Harry and Dumbledore: Crisis of Faith
The Life and Lies of Dumbledore chapter from DH lives rent free in my head, and I would love to get on my soapbox about why. It's no secret that DH is an allegorical tale with Harry as Christ figure and Dumbledore positioned as God figure - often represented by the symbolism of the all-seeing eye. The eye in the mirror (which turns out to Aberforth, who sends Dobby to the rescue), the symbol of Deathly Hallows in Dumbledore's signature.
Eye symbolism:
A flash of brightest blue. Harry froze, his cut finger slipping on the jagged edge of the mirror again. He had imagined it, he must have done... If anything was certain, it was that the bright blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore would never pierce him again.
and
 Above what Harry assumed was the title of the story (being unable to read runes, he could not be sure) , there was a picture of what looked like a triangular eye, its pupil crossed with a vertical line.
The Deathly Hallows or the Gifts of Death is marked by a triangular eye - and it is explicitly seen as God's eye in Christian art and iconography.
So now, back to the chapter, where Harry completely loses faith:
The sun was coming up: The pure, colorless vastness of the sky stretched over him, indifferent to him and his suffering. Harry sat down in the tent entrance and took a deep breath of clean air.
The chapter opens with the smallness of Harry against the vast sky, a bird's eye view shot to really highlight how vulnerable he feels. On the heels of the chapters where he sees himself and his family immortalised in statues and have their bombed home preserved as memorial - a site people take comfort from the legend of Harry, and Harry takes comfort from the graffiti they left behind - it feels especially isolated. The vulnerability is glaring: Harry has lost the protection of the twin cores. The church bells are distant.
His senses had been spiked by the calamity of losing his wand. He looked out over a valley blanketed in snow, distant church bells chiming through the glittering silence.
Harry does not deal with vulnerability, most specifically helplessness very well. As a child raised in an abusive environment - his savior complex is rooted in needing to have agency. We see him grappling with what he perceives as complete abandonment from Dumbledore: 'Dumbledore had left them to grope in the darkness, to wrestle with unknown and undreamed-of terrors, alone and unaided: Nothing was explained, nothing was given freely, they had no sword, and now, Harry had no wand.'
And then, Harry reads the chapter titled Greater Good from Rita Skeeter's book.
So what was Albus doing, if not comforting his wild young brother? The answer, it seems, is ensuring the continued imprisonment of his sister.
This is important, because Harry's feelings about this are made clear in earlier chapters:
Could Dumbledore have let such things happen? Had he been like Dudley, content to watch neglect and abuse as long as it did not affect him? Could he have turned his back on a sister who was being imprisoned and hidden?
Harry is projecting onto Ariana Dumbledore, specifically with his experience of the Dursleys. He had once raged at Dumbledore in OOTP: "People don't like being locked up! You did it to me last summer!"
Harry's grievance with Dumbledore is not just about this exchange, but a specific choice Dumbledore made for his physical safety with blood wards. The narrative comes close to acknowledging it, in OOTP:
âFive years ago you arrived at Hogwarts, Harry, safe and whole, as I had planned and intended. Well â not quite whole. You had suffered. I knew you would when I left you on your aunt and uncleâs doorstep. I knew I was condemning you to ten dark and difficult years.â He paused. Harry said nothing.
to
âShe doesnât love me,â said Harry at once. âShe doesnât give a damn â â âBut she took you,â Dumbledore cut across him. âShe may have taken you grudgingly, furiously, unwillingly, bitterly, yet still she took you, and in doing so, she sealed the charm I placed upon you. Your motherâs sacrifice made the bond of blood the strongest shield I could give you.â
to
He knew one thing, though: unhappy as he felt at the moment, he would greatly miss Hogwarts in a few days' time when he was back at number four, Privet Drive. Even though he now understood exactly why he had to return there every summer, he did not feel any better about it. Indeed, he had never dreaded his return more.
Harry understands it then, so it is striking that the only time he allows himself to get truly angry at the position Dumbledore put him in this chapter, through Ariana:
 âIâm not trying to defend what Dumbledore wrote,â said Hermione. âAll that âright to ruleâ rubbish, itâs âMagic Is Mightâ all over again. But Harry, his mother had just died, he was stuck alone in the house ââ  âAlone? He wasnât alone! He had his brother and sister for company, his Squib sister he was keeping locked up ââ
âI donât believe it,â said Hermione. She stood up too. âWhatever was wrong with that girl, I donât think she was a Squib. The Dumbledore we knew would never, ever have allowed ââ Â âThe Dumbledore we thought we knew didnât want to conquer Muggles by force!â Harry shouted, his voice echoing across the empty hilltop, and several blackbirds rose into the air, squawking and spiraling against the pearly sky.
