How to Stop Porn Addiction and Masturbation
My Story
12 years of masturbation from which 8 years of masturbation while watching adult content (pictures and movies).
I am in the 7th grade at school, when I first find out about masturbation. Strange, new and not that exciting first time. Everything went normal (I think) as a young boy discovering his sexuality. However in less than 1 year I started to prefer masturbation over studying. More time went by. I have 15 years old and masturbation is my refuge. Almost every night before bed I masturbate. I start to experience the first unwanted effects: lack of energy.
More time went by and I discovered television with it’s side of adult content. Slowly I began to get a taste of masturbating while watching softcore movies on TV. At about 18 years old I get my first PC and the addiction took off. I think if I would put together all the adult movies seen, there are years of continuous pornography.
In the past years before I stopped, I used to masturbate for hours while watching porn. Looking back now, I can see clearly that while the negative effects increased, the pleasure I could get out of masturbation would decrease.
Here is a short list of undesired effects that I had, due to masturbation and porn addiction: – lack of energy – isolation from the others – lack of desire to interact with other people – low weight due to fewer and fewer meals – erection problems – desensitivity – decrease pleasure while having sex – problems keeping a the relation with girlfriend, family and friends – lack ability to socialize – less time to do other things – concentration problems – lack of interest for life
All this increased during the 12 years, until I decided to STOP. The price paid was too high and the benefits were almost none.
Here are the 3 SHIFTS that made me stop: 1. Let it go (exercise) 2. Inspiration 3. Let it go for good (exercise)
1. Let it go
deciding to stop porn addiction and masturbation
Costs and Benefits of Addiction
While the costs of my masturbation and porn addiction, were starting to be more and more visible, I realized that there are some hidden benefits. This ‘hidden’ benefits where the part that was holding me back. The process of discovering this benefits and realizing the effects, continued until I stopped. It started with 1 exercise I found on this book. The exercise is named “Falling out of love” and I adapted for my addiction.
I searched to find if the exercise it freely available online to share it here. However because I haven’t found it and due to respect for the author work I recommend that you buy the book.
Took me about 40 minutes to do the exercise. During the next weeks the results were present. I could still feel the craving, but it was manageable. I stopped watching porn and masturbation for 3 or 4 weeks. BUT There were differences!
Although I was aware that I hadn’t stopped for good, I realized that the frequency of my compulsion was down. Compared to how often I used to masturbate and watch porn, now it was down to 20-30% frequency. There were times I could control my urge and at this point I could stop after maximum 20-30 minutes, while before I would masturbate from 1 hour up-to 7 hours. As I understood that the exercise had me going in the right direction, I started to see that my mind became clearer and clearer. The only time I was getting my head all fuzzy, was the days I would engage in porn or porn and masturbation. This is how I started to compare different states I started comparing my state of mind and energy on: – times that I was watching porn and masturbate – with times that I wasn’t
2. Inspiration
the difference
The process of getting aware of the effects/benefits seemed to appear on it’s own, so I took advantage and searched for more differences. I looked at all the effects I was able to recognize; from benefits to unwanted effects. This was groundbreaking for me and now I realize the importance of this step. The entire process went both on my body and mind level. As time past by I realized that experiencing the transformation both on body and mind level, made a big difference.
Here are the ‘hidden’ benefits that I had from my porn addiction: – I wouldn’t had to deal with life challenges, as I was disappearing in the virtual world – I had the illusion that I can control my life – I was getting the most intense orgasms I ever had; although in the past years I couldn’t get anymore pleasure out of masturbation; I would kept going for hours thinking that I would at some point – I was scared of not having the refuge of porn and masturbation, so I thought I had protection from my addiction – it was easier to just open the laptop and unzip my pants, than having sex or doing anything else – I could easily avoid the work I had to do; I would just watch some porn and start masturbating for hours, until the day was almost over, then I would say: “ohhh, the day is over, I can’t do the work at this hour..” – I could easily forget about any problem/challenge I had; I would masturbate until I couldn’t keep my eyes opened so I can sleep without having to deal with my problems;
Probably there were more, but these are the ones I remember. As I write this down, I realize that back then this benefits were formulated differently. They looked much more appealing and they were formulated positively. Anyone that will go through this process will realize the power of bringing these benefits to your conscious mind as well.
