Lil, She/Her, Gen X

MASTER LIST

Part 6

Disclaimer: I don't beta my work, and English is not my first language, so please excuse any errors.

You stood there, arguing with yourself in your head.

“Don’t go in. Keep walking.”

“But we’ll be late, and then we have to deal with the car and all that, it’ll take forever. Why not shave off a few minutes and get a ride. Who cares if it’s him? It’s a ride.”

“But it’s him, he’s a jerk.”

“We know, but we are desperate. Go get our girl and then go right back to never speaking to him again. We don’t want Ellie to be the last girl picked up at school!”

And just like that, that image of your little girl sitting on the school stoop in her lonesome with a sad look on her sweet little face made you give in. So you climbed into his truck, thanking him without looking at him.

Joel rummaged around for a bit, finally handing you a battery pack.

“To charge your phone,” he said.

You took it, mumbling a thanks before taking the charging cord from your purse. You plugged it into your deader-than-dead phone, waiting for the little battery symbol to pop up.

Nada.

You wanted to give it the usual side bang you normally do, but you were in his truck. If it was your formerly trusty 100-year-old Nissan you wouldn’t have had any qualms about banging that cracked and slightly bloated phone on any of its interior surface, but it was not.

“Your phone looks bloated,” he remarked. “The battery might blow. You shouldn’t charge that.”

It wasn’t bloated this morning. Of course it chose to do this right now.

Shit. Why the fuck would he look at your phone? He was supposed to be driving. Why the fuck was he looking at your phone when he was supposed to be driving? You took the cord off the battery pack and put the latter in the console, placing your phone back in your purse. You had no interest in being lectured right now. You had enough on your mind. You were just gonna find another outlet. You just needed a few minutes of charging. You’ll repair the phone later today. There’s a place near the store for that. You had just been biding your time until it was really necessary. It’s necessary now. Fuck. You should have gotten it fixed before.

Damn these newer generation phones that came with in built batteries.

“How old is that thing?” he asked, his eyes darting from the road ahead to you.

You didn’t answer. This was the man who made snide remarks of you for eating the leftover food from your daughter’s packed lunch as a snack. Sure, he apologized, but the jab had left its mark. You were not going to give him another ammo for not being able to afford a new phone right now.

Fuck. How much was the car going to cost you now?

Shit.

There goes your entire savings. Maybe even more.

Joel noticed your mind wandering. He knew you were still mad. He had sworn he would do whatever it takes to get back in your good list, but he didn’t know how. You were the one woman after Daisy and Tess he wanted to talk to on his own volition, without anyone making him do so, without marriage being a reason you were connected, and he fucked that up.

He drove in silence for a few minutes after you ignored his question, his mind scrambling to find something else to say.

Duh! Your car was stalled. Ask about that, you doofus!

“So, what happened to the car?”

You shrugged.

“I mean, did it just stop? Like it ran out of gas or…”

“No, it made a noise. And then just stopped.”

Joel found himself lightheaded, but in a good way, like somehow the amount of oxygen in his truck had increased in volume, filling his lungs with too much of much needed air.

“Was there smoke coming out of the hood?”

You shook your head.

He nodded, his mind swirling with a list of possible problems it could be.

“Was the sound like a clunking or was it a whine?”

“More like a squeal and a rattle? And then a snap and a loud bang, and the thing just stopped.”

“Suddenly?”

You nodded.

He nodded along with you, “Could be the timing belt.”

You had no idea what that was, but your heart sank. “Would it be expensive to repair?”

Joel could hear the insecurity in your voice, “It depends… Hey,” he said when you looked away, his hand automatically reaching out to hold yours, catching himself at the last minute and pulling back before you turned your head back to face the front, “Don’t worry about it yet, okay? I’m no mechanic, so I can’t really say. We’ll call one, and then we’ll see, okay?”

God, you thought to yourself. This was a bad idea. Getting in the truck with him was the worst idea ever.

His voice was like soft butter on a hot piece of toast, you being that unfortunate toast. It just oozed its good, creamy buttery self all over your body, reaching places you didn’t even know was reachable.

It was dangerous. Potentially lethal, you would say. The longer he talked to you like that, the more danger you would be in.

You didn’t say anything. This man found a way to talk to you, expose you to that dangerous voice of his even without you responding too much, what could he do if you did?

The two of you rode in silence until you got to the school. You were practically scrambling to get out of the truck, hastily thanking him for the ride.

“Would you mind getting Sarah too? I have to make a phone call. I don’t want her to wait,” he gently requested.

“Uh, yeah, okay,” you said, a bit confused. How long a phone call was he planning to make that Sarah would have to wait? But okay, sure, why not?

You went to the yard, the kids already starting to run out to their parents.

“Annie?” Tess called out, waving you over. She held out a finger at you as you approached before trying to wrangle a child who had taken to clinging to her foot, wailing her little heart out as if she had just been tortured. She passed the child to her mother, explaining that her red crayon broke in two, so obviously the world had ended in the most tragic manner.

You wanted to laugh, but the idea of seeing Joel Miller again when you send Sarah to his truck made you stop, your nerves. Tess waved the child and mother combo goodbye, taking a deep breath with her eyebrows raised once she turned around to face you before bursting into laughter.

“Oh God I really shouldn’t be laughing, but every now and again, children crying for the silliest reasons can be the funniest thing ever!” she said, wiping her eyes. “You here to pick up Ellie? They told me you were going to be late. Everything okay?” she asked, pulling you aside so you don’t get bulldozed by a throng of excited children.

“Yeah, my car broke down, that’s all. I have to figure out how to get my car off the side of the road. My phone died.”

Tess looked sorry, getting her phone out so you could call a tow truck. Before you could decide whether to take it, she asked another question, her hand pulled back from her confusion.

“Wait, you aren’t late. How did you get here? You said your phone died? You managed to get an Uber?”

“No, Joel… he saw me walking by the roadside, gave me a lift. He’s uh… making a phone call at the truck, he asked me to send Sarah to him.”

“So… he’s not sending you to your car or work?” she asked, looking worried.

“Oh, I couldn’t trouble him. God knows how long it’ll take to get a tow truck, all that, I’m sure he has things to do. In fact, I shouldn’t keep him waiting. Are Sarah and Ellie ready?”

“Yeah, let me get them. You want to take my phone? Order the Uber or call the tow truck?” she asked, holding her hand out, phone in it.

“Uh, it’s okay, I’m gonna charge my phone somewhere, I don’t really remember the number. And I’m gonna call my friend, see if she can take Ellie. I don’t want her waiting with me by the roadside. It’s getting colder.”

“Okay, just, let me know where your car is. I just have to finish my pick up duty and then I can drive by, keep you company,” she said, pocketing her phone. “I’ll get the girls.”

You looked around the foyer, noticing an outlet at the end of the building. You plugged in your phone, praying that the battery wasn’t going to explode in a school area, and for it to have enough juice to call someone by the time you dropped Sarah off at Joel Miller’s truck.

The girls came bounding out, holding hands, excited both of them were called at the same time. Sarah jumped into your arms, squealing her hello. So many questions. Sooo many questions. Why are you taking me? Am I going home with you and Ellie? Where is Daddy? Are you and Daddy friends again now? You tried to answer, your daddy has a phone call sweetie, no, you’re not coming home with me and Ellie, your Daddy is at the truck, I’m taking you to him right now, sure honey. Your Daddy and I are friends again, though we have always been friends sweetie, all the while taking a five dollar bill and stuffing it in her bag, knowing Joel Miller might not want to take what little you could pay him for gas money out of guilt for treating you like shit all those weeks ago.

You took both of them by the hand and walked them to the parking lot, Sarah running to Joel as soon as she saw him. Joel hurriedly said goodbye and hung up, picking his excited daughter up, backpack and all, giving her smooches. Ellie stuck by your side, giving Joel Miller the stink eye, still not that willing to forgive the man for yelling at you.

“Well, thank you for the ride, Mr Miller, I really appreciate it,” you quickly said, telling Ellie to say goodbye to Sarah.

“Where are you going? I’ll drop you off at the store,” he said, his voice gentle. Placing Sarah back on solid ground.

“Oh, no, that’s okay, my phone is charging at the school, I’m just gonna call Maria. I have to deal with the tow truck and all that, it’s okay. Thank you for offering, though.”

“Your car is already dealt with. Buddy of mine is gonna pick it up,” he said, lifting his phone. “Just leave your car keys with me, I’ll drop it off for you. I’ll drop you off at the store. Go get your phone, I’ll get Sarah’s old booster from the back. It’s a little torn, she used to pick at the material when she got restless, but still useable. I was planning on refurbing it and giving it to Goodwill, but we can use it for today.”

Wait, what?

No.

The last thing you need is to owe him more than you already have. You cannot be indebted to him anymore. You already made sure to leave a few dollars in Sarah’s bag for his gas, just for picking you up by the roadside and driving you to school. No more acts of service. You cannot owe him anything more. Not something like this. You cannot let him have something to lord over you.

No. Just… No.

Before you could even come up with the voice to refuse, Sarah squealed and pulled Ellie’s hand towards the truck, your little girl couldn’t even get herself to pretend to hate the idea of being so close to Joel Miller from her excitement to spend more time with her friend. Sarah was chittering away about the car games they could play, Ellie practically trembling from the impatience to play. Joel helped Sarah in and went to back to get the booster seat, the item looking quite worse for wear.

You were rooted to the ground, unable to move, still trying to find a way to refuse without looking like the bad guy.

Joel clicked the booster seat in place and picked your daughter up by the armpits, placing her on the booster seat, the little girl suddenly more than willing to be in his vicinity without trying to beat the living crap out of the man. The two girls started holding hands and giggling as Joel buckled them both in, Sarah audibly explaining the rules of the first game she was planning for the two of them to play.

Joel asked Ellie to mind her hands and fingers before making sure the child lock was on her side of the door, closing it behind him. He stopped when he saw you still standing there.

“I thought you were going to get your phone?” he asked, coming round the truck to get to the driver seat.

“I don’t… I just don’t want to trouble you, it’s really okay, my phone should be powered now, even if just a little. I can call Maria.”

“I’m already here, my buddy will tow your car to his garage. The girls are already settled, it’s all taken care of. Let me help. Please. It’s just a ride, go get your phone, I’ll drive up to the gate, go on. It’s really no trouble at all. This way, you can go back to work, you don’t need to miss work this way. I’ll text you the address for my buddy’s shop, you can go after work, or I can give you my buddy’s number, or give him yours, but for now, let me help you.”

“Everything okay here?” Tess walked up.

“Yeah,” you said, “Just… he offered to drop me off.”

“She’s trying to decline. I called Jim, he’s gonna tow her car,” Joel explained.

“Oh, well, I can call you an Uber if you insist, but Jim would probably be the guy your insurance company sends to get the car anyway,” Tess coaxed, eyeing the two girls giggling in the truck, the game seemingly already underway. “Or I can take you and Ellie to the store or Jim’s shop, if you prefer,” she offered.

You felt a little overwhelmed by both offers. Since you got here, you were always offered a helping hand. Maria, Frank, Bill, and now Joel Miller and Tess? You were not used to this.

“The girls are already playing, come on, go get your phone,” Joel pleaded.

The girls squealed with laughter. And you knew saying no to him would result in a sour puss from your little girl.

You looked at Tess, “I guess I should just go with Joel. Ellie is already happily seated there,” you told her, eager to justify the reason you needed to go with Joel instead of taking her offer.

