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Conner: I’m sorry. I love you, but we can never marry.

Tim, thinking about who he might need to politely go ask Jason to take care of:

Conner, entirely serious: I’m never going to be able to beat your dad.

Tim, hearing “beat UP” because he was thinking about Jason punching Luthor:

Tim: I feel like further explanation might be necessary here.

Wally: Okay. I think I’m ready to fight Batman.

Dick, only half paying attention: *nods* I understand completely. I have the same urge all the time.

Jason: What do you MEAN you can’t marry me because Batman will beat you?

Roy: But Bruce said-

Jason: I don’t care what Bruce said. Actually, no. I do care. How DARE he-

*cut to Jason fighting Batman*

Roy: So does this count, or…

Bruce, at six am in a bathrobe and slippers: Steph, what are you doing here?

Steph: Outsourcing.

when he saw Dick's radiant smile and Damian's blushing face, and heard Jason's hearty laugh and Tim's soft giggle, he knew he didn't want his sons to be heartbroken ever again.

so he had an idea.

---

when The Justice League ends their meeting at the Watchtower, Batman asks for The Flash, Green Arrow and Superman to stay behind.

Superman: Something wrong, Batman?

Batman narrowed his eyes on the three League members as if he is analyzing them deeply.

Flash, gulps: Um, Bats. I know we've been a Team for years now, but your stare still kinda scares me....

Green Arrow, snorts: Oh dear, old, Spooky. Tell us-

Batman: You do know that I have contingency plans for each of you, right?

Flahs gulps again, Superman nods and Green Arrow rolls his eyes, although they remain silent.

Flash, horrified: Oh no, what did we do wrong? What did I do, Bats?

Superman starts to touch Batman by the shoulder, but Batman steps back.

Batman: They're great, so I know you're raising those kids right.

Batman, walks towards the exit: Because if my sons get hurt, I'm taking the actions to you.

and they finally understood.

Green Arrow: Oh.

Superman, smiles: Aw, don't worry, Batman. My boys are well-raised and behaved. They got it from their mama.

Green Arrow: Spooky, Roy is a father now. He and Jason are taking care of Lian, so they're locked for life. Plus, he knows he doesn't want to get on The Red Hood and Batman's bad sides.

Flash: Wally would never hurt Dick. He's got a crush on him since they were kids.

Batman, pats his utility belt: Contingency plans. Never forget.

he finally leaves the room.

the room is quiet, you can hear a pin drop on the floor even if you're not a super.

Green Arrow, speaks first: Doesn't he just use those plans when we've gone off the rails, or something like that?

Superman: Well, it's his sons' happiness we are talking about here.

Flash, releases a shaky breath: Damn it. I'm calling Wally.

Green Arrow: Oh fu- I barely know where Roy is these days.

Superman, already ahead of the two: See you both!

Jason: What’s got the kid so worked up?

Tim: Creative writing assignment.

Damian: It is a useless assignment that serves no purpose!

Dick: You’re supposed to show the teacher how creative you can be with your words, Dami.

Damian: I would prefer to show him how creative I am with my swords!

Tim: Big surprise there.

Damian: Watch your tone, Drake!

Bruce: Boys.

Jason: I loved writing assignments. What’s yours?

Damian: I am to write a complex sentence regarding each member of the family without using the letter ‘A’. Drake and Richard are no help and father refuses to participate.

Jason: That’s because Bruce is shit at writing, but I honestly expected better from the rest of you. This is an easy one.

Dick: You’re just saying that because you don’t want to admit you’re as clueless as the rest of us.

Jason: Fine. I’ll prove it.

(To Dick): I think Dick describes you perfectly, big brother.

(To Tim): Drink less coffee, number two.

(To Damian): You need to chill, you little gremlin.

(To Bruce): Go fuck yourself, you furry bitch.

(To Everyone): I would be delighted to shoot every single one of you, twice.

(To Alfred): Except you. I will love you forever.

…

…

…

Batman: Wayne Family Adventures #102 - "Bad Day" (2023)

... ♥

Dick: Just rip the bandage off.

Roy: It’s Jason.

Since Bruce's kids all love to play around and hide in his cape as Robins, I wonder if he makes them blankets out of the same materials as his cape so they can have a piece of security when Bruce isn't there?

I remember in Dick and Jason's older comics (correct me if I'm wrong), they used to stay up late waiting for Bruce when he'd go out as Batman alone, so I'm gonna take this as confirmation that all his kids have done this at some point.

So now I'm totally gonna hc that in order to encourage his kids to not stay up late for him or as a way to help them feel more safe and secure when he's not there, he makes them all blanket replicas of his cape for them to snuggle with :')

Tim:

Some Wayne gala fits for the boys! I saw something similar by @fallen-jpg and wanted to do some of my own lol

"What's up with Damian?" Jason asked, with an eyebrow raised. Damian was practicing throwing his sword on a dummy, but he wasn't being precise as he usually would. His aim was off by a few inches.

"He misses Dick." Tim shrugged as he continued typing on the keyboard. "He's been doing that for two hours."

"Didn't Dick leave yesterday?"

"Yup." Tim never once looked back. Either too focused on the computer or he didn't care of his surroundings. "I wish he was in his room instead."

"How long have you been here?" Jason frowned, crossing his arms.

"No comment."

Jason rolled his eyes. "I'll talk to him. Maybe get him to go somewhere else."

Tim gave him a small wave from behind, as if that would happen. "Good luck."

Jason approached Damian, who glanced at him for a second before going back to attacking the dummy. "Wanna do something?"

"With you? No." Damian wiped the sweat off from his forehead.

"C'mon. I know you're bored doing the same shit over and over," Jason said.

"Practice makes perfect. You should try it sometimes. It'll improve your skills."

Tim's muffled laughter could be heard, making Jason grit his teeth and forcing a smile. He was not going to be upset. He knew how Damian was, nothing new.

"I guess you wouldn't like the zoo, then."

That got Damian's attention as he lowered his sword. "Zoo?"

"Yeah. Dick's friend lives there. Zitka, the elephant. You never met her before, right?"

"I've heard of her... but never met her. Grayson has been busy lately to take me," Damian said softly.

Jason smirked. "What are you waiting for? Let's go! Dick lost his chance to take you, so I'll do it."

Damian finally put the sword away. His eyes were filled with excitement and a smiled reached his face. He stood in front of Jason, eager to leave the batcave.