Rafflesia heckbotii

“everyone is mad at me and they just won’t tell me” —> “no one has said anything about being mad at me and i haven’t done anything to warrant being mad at so if someone is silently fuming about me and not saying anything that’s their problem and actually quite weird of them and i can effortlessly move on with my life”

this took SUCH a huge deal of unlearning because, like so many of you, i came out of a home where being quietly in trouble WAS the default state, and i DID grow up not just with the assumption but borderline religious conviction that Everyone Is Mad At Me, I Am Bad, I Must Exist In A Constant State of Attempting to Pacify The Natural Rage I Inspire In Everyone. and no it actually turns out that my family are the freaks . and yours are too

I'm learning to express my anger at people who cross my lines and boundaries and I don't know if I'm a shit communicator but it never pans out as imagined and they rarely even meet me half way or even care and it usually involves the other party just vanishing because talking is scary. Then I feel like I'm just perpetually irrational :/