She waved her hand, “Of course! No worries! Come on, let’s go get your phone. Where’d you charge it?”

“At the end there,” you pointed, walking towards the building, Tess walking with you.

Joel watched as you walked away, his heart leaping a little bit that he would have some extra time with you. He got in and drove to the gate, waiting for you to come back, his mind already brainstorming ways to get to see you again.

The girls were happily laughing at some joke they had going on by the time Joel got to the gate, jumping out to open the door for you. You thanked him as he waited for you to buckle in and closed the door. The girls were having a blast just keeping score on the number of red cars they saw, Sarah winning by two.

The game continued as Joel drove you and Ellie to the store, the girls moving on to other games and you and Joel sat silently in front, both smiling discreetly to yourselves to hear the girls so happy with each other.

The drive remained silent at the front throughout the journey, the laughter from the back seat sometimes interrupted with cheeky whispers between the two girls. You were relieved when you realized the store was a few traffic lights’ drive away when Sarah suddenly asked a question that made your head go cold.

“Daddy, can Ellie come play at the store with us today?”

You could feel Joel’s eyes on you, Sarah’s too. You turned to see him, the man already looking at you expectantly, his eyes flickering to the traffic light to make sure he didn’t miss the green light. He leaned over, “I’m okay if you are, I’ll pick you up later after your shift, it’s no problem,” he whispered.

Shit. That voice sounded better as a whisper.

You turned to face him, he was so close, the golden flecks in his eyes visible to you. You took a deep breath, and his musk almost made you swoon. Maybe it was your imagination, but you swore for a moment, just a split second, his eyes flickered to your lips.

Get over yourself Annie. As if.

“Uh… I don’t know… Ellie has homework to do, I’m sure…” you said, as if the one math worksheet she usually got and a drawing of a household item could count as homework.

And why was he still so close to you?

And why the heck didn’t you pull away?

“We can do them together, I do my homework too!” Sarah answered, making you and Joel jump, the man withdrawing from you.

For a moment, you wanted to chase his smell but caught yourself in time.

“I don’t know sweetie, Ellie might be more comfortable at the store, she’s not used to your Daddy’s store,” you said, still giving excuses.

The truth was, you just wanted to get this all over and done with. It wasn’t good for you to stay in close contact with him for longer. Your mind was starting to say things you didn’t want to say. You could feel yourself about to give him excuses for his past behaviour towards you. The way you would when Eric first showed his red flags you didn’t know existed in your years of knowing him.

And no, you did not want to do that. Never again.

You glanced in the rear view mirror, expecting to see Ellie looking relieved at your excuse. Instead, you were met with the saddest, most pleading pair of eyes coming from your little girl you had ever seen.

“Please Mama? Can I?”

Shit.

What the fuck happened to hating Joel Miller? Wasn’t she the one who was holding a bigger grudge against him than you were? You thought she was on your side!

Traitor!

“It’s okay, I have a room for Sarah to hang out in, it’s safe, they won’t be in the shop, per se, they’ll have food, snacks, we can get ice cream, even, what do you think girls?” he asked them. The girls nodded so vigorously you were reminded of a Hawaiian lady bobblehead your Dad used to have on his dash on a rough road.

He finally stopped at the store, putting the truck in park and pulling the hand brake.

“Please Mama? I’ll behave, I promise.”

You turned to look at your daughter, her face now a very convincing mimicry of the theatre mask, the one with the lips turned down, her eyes so pleading your heart wanted to leap out of your chest.

As if you hadn’t felt guilty enough making her stay in the staff lounge after school.

“Okay,” you said after a pause.

“Yes!” both girls whispered aloud, pumping their hands to the side as if they’d just scored on something.

You quickly got out of the truck and opened Ellie’s door.

“You behave, okay? Don’t be naughty, don’t make too much noise. Mr Miller might have a lot of work to do, and you cannot bother him, you understand?”

She nodded, still smiling.

“You do as Mr Miller tells you, okay? Do your homework, nap, play quietly. Okay? You promise?”

“I promise Mama.”

“Okay,” you hugged her, reluctant to let go.

But that face, the pleading, and the fact that you knew she would have more fun with Sarah than being alone at the staff lounge made you accept the verdict.

“She’ll be okay,” Joel said, closing your door.

You rummaged in your purse and handed him a ten dollar bill. He looked at it as if it was a dirty rag.

“What’s this?”

“For the ice cream, and whatever snack she might eat.”

He rolled his eyes. “Your money’s no good here, Annie. Sarah has always said she was bored at the store, no one to play with. You’re doing me a favour, trust me. Maybe she’ll stop complaining about having no friend today. What time does your shift end?”

“5.30, I promise I’ll pick her up by 6 at the latest.”

“Stop. We’ll be here. Your car keys please,” he said, holding his hand out.

“No, I can’t impose on you further. You must have things to do,” you insisted, handing him your keys.

“Tommy’s back, he can handle the store. Don’t worry about it. See you at 5.30,” he said, jogging around the car to leave. “Go, work, don’t worry about Ellie.”

Joel got back in the car, telling Ellie to wave you goodbye.

“Are we coming back to get Auntie Annie, Daddy?” Sarah asked.

“Yep,” he answered, driving off, taking one final glance at your sweet face.

“Bye Mama!” Ellie waved.

“Bye Auntie Annie!” Sarah waved.

The two girls high fived each other quietly as Joel drove along, unaware of the two girls’ demeanours in the back seat, their eyes glinting with cheekiness, a satisfied smile on their faces.  

You woke up that Saturday feeling heavy, yet light. You had no idea what it was you were feeling exactly. On the one hand, you got your car back. It was running again. You don’t have to rely on someone else to get around, you don’t have to fight someone else to let you just take an Uber or just let your daughter stay in the staff lounge.

On the other, you owed Joel Miller an undisclosed sum of money, an amount he refused to tell you, for the cost of fixing your car.

It was a belt of sorts. It had finally snapped and took out a part on its way out. A car something. Apparently cars have a smaller car in it?

You didn’t even know cars have belts. Let alone another car in it.

But you came out of the store yesterday to him telling you that your car was ready, it was parked at his store, and that the bill had been taken care of.

You tried to get Jim to tell you how much the bill was. You called, you texted, all the while cringing and bracing yourself for the reply.

You had spent an extra 150 dollars on a new phone and shopped at the discount section for bruised fruits and nearly expired products to save money, leading to Frank shoving a bag full of non-discounted groceries in your hands.

“Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s what friends are for,” he had said, kissing you on the cheek before pushing you out the door that Friday.

“Frank, this is too much…”

“Don’t. I know you’re worried about the cost of the car repair. Take the groceries and shush. Breaks my heart to think of the two of you skimping on food. Now go, your hunk of a boyfriend is waiting,” he said, nodding his head at Joel Miller’s waiting truck.

“He’s not my…”

“Go,” he interrupted, pushing you a little. “Nothing wrong with a little wishful thinking.”

“He was so…”

“Rude to you, I know, but people here have known him a while, and while I don’t condone a hunk like that screaming at one of my favourite people, even I can see that he was just a single father defending his precious daughter. He’s apologized numerous times and has never gone back to that behaviour since. He’s being nice, go be nice back. Maybe the two of you were meant to meet, who knows?”

“He’s just trying to say sorry again, that’s why he’s nice. He’s not interested in me like that.”

“Sure he’s not. Keep telling yourself that.”

Don’t slap your boss. Don’t slap your boss. Don’t slap your boss.

You went to his truck, the door already opened for you. He took your groceries and placed it in the back, the girls not there. He had left them at the store, since your car was there.

The Monday incident repeated throughout the week, despite your attempts to say no. He had knocked on your door early Tuesday before you could even call an Uber. Dropped the girls off, sent you to work, picked up the girls from school and brought them back to his store. He would be back at the store with the girls at 5.30 to pick you up, all your pleas for him to not do that falling on deaf ears.

The only reason you hadn’t put your foot down was how happy Ellie seemed to be with the arrangement. She had a friend to spend her evenings with instead of being alone in the staff lounge with the occasional adult who would say hello to her. Her anger at Joel seemed to have dissipated significantly, but she kept him at arm’s length, never giving him the friendly hug Sarah always gave you.

And she called him Joel, not Mr Miller, despite your request. The man himself seemed to take it in stride, relieved the girl was even addressing him at all. At least she was no longer glaring at him as if she was plotting his murder.

He had been too kind to you this week, driving you around, taking your child in, feeding her, taking the lead in the progress of your car repairs for you.

He’d done too much.

The thing was, a week of riding around in his truck had… dampened your resolve. Not only was he saving you so much money, but he reminded you why you were so disappointed he had turned on you like that in the first place. You found yourself unable to resist the small talks with him. What began as talks about the girls turned into other subjects, and by Thursday, the two of you were standing by his truck when he dropped you off at home, talking about nothing in particular while the girls run around chasing a frog for a good 40 minutes before he shyly said goodbye, but not without trying to get you and Ellie to join him and Sarah for dinner.

Thank God you managed to muster up the will to say no. He was becoming far too charming for your liking.

Heck, he even made you laugh that Thursday with a stupid Dad joke.

And now he’d gone and paid the bill for the car.

God, this man must be very sorry for yelling at you.

You had no idea what he said to Jim, but the man wasn’t budging.

“I like you, Annie, you’re sweet. But Joel had been my buddy for years. That man has helped me in ways no one else would, so I am respecting his request. Take the help Annie. I have a feeling that man would walk on fire for you. Sorry. Not betraying his trust.”

That was what Jim said to you when you called to get more info.

Damn it.

You don’t like owing people. Least of all a man you were so desperately eager to get away from yet want to get close to at the same time.

Never mind. You will keep trying. You’ll find a way to pay him back.

It will be a challenge though. He had found the five dollar bill you slipped into Sarah’s bag and gave it back to you, waving you off when you tried to reason with him. Changed the subject when you tried to bring it up again.

Today was Daniel’s birthday party, and he was picking you and Ellie up. Insisted on it, in fact. Wouldn’t take no for an answer. You could feel your ears beginning to heat up, from your desperation to find yet another excuse to say no. You even thought of not going to the blasted party just so you wouldn’t have to spend more time with him.

He was so close to surrendering, until he got interrupted.

By your daughter. And her best friend Sarah.

When the girls heard you say no to Joel about carpooling to the party, they actually got on their knees and pleaded with you, complete with clasped hands so they could go together. You even offered to drive yourself, following his truck, you’d arrive together and everything. But nope. No dice. The two held on to each other, whispering  

You didn’t answer, made Ellie get into the your newly fixed car and thanked Joel one more time, telling him you will find out how much you owed him and pay him back, one way or another.

“See you tomorrow. Party’s at 11, we should be there by 1030 or so.”

“Okay.”

“We’re not going together?” Sarah asked, her eyes welling up.

“No Baby Girl, we can’t force them to come with us. They have their own lives, you know.”

Both Sarah and Ellie started crying quietly, both waving sadly at each other as you drove off.  

Ellie didn’t speak to you all the drive home. Nothing during dinner. Nothing before bedtime.

As you were tucking her in, she dodged a kiss from you and said, “Mama, if we don’t go with Joel and Sarah, I don’t want to go to the party.”

“Well, if you’re sure. Daniel will be disappointed, but I’m sure he’ll understand. We’ll give him his gift on Monday.”

