Salty Rain Drops

That can't be the first post on this blog. Makes me sick just reading it. I don't want to say I'm getting better but I've definitely had more good days since then. I'm still looking forward!

Hate this post, makes me nauseous. 13 more days and I'll be free

I have an assignment due yesterday and I've been avoiding my family and drowning myself in arrow. I don't know why I'm burying my head in the sand instead of just getting on with it. What's wrong with me

I keep trying to subconsciously make myself miserable and then subconsciously repress that misery. It's a strange sensation and I don't know how to feel as I slowly sink into numbness

I don't think can handle anymore of this

It’ll have to do for now

SHIT

Am I really that unstable that something as simple as people not being awake on time is enough to make me spiral out of control and question being alive

It started slowly, I could feel everything slowing down, my mind and my movements, like a blanket smothering me. When I got to the stairs I couldn’t move but it wasn’t paralysis it was more like I couldn’t Will myself to move. I remember thinking ‘oh I can move if I want to’ but I just couldn’t bring myself to move. Then I started crying because this happened Monday when I had that weird episode. Then I heard you moving around and I tried to love but I couldn’t, I tried forcing my head up but all that would happen was that my hand would move like a millimetre and I started panicking because I was straining my head and I Would Not Move and I was screaming but there was no sound and that triggered a panic attack (the hyperventilating) and that plus the fact that you were were Right There and I didn’t even realise you’d moved snapped me out of whatever just happened. So thanks