Kus suitsu, seal tuld

The Chaotic Good

A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society.

Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit.

Chaotic good can be a dangerous alignment when it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves.

Noa looked at Piret for a moment, not too long, not wanting to meet her eyes. So she looked elsewhere. She saw the bag and wondered what was in there. Food most likely, maybe that’s why she was in the kitchen. Despite being interesting in what was in the bag, Noa still listened to Piret. At the question of how she was doing, Noa brought up the apple in her hand. “Uh, hungry,” she answered shortly before giving a smile and taking another bite. She looked up, only meeting Piret’s eyes briefly before looking at her forehead. It was weird, but she didn’t want to be rude. Noa wasn’t rude. Sure, a bit too blunt sometimes but she never wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings. At the apology, Noa’s face softened, not wanting Piret to feel apologetic. Did she regret it? Should they regret it? However, she didn’t want Piret to blame herself for anything, to make herself feel bad. That was far from what Noa wanted. Still not sure exactly what she did want, but she knew what she didn’t. “Hey,” she she took a step, setting the apple on the nearest counter before walking over to Piret. Her steps were slow, very conscious of the distance they were erasing between the two of them.

“You don’t turn anything into shit,” Noa reassured offering a small smile. Nothing was especially bad in that night. Maybe rushed, maybe bold, but not bad. Not bad at all. “So, don’t–don’t apologize.” Noa swallowed roughly, still not sure if Piret regretted it only because she thought Noa didn’t like it or if she too felt it was a huge jump forward. “I would be there for you, any night, any place. Life can get lonely sometimes, I get that.” She looked at Piret. “And you shouldn’t ever feel like you’re alone, okay? I’m here–we’re all here, but I am here. Most likely right here in this place,” she chuckled softly looking around the kitchen. She bit her lower lip, unsure of what to say next. How does she tell her she wanted it but felt like she shouldn’t get it at the same time? Sighing, she smiled at the compliment. “You’re not bad yourself, you know? Even if you were drunk and tasted of alcohol.” Noa teased her, her smile widening. “Honestly, drunk kisses aren’t supposed to be that great, but yours is up there, definitely.”

Piret couldn’t say anything, merely watch Noa as she came closer, and crunch up the paper of the bag in her hand without even noticing. There was a dumb hope in her that she had to name in order to realize how idiotic and destructive it was; the hope that Noa was coming closer to wrap her arms around her, Piret’s, shoulders again and kiss her again, And that hope existed because Piret knew that this was apparently the only language she knew how to speak, the only way in which she could ever be close to the people she wanted to be close to her. Hearing Noa speak was heartbreaking then, a reminder of how she had told herself that she should be talking instead of kissing, and trying to understand instead of taking her embarrassing shortcuts. She didn’t deserve that level understanding, not her who had been trying so hard to get better for so long. “I thought you were supposed to apologize when you feel bad about what you’ve done to someone”, Piret got out, a sentence rehashed nearly verbatim from her therapist, and one that she now regretted nearly instantly. Way to reveal the extent of her emotional dyslexia.

Piret stared at her paper bag and in spite of herself found herself giggling. “That’s this huge part of why I joined as well. Because I was so tired of all this sitting in my apartment on my own in the evenings, feeling like the world is passing me by. So yeah, this is my home now, yeah.” That wasn’t a response to the essence of what Noa had said, Piret realized that, but it was a response to the brunette’s words, and Piret felt like she should say something or she would burst. She had to find the empty words didn’t help much, only felt like stalling, because she knew what she had to say, had known ever since she’d lain in bed awake after Noa had flown her home. And talking about their kiss turned out to actually have been a greater icebreaker than she would have expected, and Piret found herself smiling: “I suppose I have the Bailey’s to thank for that. Bailey’s kisses. I told you that, didn’t I? But I guess I need to say sorry for all the crap I had on top of that.” With a deep breath, Piret grabbed her breakfast bag again, and forced herself to look Noa in the eye to deliver the words she had been working towards, the words that would make her the person she was supposed to be: “Look, if you just wanna be friends, I can do that. We can do that. I can just shove my food into the microwave here, and then you can take your food, and I can take my food, and we can go into the sitting room and have breakfast, and you can remind me of all the embarrassing crap I said last night, because I’m pretty sure I don’t remember all that crap, and then if you have questions about that crap, I will answer all of them truthfully and we can laugh about it, and we can pretend me telling that shit is the only thing that happened that night. I can do that if you want us to do that.” And already as she said it, Piret had to find she wasn’t entirely sure she could really pull that off. But she would try, to become a better person. To stop hurting the people she cared about. Starting with Noa, whose lips she would have killed for to feel again on her own. But now, all she felt was the touch of her fingers on the rough paper of the deli bag. 

