murked by military ai so now my guilt bar is 0 its like confession
directed myself almost causing a car accident bc i was trying to sneak a peek
and if i say setting off 100 car alarms was their worst sin here
dude look at her outfit she knows what shes doing youre the getaway driver just deal fuck
the hairography is so cunt but all i can think about is how annoying it would be to have my long lucious perfectly curled locks flying in my face while i perform acrobatics of mass destruction
directed myself getting assault mogged
dude and shes a hacker too?? natasha romanoff is like the barbie of espionage theres literally nothing she cant do and all of her outfits are tailored perfectly to her body and no one elses
regaining bodily autonomy in a beautiful botanical garden with my bestie who ive been going through a rough patch with
video call fighting with my successor/emotional situationship right in front of nats salad
murking commie iron mans mark ripoffs in a beautiful botanical garden with bestie as a proxy for making up with any kind of meaningful conversation
fuck yeah commie iron mans mark mogging both of them
straight up calling bestie my sidekick while asking him to supersonically explode this beautiful botanical garden and hopefully commie iron man with me
oh shit hes suicide bombing and also remote detonating at additional sites id expect no less from commie iron man
i genuinely cant believe thats the first time theyve ever kissed. and right in front of besties salad
bestie blastoff was sick this guy rocks
fuck yeah sideline his ass yet another nat fury w teamup
get the bitchy senator in the coming of age chick flick fucking asap
this dipshits addicted to nixoning
very effective ac/dc sendoff ill award the soundtrack a passing grade
dude wtf i forgot about kate mara whyd she never come back to at the very least say something bitchy to tony
jon favreau is edging me so bad when is tony gonna get whats coming to him in even the slightest
ok loving this retro stark industries extended jingle
dutch angling this fed nerd at the site of thors hammer
the score was a solid c- snd the soundtrack, while somewhat scant in length, certainly fucked and was applied generally well i mightve gotten caught in the weeds of harsh hyperbole back there. while i appreciate the degree to which natasha patronized and humiliated tony, ill never recover from the fact that she didnt legitimately hurt him at any point. narriatively a tough love caretaker from the start you hate to see it
ok now i feel like working through the full mcu (lmao lets see how far i get) so heres my live reaction to the incredible hulk (2008). i def watched this in theaters but i dont think ive ever rewatched it since so idk wtf to expect
[long post warning]
first couple of frames and i instantly feel the rush of this perfect graphic design is my passion opening sequence this is what its all about
wait wtf this is the edward norton one ok im going off of what wikipedia says is like the still canon mcu films so is mark ruffalo's hulk a recast continuation of this one?? and did mark never get his own movie we were all just introduced to him as the hulk in an ensemble?
(non fatally?) fridged himself in the backstory establishing opening sequence
academic king this is a guy dedicated to learning portuguese (with help from grover <3)
gotta know if his belly dancing personal trainer knows his condition or if slapping his clients is just part of the program regardless of the stakes
damn imagine getting body checked into lockers again as a fully grown nerd
w after w his beautiful coworker checks him out and then he immediately gets to don his little glasses to diagnose a problem with the button or whatever. big time babygirl engineer moment
omg code red contamination event
wow and hes fully confident that not a single molecule of blood got anywhere else
bitch immediately proven wrong to only the audience bruce wheres you sense of fucking vigilance
cumsily saving my beautiful coworker from workplace harassment while delivering a mistranslation of my catchphrase
theres no way hes nailing this recipe
ok so whats the plan here? reestablish his life stateside dehulked and just trust that the military will let him go once they test him and he comes back hulk negative? like absolutely try to cure yourself but honey im sorry thats not your ticket home
lmaoooooo rip stan lee but the pronounciation of guarana was so funny. its my besties favorite drink and ive only ever heard brazilian ppl talk about it so like any americanized pronounciation would be jarring but she really put absolutely nothing into saying the word as written. "grrana" is insane
"get our agency people looking for a white man at that bottling plant" dude there are tons of white ppl at that factory . . . bc its brazil
blue steeling in my aviators with the boys
"i need more DATA"
staring longingly at my love, figure 11
the military put a colonoscopy camera under my door and shot my dog :(
dude very confusing time to give your beautiful coworker/neighbor a kiss on the cheek you broke into her house from above, physically covered her mouth, and then fled with a dire urgency
what a fuckin nerd he has both of his backpack torso straps securely fastened
immediately spotted in my securely fastened backpack
and then on top of everything he runs into his workplace bully
tag teammed by the united states military and my workplace bullies so bad that i hulked out and killed the civilians
pisses me off that hes in his cutoff capris no fucking way that fabric could withstand the transformation they have him shadowed anyway give us shadowed naked hulk attempting to evade military capture
the brit was too stunned to speak
woke up at a beautiful waterfall in my tattered capris and now the clock starts over :(
wtfffffff he ran from the brazilian coast to guatefuckingmala in a single hulking? this motherfucker crossed the panama canal hulked out
why is the loaner brit in an american (army? air force?) formal uniform??
