I know it's a lie, I want it to be true*

😝

Brown

I haven't posted my face in here in so long & I never take pictures anymore but I'm fucking in my 30s now. Can't believe I've had this account that long. Also America is disappointing. I'm trying to gtfo. Okay bye

Everyone I love is pretty much dead. I had a friend die of liver failure from alcoholism, I've had another die in motorcycle accident, another died in October that I knew from high school from an overdose two days before she was supposed to be the MOH in our best friends wedding. I had to stand in & sign the marriage certificate & it felt wrong. This all within the last year. I lost my mom @ the height of covid before it was even declared a pandemic 3 years ago. I had to pull the plug on her when her heart was failing. Worst day of my life. It still feels fresh like an open wound I can't close. I just haven't been doing good mentally. People I thought would be there just haven't been. My aunt died in January. She was my last family member left of my mom's side. I lost my daughter cat five days after I got back from a cross country trek with my deceased aunt's cat I couldn't leave behind & family heirlooms. 4 days in a van with a cat & some boxes. It was the loneliest I had ever felt. I only have 3 family members left in the entire world & I rarely ever get to see them. It's been a lonely existence for me & it won't get better. It hurts everyday. I got formally diagnosed with ADHD & navigating the PDA & demand avoidance now that I know what it is is so stressful. People are mad @ me for unmasking & don't understand where I'm coming from & I'm sick of being misunderstood. I feel like a kid on the verge of tears half the time. Don't know what I'm even doing alive anymore tbh. I'll be 30 in a couple of weeks & idk how I'm going to live the rest of my life like this cause this is not something I can just adjust to. To put the icing on the cake, I'm losing my therapist the 1st because he got a residency elsewhere from where I live. There's no one around to help get me through it.