she cannot always distinguish a flea's head from a

having a younger sibling is so embarrassing iwouldnt stoop this low for anyone but her im like quadruple texting "JUST TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO GO TO THE AQUARIUM ON DECEMBER 29TH SO I CAN GET TICKETS" and she leaves me on read 10000 times.

Do it scared but please don't do it hungry. Please don't do it dehydrated. It's gonna make it so much scarier. Please.

being as i am an idiot, and having been one my whole life, i just wanna say that i find it very easy to do nothing, and go nowhere. i eat chocolate late at night in the dark. i stand in the garden also. and i’m often waiting for something to happen. and i’m stupid.

If it’s meant to be I’ll see you later

fully sober in the club googling rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead full play pdf free

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

it's literally all about having a primary public gender and a secondary personal gender

They just invented the world’s fastest sandwich. They’re calling it the autobáhn mì