You were relieved. No party, no seeing Joel Miller.

“And I won’t speak to you again.”

Oh come on!

Your new phone dinged. Text message. You tucked in the blanket around your daughter and got up, telling her you loved her. You left the door slightly ajar and got your phone, opening the text.

Joel Miller: So, I was threatened with a no show if I don’t pick you and Ellie up tomorrow.

You: So was I. Tried calling her bluff, no dice.

Joel Miller: So… pick you up at 10?

You leaned back on the couch, closing your eyes. There was no going around this, was there?

Joel Miller: I know you don’t want to, but Tess is counting on me to be there, and Sarah won’t go if Ellie doesn’t go, and they don’t want to go unless we carpool. Please?

Damn it.

You: See you at 10 then.

Joel Miller: Thank you! Good night.

Damn, the bullshit you do for your kids, huh?

You finally fell asleep after tossing and turning a good few hours, while Joel Miller tossed and turned wondering how long it would take to iron his best jeans and shirt, and if he had any hair gel and deodorant left. He had that bottle of cologne Daisy gave him as a birthday present once, do colognes expire? Would his skin burn if he spritzed some?

Wait – do you spritz on your neck or on your clothes?

Yeah. He had a lot of Googling to do before leaving tomorrow.

So here you were, getting ready to go to a birthday party, your daughter happily jumping about, excited to go with her best friend. You were pretty sure your heart was in your throat.

The car rides were bad enough. But now you were going to be at a party with him for God knows how long, having to socialize. You don’t know anyone apart from him and Tess, and Tess would be busy, this being her child’s birthday and all.

You could just help Tess… keep yourself busy… that way you wouldn’t have to spend time with him. Right?

“Mama, wear this,” Ellie said, holding out your best dress.

“Oh, no sweetie, I can’t. I have to help Daniel’s mom, and that dress is not suitable for that,” you told her, putting it back, picking out a pair of jeans and blouse instead.

You could hear her little mind swirling with thoughts. But you didn’t have any time to mull over it. Your phone dinged, a message from Joel Miller.

Joel Miller: I’m here, visiting Daisy. Come out when you are ready. Take your time.

Right. He’s visiting his late wife. He didn’t come to the door. So this wasn’t a date or anything special, right? You don’t have to worry. It was all just a thing two parents of two best friends, going to a party together.

You got ready, picked up Daniel’s gift, and walked out the door.

A very excited Sarah came barrelling towards you, hugging your legs for the briefest of moment and then pulling Ellie by the hand, the two disappearing towards Joel Miller’s truck.

The man himself was already at the truck, pacing.

Fuck your life. He looked good enough to eat.

Did he comb his hair? And put on cologne?

“Hi,” he greeted, looking nervous. “You ready?” he opened your door for you, something you still couldn’t get used to. “You look nice,” he complimented.

“Well, you clean up real good too, Mr Miller,” you said, almost kicking yourself. What a fucking cliché.

Wait, was he blushing?

The girls didn’t make a fuss, sitting quietly at the back, whispering to each other. You and Joel, on the other hand, rode in silence, despite being a lot more comfortable with each other these past few days.

The party was being held at a fast food joint. Tess joked that she didn’t have the energy nor the will to clean up after some rowdy children on top of preparing food. Joel unbuckled Sarah, while you did Ellie, taking her hand in yours. Sarah came running, pulling Joel with her, and took Ellie’s free hand in hers. Another truck parked just as the four of you were walking in, Maria calling out to you.

Wait, what? What was she doing here?

“Hi Annie,” Maria greeted, hugging Ellie and Sarah. “Hi Joel,” she smiled, eyeing you. “I’m just gonna borrow Annie for a bit, okay?” she told Joel, pulling your hand.

You turned around just in time to see Tommy joining his brother, hugging his niece and giving your daughter a high five.

“You came here with Tommy?” you asked, a bit on the loud side.

She smirked, “He’s a nice guy. We exchanged numbers at the diner. Had drinks a few times. He asked me to join him today, told me you’d be here, I figured, why not?”

You raised your eyebrows, impressed. Maria and Tommy huh?

“Now, you and Joel…”

“The girls insisted on carpooling, believe me we tried to say no,” you explained, suddenly feeling defensive.

She snickered. “Look, I didn’t want to say anything, but seeing the four of you walk hand in hand like that? It’s sweet. You guys look like a family! A cute one!”

“No we don’t.”

“Okay, keep telling yourself that. Methinks old grumpy Joel Miller likes you. No way that man would volunteer driving you around like that just to show you how sorry he was.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not even gonna argue with you when you get like this.”

“You don’t want to argue cause you know I’m right!”

“Oh shut up, don’t you have a date to go take care of?”

“You trying to shame me?”

“Maybe.”

“Won’t work. I’m enjoying teasing you too much,” she laughed, greeting Tess.

“Hey! Thank you so much for coming!” Tess greeted, hugging you, Joel and Tommy before giving the girls a quick head rub. “Come in! Food’s out. Enjoy yourself!”

“Auntie Annie! Come sit here! Daddy! Come!” Sarah pulled your hand towards a table.

“Oh no, sweetie, I should go help your Auntie Tess,” you declined and remained standing, determined to not give Maria more ammo.

“Oh, there’s no need. The staff will help out. I’m just mingling with the parents. It’s all taken care of. Sit down!” Tess insisted, pushing you down to sit. “Joel, get her something to eat,” she instructed, pointing to the table full of burgers and what nots.

She sat next to you, “So, you and Tommy, huh?” she asked Maria. “I’m telling you, I could see this coming miles away. He was besotted with you at brunch!” she laughed. She nudged you, smiling cheekily. “You and Joel?”

“What? No!” you smacked her on the arm. “Stop that! This is just the girls wanting to spend more time together!” you said, watching the girls climb the plastic play thing with Daniel and their friends, looking like they were having the time of their lives.

Tess and Maria looked at each other, smirking. “Sure, Annie, whatever you say,” Maria joked.

“Annie, I saw you guys walk in, you guys looked like a family. A really cute one!” Tess said.

“Oh my God, that what I said!” Maria squealed.

You rolled your eyes, wishing that the earth would swallow you whole.

Joel and Tommy came back with plates of food, Tess going off to greet more guests. Joel called for Sarah and Ellie to come eat, the girls refusing, having far too much fun with their classmates to care about eating. Joel tried twice more before losing his patience, going over to the play area and picking the girls up by their middles and carrying them back to the table like carrying two heavy bags at the gym, the girls half squealing with laughter and half grumbling with complaints. Despite that, they were both glowing with happiness by the time he plopped them down at the table, happily taking the cups of milkshake Tommy handed them.

You and Joel were feeding the girls, making sure they had a proper meal before joining the games Tess had planned. If left to their own devices, the girls would have picked at their food, too excited to eat properly.

“Daddy, give some to Auntie Annie,” Sarah said, her mouth full of pancakes.

“Mama, give some to Joel,” Ellie said as you tried to give her some muffins.

You and Joel simultaneously placed a muffin and a pancake on each other’s plates at their requests.

“No Daddy, feed her some!” Sarah sighed.

“Yeah Mama. Feed him some. Like you’re feeding me!” Ellie concurred.

“Ellie, we are adults, grown people eat by ourselves,” you declined.

“Here, Baby, have some pancakes,” Tommy chimed in, feeding Maria a piece, which she happily took, eyeing you cheekily as she did.

You wanted to punch her smug face.

“Here, have some, humour them,” Joel said, holding a fork to your mouth, a piece of pancake on it.

You wanted to decline, but the girls looked far too excited for you to do so. So you took it.

“Mama, your turn,” Ellie said, pushing the plate of muffins towards you.

The whole table was watching, so you picked up a muffin and speared some on your fork, holding it out for Joel to eat off. He took it, his eyes never leaving yours, making you tingly all over.

“Aww… isn’t that sweet…” Tess teased, her eyes twinkling. You and Joel kept your heads down, unable to look at one another. “You girls have eaten?” she asked.

The girls nodded.

“Come on, game time!” she said, holding her hands out. They jumped up and followed her, giddy with excitement, joining Daniel outside.

You, Joel, Maria and Tommy stayed at the table, talking while keeping an eye on the kids, Tess joining you every now and again, tired from the socializing, but thanks to Maria being there, you didn’t feel so awkward being in such close vicinity with Joel.

That was until you noticed the other mothers staring at you as if you had committed the biggest crime of all – bogarting Joel Miller.

One by one the mothers came to introduce themselves to the table, not so discreetly inviting Joel to join their tables. It wasn’t so nice of him to only stay with his people. There are other kids in the class, he should socialize with everyone, they cooed, all the while not acknowledging you had a child in that class too.

He smiled politely and declined, and one by one, they all skulked back to their tables, giving you the evil eye.

“You should go,” you coaxed him. “You have a lot of interested parties,” you teased, trying to get Maria off your back.

“I’m good right here. This table, Tess, these are all the socializing I’m interested in,” he said, winking at you.

When the time came to sing happy birthday to Daniel, you and Joel had the girls in your arms, singing along, the girls clapping when the birthday boy blew the candles. Just as you and Joel were putting the girls back down, Maria called out.

“Over here guys!” she said, her phone out in front of her.

Joel took a step closer to you as Sara reached out to put her arm around Ellie, both girls still in your and Joel’s arms. They joined their heads together, smiling at the camera, and Maria captured the image.

“Aww… that’s a nice photo, right Tommy?”

Tommy nodded, smiling, looking a Joel, his eyes saying something to his brother, who rolled his eyes.

Ellie practically fell asleep at dinner that night, the girls so tired out from their day of fun they fell asleep in the truck. Took quite the effort to wake her up from her nap, but it clearly wasn’t enough to energize her for the rest of the day.

As you laid your own bedding on your day bed, the phone chimed. A message from Maria, the picture she took of you and Joel and the girls.

Maria: Tell me that doesn’t look like a picture perfect family.

You rolled your eyes.

You: Good night Maria. Enjoy your new boyfriend.

She replied with a winky eye.

The phone dinged again. You rolled your eyes yet again and opened it, ready for another round of teasing.

Joel Miller: I had fun today. So did Sarah. Brunch tomorrow?

Oh shit. Why did your heart beat just doubled?

In his own bed, Joel Miller was staring at the photo Tommy just sent, his eyes zeroed in on your smiling face, his face breaking into an uncontrollable smile, his thumb caressing your sweet face on his phone.

His phone dinged.

Annie Stevens: Ok.

Search: Police shooting + Williams + Florida + Death.

Green Cove Springs officer Eric Williams found dead…

Officer death ruled suspicious…

GCSPD Officer Williams death – home invasion tragedy or murder?

