I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was… Not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you.
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@platinum-rain
I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was… Not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you.
Mhairi McFarlane (via 5000letters)

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I miss the laid back person I used to be. I miss trusting people. I miss being free of the anxiety and over thinking. Take me back 10 years. I would do so many things differently. Please?
It's been a while.
I guess I don't post on here so much now because I am so busy. Still renovating my house and I'm still with Tom. I don't know how he puts up with me. I used to be so laid back and chilled out. As you can imagine my trust issues are massive and that's really taking a toll on the relationship. He says I'm worth it. I hope he continues to think that way. 10th July 2016.
Busy Busy Busy.
Hi. I haven’t posted for a while, sorry about that. I’ve been busy over the festive period and I’ve been spending all my free time with Tom.
We’re officially together. Since 27th December. Started the year as we mean to go on.
It might be time to start a new blog. One that’s more positive and doesn’t remind me so much of the bad times. This blog was set up for one reason…because I needed to vent.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d get so much support from people. I never thought that people would relate to how I was feeling or maybe even admit to having an affair. I was naive.
I’ve made friends on here. Friends I now speak to regularly on social media. It’s stage how you can connect with people via tumblr. People you otherwise have nothing in common with. I am thankful for tumblr for this reason.
I hope you’ve all had a fantastic Christmas and new year.
2016 - the year I finally get what I want. My house and a man who puts up with all my trust issues and neurotic ways. Happy new year.
2nd Jan 2016
New sleeve additions. Birdhouse, rose and birds. Also newest one on my inner elbow. Succulent plant 😍

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I just got a tattoo of one of these plants. Beautiful.
Anxiety and Trust
So. I am still dating Tom. When we're sober and together it's fantastic and there's not one little bit of doubt in my mind about him. I trust him. That is until he is drinking.... He was absolutely mortal with his friends last night and tonight he's at his work Christmas party. Being an ex other woman I find it impossible to trust anyone. I guess that's my karma. My ex also was perusing a work colleague behind my back. Maybe I'll always be second best. Maybe I'll always be cheated on for what I did. Maybe there'll always be someone else out there better for him than I am. The anxiety I feel tonight is absolutely unbearable. I feel physically sick. He told me today he can be trusted whether he's drunk or not. Why can't I just believe him? I'm going out of my mind with worry. I am seeing him Monday. I just need it to be Monday. He's out again tomorrow night, I can't take a 3rd night of this. 5th December 2015.
The next chapter.
It’s coming to the end of 2015 and at the beginning of this year I was still writing about AH. I’m now over him and I no longer have anything to say about him.
Our relationship was long (5 years) and it was never going to be real. I loved him and he loved me but we were never really meant to be. I was very wrong about that. I'm not sad any more. I don’t feel that gut wrenching pain of being second best. Never again! Since mid September I’ve been chatting to Tom. Someone I met through tinder. Which usually means they’re after one thing. It was over a month of chatting before Tom and I met in person. On 24th October we met. Things have been pretty great ever since. I don’t get that gut feeling that he’s up to no good. Not like I did with the recent people I’ve dated. Its early days. We’re getting on well and getting to know each other. I don’t know if we will end up together. I don’t even know if I want to end up with him. I just know I enjoy his company. He makes me laugh. 15th November 2015

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My new tattoo. I'm sorry I've been a little but quiet. There's not really been anything happening to tell you about. Boring every day life. 21st Oct 2015
It was sunny yesterday. It made me feel happy. ☺
Just like that.
Things change.
I literally have heard nothing from Chris yesterday. He’s totally ignored 2 messages I have sent him. He’s been on social media so I know he’s read them.
I don’t know how someone can act one way one day then totally different the next.
I can tell you why. He’s weak and had his head turned. I know it.
I don’t like the complete lack of respect. He’s been so cruel and unfeeling. I believed he wasn’t like that.
Fucks sake.
I have spent my night shift feeling sick to my stomach and totally anxious as hell. I’m upset. I don’t deserve to be treated with this lack of thought.
Maybe this is my karma. I probably deserve it.
04/09/2015
So much uncertainty
I just want to be settled. I'm renovating a house. I hate my job. I'm dating. When will I just be happy and content. That is all I want. Surely that isn't too much to ask for? I'm waiting on confirmation from Chris if I am seeing him on Friday. Why do I have a feeling he's holding out for something better coming along? ANXIOUS. 03/09/2015

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🙌 keeping it calm, cool, and collected. Be diligent in what you do and trust the process 💛 #challengeyourself #stressfree #blessed #faith #trust #growth #progress
Yeah. I understand and the last thing I want is to be the rebound. I definitely think that taking some time apart will be good right now. I'm going into my final year at uni so I'll be super busy and I won't have much time to hang out I guess!!!
I hope you're feeling ok about all of this. It's a massive deal. And remember to think about what you want. Not just that this situation is happening to you. Do you want it. Remember to be selfish.