my captain.. my friend

The fact that the cat fell out and was like “oh shit wait, let me back in” makes it so much better. They’re not just pleasantly tolerating this, it’s a theme park attraction for cats

NYOOM

i like that guillermo has killed people but hes still shy

honest to god thought this was about del toro and wasn’t even going to bat an eye

i love being sober and talking to drunk people at parties cause i asked a guy “if you were a wizard what kind of spells would you cast” and i know he wasnt lying when he said “summon creatures”

i love being sober and talking to drunk people at parties cause i asked a guy “if you were a wizard what kind of spells would you cast” and i know he wasnt lying when he said “summon creatures”

Shocking how many people don’t know that hens lay non-fertilized eggs and think the yolk they’re eating is a baby chicken

once tried desperately to make my friend understand that yolks were not, like, a liquified potentiality of chicken, and she looked at me for a while and then said, "but they’re both yellow."

Michael Myers and Jason are so fucking funny they just kill MFs for no reason. don’t even care they just kill you then be like ok 

Honestly the queue and schedule post options on Tumblr are extremely underrated. No other major social networking site has the ability to do that with the same ease as Tumblr does, and we've had them for like a decade now. They're fantastic features and Tumblr doesn't get enough credit for having them.

the ability to almost entirely customize your home page is pretty neat, too

REBLOG FOR NOISES