Ec-dy-sis

Today I thought about my parents. 

For a few moments, I wondered if things would be different if I had been different. I don’t think they would’ve changed much.

If I had grown up normally, if I didn’t have Jess and my...hobbies, would I still be as  cynical? Could you imagine if I was some sort of preppy girl, with blonde locks and blue eyes? What if I trusted people, had relationships.

What if I was married?

Ew. Gross. 

If you expected anything other than vague posts and self loathing you’ve come to the wrong place.

Well. Another one of you. I’m not used to any sort of social interaction, but I suppose I should offer some sort of greeting.

It’s been...I don’t even think I remember how long---

It’s been days, April. 

I’ve gotten so distracted, there hasn't been much time to write down my thoughts. I’ve found that the longer I go without getting them out, the more my mind eats at me. 

Jess...well, Jess has been in control for most of the time I’ve been gone. To my surprise, it’s been okay. She’s cleaned up after herself, stored the meat in the freezer like I asked her to. She’s even fed the dogs. 

I’m slightly proud.

Well. The work room is clean, I’ve spent most of the last few days scrubbing it from top to bottom. 

At least is smells like bleach and not rotting meat now. 

Jess has appointments tonight, I’m dreading the backlash....The thought of what she does with those men makes me sick to my stomach. It’s disgusting.