Mind your manners

Imma pet them all.

Don't fuck with quiet people. They may seem calm, they may seem relaxed but rest assured, they're currently running through all the ways they could kill you and you can bet that most of them involve permanent crippling.

Do you ever just like flex your foot wrong and it cramps and you’re just like this is it, this is how it ends 

No but sometimes I get random chest pains and I smile thinking, today is the day.

THIS PERSON NEEDS A SWORD

Sard

Please kill someone with it

I tricked my friend into thinking this was real for a hot minute lmao

HOLY SHI-

RFUASDFLIUGSE

If you're not making money off this then you need to change that immediately. Your work is godlike. I legitimately assumed that this was a picture.

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

Cats only talk like that when they want to convince humans to do shit, and it works like magic.

allow me to slip into something a little more… comfortable *removes green ribbon from my neck, screaming ensues*

Are you still alive and able to consent because a detachable head isn't a deal breaker.

Sleep with Satan and kill your God

Sleep with your Draconian Illuminati Overlords and Listen to Heavy Metal

Bow down to your pain and never return

Bow down to the devil and listen to heavy metal.

Feed Satan and MEMENTO MORI

Feed your draconian illuminati overlords and remember you will die. Accurate

Bow down to Satan and remember you will die.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

They also go by PEARs

Local minor now hates pears even more than previously thought upon discovering an acronym

It's bad enough that the world is sliding down the toilet. Now pedos are, once again, trying to normalize pedophilia.

OP I think we need to have a talk about your definition of “slightly uncomfortable” because my levels of rage skyrocketed faster than it took Thanos to snap his fingers

I love this

This post has inspired me to start WW3, WW4, and WW5.

Understandable have a great day

You too.

OP I think we need to have a talk about your definition of “slightly uncomfortable” because my levels of rage skyrocketed faster than it took Thanos to snap his fingers

I love this

This post has inspired me to start WW3, WW4, and WW5.

bacon pancakes state of mind saturday

This made me happy.

Bull, blood is very difficult to wash out. Especially if you're wearing brightly colored clothes. That's two shirts down the drain just this week.

wearing the bells proudly does not make u any less of a fool and a jester

A fool is laughed at and believes he is being laughed with. A jester knows he is being laughed at and doesn't care.

Have fun in the war dumbass I’ll be at home fucking military wives

Damn. Good way to get your fucking windows kicked in

shut the fuck up and raise my son bootlicker

All fun and games until someone with 3 confirmed kills shows up at your doorstep with a baseball bat

im not at my house tho, im at yours with your wife

But he’s got shooters all over the world 🌎 even when he’s away

just shot a load in his wife

You ungrateful asshole. My bf might be fighting for your freedom and you’re here mocking him for keeping your pathetic ass safe from the threats of the world. If a war comes to our country, we’re not saving you, you dumbass ungrateful fuck up of a human being.

Your bf is fighting for oil and killing civilians and probably cheating on you he’s a scumbag, which is why I just fucked his mom to make a better son

The fool taunts the hungry dogs but the dogs have their day and the fool becomes a feast

your girl boutta be the feast soon as you get deployed boot boy

certified iconic post

I'm no super patriot, but the idea of hating our armed forces for doing what their job requires of them and claiming you're going to as you said, "fuck military wives", really demonstrates your mindset. It's hopelessly F.U.B.A.R by the way. Losing your loved one because it turns out they never loved you to begin with isn't funny. I'm all for dark fucked up jokes but that's just needlessly cruel. I hope you're not actually planning on doing this, I also hope you get the mental help you very clearly need.