PH FANFEST

Alice lowered her gaze towards the bonfire, wondering how much more would take him to get back. The flames were crackling, the sound mingling with the wind against the trees. She found the silence disturbing, but the sound of the flames was kind of relaxing. She knew that Oz would return soon. He never leave her alone for too long. He knew how much she was afraid of the darkness, after all.

She take a rod, pulling it into the flames. She hated nights like that. She hated to be alone. Those were the nights which she always end up recalling how everything fell apart. She knew that she shouldn’t think about it, Oz always repeated that thinking about the past was prohibited. But she couldn’t avoid it, and Oz wasn’t there to make things better with his bright smile.

Alice snuggled more within her sweater, tightening her legs against her chest. She felt sleepy, but knew that if she tried to sleep alone she would have nightmares. Dreams about a room with a floor as a chessboard. Dreams about a girl that looked just like her, with white hair and a small cat on his lap. Dreams about dolls in shelves, which laughed deranged, and monsters visiting that room. Dreams about a man that looked just like Oz, but with a broken smile and empty eyes.

She remembered that the day when they had fled, she also had a nightmare with that man. That was what had started it, in fact. She had dreamed of that man trapping her in a corner of a room, and she could only feel terrified. She could hear the screams of a girl, and she just knew it was herself. She had taken a pair of scissors in her hand, and she could feel the metal so cold in her hands. Alice woke up screaming when the scissors pierced her throat. She screamed, holding her throat, tears leaking out of control of her eyes. Oz was there one second later, taking her hands, green eyes full of concern and dozens of questions dying on his lips. He took Alice in his arms, whispering to reassure her.

“-It’s fine, Alice. I’m here, you’re not alone. I am here. I’m fine, so you will also be okay, right?-”

Because that was his covenant. If she was fine, Oz would also be. But that day nothing had turned out well. Her father had entered a minute later, with his belt in his hand and shouting by having awakened. Her mother was a few steps behind, hidden, as always. He had pulled her hair, throwing her into a corner, and it was then when Oz had intervened. Oz had tried to protect her, and took the greatest damage. She was hyperventilating, watching as her father beat Oz without mercy.  Listening to the drowned sounds he let escape without wanting to. It was then when she took her decision, recalling the feeling of the scissors of metal in her hands.

-Alice?- she hear, taking her out of her memories. Oz sat beside her, putting his hand on hers - Are you okay?-

She looked at him, vaguely recalling how Oz had cried when he thought that she wasn’t look it, after having escaped. Now, Oz seemed stronger. Months had passed since that, and they still didn’t have a place to live. They had end up camping in a forest reserve, and Oz had become friend of the guards, getting food from them.

-It’s your fault for letting me alone, idiot! -she shrieked, snapping his hand of hers. Oz smiled, looking apologetic – You know that whenever I am alone, I start to think stupid things -

-Unnecessary things, I guess – he whispered, putting the plastic bag on his lap- Well, cheer up. I got something good. Canned meat-

-That thing tastes fucking horrible – she protested, avoiding looking at him. But she knew that Oz knew her better than that.

-Oh, there is also some snacks. If you don’t want these doritos, I will eat them – he hummed, and she knew that he was smiling. She turned towards it, snatching the bag of his hand-Eh, I thought you were mad. They were kind to bring all this-

-Yes, because we cannot live off all those berries and mushrooms that you consider edible-

-They are fitted for human consumption.  I know things about nature, okay? -

-From books-

-Knowledge is power, Alice – he hummed, snatching the bag and taking a handful of doritos. Her squealed, taking the bag again- I have right over them, you know. I was the one that went out and brought them -

-I don’t like those guards. It is strange from them to give us things- she look doubtfully at Oz, waiting for a reaction. He looked at the flames, silent-Hey, Oz?-

He turned towards her, his face remaining serene. She wanted to ask him if he didn’t doubted about them too, but she knew that they had no other option more than trust them. Not now that didn’t have anyone more than themselves.

-I was thinking about the day that we run away – she whispered, resting against his shoulder. Oz seemed surprised.

