just keep telling the story

Chapter Five - “Well, I’m not the moon, I’m not even a star / But awake at night, I’ll be singing to the birds”

- The lyrics for this chapter are again from “Your Best American Girl” by Mitski. It’s a continuation on it being from both of them on their perspectives on each other!

- Fox hunt - yes, the description of fox hunts at the start is correct. They are inhumane and still done to this day. Same with metal snares that constrict around animals’ throats.

- “Every breath was agony, his muscles were burning, a sharp pain in his neck as - ” - the “sharp pain in his neck” was the needle they used to put him into his coma.

- “A broad, silhouetted humanoid shape with a pair of reddish reflective eyes glowing in the dark was stood in his bedroom doorway.” - as Grace mentions later, Simon has developed the ability to see well in the dark. And also cool, scary reflective eyes. He’s not aware of it at this point, he honestly probably just thought the house was more well-lit than it seemed. Also, the visual of the glowing eyes being red is inspired by Remmick from “Sinners”.

- “Grace let out a terrified shriek, scrambling away from the figure with a frantic flailing of his limbs.” - based on the scene in the movie where he shrieks like a strange little fellow and flails his limbs. Love my little loser so much.

- “.. he frowned, shrugging as well.” - another instance of Simon mirroring Grace’s body language!

- “I hadn’t really… I haven’t slept that well in… a long time.” - he didn’t sleep well while imprisoned, for obvious reasons.

- “The bright spots were slowly clearing from Grace’s vision. Oh. Okay. So the glowing eyes are actually there. Cool. Super cool.” - Grace genuinely thought maybe he was just seeing Simon’s eyes like that because he hit his head.

- “Grace placed his hands on his hips, glad he’d opted to wear a sleep shirt and pajama pants that night.” - sometimes he goes without a shirt, sometimes he goes without pants, sometimes both. Sometimes the texture of clothing on your skin is too much

- “And also, I don’t think the two of us could move that thing as efficiently as Sirloin and Moss did.” - because Simon has one arm and is recovering from grievous injuries, and Grace has weak scientist arms.

- “It would be strange not sleeping in the center of the bed in his usual position, but he could certainly suck it up for Simon’s sake.” - the “usual position” is based on how I usually sleep. In the center of my bed curled up in a ball.

- “He heard Simon move just a little as he struggled to contain all the words that wanted to come flowing out.” - Simon was looking in Grace’s direction here, also hoping the conversation would continue.

Chapter Six - “But, big spoon, you have so much to do / And I have nothing ahead of me”

- The lyrics for this chapter’s title are from, once again, “Your Best American Girl” by Mitski. Continues to be from both of their perspectives on each other! But now, it’s a bit more Grace than Simon.

- “A warmth he hadn’t even processed was there yanked away from his right bicep.” - Simon had reached through the barrier in his sleep to put his hand on Grace’s arm

- “ “Alarm? What for?” Simon’s tone carried a non-negligible amount of poorly concealed panic.” - the only type of alarms Simon is used to are the “something is about to explode” type.

- “Simon let out a hum, eyes finally no longer scanning Armando. Instead, he was glancing at Grace’s torso, then zeroed-in on his face.” - he was looking at Grace’s burns, and the scar from the fishing incident.

- “ “Has anyone ever told you your naming skills are-..” the lilt to the other man’s tone died off, and a look of what was perhaps fear flashed across his features.” - Simon was worried him being too “mean” (teasing) to Grace would’ve made him mad / get him kicked out :((

- “Grace did his best not to let his delight physically manifest at the way the other man seemed to be at ease again.” - he’s resisting stimming because he’s worried Simon will think he’s weird (he is but he likes it)

- “ “That’s-!” He cleared his throat, going to grab a second mug and serving.” - he was going to be aghast that someone had never had coffee before until he realized how reasonable it was. And also that he needed to remedy it immediately.

- “ “Yep!” Grace pointed a thumb towards himself, causing him to almost miss pouring boiling water into one of the mugs. “Like my-..” ” - again, Grace is trans, and came up with his own name.

- Simon’s reaction to coffee - based on my own reaction to coffee, and also my friend’s!

