tw: graphic description of self harm, panic attack
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It was late at night, Lin Beifong was still sitting at her desk, signing another report. The
mountain of files next to her just wouldn‘t shrink. Her shift would have ended 6 hours ago,
but an operation out in the field had taken more time than originally planned.
It had been a triad bust, fortunately none of her officers had been injured, she herself just
had some minor scrapes, bruises and maybe a rib contusion, she simply wasn‘t quite sure of
that. Still, her whole ribcage stung with every breath she took, but it was nothing that the
chief of police couldn‘t handle.
The tiredness was creeping in her eyes and from there over her whole body, Lin knew that
she at least had to get some sleep, even though it was really hard doing so lately.
2:13 am wasn‘t even that bad for her to leave the station, in the last two weeks she had
spent more nights at headquarters than at her apartment.
Lin nodded the nightshift goodbye, they just mumbled a quiet ‘see you tomorrow, chief‘, then
she left the station on foot. It was only a twenty minute walk to her apartment house and she needed to get her head of the countless reports and files on her desk and a few minutes of
silence were perfect for that.
Even though many people thought that Republic City never sleeps, Lin Beifong knew better
than that. Nobody except for her was walking through the streets now, the only source of
light were the street lights on the sidewalk, all blinds from the apartment houses closed. The
only thing she could hear were her metal boots clicking on the ground.
For a few minutes, Lin Beifong almost felt at peace.
Then she could hear a raindrop falling onto her armour, on her right shoulder.
Then she could feel one at the top of her head.
Then she remembered why she avoided going out when it was raining.
‘‘Tell me where the avatar is and I let you keep your bending‘‘
She didn‘t know where the voice was coming from, but it was the same voice that haunted
her in her sleep.
She spun around in hectic, feeling more raindrops hit her head and running down her face.
Just the way it did back then.
She could feel hands on her back, through her armor, pushing her down on her knees.
Lin hit the cold wet ground in an instant, the feeling of a hand grabbing her neck creeping up inside of her.
Then the thumb on her forehead.
For a short moment, the world was silent again.
Then it all came crashing down on her.
Lin fell forward, nothing and nobody to hold on to. She tried to scream, but her armour
clenched too tightly around her chest.
‘Off‘ she thought ‘Off with this damn thing‘.
Her hands found the metal collar around her neck, pulling hopelessly on it again, again and
again.
Lin couldn‘t breathe, her armour tightening around her with every movement.
Why couldn‘t she bend it off?
Her breathing fastened, her hands desperately trying everything to get her armour off,
clasping around it, pushing and pulling, nothing worked. She began to choke.
Rain still drenched her hair and everything around, Lin wasn‘t sure if tears or raindrops were
running down her face.
She loved her armour, it always kept her safe in the most dangerous of situations, she
herself had designed it to be that way.
Now it was the danger itself.
Lin choked again. If she couldn‘t get the armour off soon, she would suffocate, she was sure
of that.
Lin Beifong, Metalbending Master, Chief of police and daughter of the greatest earthbender of all time, died
through the hands of her own metal armour.
She could still feel his fingers on her neck and forehead.
As her sight went black, Lin finally found the claps on her side, yanking them open and the armour off her body, a few feet away from her.
She leaned forward, choking up what was left of her lunch, sobs and spit leaving her mouth.
'Breathe Lin, just FUCKING breathe!‘
That didn‘t help to calm her down.
She was still choking and sobbing in the middle of the sidewalk, her tanktop now also
soaking wet because of the rain. It just kept going, more and more water everywhere.
The feeling of cold, familiar fingers didn‘t stop. Lin looked around, panic filled every nerve in
her body.
She only heard raindrops. The familiar sound came together with unpleasant memories.
Still on her knees, she tried to reach out to the earth with her bending, another sob escaping
her mouth when nothing happened.
She felt the clenching around her ribcage again, the cold hands on her neck still there.
She needed to get rid of that feeling.
She reached out for her armour, begging her bending to not let her down this time. A small
piece of metal flew to her hands.
And forced it through the skin of her wrist.
She did it again. And again. And again.
Warm blood was dripping down her forearm, hitting the street just like the raindrops did
around her.
Every cut went deeper than the last one.
Pain replaced the panic circulating through her veins.
Behind every cut was more force than behind the last one.
When her left forearm ran out of space, Lin switched to the right one, forcing the blade
through the perfectly good clean skin.
The clenching around her lungs stopped, leaving her just with some numb pounding and a sharp pain in her arms.
‘Get your shit together Beifong‘ she thought while she gritted her teeth.
‘Just fucking BREATHE‘.
Because of the pain in her arms, she managed to ignore the feeling of hands on her neck
and raindrops hitting her skin.
Lin was able to stand up shakily, reaching out to her armour that lay crumbled on the
sidewalk.
She pressed her eyes shut, trying to shake the helpless feeling off and burying it in some
fucked up place in her mind.
Lin made a few steps forward, picked up her armour and went as fast as she could in the direction of her apartment.
The only thing she left was a small trail of blood behind her that was washed away
immediately by the continuing rain, giving the impression that nothing of this ever happened.
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