live like a movie; change the scene.

that’s easily a Jesus cameo

he died

🌽: why did the tomato blush 🍅: why 🌽: because he saw the salad dressing 🍅: lol girl with septum piercing: honestly it didn’t even hurt

the fact that obama got called in on jury duty is hilarious. imagine you’re in court on some petty misdemeanor like a traffic violation and fuckin obama is there in the jury 

then perish

Why is apple so obsessed with making very thin things at the expense of power and features

“Yeah my computer doesnt have an hdmi, but at least it’s so thin and fragile that typing too hard could split the computer in half”

The sooner you acknowledge that Apple is a fashion company and not a technology company, everything else makes sense

im a simple gal. people raise their voices at me, i cry for an hour

The most relatable moment from spongebob for me is when he went over to Sandy’s house for the first time and was too polite and socially nervous to tell her he was slowly dying

me: hello me, internally: did i say too much

she gets it

Reminder that Obamacare open enrollment starts today and has been shortened to a 6 week period because the president is an animal.

This was posted November 1, 2017. Also remember that signup will be down on Sundays to further sabotage the process.

please stop asking me to wake him up. he is in his chrysalis and he will come out when he his ready.