Developing the ability to piss other people off (or even to RISK pissing them off) without knuckling under is pretty much the Holy Grail of emotionally abused kids, I think. We are programmed to respond at the first sign of displeasure, and we donât have the faith in ourselves and our decisions to weather the stormâ or even a mild sprinkleâ so we tend to freak out as if the world was ending if a cloud crosses the sun. We freak out about the possibility that weâre wrong, that weâre doing the wrong things, that weâre making the wrong choices, that weâll make someone angry, because thereâs this awful certainty lurking at the back of our minds that says âIf you do the wrong thing, you will be in TROUBLE.â And being in TROUBLE is the worst thing, ever, because that part of our brain is forever three years old where our parents are our whole world and being in TROUBLE is the end of everything.
It takes a lot of practice to gain that sort of gut-level knowledge that weâre strong enough to handle this stuff and that the world doesnât end if someone else is angry at us. Itâs not an innate quality that some people have and some donât; people who grow up in non-abusive homes learn it when theyâre young, is all, and the rest of us have to learn it when weâre grown up. And it sucks, and itâs not fair, and itâs not fun, but thereâs no getting around it, and you can do it, you CAN.
You can piss people off.
You can be wrong.
You can fuck up.
You can do stuff that everyone thinks is weird.
AND IT IS ALL OKAY. The world wonât end. You will still be a good person. And the likelihood is that most of the things you do WONâT be wrong, and WONâT piss people off, and WONâT be up-fuckery, and WONâT be weird, but if it is? The hell with it; fix it, if necessary, and move on.
vaporwave
andulkaphoto
areudirty
titsay
2087
tangentwithtanner
stormborns