walked his threadbare capris up to mexico
mf leave that ladys butt alone
the hubris of testing your military contracted experiment on yourself
17 days hulk free and all i got was this cunty little face scar
pointedly looking away from the university security guard in my unibomber cosplay
staring longingly (secretly, from a distance) at my love mr. blue in her workplace
cucked and running to my father figure for comfort
lmao did he pizza bribe martin starr to get on the computer
hmm ok so mr. blue isnt figure 11 and all of bruces DATA has been wiped
dude cucked by the modern family guy?? eternal nerd bruce banner i love you forever
the fucking audacity to run and hide after she fully sees him bruce i take it back youre on probation
figure 11 has the DATA
holy shit theyre hulking the loaner brit
denerdding my ex's disguise with too much sentimentality so the military showed up to ruin it
yum yum DATA
no fucking way father of the fucking year dude hunting my daughters ex so i can exploit him bodily for the advancement of super soldier technology and then ill prob euthanize him if he survives
getting gassed on a beautiful glass covered stone bridge between buildings as lightning flashes in the background
"now she'll see" as if he hasnt already hospitalized her??
what a dumb move i gotta wonder if loaner brit goaded him on bc of hulk serum roid rage or if thats just his vibe
now modern family guy is getting cucked by, from his perspective, an ogre in tattered capris
damn and he called her dad to sic the military on her ex behind her back
omg hulk putting his hand on his hip after hitting his head is so babygirl
love a man collapsing in the tub from a traumatic flashback
no fucking way the DATA was retreived via vomit idk hulks metabolic process but atp hes at least been just bruce long enough that it wouldve been a shit retrieval
"ill take my chances" yeah bc apparently part of the hulk magic is imbuing whatever bottoms hes wearing at time of transformation with supplemental stretch
the generals shoked pikachu face that theres videographic evidence of his public showdown with the jolly green giant
haircut as foreplay followed by impending hulk cockblock
loaner brits good as new the generals totally getting his deposit back
photographic evidence of my ex stealing us a truck while we're on the lam
yeah babe remember those lsd experiments we signed up for in grad school? the hulk is like that
berating a cab driver for nearly waking the hulk and my fucking ex tells me to calm down
"ive always been more curious than cautious" mr. blue your disregard of lab safety will get you hulk smashed
losing my sense of humanity in a military restroom
the most coked out mad scientist in all of new york city
and here comes the loaner brit on a roid rage
wtf infected by loaner brit godzilla hulk in my fucking science magnet tshirt
oh shit godzilla hulk can talk and bruce feels mogged
kissing my ex straight into tipping out of a usaf helicopter with loose cannon intent
using police cruisers as boxing gloves fuck yeah the hulk is awesome
clapping out a fire of that size but hes only like 5x the size of a normal person? he did that through the power of belief in oneself
omg babys first words
lmao the giant hulk finger catching a single tear off of figure 11's cheek
now hes in bc this whole movie is just a journey north
"reload" as an order to the bartender fuck off to the moon asswipe. and youre doing it with midori sours??