3. Let it go for good
Giving a K.O. to my porn addiction
Similar to the time when I took the decision to end up my addiction, I realized that I wanted more, than to simply stop watching porn and masturbate. I had a new goal and I intended to get it.
The process of getting aware of the costs/benefits, got to a ‘critical mass’. Now I knew and I felt with every cell of my body the costs of my addiction. This is the time when I thought to set other goals as well: – for every ‘hidden benefit’ discovered I accepted it. Then I thought of how I could overcome it, what I wanted to do. For some benefits I found other ways to get them and other benefits I decided I wanted them no more, so I replace them with other benefits I wanted. – what I wanted to do with my time. Now that a big portion of my time was getting freed, I wanted to do the things I wanted to do, but never got the motivation for. – I started to look forward in my future. I started to think of how I wanted my life to look like.
Here is part of the list of the Goals I sett up about 1 year ago: – meeting interesting people; people that are great, that could inspire me in different fields of life (career, health, family) – having an amazing sex life; sex meaning sex with another person! – travel; go to places I felt I wanted to go – sports; since I was little I dreamed of doing different sports – perfect time to start some – making a group of friends that I would enjoy to go out with
While listening to someone that stopped smoking, a line got stuck in my head forever: “I said I will Stop and I simply Stopped.”
Determination and Intention
The moment I ended my addiction, was when I decided I will free myself from it and instead put all the things I wanted (the Goals I sett up). I remember that the day I took the decision, was a usual day, but I felt no longer usual. I felt different. I felt focused, like there was only 1 option for me: Live Life. So I took the exercise from the book, memorize the steps and applied it. Took about 45 minutes and I felt like it was 5-10 minutes.
From that point I simply stopped masturbation while watching pornography. The urge, the compulsion is simply a memory now. It’s gone. All is in the past.
I was talking to a businessman and he was telling me how he achieves his goals: “I walk on until I get where I want.”
A new Beginning
Since then my Goals got alive. I finally got out and I am still meeting new people that inspires me to do things I never thought I could. My sex life is getting better and better, at the same pace my relationship is getting better. Few months after stopping the addiction, I could have intense orgasms while having sex and now it’s getting usual to have great orgasms. Traveling – this is not quite achieved. Been to only few places and I want more of it. Sports – I started to practice 2 kind of sports (both are Martial Arts). I finally feel that I have a few friends I can enjoy going out or travelling with.
This is only a small outline of the benefits I experience since then. Most of the things happening now, where not included in my goals, so this is my reason of not sharing them. I prefer that you experience them on your own. The power of self experience is far beyond anything red or heard.
Comments:
1. I also had the same problem, but you have encouraged me.
2. Glad to hear it. Inspiring and encouraging others, made me to write it down. There are other success stories online, and hopefully soon enough others will send their success stories onhttp://pornaddictionend.com/write-your-story/
3. I bought the book and look forward to reading it and putting it into practice. Your story is inspiring. I hope you reach your goals and enjoy the journey towards them.
4. Nice to see you are looking forward to read the book. This kind of passion made me find this great exercises inside the book. And this is the kind of energy that will help you while you make the exercise. Remember to have fun while making the change. To solve the addiction problem the Falling out of Love exercise is perfect to make the change.
5. Just got the book and started reading it. Thanks for the encouragement.
I’m challenging myself not just to embrace the challenge, but to love the challenge and meet the challenge. The fun part for me is the inner reward from sending the beast back to its corner. Like I did a few minutes ago. One day it’ll just go away.