Noa had been meeting with the younger Rogues as directed by Erica, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t been thinking about what happened with Piret nights ago. It was sort of in the back of her mind, always, but like other things, she could forget about them for a bit until her mind went silent and that was all that could think about. She wanted to talk about it, it was always better to talk things out rather than let them fester. At least when they involved other people and not just herself. She wondered if Piret had it on her mind as well. Truth be told, Noa wasn’t sure where to go from it. She liked Piret, she liked kissing her, but there was more to it then that, wasn’t there? She worried she might be reading things wrong and maybe all Piret wanted was a one-night stand and not a relationship. Noa didn’t know what she was afraid of more, that that was the truth, or that it wasn’t.

Noa’s stomach led her to the kitchen and she opened the refrigerator door and took a peek inside, crouching down to grab at an apple. She studied it for a bit, standing back up to close the door before taking a bite and turning to continue on her way only to spot Piret. Her eyebrows raised in slight shock, but she smiled as she chewed, despite feeling a knot in her stomach. Letting out a soft sigh, she leaned against the fridge. “Hey,” she greeted. “It’s good to see you. How–how’ve you been, man?” she added. Noa knew they had to talk about things, but she was afraid it was going to lead down a path she didn’t want. What did she want, anyway? She didn’t know. She hadn’t known for a while. Things used to be so easy before everything. If this were seven, eight years ago, she would have gladly tried to start something with Piret, but now, there was an apprehension created by the paranoia plaguing her mind. And she worried that paranoia would hurt someone she cared about.

The night with Noa at the bar was by no means the first time Piret had woken up after a night out drinking only to feel the embarrassment of gradually returning memories burning on her cheeks all day. The difference was that usually, she had been able to solve the entire mess by resolving never to set foot into that particular bar again (she had a bad track record there) and to never talk to the person in question again (Piret played Champions’ League when it came to that). But this was different for two reasons. First, Piret knew she couldn’t avoid Noa forever - the Rogues were supposed to be her ticket to a better future, so she would run into Noa sooner or later again during their work for the group. Second, and more importantly, Piret cared. And while she first frantically tried to keep busy with work and errands in order to have an excuse not to set foot into the mansion, and then frantically tried to find as much time as possible to lounge around at Gavin’s place without yet knowing for certain what she would tell Noa, the realization grew in Piret that maybe the most important thing was to make sure that she would still be able to be around Noa. In whichever way. But in order for that to be possible, they would have to talk. So after a night shift and getting a bagel and coffee from deli on her way back, Piret made her way back to the mansion, heading for the kitchen for cream cheese.

She saw Noa before Noa saw her, and first stood frozen with her deli bag in hand, lowering it only when Noa began to talk, a light smile of relief on her face. “Way too tired. Just had a night shift. How bout you?” Already, the silence was getting too long for Piret’s taste. Maybe she should be going to get the cream cheese from the fridge now, but Piret found that she was afraid that if she was to do so, she would break that resolve of hers that still felt far too shaky. And Noa leaning on that very fridge gave Piret an extra push. So she continued standing in the doorway, weighing the bag with the bagel in it in her hand. “I’m really sorry about what happened. I’m always like that, you know. When I feel good about someone, I tell them all that stupid stuff that nobody wants to hear. And then I make up dumb stories about why I need to kiss them because I’m bad at being friends with people I care about. Even though they maybe would prefer that. I guess I’m like that king for whom everything he touches, it turns to gold. Except everything I touch turns to shit.” She had to give a dumb smile at how accurate that sounded. The words being off her chest felt like a weight had been lifted, as Piret had spent way too long ignoring the various construction sites her life was littere with. So a flicker of a smile could flitter across her lips again, and Piret relaxed enough to lean against the doorpost, finally putting down her food on the kitchen counter. “You kiss really well though. Don’t know if anyone’s told you that before.”

“Uh,” Mary looked back at the bag, really focusing on it as she pushed her glasses up. She hadn’t thought about the price. Looking back up at the other woman, she gave a sheepish smile as she took the offer to feel the bag. “I really couldn’t tell. Maybe I need better glasses,” she joked. “I just liked the color. And really? Your eyes? I thought it was your clothes, but I wouldn’t consider myself an expert.”