this fucking guy. tony fucking stark got propagandized so hard he took it upon himself to do the fed nerds job for him
soundtrack album available at amazon.com motherfucker theres barely any soundtrack to speak of
the score was once again severely lacking but bruce banner is a genius idiot with heart and i like his little glasses
took an edible and figured I'd watch iron man (2008). the last time i watched this film was def still obama era so I don't remember jack shit. tbh ac/dc got me VERY hyped and made the tanks feel cool instant revert to 2008 action movie conditioning straight out the gate and now i feel like documenting the experience
(long post warning)
- sexual harassment immediately and i am unfortunately a bit charmed
- jfc i hate this guy sm
- omg proof of life hostage video
- he's clearly older than 4 in that pic with the circuit board also is that bill gates?? ok so i looked it up and mirosoft was founded in 1976 and according to wikipedia in the mcu this fucker was born in 1970 so like . . . are they insinuating that the gates were like family friends with starks or something? whatever I'll believe the conspiracy theory that bill gates was tied to Big Weapon from the start
- father figure's pissssssed
- omg don't make me feel sympathetic to the military for getting stood up
- i support "vanity fair"'s follow through on fighting as foreplay but she better get some intel on her way out
- holy shit i totally forgot about jarvis he scared me as much as he scared her
- ok so they're in malibu which means they traveled there from vegas . . . weird amount of time to let their initial conversation sit before hooking up so i hope the barbs were still good in the car lol. or do you think they drove separately? that's a high risk high reward venture girl
- dude i'd be so pissed if my hookups assistant showed up and i'm in my underwear and he's nowhere to be found
- ok not pissed at HER vanity fair stop that
- ew i hate their dynamic but from a voyeuristic standpoint it is hot
- why is his plane so big? literally everything about this guy pisses me off. one singular little rose in the window? in your fucking airbus?? go fuck yourself
- oh no i hate watching characters argue in front of waitstaff it feels like i'm the one doing it lmao
- stipper pole on the airbus is so fucking tacky it would be v cunt if it was a character i enjoyed
- rdj delivered a very chilling performance in that weapons demonstration but unfortunately even he is not immune to the dampening effects of shitty special effects explosions in the background
- father figure's bare chest is looking pretty hi-def for a 2008 international cell phone video call
- dude barfing up my taco bell. literally body horror i can't believe i watched this when i was like 10 wtf i really don't like sinus shit
- esh situation (except mirror guy no judgement yet)
- lmao if i'd just had that kind of near death experience there's no way in HELL i'd be able to walk on my own 2 feet while carrying a car battery. I carried a car battery for just over a mile once in perfect health and it almost killed me wtf did they put in that magnet
- mirror guy's a good actor really sold "no he wont" with that smile
- what kind of fuckery is he gonna pull to hide the evidence that he's building a fucking metal suit instead of missiles
- oh to be a pow in a slutty shirt showing off the new magnet while having an incredibly superficial heart to heart with your fellow prisoner over a dice game
- ok so the answer is nothing. he did literally nothing to hide the evidence that he's building a fucking metal suit instead of missiles
- literally shocked Pikachu face motherfucker don't act stupid
- ok major wet eyes
- ok looking v iron giant v cunt
- rip yinsen you probably deserved better but ig we'll never know bc you only exist to be tony's trauma wish i knew more about you
- this suit is so much cooler than the brand suit
- ok so he killed everyone i'm sure he'll repent appropriately
- his little fucking trot through the desert
- cunty little midriff exposure on the chopper wave down
- neither rdj nor bestie really sold the reunion for me tbh
- oh to be a returning pow passing a line of applauding adorers straight into the arms of your father figure
- this fucking nerd i hate a scrawny war criminal
- the speed with which i went from this asshole's never heard of a private moment to thank fucking god he didn't take the time to think this through
- woah ok father figure fucks what kind of absolute caricature of tech bro meets weapons bro pulls up on a segway with a fucking cigar
- this cable news investment opinionist is sending me into a rage
- i'd quit on the spot if my boss sprung a dire assist on his solo attempt at auto-surgery on me like the sex needs to be INSANE for this arrangement to be worth it for gwenyth paltrow
- dude i'm gonna be sick hire a fucking professional next time
- "mr. stark" they're practically fucking right in front of me
- anti drone propaganda immediately followed by homophobia
- the suits name is fucking mark??