Part 8

TAG LIST:

@bergamote-catsandbooks, @kirsteng42, @harriedandharassed, @vickie5446, @nialler-horan, @laurrrra, @missladym1981, @themoviefangirl-blog, @ashleyfilm, @cloudguide, @joelmillerpascal, @speaktothehandpeasants, @peelieblue, @olafsmiles2020, @strawberrylis, @pedro-pascal-3nthusiast, @mteveanna, @goonersquad101, @jennfromthebayarea, @cuteanimalmama, @inept-the-magnificent, @marty-mccunt, @hotforpedro, @girlbloggerlg, @lovefreylove, @mystickittytaco, @sunnytuliptime, @armandispunk, @pedroncigarettes, @ifall4dilfs, @mandolauren, @millerdina, @isabellaboo2025, @pascalgold, @vanderlindebae, @thatoneperson38747, @he-is-the-destined, @empresskatarina-blog, @nothinglefttogive, @kakiki3, @virtualcardigan, @miserysinferno

WARNINGS: Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (The Last of Us), Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Fluff and Angst, Frontier Joel, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Virgin Joel, Virgin Reader, Minor Character Death, Period-typical Misogyny, Marriage of Convenience

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

WARNINGS: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Joel Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (The Last of Us), Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel is a Fucking Idiot, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us)

Part 1

Part 2

CONTINUED IN TINGLED (A Francisco 'Catfish' Morales/Reader Fic)

Joel Miller

SERIES

Numbed - Asshole Joel Miller (AU) / Reader - Completed

Joel was left to raise his daughter alone, too traumatized to ever be in love again. You, his kind neighbour helped him out. (Prequel to Frankie's 'Tingled')

The Arrangement - Pioneer! Joel Miller (AU) / Reader - Completed

Your life crumbled to nothing during a migration to Jackson, forcing you to agree to an arrangement just to survive.

One More Try - Landlord Joel Miller (AU) / Reader - Completed

They say a woman is tested when her man has nothing. But a man is tested when he has everything. What happens if you both passed the test, but your partners did not?

One Heart - Sheriff Joel Miller (AU) / Reader - Completed

Trying and failing miserably to recover from an inconceivable loss, you accepted your best friend's invite to spend time with her and her family for a summer, hoping for a chance at a new beginning. Little did you know that the new beginning you were stepping into was a little too close to home.

In Time - Rancher Joel Miller (AU) / Reader - Completed

You lost your dear Uncle. Your TV Star boyfriend dumped you. You needed a job. You got one at a ranch in Wyoming. Where you met Joel. A very grumpy man. Grumpy man has issues.

Uncoupled - Roommate Joel Miller (AU) / Reader - Completed

Two people leaving their marriages ended up going through the mandatory one year separation together before filing for divorce. Nothing could possibly happen in a year, right?

Matchmade - Millionaire Joel Miller (AU) / Reader - Completed

Having experienced traumatic, life altering events, a freshly divorced Joel worked to repay his debt to the person he owed his life to.

Head Over Heels - Jackson!Joel / Reader - Completed.

You left the loneliness of your home and headed to Jackson with Joel and the teenage girl he was with, hoping your new life would be less lonely. You should've stayed alone.

The Unlucky One - Joel Miller (AU) / Reader - Completed.

When it comes to love, Lady Luck seems to have lost your address. After being left at the altar without so much of an explanation, you decided love is no longer something you are interested in. Not even meeting an unlucky-in-love-himself Mr. Grump could change your mind. Right?

Naiveté - Joel Miller (AU) / Reader - Completed

A series of epistolary work inspired by the dear-uary challenge

Shhh!!! - Celebrity!Joel Miller (AU) / Reader - Completed

A reluctant celebrity contractor who has closed his heart for love meets a celebrity-hating Cafe on Wheels owner... She HATES him. Thing is, he couldn't get enough of the coffee she makes...

I'm Right Here - BFF!Joel Miller (AU) / F Reader - Completed

Sometimes the person we've been looking for has been right there all along.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda - Idiot/Asshole Joel Miller (AU) / F Reader - Completed

You found the perfect man. The man of your dreams. Unfortunately, you were not the only one who thought so.

Fireflies - Grieving Joel Miller (AU) / F Reader - Completed

Joel Miller was going through the darkest time of his life. Wrecked with guilt and remorse he went on with life like a zombie, going through the motions. But maybe a free trip to Japan will help heal him?

With Love, - Pen Pal Joel Miller (AU) / F Reader - Completed

Can love blossom when you're oceans apart? Are written words enough to keep you two together? Would life be that kind?

I Owe You - Jackson Joel Miller / Reclusive F Reader - Completed

15 years ago, you begged Joel Miller for a favour, receiving only silence in response. You left Boston thinking he wasn't interested in your lame bargain. You found out, too late, that Joel Miller actually did do you that favour, fulfilling his end of the bargain, leaving you indebted to him. Now, all these years later, he arrived in Jackson, and you found yourself living your life wondering - will he collect?

The New Girl - Single Dad Joel Miller (AU) / Single Mom F Reader - Ongoing

Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.

ONE SHOTS

Alone - Jackson Joel

A New Life - Jackson Joel

Delusions - AU

What If - Outbreak AU

The One Left Behind - AU

The One That Got Away - AU - (Might be expanded one day)

Hope - AU - (Might be expanded one day)

The Greener Grass Across the Street - AU

Let Me Go - AU - An Angsty Valentine's Day Special

In the Dark - How Joel dealt with a blackout with 2 of his ladies.

The Bed - Joel Miller / F Reader

It's Not You (But It Is) - Ex Husband Joel Miller (AU) / F Reader

Portus Salutis - Asshole Celebrity Joel Miller (Dieter Bravo) (AU) / F Reader

Francisco 'Catfish' Morales

Frankie and Emma Morales Series

Tingled - Francisco 'Catfish' Morales / Reader - - Completed

Starting fresh in the big city, you were still questioning your worth after the way you were treated by your ex and his daughter, desperately trying to leave thoughts of them behind. But something about the new man you ran into made that almost impossible. (A continuation to Joel Miller's 'Numbed'. Can be read as a standalone)

ONE SHOTS FOR FRANKIE AND EMMA MORALES SERIES (IN ORDER)- All can be read as standalone.

300 - (300 followers special)

Wisdom

The Pre-Wedding Honeymoon

Seeing Double

Two Lives

The Protector

Midnight Craving

Not the Jealous Type

The Milk Man - WARNING - LACTATION KINK

Touching Crotches

Frankie's Special Lady

Frankie's Special Diet

Full Named

Midnight Craving Part Two - (LilLaydee's One Year Anniversary One Shot)

MASTER LIST

Part 5

Disclaimer: I don't beta my work, and English is not my first language, so please excuse any errors.

“Stop! Don’t do that! You’re hurting her!” Ellie shouted.

You turned to see the three kids locked onto each other, arms tangled in what could only be described as a three-way wrestle. Ellie was using her left hand to push Daniel away from Sarah, her right pulling Sarah back. He had a handful of his cousin’s hair in his hand, his other wrestling a pancake from Sarah’s plate. Sarah’s one hand was on top of his, stopping him from taking her final pancake, her other trying to detangle her cousin’s hand from her hair to no avail.

“That’s hers! Don’t take her food! You’re mean!” Ellie yelled some more, pushing Daniel away as hard as she could. All three kids were on their knees on their chairs by this point, Daniel almost standing up to get leverage over the two smaller girls.

“Don’t take it! You had your own! This is mine!” Sarah yelled, desperately trying to get her hair off her much bigger cousin’s grasp.

“I’m still hungry! We’re family! You should share with me!” the boy yelled back, pulling the pancake away from under Sarah’s hand, squishing it in the process.

“I’m hungry! I want my pancakes!” Sarah shot back, now pushing Daniel away along with Ellie.

“Hey, stop!” you got up and pulled Daniel away from the girls by his middle, having to use more force than you wanted to achieve that. “All you had to do is ask for more, I’m sure your mom can get you some more, don’t take from Sarah,” you gently said, not wanting to rile him up further.

“Don’t tell my son what to do, you’re not his mother!” Tess shot up, pulling Daniel by the hand. “Are you okay?” she asked him, checking him for injuries.

“Sorry, he was pulling Sarah’s hair,” you apologized. “I didn’t mean to pull him so hard.”

Joel was by Sarah’s side within seconds, checking her hair, worried Daniel had pulled some out. He checked Ellie too, but the girl shrunk away from him.

“Hey, I’m just checking if you’re injured, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you,” he tried to coax. But Sarah pushed his hand away, putting her arm around Ellie protectively.

The two held on to each other, both protecting each other from everyone else.

“Did she hurt you?” Tess asked her son, the boy silent, a sourpuss on him. She turned towards you, “Where do you get off pulling children away like that huh?”

You couldn’t believe you ears. Surely she saw her son pulling Sarah’s hair, right? You did. It seemed like everyone else did, even Tommy and Maria were stunned.

But Tess didn’t pay attention to you, fussing over her son, asking him if he was okay and checking him for injuries over and over again. Once she saw that he wasn’t injured, she stood up, facing you, her face like thunder.

“Is that how you teach your daughter to deal with conflict? Push little boys away? Bad enough she injured my niece, and now she wants to do the same to my son?” she asked, red in the face.

“Uh, your son pulled your niece’s hair because she wouldn’t let him have her pancake,” Maria chimed, her arms crossed, her face incredulous. “Ellie was defending your niece from your son. He was pulling her hair and stealing her pancake. Why are you chastising Annie and Ellie for defending your niece, when you should have done that yourself?”

“Daniel go wash your hands, we’re leaving,” Tess instructed, looking angry. She waited until Daniel was out of earshot before facing Maria. “My son has just lost his father. He’s having a hard time dealing.” She turned to you, “And your daughter is not helping, bullying him like that!”

“Hey,” Maria put herself between you and Tess, “I don’t know what kind of rose-coloured glasses you have on, but it seems very clear that your son is the one doing the bullying. No matter what your son’s situation is, it doesn’t justify him bullying little girls either. And in case you didn’t know, Ellie’s father passed too, but you don’t see her stealing other people’s food and pulling people’s hair when they fight back!”

Tess looked affronted. “Are you accusing my son of bullying?”

Maria didn’t answer, but she shrugged, raising her eyebrows, tilting her head simultaneously. It was pretty clear she was indeed accusing Daniel of bullying.

“The girls have been fighting so much they injured each other, but my son is the one accused of bullying?” Tess questioned, looking at Joel exasperatedly, expecting him to defend her.

But Joel was just staring at her, unable to believe what he had just witnessed and heard.

He sat down with Sarah and Ellie, “Sarah, did Ellie hurt you before? In school?”

Sarah shook her head, her arms tightening around Ellie.

“Did Daniel hurt you? Was he the one who stole your food and gave you and Ellie the bruises and scratches?” he tried again.

Sarah looked at Tess, wary, as if she was worried Tess was going to yell at her. Tess squatted in front of her and said it was okay, she could tell the truth.

Sarah nodded.

Tess looked shocked. She turned to face Daniel, who had just returned. “Is this true? Did you bully Sarah? You stole their food? Did you injure her and Ellie?”

Daniel stared at Sarah, who held on to Ellie tighter. Ellie immediately put her own body forward, ready to protect Sarah if needed.

“I don’t like Ellie. Sarah is my cousin. Why does she like Ellie more than me? Sarah won’t play with me anymore.”

“You steal my food,” Sarah said. “I said we can play, we can share food, but you take all my food! And then you take Ellie’s food too!”

Daniel started welling up. “I was hungry. I asked Sarah if I can have some of her food. But Sarah said she only wanted to share with me if Ellie can share too. Why does she have to be friends with Ellie too? She’s my friend first!”

Tess looked as if she was on the verge of tears too. “Honey, you know how you have more than one friend?” Daniel nodded. “Well, Sarah can have more than one friend too. Why would you be mad at her for wanting to have another friend?”

Daniel started crying. “I lost Dad, I don’t want to lose Sarah too.”

Tess hugged her son, eyes directly at Joel, who didn’t say anything. He didn’t even move, his hands in fists on the table.

