welcome to my twisted tea

facesitting is top tier because you dont even really have to put in that much effort. if a girl is being bratty while youre playing a game you can push me down and sit on my face and then continue playing for the next hour or so

her

yet another cosmic unfairness: a manatee is some kind of big fat dumpling beast of the sea that wants you to pet it so bad we had to make laws against doing just that for their safety

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

sorry kids daddy lost all his money betting on rhinoceros beetle fights again there won't be a christmas this year

good news babies, momma just cleared some chump of everything. Two christmases this year. God i love beetles fighting