- oh to be a billionaire returned pow moodily throwing away your cyber trash while telling your ai you can't trust anyone but him
- dude bring back movie scores if this was waterworld major wet eyes turning to check out the suit scraps would've FUCKED
- fuck yeah concrete to the head immediately upon liftoff and then he gets misted just for fun again i say if this were waterworld it would've been so much better
- father figure's name is cartoonishly religious
- flying pizza from ny to la i hate this guy
- tony i wanna root for you here but why did you cut a hole in your tshirt we can see the glow through the fabric honey i promise no one's gonna forget about your magnet
- threatening his robot with city college relocation in the same banter candence he uses for people this guy truly has 0 friends every instance of talking he's ever committed has been a talking at
- there's way too much going on in that display surefire way to crash my man
- wait he's kinda snatched
- what's this guy's fucking deal why is he mogging a child from the sky
- he should've been fully icarused
- oh to be in the brief failure stage of science fiction experimentation and moodily take on a refreshing mist upon crashing through a piano and then landing on a car looney toons style. oh look at me i'm national sex symbol robert downey jr and i'm playing a 38 year old man who can pout through a metal fucking mask fucking unbelievable i will NOT turn this dipshit into a babygirl
- he's jerkin it on the spot as soon as it cut away from the memorialized proto-magnet
- major wet eyes deserves a cuntier theme PLEASE
- mumbling to his fucking ai as if it's picking up half of that
- damm he didn't get invited to his own party tony honey you belong in a coming of age chick flick
- ptsd scandal is crazy
- and in my next display of red blooded americanness, i'll be donning the mcdonalds colors. as my personal branding. bc i love freedom
- dude crashing your own party and the first person you greet is stan lee playing hugh heffner. had to have been like a top 10 moment ever for that asswipe
- agreed to hear out an offer to assist in a government conspiracy bc he was distracted by his employee's silk caressed back. and he would do it again
- dude how long has she worked for him this feels like a decade plus slow burn
- they've def slept together before right? like just a couple of times and they only ever talk around it
- doesn't know his fucking social security number fuck off dude
- girl after that i'd ask for gin you gotta overwhelm the senses
- vanity fair handed him his trauma facing catalyst and a threat of accountability in one fell swoop she's so efficient
- oh to be in the midst of a surface level redemption arc and your father figure reveals himself a judas consistently from the time you return from being a pow and you willfully ignore it to mog children from the sky until he reveals his check mate at your own party that you crashed
- longest magical girl transformation of all time and it isn't even cool
- woah he really threw that child
- ok the new suit's snatched too why do I remember it being bulkier
- omg like yeah he was right to intervene but he could've been less scary about it. dude not even a be not afraid?
- ok so the suit kind of is immune to the coolness dampening effects of walking away from a shitty explosion
- i've always wanted to be the kind of person who would be able to stay focused on my very high stakes job in a room full of people yelling about our combined high stakes effort. realisticly i'd be at my cunty little computer terminal built into the desk along with a row of other computer terminals sobbing
- ok so actually i just kind of looked at the general shape at first and I'm sorry to report that it's just normal desktop monitors on top of the desks. if i was in a control room and it wasn't the setup they used for gemini i'd walk. also did you guys know it's pronounced gemi-nee? i disagree
- goated prank on bestie tony has him thinking he's either an alien spacecraft or a foreign intelligence asset
- bluetooth in the suit in 2008 was so fucking chic i miss when tacky was fun
- i firmly believe that bestie wasn't necessarily expecting it to be him but he figured he better check and he was vindicated to the point of reconsidering just how low the bar of expectation is with this dipshit
- obsessed with bestie taking the opportunity to beat him up in the craziest way possible
- oh wait bestie really didn't know he was in it
- the score fucked for exactly 2 seconds far too little to punctuate that save
- absolutely no sense of sitcom timing training exercise really could've been an actually fun gag
- father figure blue steeling to bestie's press conference in his popped collar
- gwenyth paltrow delivered the script she was given as best as anyone could. "are those bullet holes?" yeah and that delivery was enough to get me to believe rdj's blank stare at her facial reaction was stoic and heartbroken
- oh shit i legit didn't think father figure already wanted to kill him pre empathy install with free magnet i'm actually gagged i can't believe this poop on a shoe script nearly made me gasp
- father figure's on the warlord fast track and tony fucking stark's billionaire ass is refining a single suit ALONE on a completely unearned hero power trip. thanks for saving like a dozen people. that's pretty much the cap of how many people you can save at a time though. so, like, hire some mercenaries with the most ethical contract possible and pay them more than anyone else could ever dream bc you can absolutely afford that kind of insurance and also get some fucking people on the tech dev front. just bc you don't have access to your company anymore doesn't mean you don't have the means to bribe some engineers to use the company's resources and supply some labor for your newfound goals of world peace
- guilt trip of the fucking century but also at least he's recruiting help ig
- fuck off what do you mean his work computer wallpaper is one of his countless cars, specifically the one with flames he wants to be a fred durst type so bad but he's unwilling to don the shorts
- mugging at my boss/situationship's confidential weapons documentation
- oh wait so she hacked into father figure's mainframe or whatever? also insane automatic translation program for 2008 like in universe do regular people have access to this kind of software? and if they don't, do they know it exists?