She picked Daniel up, quietly telling everyone she was leaving. She got her purse, left a twenty on the table and left.

Joel didn’t move. Didn’t say anything. Didn’t react. He just sat there next to Sarah, his face expressionless.

And that made you irrationally angry.

You reached out for Ellie, who, upon seeing the expression on your face, did not protest and immediately climbed the table to get to you instead of waiting for Sarah and Joel to move. You took her hand and told Maria that you needed to go. She didn’t wait, didn’t give excuses. She went straight to the counter to pay and followed you out, unlocking the car and peeling away as fast as she could.

How dare he? He sat there like a robot and did not react upon finding out his nephew was the one bullying his daughter, but lost his head when he thought your daughter had done so?

It was hard for you not to cry discrimination.

This man accused your innocent daughter of bullying, screamed at you for it, got in your personal space to shout in your face, so completely blinded by rage and simply refused to listen to reason, and yet, when he found out it was his nephew who was the culprit, he didn’t react?

Fuck him.

You couldn’t forget the look on Ellie’s face as she punched the man, who was easily at least five to six times larger than her, her tiny, ineffectual fists not even making a mark against his thighs and hips. You couldn’t forget the way your five year old put herself between you and the mean man, ready to defend you again when he came barging at you that second time. How she couldn’t stop looking at you while you drove home those days, her eyes worried for you.

How you woke up to her staring at you, worry clear across her tiny features.

You hated that you were so fucking weak your five year old felt the need to defend you.

As if she hadn’t been through enough because of your own weakness.

And you remained a passive participant when another man bullied you. Right in front of your daughter. Yet again.

Thank God she didn’t seem to have inherited your stupidity.

As always, far too late, you spent the past few days having trouble sleeping, regretting your own passivity during those two times he attacked you. Now that you were no longer in the position where a deranged man who was so sweet to you mere hours before was screaming his head off at you, accusing your daughter of unspeakable things, you couldn’t help but imagine the should haves.

You should have said something mean back to him. You should have screamed at him right back. You should have pointed your finger at him.

Maybe, just maybe, you should have jabbed him in that stupidly broad chest of his with your finger right after pointing it to his annoyingly attractive face. Maybe you should have spat in his face. Maybe you should have pushed him away as hard as you could when he got in your personal space. Maybe even punch him.

At that point, you almost wished he had yelled at you that morning when he discovered Sarah was with you and Ellie.

The maybes and should haves got worse and worse, to the point that you were almost laughing at yourself, knowing you would never have the balls to do any of them. What would you have done to him? Well, let’s just say the location was perfect for what you had in mind. Plenty of graves around. You could have hidden his body quite successfully and no one would ever find him.

All because he decided that he could just sit in silence when the real bully was revealed.

Seriously. The least he could do was yell at Tess as well.

So she was a single mom. Her husband died. So were you. So did yours. What, she got off scot-free just because they were related? Fuck that.

She got special treatment because they were related? What? Wasn’t it the unwritten rule that family gets yelled at worse because they are family?

Jerk.

Your poor, innocent Ellie. Being accused of bullying, of stealing, all because her best friend had a psychotic father.

And because her mother was a weakling.

Even if all those thoughts were only in your mind, you were so steamed you didn’t speak at all throughout the drive. All your morbid plans involving Joel Miller must have shown on your face, Maria driving in silence, not even side-eyeing you. Ellie went as far as not moving at all, staying perfectly still throughout the journey.

You were snapped out of your angry delusions, right about the time you were silently planning to scoop Joel Miller’s eyes out with teaspoons, when you realized the car had not stopped at your place.

“Why are we here?” you asked when you saw Frank come running out, a huge smile on his face. He opened the door and helped Ellie out, telling you and Maria not to worry.

“We’re gonna have fun painting, aren’t we?” he asked your excited little girl, who nodded and quickly climbed onto his back as soon as he unbuckled her and turned around for a piggyback.

“Uh…” you started, unbuckling your seatbelt, wanting to stop whatever was going on right now. Ever since Eric passed, you had only been separated from Ellie during school hours, and that one week the investigation of his death took place.

The longest week of your life.

“Nope,” Maria protested, buckling you back up. “We are going for coffee and lunch – I am still hungry. Had like three bites of food at brunch.”

“But…”

“No buts Mama, go have fun, she’ll be alright. It’s not like she doesn’t know me. Get used to this Mama, sorry to say this, but you cannot boggart your little girl. Learn to share her with us. Learn to have some fun too. Go. Bye!” Frank ranted, slamming the door behind him, a squealing Ellie on his back, carelessly waving you good bye without even looking at you.

Oh, okay then.

Maria peeled off as soon as the two were clear off the car, worried you might try to get Ellie back. “She’s with Frank, she knows him, you know him, I know him. Ellie loves him, she spends a lot of time with him at the store. Ellie loves Bill, and despite his demeanour, you and I both know he loves her too. He will risk his own neck on the line for her. And shockingly, Bill is a great cook, so please know that your daughter will have great food while she was there.”

You really couldn’t protest. For one, you were starving too. It was really difficult to eat when that annoying grump was staring at you, trying to apologize again. It was also hard to eat when Tess kept asking you questions about your past. Thank God Maria was there to distract her.

Secondly, you needed to rant to Maria. This dissatisfaction you had for Joel Miller’s lack of reaction at the diner was weighing down on you. You hadn’t had the chance to tell her about the whole drama, wanting to tell her face to face instead of via text. Plus, even if you did want to text or call her through out the week, she’s a busy woman, and you had troubled her in these past two weeks more than you should in a lifetime.

You stayed quiet until she got to a drive thru, ordered, picked up the food and parked at a park. The two of you sat in her car, eating greasy fries and burger in silence.

“Okay,” she finally said as she crumpled the wrapper of the burger she just ate, taking a long drink from her cup. “What is it? Why were you stewing about?”

“I wasn’t stewing,” you defensively said, putting your own trash away.

She raised her eyebrows. Damn, this woman knew you far too well.

You pushed the seat to the back, took your shoes off and crossed your legs. She followed suit, cracking the window open a little bit and switching the engine off, turning to face you.

“That Joel Miller, you know him?”

“Yeah, I mean, not well, but I know he owns that DIY store and that he had a daughter he practically keeps hostage.”

“What else do you know about him?”

Her face suddenly lit up, a cheeky, meaningful smile forming on her lips. “Why… are you asking?” she teased. “Are we liking what we see? He is very handsome. I prefer the brother, personally, but Joel… he’s a dish. Do we like him?” she asked, an expectant look on her face, as if waiting for you to confirm her suspicion.

But one look at you stopped that.

“Why? What happened?”

She looked worried now.

“That boy had been bullying Sarah and Ellie. Hurt them to the point of bruising them, scratching them. Stole their food as well. Girls came home hungry. He actually shared his concerns with me, they were something we were concerned about. But then he simply assumed Ellie was the one bullying his daughter, and he screamed at me. Even accused Ellie of stealing. And then he found out his nephew was the one doing it all and he said nothing? I don’t know, it just rubs me the wrong way.”

She stared at you, shocked.

“He yelled at you?”

“Yeah, right there in the school yard in front of everyone. Like, people were looking, Maria. He got so close to me that I actually thought he was gonna hit me. Ellie must have thought so too, she punched him as hard as she could. And he said some stuff that are, frankly, just…” you stopped talking, not wanting to get emotional.

Maria took your hand in hers, looking angry.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

You shrugged, shaking your head a little, “You’re busy… I don’t…”

“Hey, look at me,” she urged, turning your face to face hers when you didn’t oblige. “Listen to me. Are you listening?”

You nodded.

“Remember when we were in pre-school? When I came in and no one wanted to be friends with me cause I didn’t have brand new clothes and nice shiny shoes?”

You blinked at her.

“Who saw me hungry at lunch time and shared her PB&J with me and then held my hands when Missy Gabriels called me a piss poor pauper and pushed me off the swings?”

You blinked again.

“And who made sure her Momma packed an extra sandwich for me from that day on and made sure no one messed with me ever again?”

She squeezed your hands.

“Your Momma didn’t have much, but she shared with me. Took me in when my Mom died. You think I’m gonna care if I’m tired when you need me?”

Silence.

“Annie, you and your Momma took care of me. Let me take care of you. And maybe teach you how to stand up for yourself – cause girl, you can defend others to the death but would not stand up for your own damn self.”

She stopped for a while, “I couldn’t protect you from Eric, not that we knew he would turn out to be the monster he was, but I can and will protect you now. And if Joel Miller is mean to you, I will push him off the swings for you.”

Your tears fell then, hugging her. The two of you held each other for a while, sobbing on each other’s shoulders.

When you finally pulled away, you made a desperate attempt to get her to laugh. “Well, how can you push Joel Miller off the swings when you have the hots for his brother?” you teased.

She rolled her eyes. “I do not!”

“Oh yes you do! You couldn’t take your eyes off him!”

“Then how did I notice Joel Miller never taking his eyes off you?” she teased right back, souring your mood.

“He’s just feeling guilty for all the things he said to me,” you dismissed.

But Maria knew you. All too well.

“Oh my God,” she slowly said, her mouth in the shape of an O. “You like him!”

You gasped. “No I don’t!”

“Yes you do! You like him! And that’s why you’re so angry at him. Because you like him!”

“And he’s a bully! Just like Eric! I sure know how to choose ‘em, huh?” you half screamed, shocking her.

You didn’t want to think it. But you did. You felt stupid for liking the man – even if just a couple of days. You hated that for those brief moments, you were attracted to him.

But then he pulled the rug out from under you, and he pulled hard. When you finally looked up at your best friend, she had the most horrifying look on her face.

“Annie,” she said, pulling you back in for a hug. “Annie, Eric didn’t start out as a bully. You know this. We knew him for years before you two even dated. You knew what changed him. He’s gone. Just because he turned out to be a monster, doesn’t mean you choose the wrong men. Don’t do this to yourself!” she chastised.

You went quiet. After a while, you shook your head and brushed it off.

“Anyway, whether or not I liked him, it’s got nothing to do with the fact that he would rather accuse my child of bullying his daughter, and humiliate me in public, but not say anything when it’s his precious little girlfriend and nephew.”

Maria didn’t say anything.

“I just…” you said, rubbing your face, “I just need him to react to her too. To know that he’s an ass to everyone and not just me. Why do I deserve to be yelled at, humiliated, but not her?”

Maria couldn’t answer.

“Is it just me? I’m just someone people can just bully? I’m a single mom too. My husband died too. Is it just because they are related?”

“Maybe…” Maria hesitated. “But… look, I don’t want you to think I’m not on your side or anything like that, but Tess’s husband just died. It’s recent. And he died in a car crash, it was a huge thing, someone got drunk and just went into the opposite lane at full speed, crashed right into her husband’s car. So maybe he just didn’t want to add to what was already a traumatic thing? And Daniel… he must be acting out.”

God, you hated how much she was making sense right now.

“Look, I don’t know them very well, but I’ve seen them around. They are a close-knit family. And Joel… well… everyone sort of knows him from the store. He’s… extremely protective of his daughter. The whole town knows he keeps her close, doesn’t even trust babysitters. He has a… village… and Tess, she’s one of those in the village. Her late husband was his late wife’s brother.”

You sat there, just absorbing everything she was telling you.

“And Joel… he’s kinda known as a grump, but I have never heard him to be a bully, or violent in any way. He’s kinda well-liked, in a quiet, reliable kind of way.”