I’ll check out the Falling out of Love exercise.
One of your steps that makes a lot of sense to me is facing and dealing with the positive side of masturbating to porn. All I usually hear about in recovery programs is the negative side. The pleasure and escape are very real positives and can’t be ignored. They are what I have to give up to come back to much greater positives in my life. It’s a trade-off. So overcoming the addiction isn’t only about its down side. Including this in your story is very helpful to me.
Thanks.
6. Yes Martin, I found useful to look at the pleasure coming from the addiction. Looking at it now, after reading your comment, I see that this helped me to have a vision of my life free of addiction. I will explain it: Knowing both the benefits and the costs of current state helps, because if you try to lower the bar of pleasure/reward can cause pain or lack of results. Now if you know how much pleasure and pain you have inside the addiction, you can set how much pleasure and pain you want to have in a healthy way.
Problems occur mostly when you try to lower the pleasure in your life. That is something unacceptable from our body. Instead if you put together the mind and the body by keeping or increasing the pleasure in a healthy way is the way of success.
7. It’s great that you changed your life at such a young age! Quitting masturbation and porn was the best thing I ever did in my life.
8. Thanks for sharing your story. How old are you now?
9. I am 28 years now.
10. Thanks. Can I use an excerpt from your blog? I think your list of “benefits” is very insightful.
11. Yes you can. If you do so just mention the source (link).
12. i am also suffering from the same problem..i cant quit masturbation..but from now onwards i will try my best to quit masturbation…
13. Piyush, I would asses if there is a problem with masturbation (costs and benefits). Then I would look for things I want to do in life. This way you will have new things that you can do, instead of masturbating. Here is an example: instead of having pleasure (and frustration, like it was for me) from masturbation, I would aim for a healthy sex life. So I would build a relationship that can offer sex, and much more..
14. Please help me I’m deeply stuck into it
15. How do you want to be helped Pavan?
16. i also have this problem and i want to get out of all this, and i thought if i could be friends with a girl it would help me stop…. but the problem is that i’m too shy to talk to any girl.. i srsly get confused on what to say…. Plz help me on this….
17. First step is to Want. About the issue of getting “confused on what to say”, I recommend you a breathing exercise. When you feel confused, breath out all the air (push all the air out) and then let new air to come in as you naturally inhale. This exercise is meant to ‘reset’ your emotional system. Maybe the cause of confusion comes from your desire to succeed or that you were afraid to fail. In both cases, it’s a sign that you are trying hard. This is admirable and the solution is to try not that hard. So, I would remember this: exhale out all the air that you can and then let the inhalation process take new air. And the conversation will come naturally. Let us how it goes with the future girl/s. :)
18. Hi. Am Frederick and i have same addiction problem. I have tried every thing i could just to make sure i stop but all to no avail. Am writing this with a sorrowful heart because theres nothing known to man that i have not done but all to no avail. Am totaly confused.
19. Hi Frederick. I know how sorrow was for me when I realized that I haven’t stopped the addiction. It seemed that I am powerless. And this was frustrating since I didn’t want to admit that I am the only one that can make myself change. I felt alone, abandoned. What I want to say to you, is that no matter how sorrow or confused you feel, the change can be made. I made the change, and so other hundreds of thousands of people.
Before I stopped for good, it was like an ongoing back and forward game. And all this movement helped me gather new insights about the problem that I wanted to change. There where times I would think of what I wanted to be different in my life. The thing is to be specific. For example: if I would masturbate 3 hours in a day, I would’ve think to what new/different things I want to do in those 3 hours in the future (when I am addiction free). There where times when I failed and then I would think of all the unwanted consequences of the addiction in my life. When I did this I tried to connect emotionally to what I was experiencing. And eventually it came a time when I just said: enough. If you red this entire page, you will see the practical steps I took. And maybe it’s not about the solutions (steps) that I applied. It’s about that I wanted to liberate myself and I had a felling that there is only 1 possibility: success. And all this ‘magic’ decision took place in a matter of seconds.