-Those are…-

-Unnecessary things, I know- she interrupted, looking at him from below. Oz returned her gaze, his face expressionless- It’s just that… You could have stayed. I was the one who hurt him. It was the only one, Oz-

-Do you regret it? – he muttered, his eyes traveling to the flames again. She didn’t even consider it.

-No. I was protecting you, and you are my brother. There’s no way that I will regret it- she replied, looking at the fire. The flames crackled once again and Alice was didn’t find the silence so upsetting. Oz didn’t answered for a while, but his presence was warm and she felt at home-I will never regret protecting you-

-If you know that, then don’t say nonsense about that I could have stayed. That I didn’t have to run away with you- his voice was barely a whisper- That wasn’t a place for us. You know it. I will find a place at all costs, Alice. Because there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you, little sister -

Alice buried his face in Oz’s shoulder, and he wrapped her in his arms. She couldn’t help but let a couple of tears escape from her eyes. They were nights like that, where she only thing she needed was to be remained that it wasn’t all her fault. It wasn’t always easy now, but they were together and life were better than the hell in which they used to live.

She began to hum to herself, trying to calm down. It was a song that she recalled from her dreams. It was Oz’s favorite.

-Hey, Alice – he mumbled, drawing her attention. She looked at him, encouraging him to continue-Today I met a man. His name was Vincent. And I think that he might know something about… the nightmares-

-Our nightmares? – she whispered, amazed. Oz nodded in response, still holding her against him.

-He said that we could talk with him in the morning -he replied, looking down. Alice thought that it was hard to believe. But his brother wouldn’t had mentioned it if there was any hope that that man could help them. - Is… strange, you know? It felt as if I knew him. I think that I saw him in a dream. One of his eyes was red. I don’t know. I really want to go, but… Will you come with me?-

Perhaps it was a trap, she thought. Or perhaps, there would be someone who would understand them. Someone who didn't consider them monsters, and could see the droplets of light dancing around in the evening. Someone who didn’t think that they were mad. After his father, she knew that it was a mistake to have hope that someone else could understand them. She didn’t want Oz getting hurt again, neither herself. But there was hope in the voice of his brother, and she thought that she couldn’t just break that tiny stir of faith in him.

The bedsheets rustled slightly as Gilbert shifted his weight. Even with two young boys on it, the bed seemed so massive. It was Oz’s of course, the young master himself was sitting up, hugging his knees. The blanket partially draped over him as he looked out the window. His features slightly obscured in the dark, only a pale glow from moonlight cast a peaceful light on the boys face. Gilbert felt a little uneasy. He couldn’t sleep and crept to Oz’s room, the reason even he wasn’t entirely sure about, and here was Oz, wide awake and… Scared?

Was he scared? When he turned to see Gilbert in the door, the servant couldn’t make out his face. What kind of expression did he make? Oz beckoned him in, voiced hushed, and now they sat in silence.  Oz spoke first. “The anniversary for the Tragedy of Sablier was today. Or tonight I suppose. Mrs. Kate told me during tutoring, earlier. We had a moment of silence, for all the people who disappeared.”

His voice seemed distant, as he kept staring at the window.

“Young Master?”

Oz chuckled a little. “It used to scare me when I was younger, I thought I outgrew it, or at least the fear of it but…”

Oz turned to look at Gilbert and then looked away. “It’s kind of embarrassing, but I had a nightmare.“ 

 Panic jumped into Gilbert’s throat. 

“A-are you okay? What happened, it didn’t scare you too much did it? I-I’m not sure how much I can help but-!" 

 "Gil, calm down! I’m okay now, it just surprised me earlier is all…" 

 Oz placed his chin on his knees, thinking. 

 "I.. Was in Sablier while it was happening. People were panicking, there was fire everywhere, it seems like a blur now but it felt more detailed while I was dreaming. There was a lot of blood, and people lying on the ground. I don’t understand why I dreamed of that. Everything was sucked into the Abyss, so why are people already dying before that happened? I feel like there was something else, but I don’t remember now, the rest of it is starting to disappear… When I woke up I couldn’t get back to sleep at first, but I feel better now." 

 He laughed a little but that felt forced, even for Oz. 

 "Why are you up, Gil? It’s still pretty late." 

 ”…Well. I had a nightmare too…“

Oz was quiet for just a second before his voice came out quick and surprised.