She waited for you to speak, but you didn’t.

“Did he apologize?” she asked after a few moments of silence.

“Numerous times,” you admitted, nodding slowly. “Annoying, really…”

Maria laughed. “I think I caught a bit of that apology at brunch.”

You raised your eyebrows, scoffing.  

“Look, if you want to continue hating him and Tess, I’ll be in your corner. But consider the situation. His, especially. You didn’t even want to leave Ellie with Frank and Bill just now. You are protective of Ellie, rightfully so. But so is he, of Sarah. That reaction he had was extreme, that’s true. But if it were me, I might have done the same. And he apologized for it. You don’t have to date the guy, but you can stay away from him and not hate him for what he did. Don’t let him affect you like this. It’s not good for you, it’s not good for Ellie,” she begged.

“I need coffee,” you declared after a few minutes of silence.

“Okay,” she said, starting her car up. “Just… one more thing,” she said before putting the car into gear. “What you said… about picking men…”

You hung your head.

“You are not picking bullies. Don’t let what happened with Eric prevent you from having a happy life one day. Don’t think like that Annie. After everything, start fresh, clean slate. After what you and Ellie went through, you deserve it.”

Joel watched as Sarah climbed the monkey bars, telling her to be careful. He sat on a bench unoccupied by the mothers, whose eyes are now travelling all over his body, making him feel extremely uncomfortable.

He had looked for you at drop off and pick up, but you were nowhere to be seen. He knew Ellie was at school. So you must have dropped her off. But he didn’t see you. Either you had someone else drop her off and pick her up, or you made sure he didn’t see you.

You didn’t want to see him.

Not that he blamed you.

He could see you were angry at brunch. He was caught off guard when Daniel, his own nephew was revealed to be the one who had been hurting his daughter and her best friend, he froze.

He wanted to yell. He was so angry at Daniel he wanted to slap that boy into oblivion. That boy had starved his daughter and injured her. Starved and injured your daughter too.

And Tess.

Did she know? Did she lie when she said Ellie’s name? Was she keeping him in the dark just so he wouldn’t be mad at her own son?

She said Ellie’s name as if it was a sure thing. Ellie Stevens. Just said it. And then she backed her up. Talking him down from his admittedly unjustified anger. And then it turned out it was her son all along.

She didn’t even try to call him to explain. Neither she nor Daniel went to school today.

He just felt so stupid. He screamed at you. Accused your daughter of so many things, even insulted you with that crust and yolk comment. Sure, he apologized, but even he could tell that you weren’t exactly in the mood to accept.

But at that moment, when he found out, all he could think of was how destroyed Tess and Daniel were at Eddie’s funeral. How different Daniel was from the boy he used to know when Eddie was still alive. Even he was badly affected by his death. There were moments still when he picked up the phone to call Eddie up for a drink, only to realize the man was no longer around. He couldn’t even imagine what that must have been like for the two of them.

Daniel went from an active, happy go lucky boy to a quiet, moody one ever since they received the phone call about Eddie’s accident. He was so close to his dad, and Eddie was an excellent one. Tess had told him he had taken to locking himself in his room all day, rewatching videos of him and his dad on his phone over and over, just to hear his voice, to see his face.

Joel had actually planned on taking Daniel out for boys time, maybe go fishing, the arcade, play soccer together. But he was biding his time, it may be too soon, and Tess had been trying to keep their lives together, just the two of them until Daniel was dealing with things better before allowing him to go out with his uncle. There was a time when Tess talked about moving back to Rockford to be closer to her family, but so far, she hadn’t decided. Maybe she was right, let the boy settle before making any changes. Too much change would have been too much for him.

Joel understood that.

So when he found out it was Daniel who had been causing all these troubles, he didn’t know how to react. He didn’t want to add to Tess’s troubles, he didn’t want to traumatize Daniel further. But he was so angry he couldn’t even make that known. He should have said something. Something between anger and logic. But he couldn’t come up with anything.

He could see it affected you. It was so easy for him to react to you and Ellie, but not to Tess and Daniel. He could see how angry you were. But unlike him, you knew to walk away rather than scream at an innocent person.

He spent the entirety of his day at home when he got back from the diner with his phone in his hand, his text app open, your number on the recipient. He typed, deleted and retyped so many messages trying to explain himself to you, but the words felt empty. He had hoped to see you today, but he got too busy at the store, call after call for home services keeping him away from the store you worked at.

Fuck. How did his life turn around like this in a week? He was a completely normal human being last week. A bruise on Sarah’s arm changed everything.

“Joel…”

That soft, pleading voice startled him. He turned to see Tess and Daniel standing there, his sister in law looking weary, his nephew looking apologetic.

“Daniel has something to say to you,” she said, giving her son a gentle push.

“I’m sorry Uncle Joel. I’m sorry I was bad. I won’t do it again. I promise.”

Joel had to give the boy props. Although still angry, he gritted his teeth and forced a smile. He ruffled the boy’s hair and told him it was okay.

“You have my number, right?” he asked. The boy nodded. “I told you that you can call me anytime you need to, right?” Another nod. “That offer still stands, buddy. I can never replace your dad, but I can listen, if you want, okay?”

The boy gave yet another nod and hugged him.

Joel and Tess watched as Daniel went to Sarah to apologize. Sarah seemed accepting, and before long the two were playing together just like they used to.

Joel felt silly then. Children and their innocence. A simple talk, and they’re back to playing together as if nothing had happened.

“Joel I’m sorry,” Tess said, sitting down next to him. “I never thought… I’m so sorry. I can’t even think of anything else to say.”

“Did you know? Before yesterday, did you know? Were you lying when you told me it was Ellie?”

“I swear to God, I didn’t. I asked Miss Lydia, and she told me Ellie and Sarah had a fight. After yesterday morning I called her. I thought she hid things from me, a lot of people have been walking on eggshells around me since Eddie. But she told me that if anything had happened between Daniel and the girls, she didn’t know about it. It must happened during play time,” she begged. She placed a paper bag between the two of them, Sarah’s lunch box in it. “I’m so sorry, Joel. Please believe me, I didn’t know. I would never have let him get away with it if I had known.”

Joel listened. He looked his sister in law in the eyes. Her eyes were earnest. There were no lies there. She was pleading with him.

“I accused another child of bullying, of stealing, Tess, I yelled at her mother. That woman still won’t look me in the eyes. The girl hates me. All because of this.”

“I will talk to them, Joel, I will make this right. I promise. Just, please, Joel, I can’t lose you and Sarah too. Please,” she pleaded.

Just then, Sarah’s laughter rang out, along with Daniel’s. The two looked over and saw the two trying their best to swing on the monkey bars, to no avail.

Joel got up and went over, teaching the two how to swing. Tess joined the three of them, and before long, the four of them were having a grand old time, Daniel merrily swinging from one bar to another, Sarah following. It was just like old times, the family back together again, sans Eddie.

“Ellie!” Sarah yelled, “Come play! My Daddy is teaching us how to swing!” Sarah called out.

Joel stopped, turning around to see you and Ellie at the edge of the park.

But Ellie didn’t come running. Instead, she went to the swings. You started pushing her, the little girl giggling, asking you to push higher. Sarah asked if she could join Ellie and ran off before Joel could say anything. Joel watched as you greeted Sarah with a smile on your face, hugging his daughter, welcoming her, before helping her on the swing next to Ellie, pushing her along as well. The two girls looked so happy to be playing together.

Next thing he knew, Daniel had joined you and the girls, meekly walking over.

From afar, he could see you stop pushing the girls, walking over to Daniel. He watched as Daniel spoke to you, his head down.

“Mrs Ellie’s Mom, my name is Daniel,” the boy told you when he got near. “I’m sorry I was mean to Ellie. I won’t do it again. Ellie is nice to me, but I was mean to her. I’m sorry. I won’t steal her food anymore. I won’t fight her anymore. I promise.”

You knelt in front of him. Your heart melting at the sincerity of the boy’s words. He was just a boy, after all.

“Thank you for apologizing, Daniel. You made a promise, you know you have to keep it, right? No more fighting? No more bullying? No more stealing?” you gently asked.

The boy nodded vigorously.

“Okay, can you apologize to Ellie?”

He turned to Ellie, going to face her. “I’m sorry Ellie. Can I please be your friend?”

Ellie looked at you. You nodded.

“Mama, can you push all of us?” she asked.

“Sure sweetie,” you got up, holding the vacant swing for Daniel to get on.

And just like that, the three kids were laughing as if the past week didn’t happen.

Tess joined not long after, begging for your mercy and forgiveness.

Joel watched from the monkey bar, his legs far too heavy to join you. What would he even say to you?

He went back to the bench and waited. He couldn’t take his eyes off you, how gentle you were with the kids, how happy they were in your presence.

“Oh, my God,” Tess teased, sitting back down next to him. “You are smitten, aren’t you?”

“Shut up,” Joel blushed, eyes still on you.

“Just saying, if you had listened to me about not reacting emotionally, you could have been on a date with her!” she joked.

Still, Joel’s eyes were on you.

You were driving as fast as you could, but your old lemon of a car wasn’t cooperating. It was making the most pathetic sound ever.

“Please don’t do this, just a little bit further,” you pleaded.

You were on your way to pick Ellie up from school, and the cheap car you bought had decided to start giving you problems right at that moment.

A further week had passed since the brunch, and you had been avoiding Joel Miller at all costs. You were frankly shocked at how easily you forgave Tess and Daniel, a good night’s sleep doing wonders for you.

Of course it wasn’t their fault. Tragedy like that, it would affect the strongest of children, and Daniel was a child. He was five, for God’s sake. Children fight, but they are resilient and they forgive easily. Judging from Ellie’s stories, the three of them had become quite good friends now, spending all their playtime together. Even shared lunch together. Sarah and Daniel were all Ellie talked about these days, and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of them playing together. Ellie found both of them during their visit to the cemetery Sunday and had a fun time, short as it was. Tess even invited Ellie to Daniel’s birthday party this coming Saturday, happy that all was well with the children again.

All was well indeed. But you took Maria’s advice to heart.

You stayed away from Joel Miller.

You couldn’t stand his incessant apologies. And his puppy dog eyes. And that voice. And that musk of his you couldn’t help take in when he was sitting next to you at the diner, his shoulders so broad he was basically rubbing against you.

You were attracted to him, but you just couldn’t trust him. If he was capable of losing his head over something he wasn’t even sure of, what else would he be capable of doing?

You were not taking that chance. Not again.

The sad, final sputter of your car woke you up from your thoughts. The car jerked uncontrollably for a few seconds before stopping altogether, stranding you.

Fuck.

You took your phone out, finding Frank’s number. You called, but he didn’t answer. Bill didn’t answer either. Neither did Maria. You called the school and told them your predicament. Thankfully, they understood, telling you someone will stay with Ellie until you got there.

You called the tow truck next, frustrated that you had to wait for your call to be transferred. You just wanted to get it over with, arrange for a tow truck and call an Uber to get you to school. But they kept telling you to wait, promising you that your call was very important to them, that you were the next customer, over and over, that stupid Strauss elevator music playing on repeat annoying you so much you wanted to scream.

Your phone kept beeping. You looked at it, seeing a battery warning. Damn this old phone. You needed to charge it five times in a day to get the battery to last all day. You needed a new one, you knew that. But there’s nothing you could do at that moment. Your car was dead, you couldn’t charge it if you tried.