- what's the fucking timeline of events here i thought father figure was still overseas
- oh no it's a fucking screensaver do you think he has all of his cars on it or just his faves?
- ok i'm allowing a feeling of babygirl as he lies paralyzed so i can stomach father figure's monologue
- insinuating both that my surrogate son has been mpregged and that his father would be disappointed i'm totally pwning this pussy
- and also killing him in the most slow, ruthless, agonizing way possible i'm a fucking living legend
- and i'm killing your employee/situationship too just fyi ok ttyl
- girlbossing this fed nerd to my car
- where was that zoom in on the og magnet comedic pacing for the first 100 minutes
- deus ex machinaed irl it happened to my good friend tony stark
- fucking terrible interior design 0 sense of comfort sorry bestie ik you're in an emotional panic but idrc about anything other then the absolutely haunting sterility of this water feature
- took this fed nerd to my job on a covert operation and he exploded a door
- bursting through my concrete ceiling with gleeful confidence in self, god, and country bc ik my bestie and the entire united states air force have my back
- tbh i'd let pepper potts ski on me
- dude a humongous robot emerged from an ominous arrangement of chains hanging streamer style and now she's fleeing in a pencil skirt
- is that father figure on a voice modifier or did he have his terminator ai programmed to be verbally vindictive
- the one talking to tony has gotta be him. traumatizing a family just for the hell of it. this guy's really gone off the rails he NEEDS a killer theme!! where's the fucking score
- ok the score is kind of getting close to sort of having an emotional impact. progress :)
- chekhov's inner space ice attack hell yeah
- keeping pepper on the phone just for moral support ig
- ok now he's delegating
- is it just me or does father figure in the suit kinda give george lopez in shark boy and lava girl
- they should've shown his robot skeleton when he got zapped
- woah father figure got mega killed for good measure
- delegated killing my father figure to my employee/situationship, nearly died myself, and this fed nerd wants me to say i was on my yacht instead of killing a wanabee warlord and thus absolving myself of all the war crimes i've facilitated bc i made 1 personal sacrifice that was atp overwhelmingly mostly actually an act of self defense. and even though i'm a billionaire i need my employee/situationship who is NOT a professional makeup artist to do my makeup for me
- ok this conversation is sounding like that balcony was the closest they've ever gotten to hooking up there's literally never been a moment of release the way this preasure buildup is gonna crack dude
- vanity fair is MAD. final shot is so coming of age chick flick. oh what this movie could've been. she didn't even backstab him a little this sucks
- kinda respect jon favreau's restraint to cast himself but with barely any screentime
- HOLY SHIT father figure is jeff bridges?? identity shielding baldness. the whole time I was like why does he shape his mouth like that and also why is it so familiar. the permanent grimace can be charming in certain roles but accompanied with the bald head and not quite whimsical enough wacky wardrobe you were very sinister my friend good job
- damn not even a cool end credits song wait it's actually picking up and lackluster finish
- holy shit i actually forgot about sam jackson love that guy
wow i still don't care for tony but i think i could grow to stomach a coworking relationship if i had to. a subordinate role, though? fuck no I can't believe pepper hasn't been driven to murder suicide. and she isn't even screwing the guy?? i NEED to believe she gets off on the buildup in a really major way
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genuinely we need to add the phrase "sucking clit" to the cultural lexicon. so many people, both havers and interacters, don't realize that it's not only an option, but for many it's, like, the best thing that could happen to their clit. cunnilingus doesn't mean anything; eating pussy is metaphorical; sucking clit paints an achievable picture. sucking clit opens eyes to new possibilities.
personal anecdote bonus: one time i won a baby bottle drinking race (by a steep landslide) at a baby shower and second place was this old gay guy. he said that you'd think 50 years of sucking dick would have trained him better but i told him, i said, ralph, in a near 1 to 1 very real way, sucking clit prepared me to drain this baby bottle of pinot grigio like an olympic training camp.
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