- “Cold, pinching panic seized in his gut. “Y-yeah! No, yeah, later. I’m just not..” he waved his hand in his best imitation of nonchalance. “I don’t eat.. super well right after waking up.” ” - on the one hand. Yes, sometimes one can struggle to eat in the morning. Sometimes I get nauseous when I try to eat breakfast. On the other, he’s experiencing that panic (which I personally have experienced and loathe) because he’s been caught in his poor eating habits.

- “Hello Grace. Did Simon sleep well?” - Adrian did not give a fuck if Grace slept well to be so honest lol. They also expected him to have stayed up to watch Simon sleep. No one tell them he didn’t

- “He was excited to change into his comfy clothes, make sure everything was prepared for class tomorrow, finally read Orca and Mr. Mistoffelees’ reports, maybe have some- ” - he was going to work work work and MAYBE eat dinner. Even his idea of relaxing involves continuing to do work and not taking care of himself

- “Grace opened his front door to a greeting, played over the speaker above Armando.” - they hooked up a translator to the speaker so it was easier for Simon!

- “Hey, uh.. not sure who, but hello!” - none of the Eridians other than Rocky and Adrian have picked their own voices, so it can be hard to distinguish who’s talking.

- “Moss was settled on the ground near the couch, legs all tucked under their body.” - the moment I saw Rocky loaf in the movie I knew I had to make any Eridians I write loaf as frequently as possible

- “Shook his head, willing all the questions and stray strange thoughts away.” - “stray strange thoughts” perhaps about how handsome those teeth are. About how maybe he wants them on his skin. Who said that

- “It just threw a wrench in his usual end-of-day-plans. It was a little bit disorienting, but he was an adult. He could handle it.” - autism and having your plans altered without warning… sucks..

- Dinner - Grace ate the leftovers from breakfast! Also Simon most certainly noticed that Grace didn’t eat most of his lunch.

- “Faded memories surfaced, the details fuzzy. Only sensations and emotions remained. Rain pattering on the windows, a sinking dread. The glow of the CRT TV in the dark, quiet living room. Grace’s face buried in his grandfather’s shoulder as he carried him to the truck, his flannel shirt wet with tears.” - there is certainly a story there. Perhaps it will be told in text, perhaps I’ll reveal it myself in an extras post like this. For now, just know this incident still makes Grace feel an immense amount of guilt, despite the fact that he was four years old and wasn’t able to do anything.

- “Simon had moved in closer while the distant past washed over Grace in a cold wave. He was standing a foot or so away now.” - it was so he could hear Grace better. And also because he wanted to

- “… geez. That sucks.” … “… that sucks.” - the sentiment I’ve heard from quite a few people grieving loved ones is that they didn’t want flowery words, but acknowledgment that what happened to them sucked. Grace and Simon both get it, and offered it to each other.

- “Cheap, bitter coffee. A late September chill. Something musty, something rotten. “No, they, uh… they passed when I was eighteen.” (Maybe if he’d been a little quicker. He never learned his lesson, did he?)” - again, there’s a story here. And again, Grace blames himself, despite the fact that it wasn’t his fault. Also note the timeline: he had just moved out of their house when it happened. He was freshly on his own. Ouch.

- “ “… thanks. It’s-.. it’s been a long time, and it doesn’t hurt anymore,” that was a lie, and the sting in his throat was proof of that, “but I appreciate it.” ” - INCORRECT. Grief is a wound that never heals. You just grow around it.

- “Sometimes I really wish they sent pictures of them with me. But it’s- it’s.. y’know.” - this is one of the reasons why he’s forgotten the faces of both his parents and grandparents.

- “Simon sat down on the opposite end of the couch, soon shuffling a bit closer and leaning in to get a better view of the screen.” - just so he could see the screen. Not so he could be closer to Grace and hear him better. Totally not /sarc

- “It took all of Grace’s willpower to keep himself still, to not shake or flap or twist or tap out the excitement bubbling up in his veins.” - once again resisting stimming

Chapter Seven - “You say you just want peace and you’d never hurt anyone”

- First of four to be from this song, the lyrics for this chapter are from “I’d Like To Walk Around In Your Mind” by Vashti Bunyan. This set at first seems to be from Simon’s perspective, but they are almost entirely Grace’s, especially with the latter two.

