Idiot Witch

i hate it when you're heating something up in the microwave and it starts to go snap crackle pop so you take it out but it's still completely cold. shut up then??

Collabs are always fun. Especially when it’s with your best friend ❤️

in many ways tumblr is truly garbage but the fact that your follower count is not public and there’s no way to become “verified” is so sexy

I love catgirls as a concept I hate weebs for making it a horny thing. We as a society could have so much more material if we focused on the comedy aspect instead of making it a fetish

You come home and your roommate is tangled up in the blinds, completely helpless. She blames you, for some reason

Your roommate runs laps around the apartment at 2 in the morning. She does not do it to stay in shape. She in fact pretends she was doing nothing whenever you bring it up

me: *toasts a piece of bread* me: damn and i cook too.. any man would be lucky to have me

@districtswiftie13

I know a lot of opera singers, and singing a full-on aria in a court room with only a hint of provocation is EXACTLY what they would do.

As a muso, I absolutely believe this. I’ve got my accordion out of my carry-on and played a tune when airport security couldn’t recognise its weird mass of levers. Singers and musicians are just Like That.

Accurate.

My friend got stopped at the Canadian border coming back into the US. Border patrol took one look at his tattoed, ear-gagued, mutton chop wearing, hipster self, and said “I don’t believe you’re an opera singer. Sing something for me.” His wife immediately put down her knitting and plugged her ears, because Matt’s a contrabasso, and he does NOT sing quietly. Every other booth along the border stop had a head poking out of it within twenty seconds. And they let them pass without further contest.