I am especially struck by the image of Harry's angry shouting making blackbirds fly into the pearly sky, and spiral over him. Blackbirds are associated with mystery, secrets and are seen as messengers to netherworld - this combined with the image of pearly white sky (heavens/God) seems intentional. It is carrying Harry's disillusionment to the heavens.
And then, the quote that pierces my soul, which is the heart of this chapter:
âMaybe I am!â Harry bellowed, and he flung his arms over his head, hardly knowing whether he was trying to hold in his anger or protect himself from the weight of his own disillusionment. âLook what he asked from me, Hermione! Risk your life, Harry! And again! And again! And donât expect me to explain everything, just trust me blindly, trust that I know what Iâm doing, trust me even though I donât trust you! Never the whole truth! Never!â
It is reminiscent of Snape's "you have used me! I have spied for you, lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you" - basically, "why have you forsaken me?" moment.
 He had trusted Dumbledore, believed him the embodiment of goodness and wisdom. All was ashes: How much more could he lose?Â
The chapter being set in whiteness and emptiness, reminiscent of King's Cross chapter where Harry does get his answers from Dumbledore.
And then Hermione, who has modified her parents memories, can confidently assert that "He loved you, I know he loved you", because her love for her parents, for Ron, can also be sacrificed at the altar of greater good, even if it means doing things that would hurt them (not choosing to go with Ron) and dismiss their agency (as is with her parents). It doesn't mean she doesn't love them.
 âI donât know who he loved, Hermione, but it was never me. This isnât love, the mess heâs left me in. He shared a damn sight more of what he was really thinking with Gellert Grindelwald than he ever shared with me.â
Harry ends the chapter with seeking comfort from Hermione's touch, brushing his hair - wishing he could believe that Dumbledore really cared. (shoutout to @bluethepineapple meta here about this chapter)
And it is then where Dumbledore's gifts come in motion next chapter: his Deluminator lets Ron find his way back. Snape, effectively Dumbledore's man, sends the doe. Harry counts on what he learned from Dumbledore to destroy the Horcrux - he gives Ron the opportunity to wield the sword:
As certainly as he had known that the doe was benign, he knew that Ron had to be the one to wield the sword. Dumbledore had at least taught Harry something about certain kinds of magic, of the incalculable power of certain acts.
And then by Shell Cottage, Harry accepts Dumbledore's plan as is, and reaffirms his faith in Dumbledore's idea of Greater Good:
Dobby would never be able to tell them who had sent him to the cellar, but Harry knew what he had seen. A piercing blue eye had looked out of the mirror fragment, and then help had come. Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.
And then Harry chooses to stay on path Dumbledore laid out for him, only wishing now that he simply understood the man:
When Harry had finished speaking (about Voldemort), Ron shook his head. Â âYou really understand him.â Â âBits of him,â said Harry. âBits . . . I just wish Iâd understood Dumbledore as much. But weâll see. Come on â Ollivander now.â
And finally, he starts to understand Dumbledore - through his conversation with Aberforth:
"And Albus was free, wasnât he? Free of the burden of his sister, free to become the greatest wizard of the ââ Â âHe was never free,â said Harry. Â âI beg your pardon?â said Aberforth. Â âNever,â said Harry. âThe night that your brother died, he drank a potion that drove him out of his mind. He started screaming, pleading with someone who wasnât there. âDonât hurt them, please . . . hurt me instead.ââ Â âHe thought he was back there with you and Grindelwald, I know he did,â said Harry, remembering Dumbledore whimpering, pleading. âHe thought he was watching Grindelwald hurting you and Ariana. . . . It was torture to him, if youâd seen him then, you wouldnât say he was free.â
Finally, he gets his chance to have a conversation with Dumbledore at the crossroads of life and death. TLDR: Deathly Hallows is an allegorical tale and it is best to treat it as such and roll with it, because otherwise it's deux machina galore.






















