sometimes i look back and i'm like... "huh.. i would have had a best friend for 15+ years now had i not been such an immature bitch". i think about you! all. the time. the guilt of being so cold and dramatic to you eats at me, even in my fresh 30's.
i'd do anything in this whole entire world to be able to sit down and have a coffee with you. i want to hear about you, what you grew up to do, how high school went, what college was like? do you ever think about your late night conversations- how innocent and whimsy they were?? do your friends know your deepest and realest desire is to drive a sports car in a desert somewhere far away and drift yourself to a complete stop right as you reach the edge of a cliff? niche. weird. but i remember :) did you mend your relationships with your parents? are you and your sister still close? who from school do you keep in contact with?
i'd do anything to tell you about my life. i want to tell you again my deepest darkest fears... i know that they've completely changed from "getting bad grades" and now they're things like.. "losing the love of my life" and "never having closure with my best friend". i'd want to thank you, over and over again, because you sparked that fiery, witty spirit in me that i think got me to where i am today. i'd want to apologize to you, from the depths of my heart. we were supposed to be friends through EVERYTHING, and i was so so young, and so naive. i put myself before anyone else but i was just not brought up in a space to be a good friend, and i only just recently learned how to be a good/better human.
it's not an excuse by any means. i was a shitty, terrible person to you. i just want to make up for it.
i hope with all my heart that you are well!
theartofmadeline
discoholicmusic
amandla
areudirty
stormborns
vaporwave
