Pocket Sized and Poly

The holidays are too stressful. There is too much pressure, too much guilt, too much stress. Being poly does NOT make that any easier.

My parents know that I’m poly. My mom accepts it but doesn’t really get it. My dad told me it is disgusting and not to bring it around his family. So explaining that my partner will likely only be joining me for one or the other of my families’ Christmases feels difficult. I know they don’t understand. And I’m so afraid that they are going to judge my partner for that. Or feel like my relationship is lesser and that I’m not valued enough by my partner. I’m afraid that they are going to judge him for always having another partner when I’ve only had one and not for that long.

I’m going to lie. I’m going to say he’s stuck working because I can’t deal with my parents potentially thinking less of my partner for it. I hate it. I hate it so much. It feels so dishonest to MYSELF. And I am having such a hard time reasoning with that. On TOP of wishing that he would be there for both.

I hate that I’m so uncomfortable with just the possibility of judgement. I hate that I’m going to lie to them and I hate that I even feelthe need to lie. I try to tell myself that it doesnt matter what others think.... but this is someone I am going to be spending my life with... i’m afraid more of what my family will think of him, and I fucking hate that so much.

Now that I have ranted and ranted, I don’t even know how to conclude this.

So I’ll just leave it at this...