20. I have same problem. I have masturbated so much That I have pimples and hair loss now.
Is their any way to reverse this effects please please please please tell me. first I was very handsome guy but now the story changed. I want to be a dance but now I am feeling so lack of energy. please tell me how to reverse masturbation effects
21. Hello Chetan, if you think that all those issues are caused by your masturbation, maybe it’s time to make a change. Stop the addiction and start taking what you want. Hope to hear good news from you.
22. “it came a time when I just said: enough” “Enough!” it is a great keyword!
tnx Tim, I am launching my liberation project! and I wish I could handle it! your last comment was great, there is only one posibility: “Success”
tnx again.
23. Thanks bro for this inspiring article… Well, after reading your article, you gave me the guts to share my thoughts:- Read the entire comment Here.
24. Thank you Traveler for your kind words. As your comment was so detailed and I think it can be helpful to others I made a separate page for that. Looking forward to hear great news from you.
25. u av inspired me bro .i had same prob 2
26. Sorry for the fakename thing but i dont want to be recognised I have found your article to be most inspiring for overcoming my porn addiction. This information is way better than any therapists work. Your steps help a lot. Thanx again
27. I am glad you found the article inspiring. I appreciate your feedback. Regards
28. Tim, I have been dealing with the addiction to porn and masturbation since 9th grade. I am 25 now and have had enough. I wasn’t aware of my addiction until I tried to stop. I thought I had control of it and thought it was “normal” to masturbate so often. But I was only giving myself an excuse on why I can keep doing it. Sexual thoughts run through my mind more often than not and it is very irritating. I feel like I am detached from civilization. I am in need of any help you may be able to offer. This is the first time I am speaking about it with someone other than myself. I am desperate for a change. But the urge sometimes takes control and I want to change that. Thank you…
29. Hi Deion,
they say that once we have “enough” of it we are ready to change. If I had to ask you 1 question it would be: once you leave the addiction, what are you going to do with free time you will have? What feelings do you want to have from now on? Not really a single question.. :)
Regards
30. Am 17 years old I started masturbation since I was 14 and ever since I have tried stopping no good results. I feel torn apart after each act please can you give me some advice cause I don’t want my future to get damaged by this act.
31. Hi Alex,
I had tried to end the behavior many times. I used to say to myself things like: “this time I will do it no more” or “I will control myself”. Days or weeks went by and I would get back to the bad behavior.. only to realize my self esteem was lower and lower. Looking back now, the big surprise is that the repeated “failures” helped me. It helped me to understand what I was doing wrong and what I could improve. It seems that sometimes we need to fail a few times, before we have all that it takes to make the shift. If I would be in front of you I would ask you: if your tries of stopping would be experiences (not failures) and they would tell you a story (information, advices), what would be the story? What would this experiences teach you?
32. Hey, Thank you very much. I am also in a deep want to stop it, but just too difficult to control the urge. every time i keep telling myself last time and then end up doing it again leaving me frustrated , irritated and guilty. I think i have achieved the proper motivation that i wanted to and that i have a very good motive for living a successful and a more enjoyable life, my goals pretty much are similar to yours but end up regretting myself for not doing it. Anyway, i look forward to living a better life.
Thank You.
33. Great to find out you are motivated and that you have goals for your future life. Now when you set up big goals like “quit addiction” or to change your life style, frustration can appear on every little bump. This frustration appears especially when your current situation and your destination are far away from each other. To deal with this so you can continue, an idea is to set smaller goals that will lead you to your big goals. This is a way to build your self esteem and to get things done in the same time. Hope you find your path to put down the urge and embrace your wanted lifestyle.
34. thanks man 4 sharing ua story. I ve heard this problem since I was 12. to make matters worse, I come from a staunch christian background. I ve had to deal with two different personalities but now that I ve had ua story I am more motivated than ever before to quit porn addiction and masturbation. May God bless u.