“It’s not about seeing. It’s about feeling. Like if you can feel that the fabric is just a tiny bit uneven, that’s the real deal. You can usually tell something is artificial by how it’s just too smooth and too...symmetrical, you know?” Of course she shouldn’t be buying anything that deserved the label the real deal...so maybe buying something for someone else would be a good replacement? It wasn’t quite as good for shutting up the nagging voices inside her, but it sometimes did its job. “Well, matching it with your clothes really is the basic requirement, I would say. It’s probably more like, if you get that wrong, people will notice, and not in a good way.” Piret raised an eyebrow. “How about I find you a bag with my method so you can see for yourself if it makes a difference?”

Mary was shopping, looking for pretty much anything. She was just killing time until she met up with Adam. As she moved to the scarves, she saw someone come up to her. Not sure if they were speaking to her, she only glances at the other woman then back at the scarves then back at her, until their eyes meet. “Oh! Um, pink,” she said with a sheepish smile. Mary was always a sucker for pink.

Piret lowered the hand holding the blue bag and turned to inspecting the pink one. More expensive one. She would’ve hoped for a different answer but hey, maybe this was fate. She ran her fingers over the tantalizingly smooth calf leather: “Yeah, that’s the more expensive one. You can see that, right?” She held the handbag out for the other blonde to feel: “Calf leather. You know, someone once told me you should match your handbag to your eyes?”

Someone had to be the voice of reason here. Someone had to have a clear head, but it had been so long for Noa to just feel the intimacy of another person and it turned her brain into mush. Piret was gorgeous and she never would have expected something like this to happen so soon. There was so many things she needed to change. The anxiety, the nightmares, it would be too much for someone other than Noa to handle. She wouldn’t want to burden Piret like that. Burden someone who needed that sense of perfection. It was stupid really. Noa was well aware that keeping things to yourself did more harm than good, but how could she rely on someone who was barely making it on her own. Piret was dealing with a lot and for Noa to add to it… it just seemed selfish. Besides, if things went to far, if Piret found out why she dealing with so much anxiety, why she had those nightmares… after a while she wouldn’t be able to blame it on Nexus and who would want to be with someone after learning what a monster they were?

It was cliche, the feeling of Piret’s lips still lingered even as she slowly pulled away. Noa wanted to lean in further to continue, but her wings were struggling to remain calm and steady and not erratic like the rest of her. A breathy laugh escaped Noa’s lips as she opened her eyes and looked at Piret. She knew what it would mean to take Piret home and while part of her wanted to continue on with it, her reason was returning. “I’ll take you home,” she said, looking into Piret’s eyes, trying to find the person who would agree that tonight was not the night. She hoped her next words wouldn’t hurt Piret, that was the last thing she wanted to do. “You’re drunk, P.” She attempted a laugh to lighten things. “You wanna remember this, yeah? Yeah,” She added a little softer than her previous words, trying to appeal to Piret’s sensitive side. It just wasn’t right. The kissing shouldn’t have happened, but Noa was glad it did. But not right now. Right now she had to take a drunk girl home and her wings started to flap to get her moving.

If Piret had to pick one thing, one tendency about herself that had made her keep screwing things up (and still continued to do so, if she was honest), it was the fact that she apparently was unable to leave off with an appetite No, she was far more likely to keep gorging herself to the point of nausea; the tingling setting in being her tipping point, the goosebumps a sure-fire way of knowing she was still alive and breathing. She would have wanted to drag her lips further downwards, feel the skin on Noa’s throat and chest with its warmth a contrast to the chilling night’s air, and later, in the light of her room (good sign she could picture the room light, right? Progress) study her skin and finally feel protected again. Like she mattered. 

When Noa started to speak, Piret tried to face her with a gaze of practised nonchalance that didn’t belie her thoughts, with limited success. But you had to be cool about these things, that was part of it all, right? And at first, Piret could still smile as she took I’ll take you home the entirely wrong way, a smile so radiant it reflected the way her heartbeat had sped up. It took a while for what Noa was getting at to sink in. When it did, Piret buried her face where Noa’s neck met her shoulders, mumbling into the other’s skin: “I’m not that drunk,” mumbling because she knew that she was lying. But did being drunk really mean that what you were doing didn’t mean anything? Piret didn’t believe that, but her head was spinning too much for her to argue that point. A mumbled “Yeah” was followed by an even more muffled “isn’t doing something more important than memories” that Piret hoped Noa wouldn’t hear, because as soon as the words had passed her lips she realized that she was doing exactly the one thing that she always seemed to be bound to do when she cared for someone: Too much too soon, when in actuality you had to pretend that you really didn’t care. Anything else left you with embarrassment the next day, and in the long run, with a whole bunch of ruined would-be relationships you wouldn’t want to touch with a ten-foot pole. And having the option of being around Noa meant too much to Piret in order for her to let that happen. Surely she could pull herself together for the sake of shared future laughter in the mansion’s livingroom? So Piret draped her chin over Noa’s shoulder, focusing on her voice for a moment to make sure she wouldn’t sound like she was going to cry: “Yeah, yeah, let’s go home.” And then, switch the topic - not so hard when they were surrounded by water: “Did I ever tell you that I used to be terrified by water? Like when I was kid, I couldn’t go into the sea without wanting to cry Pretty ironic, hu?”

