🕳️ Overthinking and overknowing.🕳️

Current reason for fighting? Bad bitch uwu music that fuckin celebrates the violent cute feminine manic episode (i feel great even when im not thriving with these bops.) FEMTANYL BITCH.

That’s the thing about life- you’re placed on a route and place as a kid and you can steer yourself a little but you’re all moving in the same direction in time, and whoever landed before and set the mulch decided where you can land.

I can't call it my brain because everyone knows people can't feel their brain but I can feel it move when my mind shifts from clarity to fog to everywhere in between and sometimes when I feel ill I can feel it deflating like the sinking feeling in my chest as my world falls around me.

There's a million ways to describe anything, and I can tell my therapist that "sometimes I'm harder on myself than other times" or I can admit that I screamed myself raw in my car on the way to work because the only thought that's been on my mind for the last week is that I want to die and that I should distract myself from that thought because somehow someway I'm supposed to get better even though I've done every goddamn thing in the book to be better and by all accounts I *should* be the most stable functional person in my circle but big suprise- I'm not.

Hey Absence,

I doodled again. My minds not much better but I finally got a therapist all on my own, and I'm technically talking to two at least for now. Oddly I like the temporary one much more.

These are old. Therapist agrees that I am in a sort of limbo and it's bad for me. I am struggling to art because it's all just so unbearably depressing to think cognitively.

Having a good day then being hit with the equal opposite reaction and just constantly chanting to myself in my head like

"Don't be a statistic"

"Don't be a statistic"

"Don't be a statistic"

"Don't be a statistic"