35. Thank you for your comment and I’ll wait for your next comment to share with us your results.
36. Hey guys
I’m also addicted to porn and masturbation. I was searching on the net for ways to quit then I came across this page. I’ve lost a lot of weight and my sleeping pattern if f****d up. A year ago I broke up with my girl friend because I started having erectile problems..that stressed me so much I had suicidal thoughts because I thought she was going to tell the whole world that my manliness was not working. I’ve been trying for a long time to quit but can only manage to stay a week without fapping. I’ve lost self esteem and I don’t see myself approaching any girl at the moment… I really need some kind of support since I can’t tell anyone even my own father. Will carry on reading other people’s comment to try to encourage myself to quit…
37. You may be able to overcome this easier if you change the ‘addiction’. Find something you want to have in your life (ex. a healthy relationship with a loving girl or feeling good / hobby). This way you can use the energy you used for pron and masturbation to find and build something worthwhile having in your life. And don’t be that hard if you slip a few times before you realize you changed your life. So don’t ‘quit’. Most of us hate to quit. Instead Change!
38. Hi Tim, its really nice to know you have overcome your demons, i have been an addict almost 25yrs. I have tried in the past to stop with no success, i have re-lapsed so many times its un-countable..I have kicked so many bad addictions before but i am finding this one to be very tough and challenging. your story and many others i have been reading is very encouraging. I have decided this time with god willing i will kick this habbit for good.
Tim How long have you been porn free for?
39. Hi Breese, I know it’s discouraging to re-lapse, but when you decide you really want out, all those re-lapses act as a foundation to stop the addiction. Every time you re-lapse you can learn how you did it and decide what is the change you can apply to the old strategy. About your question: I haven’t tracked the time passed, buy I think its somewhere around 2 year now.
40. Hi Tim
Thanks you for your reply, i think the biggest challange is going to be is how to fill the spare time that i will have in my hand, also the buzz of looking forward to watching the dirt. Its really like a drug and it has been stuck with me for a very long long time. I really want out and i pray god can help.
I am so happy that you have been clean for 2 years your a proper soldier.
41. Breese, finding out what you want to do with your spare time is a hanging fruit, it’s so nice to choose what you want to do. It’s so much different than the addiction when you feel you have less control, compared to choosing your favorite things to do. This is a point where things are getting noticeable, as you do something for yourself with your own approval.
And about the soldier part, thank you. Although I wouldn’t name myself a soldier. If that who had battled to change and remains a soldier afterwards, is someone that hasn’t achieved real peace, as he is still in fighting position.
42. Long time since we spoke. My story so far, i stopped using porn on the 20th Sept 2014, and today is 17th of Dec 2014. I feel really really crap at times fell like vomiting, i wonder if this still the with drawl symptoms. I dont know if i will re-lapse before it gets better or i should just fight on.
43. I think the feeling or the withdrawal is more of a mind sent, as it seems people after quitting to porn have different experiences or they describe differently their experience during the first months after ending the addiction. I did felt bad sometime after I quit, but it was like an anxiety. Something felt like I would need to ‘pleasure’ myself. But this moments occur at first stages and especially when I didn’t coped with the new experiences in my life. But after a while I began to change, as I decided more an more what I want to do in other areas of my life. Thus I no longer felt much guilt or weaknesses. Find pleasure again in your life. This time find sources of pleasure that are healthier and I am sure you will succeed and the addiction will be just …history.
45. Reading your post is somewhat like looking into a mirror. I beat the addiction before. I must beat it again. I simply found more important things to do. The challenge now is that I feel unmotivated to achieve the more important things. There are things I want from life that I have never had, there are things that I have had and I want again. I must regain hope. Thank you for making me feel “not alone.”
