Bio is under construction, as am I.

I'm Rainer!

Dog and bird dad, photographer, falconer, and nerd.

Other interests: Animals, animal training and behavior, dinosaurs both modern and prehistoric, birding, being in nature, space, aquariums, baseball, video games, reading, poetry, maybe dipping my toes into writing again, history, learning new things to add to this list and obsess about.

Thank you so much!!! I haven’t been on here much the last few weeks, but I’ll start posting more again soon! This blog is my tentative first step in sharing my photography online, so the positivity is deeply appreciated 🥰

Here’s some flowers in the mean time!!

1. What's a version of yourself you miss?

2. What's a song you feel was written about you

3. If you have one, who's your current crush?

Thank you, and I really appreciate your asks! Even if it's driving me mildly insane wondering if I know you or not haha! 1. I don't think there's a full version of myself that I miss, but I do miss the slightly oblivious confidence I had when I was younger. Something I've noticed in myself is how anxious and awkward I feel asking people questions, even if it's something I'm genuinely curious about. Some mix of not wanting to look stupid, my mind going blank when I go to ask the question, and then when I do ask questions worrying that it's coming across like an interrogation hahaha. All that overthinking used to never exist, and I do miss that. It's all a work in progress though, and I can see in my actions that I'm starting to build real confidence and learning to overcome that anxiety. So I try to remind myself to stop and notice that and be proud of that, rather than looking back and wishing I could go back to old versions of me. 2. Soda Pop by The Saja Boys 🫧💖✨

Your writing is beautiful.

What's that one forbidden love, forbidden crush, girl (or guy) that got away? That special someone you wish you could be with

Thank you!! I've been self doubting the whole time since I hit post so I'm glad you enjoyed!

For better or worse I don't have a great answer to this one. At least no one that I still wish I could be with. I had an incredible friend/crush/obsession growing up from 4th grade through high school. She was cool and hot and I was not 😂 We drifted apart for a lot of high school when those things mattered, but she was one of the only people in my life to reach out and check on me when I was in a really bad place and we became closer again. We'd hang out pretty regularly and even after she went off to college we'd write loooong emails back and forth keeping in touch until she finally disappeared. We reconnected maybe five or six years later but drifted apart again. She comes to mind for me not because she's a lost forbidden love that I still yearn for, but because looking back I genuinely think she saved my life. Or at least played an important part in me remembering I had enough value to keep living when I wasn't sure I wanted to. She didn't do anything that crazy, there was no one moment or conversation that did it. Just her taking time to show me she cared, taking me out for walks or coffee dates and treating like a friend even though I felt like the biggest loser and I have no doubt she knew what a crush I had on her. For that kindness and patience she will always have a place in my heart.

That's a tough one! I doubt this is the kind of answer you're looking for, but as I'm trying to think of an answer a story keeps coming to mind. I'm cheating because I told my mom this story but I'm pretty sure I've never shared this with anyone else.

Years ago I was working on an apple orchard in WA and I found a sick young american kestrel (a tiny falcon for the non bird nerds) on the ground. They are pretty common to see on farms, the owners often put nest boxes out for them because they hunt many small pests. Sadly young birds of prey and especially kestrels have very mortality rates their first year, so it's not uncommon either to find them dead or injured and sometimes they just "fail to thrive."

I don't think I knew what was wrong with this little guy, but he was not doing well. I was hoping I could get him to a wildlife center after my shift, so I put him in a box in a cool quiet place and gave him some water. When I got done with work that night, it was clear he was near the end. It was already past sunset and getting dark, so I brought him to the edge of the farm and found a huge beautiful sagebrush to sit under together. He was too weak to move by then and just laid in my hands as he passed and twilight faded into night. I cried so fucking hard holding that beautiful little bird, just open ugly sobbing. I didn't know him, I didn't have any connection to him, but I wept for this little incredible being whose life had been so short.

I wasn't even conscious of how dark it had gotten or how many hours I had been there holding him, but I could see his final breathes in the moonlight. The very instant he passed, a coyote started howling less than 20 yards from me in the dark. Then another, and another, and in seconds I was surrounded by the eerie beautiful yipping and howls of a whole group of them. I never saw one even though they were so close, but I could feel them all around me.