And of course, just as the call was connected, it died.

Fuck.

You had no choice. You locked the car and began walking. Thank God it wasn’t the height of summer, or the depth of winter. You could walk five miles, right? Surely they would let you charge your phone at the school and get an Uber, right?

You were maybe a mile in when a familiar truck stopped next to you.

Oh God.

“Saw your car back there. You alright?”

Don’t be stupid. Go get your kid. That’s more important than your ego.

“It died on me. Phone ran out of battery,” you reluctantly answered.

“On your way to school?” he asked. You simply nodded.

“Hop in,” he said, opening the door for you.

Great, you were left with two choices. Stand your ground and walk, and have your daughter wait longer at school, or be stuck in a truck with the man you were trying not to see.

“Come on, we don’t want to be late picking them up,” he said.

Damn it.

Miss Lydia was at her desk in the staff room, flipping through the day’s drawings, counting them one last time before going home. Tess stopped at her table, looking at the drawing right at the top.

“Gorgeous drawing,” she remarked. “A five year old drew this?” she asked, picking it up. It was indeed beautiful, far more detailed and a lot neater most.

“Yep,” Miss Lydia said, peering at the drawing. “She’s gonna be a great artist, that one,” she said, packing her bag up.

Tess flipped the drawing over, looking at the name behind it.

Ellie Will Stevens.

Part 7

TAG LIST:

@bergamote-catsandbooks, @kirsteng42, @harriedandharassed, @vickie5446, @nialler-horan, @laurrrra, @missladym1981, @themoviefangirl-blog, @ashleyfilm, @cloudguide, @joelmillerpascal, @speaktothehandpeasants, @peelieblue, @olafsmiles2020, @strawberrylis, @pedro-pascal-3nthusiast, @mteveanna, @goonersquad101, @jennfromthebayarea, @cuteanimalmama, @inept-the-magnificent, @marty-mccunt, @hotforpedro, @girlbloggerlg, @lovefreylove, @mystickittytaco, @sunnytuliptime, @armandispunk, @pedroncigarettes, @ifall4dilfs, @mandolauren, @millerdina, @isabellaboo2025, @pascalgold, @vanderlindebae, @thatoneperson38747, @he-is-the-destined, @empresskatarina-blog, @nothinglefttogive, @kakiki3, @virtualcardigan

MASTER LIST

Part 4

Disclaimer: I don't beta my work, and English is not my first language, so please excuse any errors.

You spent the Thursday and Friday drop off and pick up moving around the preschool compound like a ninja, stealthing around other moms to avoid being seen by that deranged lunatic.

You just couldn’t understand that man. How was he so sweet and funny at lunch and suddenly transformed into a psychotic, accusatory bitch a few hours later? You were angry too, Ellie had three long scratches on her face, possibly from Sarah. But no one saw you immediately accusing Sarah of clawing your daughter’s face off.

And as if that was not enough, he had now accused your child of stealing Sarah’s lunch box. What the actual fuck?

You did your due diligence. Like any responsible and mentally stable parent, you checked her bag. You never know. Best case scenario, she could have accidentally taken Sarah’s lunch box, which was identical to Ellie’s, black being the only colour available that day both you and that mentally and emotionally challenged man decided to get them for your daughters.

You would have even checked Ellie’s bag right there in front of him had he not attacked you like you had just robbed his fucking house.  

Of course, there was no extra lunch box in Ellie’s bag. You only found hers. Not that you ever doubted her.

You even asked her if she knew what happened to Sarah’s lunch box. She nodded but shook her head when you asked her who took it. You assured her she wouldn’t get in trouble. But nope. Nada. Just silence.

But you knew Joel Miller wouldn’t stop accusing your sweet little girl.

And that thing he said about the leftover crusts and egg yolks…

You already know how low on the food chain you were. And he was just throwing something you shared in your hidden insecurity about your financial state back in your face.

You were angry now. You hate this man. You want to slap him, shout at him.

The things he said to you…

The reality was, you mostly just felt stupid.

You were attracted to this guy. The first time you saw him, despite the sad smile he was giving you, you couldn’t deny the fact that he was extremely handsome. Quite possibly the most good looking man you had ever met up front. The fact that he was crying and wasn’t acting all macho about it – not hiding his face when he got caught – made him all the more attractive to you. And when you finally met him properly, you actually thought he was a good guy. The whole package, one might say. Good looking, polite, ridiculously charming and adorable in that inept, clumsy way. You actually got all hot and tingly when he smiled at you. Flustered when he touched you, even by accident. You even felt sparks.

But it turned out, he was just a bully.

Not that you were surprised. Your experience had taught you that you definitely had a blind spot when it came to seeing red flags in men. Your husband Eric taught you that. Repeatedly.

Maybe you shouldn’t be so surprised you found Joel Miller to be so attractive. You thought Eric was amazing too, at one point.

Oh how wrong you were.

Maybe you were just wired that way.

Which was why you should never interact with Joel Miller ever again. Or any men you were attracted to. You have Ellie to think about.

Which gave you another dilemma. There was a little voice in your head telling you that maybe, just maybe, Ellie being friends with Sarah wasn’t a good idea, seeing as her father had decided that your daughter was put on this earth to make his daughters life miserable.

But then, Ellie was the new girl in town. She had no friends. You yanked her away from her old life, the familiar life she where she had friends and brought her here, and by whatever good omen you somehow still had, she found Sarah. She loved Sarah. That much you could see. It took her weeks to warm up to the neighbourhood children at the park you took her to daily back home. Even the neighbouring children back then got side eyes from her. Ellie was picky when it came to making friends. She didn’t trust easily. But she trusted and bonded with Sarah immediately.

You didn’t have the heart to separate them.

You knew Miss Lydia had separated them in class, per that crazy man’s request. But Ellie told you that she and Sarah spent every second they could with each other, between classes, during breaks, play time, even ran to the others tables to show their drawings to each other. Took cheeky peeks at each other during classes.

You smiled thinking about those two. You wondered how long it would take until they discover passing notes to each other.

Surely they could remain friends without you having to talk to that nutter of a father? They see each other every day at school. No playdates necessary.

Yeah, you could do that. Let the girls be friends. No need to talk to that idiot. Not like he would want to talk to you anyway. He thought of you as a bad mother who taught your daughter to hit other children, steal and eat scraps of rejected leftover food.

Yeah, no more Joel Miller for you.

Joel was at his wits end. It had been two very long days since that day you huffed away from him, since Sarah told him she hated him.

He had been kicking himself for saying what he said to you. For attacking you the way he did, both for Ellie supposedly ‘hurting’ Sarah and for ‘stealing’ Sarah’s lunch box. He didn’t know why he did that, he didn’t even know why he got angry at you, why he would accuse Ellie of such horrific ‘crimes’. He kept replaying his outbursts in his mind, wondering what possessed him to act like that instead of just keeping a cool head and dealing with it in a different manner.

He wished with all his might he had responded the way you did when he accused you of all those things.

You could have accused him of being a bad parents and attacked him for the scratches on Ellie’s face, but you didn’t. You asked Ellie right there in front of him whether she attacked Sarah. He didn’t even ask Sarah if she scratched Ellie. He simply doubled down and escalated.

He didn’t even think you were a bad parent.

It’s him that’s the problem.

It’s his own low opinion on his own parenting. It was he who was lacking. He had always thought of himself as not enough when it came to parenting Sarah, but refused to let others fill in. He was too protective. He hovered too much. Didn’t trust anyone else to have her interest at heart. Tommy was the person he trusted the most with her. Even with Tess, whenever she tried to give a woman’s input or thoughts on how to deal with Sarah, he found himself rejecting her advice, every single time. He couldn’t get past the thought that Sarah was his daughter, therefore, he was the only one who knew what was best for her.

God, how he missed Daisy. She would know what to do. She would certainly never make you feel like the worst parent to ever walk the planet.

He couldn’t believe he did that. He couldn’t believe he would mock the crusts and yolks with ketchup. He couldn’t sleep that night thinking about it. You probably chose to eat Ellie’s discards to save money. Those were perfectly good food that shouldn’t be wasted. You just lost your husband, you were working at a store. It wasn’t as if you were in management or anything. You were literally working on the floor restocking the shelves and attending to customers. He doubted that you were making a tonne of money every week.

Your husband passed less than a year ago. Even if he had a pension, it couldn’t have been much, considering Ellie was your only child. He knew what it was like, having to scrimp and save just to put food on the table, to make sure Sarah had decent clothes and toys, to make sure she never had to go without.

And yet, he mocked a struggling single mom for her frugal choices. For not wanting to waste perfectly good food. Threw that innocent little factoid in her face.

He wanted to bury himself in the ground. Such was his shame for doing that to you.

And to top it all off, his daughter had now declared her hatred towards him. She saw how mean he was being to you. His daughter, a five year old, recognized that he was being mean. She wouldn’t even look at him, much less talk to him.

She didn’t even want him to tuck her in. In fact, she didn’t even want to go home unless Uncle Tommy came home with them.

“Why don’t you want your Daddy to tuck you in?” he heard Tommy ask her as he stood outside her bedroom, having had to leave the room and get Tommy to tuck her in instead.

“Daddy was mean. He yelled at Ellie’s Mama.”

“Well, he thought Ellie was hurting you, stealing from you.”

“No, she didn’t do that. She’s nice. She’s my friend. She’s my best friend.”

“You like Ellie?”

“Yeah. She helps me. She makes mean people go away.”

Silence.

“What do you mean?”

“When people are mean to me, she helps me. She makes them go away. She gets hurt too. But she helps me.”

“Who’s mean to you?” Joel could hear the tension in Tommy’s voice.

Silence.

“You don’t want to tell me?”

Silence.

“Okay, what did the mean people do?”

“They take my food. They take all of it. So Ellie gives me her food. And then they take her food too. Now we hide food so they don’t take all our food.”

“Is that why you are so hungry when you come back?”

Silence.

“Who? Who are being mean to you Sarah?”

Silence.

“Does Miss Lydia know? Does Auntie Tess know? Does Daniel know?”

Silence.

“Does Daddy know?”

Silence.

“Why didn’t you tell Daddy when he asked?”

“Daddy will yell. He will be mean. I don’t like it when Daddy is mean. Like he’s mean to Ellie’s Mama.”

Joel closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead. He had seriously underestimated how smart and observant Sarah was, despite his efforts to shield her from his bad temper. He honestly thought he had been doing a good job in doing just that. But it turned out that his five year old knew all along how he would react if he found out someone had hurt her. And like an idiot, he proved her right. Twice over. With the mother of a little girl she had proudly proclaimed to be her best friend.

Great parenting, Joel Miller. Way to traumatize your precious child.

“But… Sarah, if you tell us, then maybe we could talk to Miss Lydia and she can tell the people who hurt you and Ellie to stop,” Tommy tried one more time. And then he spoke again with a voice Joel knew he only paired with the Miller signature puppy dog pleading eyes and bottom lip pout, oftentimes complete with clasped hands.

Silence. But Joel could tell there was some form of communication going on. Rustling. Shuffling. Some very loud gesturing, clapping of sorts included, and finally, the sweet, ring of laughter from his beloved daughter. Tommy must have tickled her as a form of info extraction method, but ever the steadfast, strong willed girl she was, she had resisted. Joel smiled to himself thinking of the kind of man his brother turned out to be with Sarah. The playboy rebel turned putty the moment that girl was placed in his arms.