“Really? Of the Tragedy?”

“No, it was something else but… I’m not sure. It was so strange… There was a tall man, so tall that I felt so small in comparison. I couldn’t see what he looked like, just his hand.

He wore a white glove and enough I can remember all the wrinkles and seem lines of his glove but I don’t remember his face. He was reaching out, but I don’t know why. I couldn’t tell if he was going to hurt me… Or…”

Gil stopped himself. He didn’t want to explain what happened after his dream, the way he felt when he woke up. He felt like there was a hole buried deep in his chest. And he had some instinct, that the hole would go away if he could see Oz, just for a moment. So he wandered down the hall in the dark, feeling the walls with his hands, a part of him wondering why, but here he was in Oz’s room all the same.

“Hmmm… That’s really odd…”

Oz spoke again, tentatively but slightly optimistic.

“Maybe it’s one of your old memories?”

Gilbert cracked a wry smile.

He spoke softly, more to himself than anything.

“I hope not…”

Suddenly, Gilbert caught himself speaking about something he never voiced at loud. 

 "Sometimes… I feel like I’m not in the right place. I-it’s not that I don’t enjoy being here and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere without you, Young Master. But, sometimes I wake up and my room doesn’t feel like my room, as if the building is all wrong. Or the trees are wrong. Or the way the sun comes in doesn’t feel right. I don’t know what I’m expecting either, it’s just… Silly." 

His cheeks were red, the more he talked the more self conscious Gilbert became before he trailed off. He wasn’t even sure where he was going or why he said it. 

Oz was quiet, the moon was sinking and the room grew more darker as the silence passed. The boy was thinking hard about something, Gilbert could feel it in the air. He strained to look at his master in the dark, what sort of face was he making? 

 He caught something, a glow perhaps. Like a small candle in the far corner of a dark hallway. It burned quietly, like a whisper. It was so slight, even pushing his eyes the best he could, Gilbert couldn’t tell if he was seeing something or his eyes were playing tricks on him. It was red, or appeared red. The static of the night grew louder in his ears, owls in the distance called back and forth. He moved slightly and suddenly the noise of the bed seemed so loud. 

"Me too." 

 Gilbert blinked, he missed something. 

 "Young Master? Did you-" 

 Oz stretched his arms and groaned at the strain. 

 "I think after all that panic I’m finally getting tired, my eyes are starting to hurt.” He stopped, arms mid-air. 

 "Do you want to sleep here tonight?“ 

 "What?! Y-young Master I don’t think Mrs. Kate would approve of that at all.”

 Gilbert immediately scrambled off the bed. He was already edging toward the farthest point of the bed, away from Oz’s reach in case he tried something.

“Exactly! Wouldn’t it be fun to surprise her in the morning? Besides we did it all the time when we were younger." 

"You used to bully me into it! Besides, we’re older now, the adults wouldn’t want a servant sleeping with you." 

 Oz pulled his legs close, Gilbert couldn’t see him but he could tell the boy was pouting. With mock drama he pulled the blanket over his shoulders and flopped onto his side facing away from his servant. 

"Fine then, I’m going to sleep before you get a chance to~" 

 Gilbert edged his way to the door, bumping into numerous things and listening to Oz’s quiet giggles. He finally reached the door and before walking through it he turned around. 

"Well, good night, Young Master.”

He heard the bed shift, Oz was facing him and he could tell from his voice the blond was smiling. 

 "Good night, Gil.“ 

 Unconsciously he smiled back. It remained there until Gilbert heard the door click. He was alone again in the hall, and this time felt worse than the last. He clutched the door handle, suddenly regretting not staying with Oz, a part of him was pushing to open the door again. He let go, turning stiffly, he started to walk down the halls of the Vessalius mansion. 

Oz flipped again on his side. The terror he felt earlier had fully subsided, leaving him drained and tired. His eyes started to flutter shut, but it wasn’t a peaceful feeling. He heard Gilbert’s footsteps echo off into the dark, a loneliness gripped him. He tried to fight going to sleep, maybe out of sheer rebellion, but it would claim him all the same. He had a feeling he wouldn’t sleep peacefully, his last thought was wishing Gil had stayed, just for a little while.