Caleb: What’s the worst thing you did for money? 

I haven’t, like, slept with people for money in that way. But I have probably convinced myself that it would be a good idea to sleep with someone because I knew that they had money, in the belief that I would end up with fancy holidays or clothes or what have you. Yeah, you can find the weirdest things romantic, right? 

Dominique: Do you prefer working on something hands-on or perfecting the study of its theory?

I’ve never been good at perfection in any case, particularly with stuff related to studying, so I’ve only ever had the option of being hands-on. Hasn’t served me all that badly, I like to believe. 

Grace: Compare yourself to someone historic

Seth: Do you believe in afterlife?

Only if by “afterlife” you also mean “going down in history” or “living on in people’s memories”. If you do, then yes, absolutely, that thought fuels me. If you don’t then….I don’t know, really? I’m from the Soviet Union so I wasn’t raised religiously at all, so I’ve never really thought about that stuff. I know that some people who had near-death experiences end up seeing God and angels and all that jazz as they die, but I didn’t, so I have no idea and I don’t really think about that stuff as long as the here and now holds so much excitement. 

Nami: If you could redo or remake an event in the past, which would it be?

Put someone's name in someone's askbox and have them answer it. (And you should really do this because this took me forever, ok? I hope I didn't miss anyone.)

Adrian: How long can you stay put in one place?

AJ: What is your dream job?

Akala: What are your quirks?

Allison: Have you ever been spoiled?

Ana: What is one thing you take pride on?

Andrew: Is there anyone you want to hide from?

Ash: Have you ever been spoiled?

Arthur: If there was one thing you could keep forever, what would it be?

Bruce: Are fish friends or food? (/cannot)

Caleb: What's the worst thing you did for money?

Chizuko: Are you a descendant of royal blood or famous politicians?

Christina: If there was one thing in your physical appearance you could change, what would it be?

Christopher: Was there ever a loss that inspired you to do something more?

Claire: When was one time you pushed yourself to the limit?

Cody: How long are you willing to wait for something/someone you love?

Darren: If you could be two places at one time, where would you go?

Darryl: When was one time you fought for what you believed in?

Death: Would you rather live a simple life or a life of glory?

Dominique: Do you prefer working on something hands on or perfecting the study of its theory?

Emmett: How long can you hold your temper?

Ethan: What changes do you want to make in this world?

Francis: What was one thing you wanted to fix but couldn't?

Famine: Given a chance to choose an object and have unlimited access to that object, what would it be?

Gavin: If you are given a million dollars to spend on one thing, what would it be?

Grace: Compare yourself to someone historic.

Henry: What was the weirdest dream you've had?

Iris: How would you survive if you were left to live alone as a teenager?

Jack: Any strange fetishes (e.g. gingers)? LOL JK. The srs question is "In what ways do you show your gratitude?"

Jacob: Do you prefer doing tasks alone or with someone else?

James: What is your family like?

Jean: If you could write yourself in a story, what kind of story would it be?

Jon: What was one thing you lost that changed your life entirely?

Katelynn: Do you take pride in being different?

Kiara: If you could turn into any mythical creature, what would you be?

Leah: Have you ever had dejavu?

Lily: What activities do you feel you are best at?

Lyla: What's your favorite book?

Mason: Tell us a ghost story.

Meredith: Have you ever had a friend who your parents thought influenced you badly?

Mikhail/Nikolai: What is one thing you hate with a passion?

Molly: When was one time you felt particularly rebellious?

Moria: Have you ever allowed someone to manipulate you using your weakness?

Nami: If you could redo or remake an event in the past, which would it be?

Natsumi: Do you allow yourself to be controlled by society's standards?

Neal: Describe the your favorite color without saying the name of that color.

Nico: Do you know any magic tricks?

Olive: If there was one place in the world you could go for an adventure, where would it be?

Paivi: What's one wish you had that came true?

