AMOR AC DELICIÆ

it’s just a rollercoaster of emotions going around in there, i feel like i should just let it out or else i’ll go insane.

i never thought the i was a bad person until this summer.  people who know me would tell you that i always try to make them happy; even though sometimes i fail, i never wanted to hurt anybody. but right now, there is this thing that’s been devouring me for a while.

it crawls at the back of my stomach and it seems to be demanding of sadness, anger, frustration. most of the time i manage to ignore it, but at night i feel it and it makes me tremble to my bones. 

it’s scary to think that such a feeling could overthrow me at any moment, so i’ve tried to be numb for the past couple of weeks.

however, “numb” is not enough for me. i always liked feelings, they always made me happy but now i’m scared of them again and this couldn’t get any worse.

i don’t want to go back to the way i was a couple of years ago, i didn’t like it and i never will.

i don’t recognize myself anymore. i miss the way i used to be just a year ago. i think, no matter how i tried to conceal it, something broke. and it hurts and i don’t want it.

luckily i have people with me who don’t want that, either. they help me so much,  even when they don’t know it. i hope i will get better soon, because this situation is really starting to stink.

DIANA (lt. dium » “heavenly” or “divine”)