The thing I truly don’t understand about people who are like “unhealthy attachment means you want to be happy in your relationship”. Like, yeah? I don’t enjoy spending time around people who make me feel miserable? And just because I like being happy around that person doesn’t stop me from trying to make them happy as well. It’s a mutual thing to make each other happy?!?
I know some people don’t see TCWs as canon but I’m including some references because it shows how dumb this no attachment philosophy is.
I see posts that are like “oh, Anakin was so selfish because he liked being around Padme because he liked that she made him happy. He should know that a good relationship is only about caring how Padme feels and if she is happy”. Girl what does that even mean? That in his relationship Anakin should give so much of himself that he feels miserable while ensuring that Padme is happy? That he just shouldn’t feel anything but focus only on her feelings? And if Padme is happy because of spending time with Anakin doesn’t that make her selfish? Shouldn’t she be showing genuine love by making herself miserable to make him happy?
Even if you look at Obi Wan and Satine, like yes they choose duty over love. But they still enjoy each other’s company and make each other happy?!? And according to the pro no attachment crowd, I can’t even understand the mental gymnastics it takes to use the argument that “unselfish love is caring about the other person’s feelings” and “always be willing to walk away and choose duty over love”. Like if I’m always ready to dip out of any relationship, am I actually putting the other person’s feelings first? I mean Obi Wan and Satine made the “unselfish” choice to focus on their careers instead of each other. But (and I’d say especially on Satine’s end) that meant there were hurt feelings because they didn’t get to stay in a relationship. The show really implies that Satine really really wanted Obi Wan to stay and Obi Wan would have considered it. So Obi Wan made the unselfish decision to leave while making Satine feel very sad because she was in love with him. So he chose duty but he didn’t put her feelings first. So he didn’t follow the no attachment rule very well because oh look at that, he hurt someone. Maybe that’s because telling people that they can’t feel normal emotions or having a normal relationship isn’t a good thing?!? And is it fair to say that Jedi can be in a relationship as long as they’re willing to drop it at a moment’s notice when it’s with someone who ISN’T a Jedi and therefore isn’t under the same no emotion obligation? Isn’t that selfish to be with someone who might actually want to get married when you know that you’re going to one day leave and break their heart? Obi Wan always planned to dump Satine to run back to the Jedi. Yes she knew that but she was also obviously emotionally attached to him and hurt by him leaving?! And obviously Obi Wan felt emotions too if he stated he would have been willing to leave the Jedi too. So like, yeah. Great job on both sides by never actually considering giving up everything for the other. Totally never even crossed their minds to be selfish. They’re absolutely perfect and didn’t hurt each other at all.
And people who enjoy Obi Wan and Anakin’s relationship. I only see them as friends/family and don’t ship them but even if you do ship them, the whole relationship is stupid if you say they care about each other but can’t be attached ?! Like how do they be unselfish? If the whole point is to be willing to walk away from each other then there are no feelings at all on either side so why would they feel love at all? Then if it’s only about the other’s happiness while not caring about their own how does that work? Are they both constantly supposed to feel miserable while tirelessly making the other happy. But isn’t that impossible if neither are allowed to feel happiness? So they just, what? Live in a perpetual state of misery while spending all time trying to complete the impossible task of making the other happy while knowing they can’t feel happiness because that’s selfish so they both refuse to feel anything positive while knowing that they are willing to drop the other at a moments notice. Yes because THAT is healthy.
No instead we only see the truly unhealthy relationship and of *checks notes* Anakin and Padme who both strive to make each other happy and do enjoy each other’s company. Who still make decisions to sacrifice their own happiness by choosing to not abandon their duties while also selflessly caring about each other’s feelings. I mean I totally see how Anakin is selfish when he chooses to leave his wife for months at a time to go be on the war front and watch a bunch of people die. He totally cares more about her and doesn’t have any inclination to help the rest of the galaxy at all. And when he is on leave, it’s so selfish of him to want a break from WAR and just have a peaceful night with his wife because he *gasp* enjoys her company. Doesn’t he know he should be spending all his time thinking about the war and all those people who died and how dare he actually want to be happy with another person for five minutes.
Anakin really should be emulating Obi Wan who left his woman heartbroken. Obi Wan who represses all his emotions and is only willing to admit he cares at all when their lives are in imminent danger. Obi Wan who only thinks about the war and is in fact willing to fake his death and not tell Anakin because Anakin needs to think it’s real to get a genuine reaction out of the person who lives him most. Yes Obi Wan is so unselfish that he really does the best job ever of making sure to constantly think about the happiness of others over his own. He never puts his own desires for a promotion and the council’s approval ahead of other people’s feelings. He totally doesn’t choose his job and not care if people are left in emotional agony in his wake. He always selflessly chooses duty (which funnily enough comes with promotions when he does as he’s told) and he also selflessly ensures that he puts other’s happiness first (breaking Satine’s heart and having Anakin mourn his mentor (whom Anakin sees as a father) who was brutally murdered in front of him (which Obi Wan also saw his mentor die brutally in front of him and was so upset that he *gasp* tapped into the dark side because he was that upset at Qui Gon’s death). Yes Anakin should totally emulate Obi Wan the greatest paragon of virtue.
I don’t hate Obi Wan and I’m not trying to bash him but he is not the selfless being that everyone makes him out to be. Yes he did lose people he cares about, but Obi Wan didn’t fall to the dark side, not because he is so much better and selfless that Anakin but because Obi Wan was never emotionally invested in any relationship *to* fall to the dark side. Qui Gon was the only death that came close to pushing him there. Obi Wan loved the Jedi Code above everything else and so that is what he held onto.