46. I have the same problem about porn and masturbation, but i can’t manage to leave that. Because of that I cant concentrated on my studies. I got second class.. I always have a fear that my future will be in dark and i cant achieve anything big.. I have started it since I was 16..but seven years later I an unable to leave it..please help me..
47. Take one thing at a time and solve that problem. If you couldn’t apply with success the information found on this page or in the book, then I recommend you to contact a specialist (therapists, nlp specialist). That will help you with the addiction and can also help you with what you want to achieve.
48. Hi, I am 20 years old. I started masturbating at 12. I did not know what I was doing, but now I really need to stop. Later on pornography came in as well. I need help Please.
49. Same advice I gave earlier is suited for your situation. Contact someone that can help you, if you are not able to apply the solutions I provide here or in the mentioned book.
Facts have proved that regular and strenuous exercises like cardio workout, running, and weight training, which are performed for a long period of time, cause the body to release the hormone, endorphin. This hormone acts as a stimulant and makes us feel happy and elated. It also acts as a natural painkiller. Therefore, exercise is very essential for a person with masturbation addiction as his mental and physical energy has been debilitated by the continuous misuse of his body. Having a regular, yet moderate routine of exercise would assist the addict in procuring the correct balance in his life, and would also facilitate a fast recovery from sexual exploitation. Exercise also boosts morale and confidence levels, which are very important tools needed, when wrestling to overcome the masturbation addiction.
50. Good advice. Actually any activity that promotes the overall well being is going to contribute to success.
51. Hi, when I was 14 I masturbated to pictures of shirtless men on the Internet. This was the first time I ejaculated/orgasm and since then these kind of images are the only images I can get erect too. I am a virgin and don’t find any mebln in reality sexually attractive, because I have substituted the need for real sex and a relationship with my ease to just find quick shallow fulfilment in pornography. I think I’ve struggled so long because of low self esteem and fear that I’m gay when actually I am anxiety whenk of masculine role models (alcoholic/unprotective/absent father/violent/manipulative/bisexually promiscuous brother) has caused me to fall into this perpetual addiction and some sort of anxiety mechanism. With all of this in mind could someone suggest a way out. I’m no longer depressed but need to be free so I can finally start living in my true identity as not a relationally broken man. Ps im 25 and had to leave home at 18 because of domestic abuse and my mother is absent to due to being in a psychiatric hospital. So worried that I am bipolar as well and that this will complicate proceedings. Sorry for ling message just needed to express the hurt and pain. Thank you.
52. Now that you expressed the hurt and pain, are you feeling better? Good. If you want to journey yourself to change all the things that hurt you I suggest you make your own research. There are plenty of resources (websites, books, trainings, workshops) that can guide on what you need to do to change your behavior. If you want to go straight to what’s hurting you consult with a therapist.
Thanks for your inspiring website. I’ve thrown away more time on this “hobby” than I care to elaborate on, and I’m truly sick and tired of it. It’s obvious that my porn addiction has been keeping a higher quality of life out of my reach, and I just never found the strength to admit it until recently. Stopping it scares me because it has been such a big part of my life, but what destroys porn for me, is that I understand the harm it enabled. I got hooked, I got numb and I watched the years of my youth pass me by. Somehow I woke up one day and I realized that I am an adult, yet I feel like a miserable kid on the inside, who just never got the chance to grow up. It’s time I give myself that chance.
53. Great to see more people like you that are starting to realize what they really want in life. Change can be scary or uncomfortable just because you don’t know yet how good is it going to be. Having the power to follow your goal regardless of the struggles makes the difference between those who succeed and those who haven’t yet.
54. Hi Tim
Its been a little while since we spoke, so the story so far i will like to share with you and the rest of the forum is. My last act of masturbation to porn was 20th Sept 2014 and today is the 13th Dec almost 3months. So how am i feeling after 25years of porn and suddenly giving up, i feel crap fell like vomiting, i am going through heavy withdrawal. The question is, am i going to relapse before i quit for good? or is this it?
