Pikinic

SONG: Runs In The Family by Amanda Palmer !!!Drawn from my 762 song playlist, variety is guaranteed!!!

“Mary, have mercy, now look what I've done But don't blame me because I can't help where I come from And running is something that we've always done well And mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from Run from their pity, from responsibility Run from the country and run from the city I can run from the law, I can run from myself I can run from my life, I can run into debt I can run from it all, I can run 'til I'm gone I can run for the office and run for my cause I can run using every last ounce of energy I cannot, I cannot, I cannot run from my family They're hiding inside of me, corpses on ice Come in if you like but just don't tell my family They'd never forgive me, they'd say that I'm crazy But they would say anything if it would shut me up“

This is a complicated draw from the getgo, being a song which focuses directly on the self then haphazardly draws back to the people around the self. However, I will do my best to take the abstract that I have divined and find the answer to your question. However, a lot of a shufflemancy requires you to reflect on it yourself. If you can, take some time to ponder on what this means for you.

Im getting immense themes of self driven guilt and even detriment here. The first thing Im Compelled to say is that you have/had a tendancy to push yourself too far and blame yourself when things fall apart. If you have ever heard the advice “you cant take care of others unless you take care of yourself first”? I think that applies here, although I know nothing of your personal story. It seems a lot of what caused you trouble when directing Charlotte was not only your fault - and you were perhaps aware of this? Once again, maybe you wered - but whether you were or not does not change that you felt it was still your fault. Your job was a stressful one, even if it was what you were meant to do, for some reason this drew you to increasing panic and destabilizing state. You convinced yourself of so many things, truthfully being much too hard on yourself. However, this can be interpreted differently - perhaps you wanted to run, or perhaps rather, there was something controlling you as well. This could even be from Charlottes perspective. Perhaps Charlotte felt controlled? Or maybe opposite, perhaps Charlotte feels/felt like you would never forgive her? Maybe she had something she needed to tell you, but worried that you would not like it. There is a lot to be extracted here, and you know your timeline best- I encourage you ponder on it some.

This still distracts from the question at hand: did you do a good enough job? Im inclined to say yes right off the bat (because truthfully, even if you didnt, I am a firm believer that you deserve forgiveness), but lets consult with the divination! I think you can definitely believe there were issues, if the song and the paragraph above indicate anything. But in the end, I think it can be said that not all of it was your fault - or at the very least there were other factors at play. I know this is not a direct answer, but I think this is what the song needed to tell you.