lucy

FUCK ME

sumarry: matt can’t see any good at all, but sunshine sees the good in everything.

warnings: depression, thoughts, anxiety, loneliness, emotional distress

sunny was never late. if anything, she was usually early. she liked having time to settle down, organize her things, and prepare herself before classes started. that was why rushing through the crowded hallways of a brand-new school on her very first day felt like a complete disaster.

she hurried down the hallway, holding her bag tightly against her shoulder while trying not to trip over her own feet. her heart was beating fast from both running and nervousness.

first day. new school. new people. new everything.

after a quick meeting with the principal, she finally found the classroom she was looking for.

physics.

taking a deep breath, she straightened her sweater, fixed her skirt, and gently knocked on the door. “come in.” sunny pushed the door open. the classroom immediately fell silent.

the teacher stopped talking. every student turned to look at her. for a moment, sunny felt completely frozen. she offered a nervous smile.

her blonde hair rested neatly on her shoulders, her blue eyes quickly scanning the room while she tried not to panic. she looked confident on the outside, but inside she could already feel anxiety twisting in her stomach from all the attention.

“um…good morning, i—”

“you must be sunshine.” the teacher’s voice interrupted her. sunny blinked. “oh…yes. i’m sorry i’m late, i—”

“go sit down.” his serious tone made her stop immediately. “okay.” she nodded politely and smiled again before looking around the room.

there was only one empty seat left. all the way in the back. her heart sank. she hated sitting in the back. she always preferred sitting near the front where she could focus and hear everything clearly.

but she didn’t have much of a choice. carefully, she walked between the rows until she reached the empty desk. someone was already sitting beside it. a boy wearing a black hoodie. hood up. head lowered.

for a moment sunny wondered how he wasn’t getting in trouble for wearing it in class. but she quickly pushed the thought away. she never liked judging people she didn’t know. quietly, she sat down and then she smiled at him.

“i’m sunshine.” the boy slowly turned his head. his face was pale. tired. his dark eyes met hers for a brief second. then he simply looked away and turned back toward the front.

sunny blinked. but she didn’t take it personally. instead, she smiled to herself and opened her notebook.

the boy’s name was matt. most people didn’t know much about him and honestly, matt preferred it that way. he wasn’t the type to start conversations. he wasn’t the type to tell people what was happening inside his head. especially not now. he spent most of his days moving through life quietly. helping people when they needed something. being there when someone asked. listening when others talked.

because he knew what it felt like to need help and not know where to find it. but when it came to himself…he never asked. not out loud.

a few minutes later, matt felt gentle tap on his shoulder. he turned. sunny was smiling again. this time she looked slightly embarrassed.

“um…do you have a pen i could borrow?” her voice was soft and polite. matt looked down at his desk. he only had one. his only pen. without saying a word, he handed it to her.

sunny’s face immediately brightened. “thank you.” she smiled before returning to her notes. matt didn’t answer. he simply looked forward again.

he didn’t care that he couldn’t write anything now. it didn’t seem important. nothing really did.

a few moments later, he glanced toward sunny. she was carefully writing in a pink notebook. her handwriting looked neat and organized.

a few strands of blonde hair kept falling into her face while she focused on the teacher. every now and then she would tuck them behind her ear before continuing to write.

she listened carefully. completely focused. completely unaware that matt was watching her. there was something strange about her. something bright. something warm.

her floral perfume lingered faintly in the air around them. it was distracting. far more distracting than the lesson. matt looked away. yet somehow he found himself glancing back again.

and again.

and again.

eventually the bell rang. chairs scraped across the floor as students started packing their bags.

sunny carefully placed her books back inside her backpack. before leaving, she turned toward matt. she held out the pen.

“thank you.” he took it. sunny smiled one last time and then she left the classroom.and somehow the room felt a little emptier after she was gone.

later that afternoon, matt walked through the front door of the house. he barely made it inside before hearing laughter.

“chris, stop that!” aubrey was laughing uncontrollably while trying to push him away. chris only laughed harder. then he noticed matt. “look who’s finally home.” matt sighed immediately. “how was your day?” chris asked.

“leave me alone.”

“wow. somebody’s grumpy.”

aubrey giggled. matt grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen.

“seriously brother,” chris continued. “what happened today?” matt took a long drink. “people.”

“people?” chris asked and matt sighed. “people who act like life is just sun and flowers.” aubrey and chris exchanged a quick look.

then aubrey smiled slightly. “speaking of sun…” matt already looked annoyed. “there’s a new girl at school.” chris raised an eyebrow. “oh?”

“sunshine or something.” the second aubrey said her name, matt immediately rolled his eyes and looked away. aubrey noticed instantly.

“ohhhh.” chris looked at her in confusion. “what?” aubrey pointed toward the kitchen where matt was standing. “matt, you’ve already met her.” for a second chris stared blankly. then realization suddenly hit him.

“ohhhh.” a grin spread across his face. “new girl for matt.”

“shut up, both of you.” matt immediately grabbed his water bottle and headed toward the stairs. behind him, aubrey started laughing. “i think she seems nice.”

“you should talk to her.” said chris to aubrey. “maybe i will.”

meanwhile, matt closed his bedroom door and leaned against it. for some reason, he could still remember her smile.

across town, sunny sat beside her bedroom window. the evening sun painted the room with soft golden light. her diary rested open on her lap. she had been writing in it every day for almost two years.

every memory. every thought. every feeling. carefully preserved on paper.

she smiled while writing about her first day. the new school. the new classroom. the teachers. the students.

the strange boy in the black hoodie who barely said a word. she wrote that the day had been wonderful. she wrote that everything was fine. that she loved her new school. that she was excited for tomorrow.

but when she paused and reread the page, she frowned slightly. because the truth wasn’t quite that simple. the teacher had been annoyed with her. someone laughed when she spilled juice on herself at lunch. the boy beside her barely acknowledged her existence. and she had spent most of the day feeling nervous.

so why was she writing that everything was perfect?

was it really perfect?

or was she trying to convince herself that life was always supposed to be sunshine and flowers?

she didn’t know.

so she closed the diary and stared out the window instead.

in another room across the city, matt sat quietly beside his own window. the house was silent. the evening sky had already turned dark.

he stared outside for a long time. lost in thoughts he couldn’t explain. thoughts he never shared. for weeks he had felt trapped inside his own head.

exhausted.

alone.

unable to see anything ahead of him.

but today had felt different. not because anything important happened. not really.

for the first time in a long time, matt found himself wondering about tomorrow. wondering what would happen if he stayed. wondering if maybe there was still something left worth waiting for.

author’s note: i already love them !! 🤍 let me know if you want to be on taglist