How to Write a Pansexual Character || By a Pansexual
Disclaimer: This is just from ONE personal experience and I advise writers to do more research beyond this post. However, every experience shared is one more resource.Â
If you are pansexual and feel comfortable, please add your own experience!
First, what exactly does it mean to me to be pansexual?
There are variations to the definition but I use it in accordance with what I hear the most often: The attraction (both romantic and sexual) to another person regardless of gender identity.
This is different from bisexuality because that label is recognized to have gender play a role in attraction and tends to only include two gender identities. (This isnât always the case, but thatâs for another post).
And remember, as with most sexualities, it isnât all about âloveâ. Maybe itâs just me, but I see most allyship focus on the right to âloveâ. Personally, Iâd like to focus on the right to exist in all aspects. To be open with all one-night stands, crushes, flings, attractions, dates, etc. We have quick, messy, and dirty sex/love lives just like everyone else, just as we have long-lasting and stable relationships. Donât forget that.Â
Does the label matter?
Again, just speaking personally: not all the time. In modern stories, I appreciate when the term is used explicitly. I am one of those people who arenât fans of labels, but I still keep this one because I know visibility to my queer peers is important. Often, I use the term âqueerâ interchangeably. Not everyone loves that word, but I like it when I donât want to explain pansexuality.Â
tl;dr: if you can use the label explicitly, please do.
However, these terms havenât always been around and may not exist within your fictional world. For me, I personally appreciate an explicit line or two from/about the character distinguishing they have âno preferenceâ in a gender or how they find attraction from oneâs âsoulâ and variations of that. Of course, itâs nice to have other canonical elements, such as past/present beaus of all genders, but that isnât a requirement for the label in or out of fiction.Â
How would a character bring up their sexuality?
In real life, non-straight people have to come out again and again and again to people when the situation arises, like when introducing a romantic partner or mentioning past ones. I personally have come out in the form of a joke, a quick mention, a lengthy explanation to curious minds, confirmations/corrections to statements, and relatability to other out-pansexuals.Â
People start to ask questions when you have a history dating/crushing on more than one gender. All you need is a short little line of explanation.Â
Also, having pan/queer/lgbtq-themed things like stickers, phone wallpapers, etc is an easy way to spark the curiosity of others.Â
Whatâs it like and when did you know?
Iâve always known I was attracted to people of all genders. Not everyone is like this, but I started out crushing on both boys and girls at school.
When I began to hear bisexual girls explaining they had preferences of a gender even though they could like both or when they would describe the attraction to each gender differently, I started to think I wasnât in the same boat as them.
It wasnât until I heard about pansexuality that I put my finger on why. The uniqueness of pansexuality is the blindness to gender identity when it comes to attraction.
Do you get more dates?
Yes and no. Iâm sure Iâve dated more people than I would have if I was straight or a lesbian. However, there are many people who are bi/panphobic and refuse to date people like us. This prejudice is more common with straight people, but Iâve had lesbian women try to erase my pan identity while dating or flat out refuse to date bi/pansexual girls. It happens.
Iâm not suddenly a player because I can be attracted to any gender. The title âplayerâ can belong to anyone of any sexuality. It doesnât come with a certain turf.Â
What kind of personality traits come with pansexuality?
None. Zip. Zero. Pansexuality dictates my attraction, my love/sex life, and nothing more. We come with the same possibilities of traits as everyone else.Â
What if my pansexual character only dates one gender?
Thatâs fine. The sexuality isnât about who we date, itâs who weâre attracted to right off the bat. Just because Iâm attracted to all genders doesnât mean my history will reflect that. Sometimes it just happens like that. Especially if weâre in a community without a lot of openly queer people.Â
Why should I include a pansexual character?
Because we exist and therefore have a place in stories, just as straight and gay characters do. Pansexuality is just an option for your character(s) like every other sexuality. Representation matters. And please donât forget this iconic questionâŚ*
*Lando Calrissian is also a great example of a canon pansexual character that is WAY more than the label, while still repping.Â
Hope this helps and PLEASE add your own experience below if you also identify as pansexual. The more stories we have the better.














