HOLY SHIT!

We're just a couple of kids.

We're not almost 40.

Don't mind me, I just found the man of my dreams finally.

He works 3rd shift, I do office hours, both M-F so our schedules overlap, weekends off, & we make our time count. Effort is so attractive.

In a mere couple weeks: he's showed up to my door unprompted before I went to work with biscuits and gravy one morning to make sure I had a good day & was fed. He brought me known coffee one day, but surprised me with a muffin. I did laundry one night & while I slept, he folded my dried clothes for me from the drier. He lets himself be vulnerable with me, sleeping in my lap. I know the pin to his phone. I have a key to his car. My whole body feels safe with him. He leaves Ninja Turtles cartoons on for his dogs. He lets me know when he's leaving/arrives at his destination. He offers to go buy me stuff for my cats so I don't have to. Plus more.

He calls all this his bare minimum & is surprised I'm surprised.

I might vomit. I've always wanted this kind of treatment, but never got it from anyone. He sends me good morning/good night messages. He talks about me to his friends. I'm not asking him to do anything. We get each other's references. It feels like I've known him my whole life, a different level of familiarity I've not experienced before. He knows my best friend is also one of my exes, isn't bothered by it, & "would only be jealous if I went easy on him on Mario Kart."

I feel important romantically to someone for once & I'm still thoroughly confused.

Picture it:

He shows up to my apt with a rose picked from outside that he poked himself with getting bc thorns. He's wearing an Animal Crossing shirt (y'all know me). Asks for a hug. Opens the car door for me. Shaded wooded park by the creek on a blanket. Adventure Time on the iPad for several hours while just chatting. Shy to hold my hand. Run short errand together (I love this kind of thing). Invite him in to watch Ren & Stimpy. Couch cuddles. Pete & Pete. You wanna sleepover? Fall asleep on couch watching Nickelodeon shows. He leaves in the AM before I start work. Let's me know when he gets home safe.

Upgraded my Camp Snap camera to v105 & it's so much nicer. I can make my own filters now too.

Road closed ahead?

Tell me why my bff's sister told me she's glad I left the basic generic Safeway version of her brother.

I was like ....do you think they look alike?

"A little. My brother looks kinda Asian & has dark hair."

.....

....

........

Don't.

0/10. Would not recommend.

One day you're the light of their life, the next day they have disappeared away from you bc ?? The hot & cold is jarring & confusing.

You have your feelings hurt by external sources & go to them for comfort, but somehow you end up comforting them bc of past trauma they had, meanwhile your issue gets pushed back.

They need time to process after any type of conflict, even faux conflict created in their head, maybe a customer or coworker was rude, or something triggered them. This processing time could be anywhere from a few hours to several days. You are not involved in this time. Any involvement will lengthen the time apart. You cannot comfort them.

They think space is good bc they need it, but if you say that it's pushing you away, they disappear even more bc the emotional weight & responsibility is too much.

They're ok merely existing beside you, no extra efforts needed to be taken. Saying "Good Morning" is a major task, to be put behind an hour of phone scrolling. You're a roommate with occasional benefits.

Rather than take responsibility when they hurt your feelings, they say how bad they feel about hurting you & disappear to process, only to pop back up after the hours or days to act like nothing happened. The cycle will repeat. This is a certainty.

You're left alone & feel like you're too much for asking for basic decency. Hellos, how are you, hugs, interest in your interests, checking in, dates, etc. You feel like a burden, an inconvenience. Meanwhile they tell you you mean the world to them.

When you finally step away, shock. No matter how vocal you were, no matter how many chances.

"I'll reach out." They don't. They won't. They can't.

They'll make major efforts to please those they either dislike or have no emotional attachment to. Do not expect this behavior towards you.

Don't date the avoidant unless you want to get hurt. You can't tell them you're hurt. You can't tell them they're distant. You can't make them change bc they don't want to. They'll say one thing & do the polar opposite.