MAKANI

MEAT.

So i was just fixing myself some water right, and my dad was in the kitchen as well, when all of a sudden he yells out "hey you"

and im like "what?"

"-comes after T"

Then he just sits there and smirks. I couldn't let that slide without a comeback

"you know what else comes after T? Why."

for a full five seconds, you could see the wheels turning, and then all he says was something stupid about crumpets coming after tea and whatnot.

What do you call a seventeen fan on a tree?

So I work at a local country club, as a kids room babysitter. Pretty simple. Kids don't usually come there, and neither does Lily, the other babysitter, so I usually have a few hours of study time. Yay.

Anyways, Lilly actually pops up, and goes to order some food, when all of a sudden a dad and his five year old come in the door.

After a little while of playing with the little kid by myself, I had to leave to go grab a drink for her. Mind you, Lilly was in the room. I don't leave kids by themselves for any reason, half way because of common sense, and the other half because of the rules.

Now, if you were Lilly, and you knew that there was a five year old in your care, would you let her leave the room all by herself, especially when the rules say you shouldn't do so?

Apparently you aren't Lilly so that's exactly what happened.

Dad: You sing like a prisoner

Me: How?

Today I just learned some nerd listed all the birthdays in order from common to least common. Apparently I'm #275.

I love Americans.

My country club has a kids room, and I work there around twice a week. Pretty fun, I have free dinner, no kids for the most part, and I get paid to scroll on my phone practically. I swear idk how but no kids show up unless there’s an event, maybe I have kid repellent?

ANYWAYS, last night I was “working” there, and all of a sudden a kid pops his head through the door. I was on a phone call with my bestie, and didn’t want to hang up, so I pulled out the official rule book that said there had to be an adult to sign him in. His buddy and him (not cute 11-12 year olds. If u know u know) thought it was hilarious to just stand around in the middle of the room to gauge my reaction I guess. Well I glared at them. They ran. Easy, right? Apparently they sensed a challenge, and in typical middle school mafia way, they thought it was really funny to poke their heads in the door, squeal, and run away obviously having the time of their life. Eventually I decided to order some food so I left the room. And ran into them sneaking up on the room. They turned tail and ran.

As I walked up the stairs, I could hear them talking to each other about how “she left the room” “I was so scared”

When they saw me exit the stairway they shrieked and ran again.

Meanwhile I found out that since there was an event, it was too busy for me to order food :(

UPDATE:

The kid from that week returned and he was like just standing in the doorway, then ripped off his sunglasses and was like "You. You are from Bingo Night" all dramatic like.

Little Brother: You want to hear a joke?

Me: Ok, shoot.

Little Brother: What does poetry and the Mongols have in common?

Me: *obviously confused*

Little Brother: They both have their prose and Khans.

Little Brother: *smiles like he made the greatest joke of all time*

One time, when covid just hit, my Mom, along with other desperate parents, started looking for stuff for her kids to do in the summer. I don't know how she found it, but she started signing us up for these free educational classes, that we hated, especially the french one, from someplace called Varsity Tutors. But there was this one class that brought life into our lives: The Minecraft Tree House Building Tutorial Class. All caps, purely to represent the saving power from french homework.

Two. Whole. Hours. Of. Pure. Minecraft. Every. Day. For. A. Week.

It was any kids dream!

We set up the tv, turned on the xbox, made sure we had the computer with the stream on it, and listened and watched as a thirty something old guy made a tree house. Once he was finished, he told us that we were free to ask him questions.

Pretty simple, right?

That's what we thought as well, until the dumb questions flooded in.

"I know you used oak, but is birch fine?"

"Can I put a furnace in it?"

"How many chests am I allowed to put in here?"

and my all time favorite:

"I already made it, but can I have the treehouse in a mushroom island?"

The poor guy was surrounded on all sides by the absolute lack of creativity. He stressed the importance of making your own style, and that you didn't even have to make a tree house, but all in vain. There were maybe five intelligent questions per day.

I was fed up with it after the first five minutes, but still, to his credit, the teacher patiently replied to each question with sincerity, and didn't ever even once use sarcasm.

He deserved a medal for it, really.

After four days of it, FOUR FREAKIN DAYS, our name was called, because like every other person there, we wanted to ask a question too, if only for the fun of it.

Teacher: Okay Treehouse Builders, what's your question?"

Sibling: Can flowers respawn?

Teacher: (short answer, can't quote on this) yes

Teacher: Do you have any more questions?

Me (pouncing on the pc):Yes sir we do. It's kind of personal, but how do you handle all these stupid questions?

Teacher: ...

Teacher: I-I just handle them I guess.

Teacher: *realizes what he just said*

Teacher: I MEAN THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A STUPID QUESTION

*starts out my day meticulously planning my bright new future*

*stresses over tuna or not tuna*

*life hits hard*

*accidentally inhales a can of pringles*

*goes to bed*