you are the smell before rain
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you are the smell before rain

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+ You walk out of your shitty roadside motel room that you’ve been staying in since you ran away from home. It hasn’t been cleaned since the 50s but at least no one will find you out here, in the middle of the desert. You head towards the ice machine, but someone is already there. It’s the most popular girl in school, who you’ve had a crush on since 6th grade. She’s run away too.
+ The year is 1987, You’re part of a ragtag band of misfits that have been friends since childhood. All of you are gay, but no one has admitted it yet so rifts are forming in the gang. One summer morning you roller skate over to your best friend, the only other girl in the groups house to tell her you’re in love with her. Will it tear group apart once and for all or bring you back together?
+ You and your closest friends sit on the roof of your suburban house watching the sunset. The crisp, nearly-autumn breeze blows against your over sized hoodie while you sip cheap, lukewarm beer from a paper bag. No one says anything, no one has to.
+ It’s 1:30 am and you’re driving out of the city with your girlfriend asleep in the passenger seat. there are lights glowing on the highway and in the city behind you but it feels like its just the two of you, and you wish it could last forever
+ You’re on the road with a crappy RV you bought somewhere sketchy with your best friend and her dog on the trip of a lifetime trying to make it as a bluegrass singer. You fall in love over crumpled maps, roadside lemonade, campfire sing alongs, and grimy dive bars where you pay for meals by washing dishes.
+ You walk into your room, satin gown flowing in your wake,You dramatically collapse into a dark velvet chair as if the cameras are rolling. You put on a record and pour your fourth glass of red wine. Your fifth husband has mysteriously died, good thing he left everything to you in the will.
+ You’re at a Halloween party in the basement of a seedy punk club, so wasted you can’t see straight. The ground starts shaking. More than it was before, are you imagining it? No. The bands screaming has gone from angry to terrified. The apocalypse is happening right now.
+ You stand in front of the house at the edge of town. The house with boarded up windows. The house with broken glass in the yard instead of flowers, like everyone else in your small misty mountain town. The house no one talks about. The house you only go when you have no where else to go. You have someone to find in there, someone you need to bring home.
+ You’re a music producer who died overdosing on cocaine at a club in the 70s. You awaken in the exact spot you died in the year 2073. Youre hungry, thirsty, and hornier than you’ve ever been. But most importantly, you look as fly as you always have and you’re surrounded by beautiful women.
+ She’s an urban witch. A drugstore sorceress, mixing potions of Xanax and gasoline. Selling them on a street corner in the east village. No one knows her name, few know her face, But they say you’ll know her when you see her. You approach her on a chilled November night and offer a pack of cigarettes for a love potion. Hands shaking with anxiety and cold. She looks you in the eye and tells you you don’t need love potion. She’ll give you everything you want for free.
+ You’re a nerd, a nobody, the kid who sits by herself at lunch. The kid who never talks and never gets noticed by anyone. Yet here you are, dressed in your big sisters clothes, standing in the coolest girl in schools living room while a party rages around you. Tonight you’re going to be cool. Tonight you’re going to be the life of the party. Tonight she’s finally going to realize you exist. This is either the bravest thing you’ve ever done or the stupidest.
+ You’ve been climbing the mountain for three days and three nights. Out of food, out of water, and utterly, painfully alone. Just when you think you can walk no farther, you hear a waterfall in the distance. With your remaining ounce of strength you launch yourself the final few yards. You collapse to your knees and peer into the clear, cool water. But Instead of seeing your face your entire life is reflected back at you.
gladly
and damn it never felt this good to be dying

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monkey see, monkey do
Don’t you see me now?
T H E 1 9 7 5
Human // Doddleoddle ft. Jon Cozart

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I taste you on my lips and I can’t get rid of you. Nicotine // Panic! at the Disco
Console Me; a poem by me
Console me; My tired soul, my tired continuance My short duration This insignificant existence of lifeless creations
Reassure me; With knowledge, opening my anarchic eyes To propagate optimistic ideas To fertilize my barren mind
Comfort me; My thoughts, my emotions and feelings They sustain inside of me, exploiting pressure Slowly pushing me to the point of exposure
That I am not perfect
So please do console me Because living is already hard as it is Living behind an empty mask Shying away, putting myself inside of a cask
Please do console me Please just let myself be
Why do I like smoking
Smoking. A habit mostly, if not, all people know. Why do I like destroying my lungs? Why do I like chemicals incorporating with my blood as I inhale this toxic yet addictive substance.
Because it’s the only time I feel alive.
When I smoke, I feel everything. I feel the air around me surrounding my fragile bones. It helps me cope with the coldness inside of me, the smoke warming my freezing insides. The flame lighting up the darkness within me.
I feel myself being destroyed and I feel so damn alive. Because pain is the only thing I feel and if there’s no pain felt, there is no feeling at all.
My heart beats. Yes. But it seems as if I’m not living.
I wish i was normal I wish i was different enough I wish I wasn’t so lost between the pieces of myself
K.G. // The Perplexity #12 (via midnightbluewallflower)
See ya August 18th at Mall of Asia Arena, Manila! Let’s party, just don’t forget your tickets. Photo by Meg Meyer
I'm gonna see them! 😍

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Friend, please don’t take your life away from me.
I wanna kill myself for the sake of knowing that all those people who doesn’t appreciate me will miss me. But I can’t seem to bring myself to do it because I hope to do great things.
3 am thoughts while trying to stay alive