- “… woke with Armando’s alarm…” - they both sleep so soundly at each other’s sides that neither wake up on their own anymore.

- “Simon lingered while Grace worked, and eventually would remind him to have dinner.” - Simon has fully caught on to Grace’s poor work/self-care balance at this point.

- “More intense movies, especially what little horror or thrillers Grace could stomach…” - Grace tried horror movies again just for Simon. He was relieved when Simon didn’t enjoy them.

- “ “Jaws” (which had to be turned off after about an hour)…” - I’m sure you can guess why. Seriously, Grace?

- Movies - I so honestly struggled to pick favorites for each of them. It’s very tempting for me to just pick my favorite movies and slap them onto each of them, but they wouldn’t really work with the characters for the most part. I’m an avid, extreme horror fan (I have a “Saw” tattoo), and neither of these characters would realistically enjoy a horror movie in the state they’re in. Maybe eventually! But I did a lot of thinking about what they would enjoy and why, and I’m mostly happy with what I landed on for either of them. I go into more detail below.

- Grace’s favorites - I kept in mind that he was a 90s to early 2000s kid, and that he would have likely latched onto a few movies from that era. I also picked quite a few movies that center around characters who are considered “outsiders” or “weird” that I think he would resonate with, like “Matilda”, “The Addams Family”, “Bridge to Terrabithia”, and “Spider-Man”. (These were also all selected because anecdotally, a lot of autistic people really enjoy them. From my experience, at least). I picked “The Iron Giant” for its message of peace and friendship, and “Legally Blonde” and “Mean Girls” because Grace doesn’t seem the type to shy away from being a little girly pop. There’s also, like I mentioned in the notes for this chapter, some foreshadowing for what ends up happening to him in some of these movie selections.

- Simon’s likes so far - like I said in-text, I think Simon has had enough action and such for a lifetime, so I certainly think he’d want slower, calmer movies with nice visuals and soundtracks. Wes Anderson films fit that bill, and also I just had to slip “Asteroid City” in somehow because it’s my #2 movie of all time. Studio Ghibli movies are renowned for their visuals, sound, and their gentle but beautiful and deep depictions of life. I think Simon would like those a lot. I also think he’s a bit of a romantic, hence all the romantic movies on the list. I also just had to give him one comedy, hence “The Birdcage”. Again, more foreshadowing in some of these.

- “Simon immediately went still and quiet, eyes widening just a bit as he watched him.” … “He responded slowly and with a measured, flat tone. Like he was tiptoeing around a sensitive subject.” - he thought Grace was mad at him, and was about to maybe kick him out or hurt him. He still doesn’t 1000% trust Grace by this point. He won’t admit it, but he was a little scared here.

- “Honed his skills of appearing likable and amicable.” - he says “appearing likable” because he doesn’t think he is likable.

- “ “You do that a lot.” “What, forget?” “Mhm.” Bitterly (but really only towards himself), he thought the other man didn’t know the half of it.” - haha, because of the drug-induced amnesia

- “A few of my teacher buddies used to complain they’d have the same conversations with me, over and over.” - this is based on me. I do this. I have a lot of the same physical and mental issues Grace does in this fic (shocker, I know /sarc), and it causes me to straight up entirely forget I’ve already had a conversation with someone. Drives my coworkers and roommate insane.

- “There was a sour pang in his chest. “She was… a force of nature, really.” He bit the inside of his cheek. He swore he could smell damp earth and grass. “Nothing would stop her from saving humanity.” ” - trauma makes it hard for Grace to fully form an opinion on Stratt. Even after years have gone by. Doesn’t help that just thinking about her for more than a few moments causes him to start to experience flashbacks of the chase ://

- “The other man tilted his head towards Grace in a way he’d gathered meant “go on”.” - as opposed to how I used to describe Simon, the text is now more assured on what his reactions mean because Grace is learning to read him better!

- “After a few scribbled-out attempts of a mug, a person (Grace wasn’t sure who, but they had longer hair), Sirloin, and Armando, he officially threw in the towel with a frustrated growl and a trembling, clenched fist of crumpled paper that made Grace uneasy.” - the person was one of his mothers. Also Grace gets veeeeery uneasy when people are angry, despite his own temper.