Peter: Do you allow other people to suffer the way you have?

Pestilence:

Rae: Would you rather be in the dark and see the light or in the light and not know what's in the dark?

Rayya: Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Riley: Have you ever second-guessed decisions in your life when you were already neck-deep in the activity?

Samuel: What would you do if you were given the chance to gain power?

Selma: Do you know how to speak in another language? If so, say something in that language.

Seth: Do you believe in afterlife?

Simon: Have people ever been wrong with their first impression on you?

Sophia: Have you ever been left behind?

Sylar: What demons you are trying to escape?

War: What ticks you off?

Virgine: What do you think about flirting with someone only to leave suddenly?

Vivian: Do you think yourself above most people?

Tracy: Were you ever placed on 'thin ice'? How did you get out from the situation?

Tori: What's your way of getting out of a sticky situation?

Noa couldn’t help but grin at Piret’s corny comment and she hoped Piret knew that she loved it. Noa loved… love. She loved the romance, she loved the emotion that came with it. While she enjoyed Piret’s company and found her so very attractive, could she know for sure it was love? Noa didn’t think anyone could every know for sure, just succumb to the emotion you felt, just go along for the ride and know no matter what happened, you allowed yourself to feel and that comes with the risk of being hurt but Noa’s always been a risk taker. And with Piret? She’d be willing to plunge down into the seas for even the briefest affair.

At the moment the kiss was returned, Noa was glad her wings moved as natural and automatic as she breathed, but even then a breath could hitch at a moment’s notice and that’s exactly what her wings did, but the movement wasn’t too obvious. They quickly regained their composure and Noa knew she couldn’t focus on anything other than the feel of Piret’s lips on her own for much longer this time. She longed to be able to feel her hand on Piret’s cheeks, or running her fingers through her hair, instead they were made to remain holding onto Piret, but she did attempt to pull her just a bit closer, but to no avail since they were already close and all she did was just squeeze her tighter. It was a strange experience, kissing someone in midair. Noa had never done it and she doubted Piret had either. She felt Piret’s tongue against her lips and smiled into the kiss, before following Piret’s lead. She could already feel herself starting to breath more heavily now and she wasn’t sure if she was breathless from the kissing, from the excitement or from how high up they were. She didn’t really care, though but her mind was just buzzing with so many things and yet the only thing that was loud amongst the current chaos was how good it felt to be doing this right now. But.. Piret was drunk. Did she really want this? Would she regret it? Those nagging thoughts started to speak louder than the Piret’s soft lips. She moved her head back slightly, she wanted to break the kiss, but she didn’t have the strength. It’d been so long. Too long.

The thoughts always came whenever Piret felt someone else’s skin on her own; thoughts of how she was so godamn unattractive now over having let herself go in spite of trying not to, memories of how she had always ended up fucking things up. But the thoughts had accompanied her for more than a decade and by now, Piret had found her way of handling them: Ignoring them and pressing on. Kisses and anything beyond them was beautiful while they lasted, more than that, they made you forget how crappy everything was, all things considered. And Piret had always been a person very susceptible to physical sensation: The prickling that spread from her lips, telling her that Noa was willing to take a risk with her, that she could still be beautiful and desirable, spread throughout her body in a tingling sensation that gave her goosebumps (which she hoped Noa wouldn’t take the wrong way). Goosebumps made life worth it.

She could have drowned in this moment, forever, the way Noa followed her lead, the tension in her own body and the one she could feel in Noa’s arms adding to the excitement of the moment. Her head was tingling, but Piret wasn’t thinking of where that was coming from, be it the sparkling on the water’s surface, the alcohol coursing through her bloodstream or the knowledge that only Noa’s power separated them from certain death right now. God, what a sight they must have been. Piret could have cried that out to the high heavens, but instead she put the tingling into her tongue, and she noticed Noa’s breath going faster, hers followed suit. She had to take a decision now, Piret realized as the first wave of the tingling wore off, and she couldn’t risk Noa breaking their kiss. Piret was done losing opportunities. She broke the kiss slowly, not really even, simply withdrawing her tongue, only letting her lips linger on Noa’s for a long moment, before tracing a trail of pecks all the way from the corner of the brunette’s mouth to her earlobe, and finishing by kissing the latter. Finally, she withdrew her head and took a moment to let her breathing settle. Her words still came out breathless but godamn, that was what she was like, messy: “I can’t decide what’s more beautiful, you or the water, but I think I’m gonna go with you. Let’s go home, shall we? I bet your wings are even more beautiful in the light.”