Not every friendship has to be sexual. Not every woman exists to be fuckable.
I had a conversation with a situationship/friend-with-benefits that left a bad taste in my mouth.
I told him I was going to celebrate one of my best friendâs birthdays, and his first response was: âthe next member of our threesome.â I said âew,â because it made me uncomfortable. He replied that my friend is beautiful, and I shouldnât react like that.
So I said: âImagine me saying something like that about your sister.â And he told me that his âman brainâ can care for a female friend, but still not see her 100% as a sister â because thereâs always the possibility of fucking her. He added that heâs had (or would have) sex with most of his female friends. That the only ones he wouldnât sleep with are the ones he finds too unattractive.
And I thought⌠So this is how some men really think about their friends?
That women are either âfuckableâ or not worth it?
That affection and sexual desire are always blurred unless someone doesnât âmake the cutâ?
Me, with my bisexual woman brain, can see people as beautiful, even sexy, and still not want to sleep with them. I can have friends â close, loving, emotionally deep friendships â without the need to sexualize them.
Attraction doesnât have to ruin or define everything.
Not every connection has to be sexual.
Not every body exists to serve your desire.
Not every woman needs to be seen as a potential body to consume.
You can admire someoneâs beauty without turning them into a target.
And the part that really stayed with me: I asked him â hypothetically â if he ever started dating my best friend, would he tell her that we had something in the past. He said no. He wouldnât tell her.
Because silence can also be betrayal. If she ever found out from someone else, I know sheâd feel deceived. And Iâd rather lose him as a friend than lose her trust.
That conversation made it painfully clear: He sees women as potential sex objects. If they donât fit that role, he dismisses them. If they do, he objectifies them. And somewhere in that game, honesty is optional.
Iâm tired of normalizing this as âjust how men are.â
Iâm tired of swallowing that disappointment like itâs something I should expect.