- Chess - yeah this is so honestly based on my own relationship with chess. It’s a stupid game and I hate it. I don’t understand it therefore it’s DUMB

- Origami - okay same here but personally it’s because I have poor hand-eye coordination. And also because yes the instructions usually SUCK

- Card games - some of these are super fun! “Slapjack”, “Trash”, and “Spoons” were staples in my family until they were all banned.

- “(Grace could only imagine how ruthless he’d have been at “Spoons”, if it hadn’t been banned in the biodome by Adrian a month after it was created. Grace had a scar on his temple from that incident. But it had been worth it.)” - “Spoons” is a game infamous for how competitive and violent it can get. Shortly into Grace’s stay on Erid, he taught Rocky, Adrian, Sirloin, and Moss the game. He and Rocky got into a physical fight over the last spoon one round, and a corner of Rocky’s xenonite suit gave Grace a concussion. Adrian said “enough, everybody go to bed” (/ref) and banned it. It was permanently banned in my family, and I am not allowed to play it in my current household because I accidentally gave my roommate a scar in a similar story to that one.

- “Though some of the tutorial books were hard to follow with one hand, Grace found himself giddy at the smirk and the new, playful glint in Simon’s eyes whenever he successfully showed a new trick off.” - this loser is getting charmed by MAGIC TRICKS

- “… and Grace was so rusty at it that he wasn’t much help.” - as someone raised by his grandparents, of course Grace knows how to knit.

- “After much trial and error, Simon had successfully finished his first creation: a sharp, misshapen little tree.” … “He really was only trying out trees for the time being, and he was slowly but surely improving.” - he’s trying to make the tree Eden worshiped. Not out of a sense of worship, but because it was something that was so pivotal to his life for so long that he wants something to remember it by other than the seed pendant. Even though it brought him only pain, it was still so important.

Chapter Eight - “You see the end before the beginning has ever begun”

- The lyrics for this chapter’s title are two of four from “I’d Like To Walk Around In Your Mind” by Vashti Bunyan! Once again, it’s a bit of both of them, but now we’re leaning more towards Grace thinking about Simon. He’s so certain this will all go up in flames.

- “ “… yeah. I’m, uh.. I don’t want to be cooped up in here anymore.” He was keeping his gaze downcast. “I’d like to be able to take walks w-… as well.” ” - he was trying so hard to appear nonchalant and chill and blasé here. But really he wants to go on walks with Grace. But also, truthfully, he is a bit tired of just staying at the house.

- “You need a h- helping hand putting some shoes on?” - he almost said just “need a hand” again. But he didn’t!

- “The snappiness to his tone struck in Grace’s chest, but he knew not to take it too personally. He was just scared.” - RSD moment! Even though it’s not genuinely aimed at you, sometimes it still hurts.

- “A smile ghosted Simon’s lips. It was fond, maybe.” - he’s getting better at reading Simon! And also Simon’s showing his emotions more and more.

- “An anxious sort of noise bubbled from his throat as he lifted his foot and moved to set it on the ground outside the door.” - I’ll be so honest that noise was a whimper but I didn’t want to call it that so people didn’t think of it in a freaky way. I let out that sort of noise when I’m afraid of the back door alarm going off at my work, or facing one of my phobias / triggers.

- “ “Great job!” Grace clapped his hands together as lightly as he could.” - he’s learned not to make sudden loud noises around Simon by now! For the most part.

- “Yes, yes, good job Simon. Can I drown Grace now?” - Rocky misses his best friend so much and just wants to spend stupid quality time with him

- “Simon was clearly getting winded and perhaps a bit disoriented near the end, but he kept insisting they press on.” - I imagine Simon has never had this many stairs in his life, and hasn’t had this much space to stretch his legs since the Quiet Rapture. Also, recovering from many grievous injuries will take some of the wind out of your sails.

- “Grace was cut off by Rocky grabbing his left forearm and yanking him towards the water.” - grabbing him by basically the same exact spot as he did from the fishing incident.