This is A Blog

they dont even sell garages at garage sales

I mean I think it's a joke though homie

if your boyfriend isn’t strong enough to pick you up and pin you against the wall, you have a girlfriend.

……..what

if your boyfriend doesn’t suplex you on sight he aint a man

if your boyfriend can’t catapult you across the room like a boomerang he a cactus

if he don’t powerslam you for breakfast he a herb

what the hell is that thing on the left

or homelessness

two kinds of people.

you could put a dead body there and put a blanket on it and people would think they were just sleeping and it would be a great way to transport dead bodies inconspicuously. 

* three kinds of people.

HOW CAN YOU EVEN HAVE A GIF THAT’S THAT SPECIFIC?

I agree, it is highly unnatural…

I want a relationship that’s just like super cool friendship with like kissing

your golden retriever has evolved into an emerald retriever

it’s the shiny version of the golden retriever

Good Stitch, best alien.

stitch knows when to let lilo go when her mother is involved

Amen. 

what is my perfect crime? i break into tiffany’s at midnight. do i go for the vault? no, i go for the chandelier. it’s priceless. as i’m taking it down, a woman catches me. she tells me to stop. it’s her father’s business. she’s tiffany. i say no. we make love all night. in the morning, the cops come and i escape in one of their uniforms. i tell her to meet me in mexico, but i go to canada. i don’t trust her. besides, i like the cold. thirty years later, i get a postcard. i have a son and he’s the chief of police. this is where the story gets interesting. i tell tiffany to meet me in paris by the trocadero. she’s been waiting for me all these years. she’s never taken another lover. i don’t care. i don’t show up. i go to berlin. that’s where i stashed the chandelier.