Heck

my blood looks more beautiful than yours it's a more luscious red

edward cullens not gon a fuck you babe

you've picked the right target you're just a decade late this would've ruined me at sixteen

why do some companies send whole emails just to say someone opened your resume. what use is this information to me. i opened a jug of orange juice this morning and i didnt feel the need to alert tropicana

sorry for accidentally phrasing this exactly like a seinfeld bit

we should start doing ancient aliens conspiracies but for buildings that arent even that old or impressive

When I was a kid I didn't realize Canadian currency had different value, I just thought books cost more in Canada because the publishers hated Canadians

a ghost flies into me to possess me and flies out a minute later wheezing and coughing and visibly horrified

PRESS Ⓐ TO BE WEIRD AND UNSETTLING

"Motherfucker! Cease to be!" - Me yesterday reaching peak wizardspeak while gaming.