I dont know, why dont you ask the monkey

Wow thanks for the ingot man let me just inspect the quality real quick

Dude come on

-St Augustine, on Alexander the Great

"What even is a war? Like isn't it illegal to kill people?"

The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.

Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.

I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.

Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.

"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."

"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."

"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"

Chloe Turner

From The Bright Sessions

Canonically asexual

Dr Sally Grissom

From Ars Paradoxica

Canonically aroace

Aziraphale

From Good Omens

Headcanoned as asexual

Crowley

From Good Omens

Headcanoned as asexul

Caleb

From Powerpills 

Canonically aroace

Cyrus Cantwell

From Remember The Flowers