doctor

“One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass.” “It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but the next week, he did it again.” “Because I have nothing better to do than fuck you.” “The usual vault rules apply: Touch not, lest ye be touched.“ “Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn for SEGA.“ “Let me ask you something. Did you ever fart in front of her?” “There is something out there that can help ease our simultaneous double loss.“ “I can’t express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand!“ “Today’s my day. I brought lunch and a soda, and I’m not gonna leave until I see this sailboat everyone talks about.“ “He won the school science fair by turning his mom’s vibrator into a CD player. Motherfucker’s like MacGyver. Motherfucker’s better than MacGyver.“ “Lois could never have Superman’s baby. You think her Fallopian tubes could handle the sperm?“ “The food court is downstairs. We’re upstairs. This isn’t quantum physics. This is an eatery. Eateries make up the food court.“ “Bullshit. Eateries in the designated square downstairs qualify as food court. Anything outside of said designated square is considered an autonomous  unit for mid-mall snacking.“ “ Man, there’s not a year goes by that I don’t read about an escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could have been avoided had some parent - I don’t care which one - conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!“ “Be fair, all right. Everyone wants Mr Toad’s Wild Ride.“ “Fly, fat-ass! Fly!“ “My grandmother always said, ‘Why buy the cow when you get the sex for free?’” “Damn, that bastard’s faster than Walt Flanagan’s dog.“ “I can’t believe you have the nerve to come to my mall and pick up guys!“ “Where does the other arm go? You can lay on it or shove it between your bodies. The only other option is to stretch it above your head. But sometimes my arm pops out of the socket when I sleep like that. I was always searching for someplace to keep my arm - while still laying close to her.“ “Jesus, man! Haven’t I made it clear during our friendship that I don’t know shit?“ “Your maleness amazes me sometimes.“ “Suitor No.1. If you were a car, what kind of car would you be?“ “My cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story.“ “Well, did he come or what?“

Do you want me to pick you up? x SD

Food cravings, mood swings, wanting you constantly. Nothing new. x SD

Do you want me to pick you up? x SD

His glasses are also a feature, I guess, because they only ever come out in public during work or when he’s got to read something. They also come out in the bedroom, usually at Sally’s request

As a child, they were very hands-off parents, letting him get most of his right and wrong lessons from Sunday School and his actual school lessons. They weren’t particularly well off, nor was Phillip spoilt, but Christmases always seemed lavish and rewarding.

There’s a scar on the top and bottom of Phillip’s left foot. He’d gone out without shoes and in his haste to get wherever he’d planned on getting, he ended up stepping on a nail with enough force to send it through his foot. It didn’t sever anything, and he ended up fine, but it was a pretty radical wound to show off for a while.

He’s half-blooded, on his father’s side, and he doesn’t see that as much of a problem, since he lives in a fair bit of happiness with both his parents up until his letter. [And after, of course, since the letter was nothing but good news]