It’s All For Naught

Sometimes I think “well it’s all said and done now, there’s no harm in telling her the truth of how I really felt, right?

But the more I think about it, the more I can’t help but come to the same conclusion: there IS harm in telling her. Saying “haha I actually liked you the whole time, crazy right?” won’t magically make her into me. I can fantasize all I want about how maybe she’ll change her mind, but I know how to stay realistic. At best nothing changes, and at worst she could perceive me, my actions, and my motivations as something completely misconstrued.

I just really care about her and she means the world to me. I love her brain and I crave to know more. I have mastered mentally melting whatever crush-like thoughts I’ve had about her into raw platonic “I give a damn” juice. The thought of her thinking ANYTHING I’ve done in our friendship only came from romantic intentions is too much to bear.

If telling her means she goes even 1% further away from me because she gets icked, then I’d rather take this entire thing to my grave. I want to be as close as I can to her without her having any reservations about me.