Oh hell, who was he kidding? That little girl had him and Tommy wrapped around her little finger.

“You want a story?” he heard Tommy ask. Joel must have missed her request in his reminiscing. “You don’t want Daddy to read for you?”

Silence.

“Your Daddy makes the best voices, you know that,” he heard his brother say, “I cannot compete. You sure you don’t want Daddy to read to you?”

Silence. But the fact that he heard Tommy climb into bed with her gave him the answer. So he sat there and waited until Tommy finished reading, going to the living room when he heard Tommy climb back out, his footsteps heading towards the door.

“Sorry Joel, I tried,” Tommy said, stopping at the fridge to take two cans of Coke, sitting down on the couch, handing Joel his can.

“I know, I heard.”

Tommy opened the can and took a sip. “So you heard what she said about Ellie?”

Joel nodded, taking a sip himself.

“She told you all that in minutes, I’ve tried for two days,” he sighed.

“Okay, don’t beat yourself up. One, she loves me a lot more than she loves you, and two, I’m just better at talking to the ladies,” Tommy smirked.

Joel rolled his eyes.

“So, what happened today? I thought everything was done and dealt with yesterday?”

Joel sighed. “Sarah lost her lunch box. First time she brought it to school, and she lost it. I asked to see Ellie’s bag,” he sheepishly admitted.

Tommy’s eyes narrowed, “Asked, or demanded?”

Joel’s head lowered, his eyes focused on the can of Coke. “I may have been a bit… aggressive, accusatory.”

“And your first instinct was to accuse a five year old girl your daughter insisted wasn’t the one who hurt her? Sarah said that yesterday, I heard her, she told you Ellie didn’t hurt her. And yet you accused that same girl of stealing? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Joel sighed, “I don’t know Tommy, I don’t what’s wrong with me. It was like someone else invaded my body and I was just watching.”

“Oh come on Joel, that’s just you. That’s always been you. I get it, you don’t want Sarah to be hurt, but really? You accuse another girl to be the culprit? You don’t even know what happened. Sarah didn’t tell you, didn’t tell me, she didn’t tell anyone who did it. And that lunch box? I know you think the world is against you and Sarah, but you know how many water bottles I lost throughout my school years? Mom resorted to just giving me used Coke bottles for my water bottle. Not once did she accuse anyone of stealing anything. And you did it on day three!”

“I know, I know… if I could take it back…”

“You’d better, Joel, before that woman gets tired of your antiques and forbid Ellie from being friends with Sarah. She’ll definitely hate you for real then,” Tommy warned. “Plus, if you keep this up, you might never get a chance with her, ever. As it is, you might be too late already. All these years with your heart closed off, you finally like someone, no, Joel, you can deny all you want, but I know you. You like her,” Tommy chastised as Joel opened his mouth to deny his crush on you, “You finally like someone and you fucked it up because you couldn’t see past your blind fury. For fuck’s sake, go beg for forgiveness, Joel. I’m serious.”

Joel couldn’t sleep that night. From shame, from disappointment, from digesting the info he just found out from eavesdropping Tommy and Sarah’s conversation.

He had no idea why he chose not to believe Sarah when she said Ellie didn’t do anything wrong. And now that he knew Ellie was protecting his daughter, he felt like the biggest asshole in the universe. Ellie even shared her food with Sarah before her own food got taken away too. And of course, now that he thought of it, you told him Ellie came home hungry too.

Joel wanted to kick himself. Ellie had scratches on her hand, her face from protecting Sarah. She went home hungry because her food got stolen for sharing with Sarah, for not wating Sarah to be hungry. Both girls were being bullied, and they were protecting each other. His daughter had no other friends before school apart from Daniel, and she finally found another friend, one who helped protect her from bullies even if it meant she got bullied herself, and he decided to yell at the innocent girl’s mother for it. Twice.

Tommy was right. If you decided to stop Ellie from being friends with Sarah, he was done for. Sarah would never forgive him.

If that ever happens, his life would be over.

You were stacking some tomato soup on the shelf, standing on a small stool, tip toeing a little trying to get as many cans as you could on the top shelf, humming to yourself a little, your left ear filled with slow rock on low volume.

“Annie,” you heard your name called.

Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw him, standing next to the cart full of unboxed tomato soups with his hands in his pockets.

You chose to ignore him, coming down to get another box.

“Let me help you,” he offered, but you picked up the box and climbed back up, placing the box on a lower shelf. You got the box cutter out of your apron pocket and slashed the box on all four sides, tossing the top part back into the cart. Your resumed your work, ignoring him.

“Annie I’m sorry. I’m sorry for accusing Ellie of hurting Sarah, of stealing from Sarah, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say, except that nothing I ever said to you during those moments reflect your parenting. It’s me. I have a problem. I’m the bad parent here, not you. I was projecting. I’m the one who felt inadequate, who felt like I failed my daughter and I took it out on you. I’m sorry Annie, I really am.”

“Annie, Sarah told me Ellie was just protecting her, Ellie had those marks on her because of Sarah, and I yelled at you for it, I accused her for it. Turns out someone was bullying Sarah, and Ellie protected her. They stole Sarah’s food, and Ellie offered her own lunch so Sarah wouldn’t go hungry. But they ended up stealing her food too,” he continued.

Your hands stopped working for a while. But then you carried on.

Hoping that was a sign you were listening, he went on. “Sarah won’t say who it was who was bullying her. Maybe you can ask Ellie? I was also hoping we could go see the headmaster together? I talked to Tess, asked her to look into it, but maybe if we involve the headmaster they could take action faster?”

Nothing. Box after box, you went on with your work, still humming. He stood there and waited for you until you were done, begging for your forgiveness every so often in hopes that you would respond, to no avail. He waited as you placed all the discarded box in the cart, picked up the stool and pushed the whole thing away, following you, still begging for your forgiveness, until you disappeared behind the double doors to the store room.

He tried again when you came back out to stock the shelves with various sanitary products, ignoring the looks the ladies in the aisle were giving you.

“Annie, please. It’s okay if you decide not to talk to me anymore, but please consider coming with me to see the headmaster. For the girls?”

“Annie,” someone else called out your name. “Everything okay?”

You looked up to see Frank standing there with his hands on his hips, eyeing Joel.

“Joel,” Frank greeted, his eyes wary.

“Frank,” Joel replied, “How’s Bill?”

“He’s alright. Annie, is he bothering you?”

Joel held his breath, waiting for your response. You shook your head slightly and he felt his lungs clear.

“Okay, let me know if he is,” Frank said, nodding at Joel, eyes still looing at him suspiciously.

Joel turned to look at you again, only to see you already pushing the cart back into storage, this time not coming back out.

“Ellie, Sarah’s Daddy told me someone was bullying you and Sarah? Stole your food? Is this true?”

Ellie nodded, her eyes focused on the sandwich in front of her.

“Who? Can you tell me who’s bullying you?”

Silence.

“Why didn’t you tell me, sweetie? I asked so many times!”

She was quiet for a bit, as if she was contemplating whether or not to answer you.

“I didn’t want you to be mad at me. I don’t want to go to the police station again. I don’t want you to get in trouble again. I always get you in trouble,” she said, looking sad and regretful.

Your heart sank. You pulled her into your arms, hugging her tight.

“Sweetie, I wasn’t mad at you, and I’m not gonna be mad at you for defending Sarah. And baby,” you said, pulling back so she could look you in the eyes, “You didn’t get me in trouble. I would die for you, it’s my job to protect you, and you won’t have to go to a police station for this, okay? I promise.”

“But when Papa died…”

The door to the staff lounge opened, and you shushed her. Understanding the predicament the two of you were in, she climbed off your lap and went back to eating her sandwich, and the two of you switched to thinking of plans to keep her lunch safe instead.

“I’m failing, Daze,” Joel whispered, speaking as softly as he could to avoid Sarah from hearing him. She had just finished telling her Mommy about her first week of school with much enthusiasm and was now admiring the bouquet of daisies someone had kindly left in the vase at the base of Daisy’s headstone. She had plucked one out and went to sit at one of the benches by the oak tree.

Correction. She had just finished telling her Mommy all about her new ‘bestest friend ever’, Ellie.

“I failed to protect her. She got bullied, Daze. Came home with marks on her body, bruises, scratches, and then I found out they stole her food, Daze. What kind of father am I that I can’t protect her from bullies?”

He sighed, “I should have paid attention in school, Daze. If I had, I could have homeschooled her,” he laughed.

“And that wasn’t even the worst of it all. When I saw a bruise on her arm, I got so blinded by rage, I forgot children fight. I got so mad at Ellie, at her mom, and when Sarah’s lunch box went missing I accused that girl of stealing too. Annie, her mom, she’s a single mom, such a sweet woman, and I yelled at her Daze. What kind of a man yells at an innocent woman?”

He could feel Daisy judging him, glaring at him, shaking her head at him. Joel found himself bracing for impact before telling her the next part.

“And you know what? Turns out, Ellie was protecting her! I yelled at and insulted an innocent single mom when I should be thanking her!”

And… there’s that phantom smack at the back of the head he was bracing for.

“I know, I know… I deserved that. I apologized, but I don’t think she wants to have anything to do with me ever again. I just hope she doesn’t stop Ellie from being friends with Sarah. Sarah would hate me for life if that happened. It took me two whole days to get back in her good books this time. God knows when she will talk to me again if Annie ended up stopping Ellie from talking to her.”

He took a deep breath. “Anyway, I promised Tess I would join her and Daniel for brunch today. She hasn’t really been out since Eddie passed. Poor woman. Daniel seems to be doing okay, though. But still… they’re struggling…”

“I should get going. Please say hi to Eddie if you see him, okay? I miss you Daze. See you next week.”

He turned around, “Sarah, come say goodbye to Mom…”

Sarah wasn’t where she was when he started speaking to Daisy.

His head went cold.

“Sarah!”

He stood up, panicked, looking around. He saw a few groups of people scattered around, each small group or singular person standing around their loved ones headstones. A few looked around at him when he hollered for his daughter.

The coldness that started in his head now spread all over his body.

“Sarah! Answer me Baby Girl! Sarah!”

“Joel? What’s wrong?” Tess came running, one hand pulling Daniel along.

“Sarah’s gone. She was right there, and then she was gone.”

“Okay, don’t panic, let’s split up, I’ll take the left. You take the right,” she suggested.

Joel was losing his mind, running around amongst the headstones calling for his daughter.

“Sarah!” he hollered, “Sarah! Answer me Baby Girl! Sarah!”

“Daddy!” he heard her call back. He turned around and saw Sarah run towards him, Ellie standing a few feet behind her, looking guilty.

“Where were you?”

“I was playing with Ellie!” she answered.

Joel could feel the familiar heat rising to his head. He could feel himself starting to lose it. But then he saw you, standing just a few feet behind Ellie.

You rushed towards Ellie, taking her hand, ready to protect your daughter from this deranged man’s wrath.

But the wrath never came.

“I see her,” Sarah said, “I go to her. I miss her. I’m sorry Daddy, I won’t do it again. Don’t yell at Ellie’s Mama again,” she pleaded.

Joel’s eyes fell to the dried leaf-filled cart behind you, the pile of fallen leaves near it, the trash bag in Ellie’s hands, Sarah’s soiled hands.

“I help Ellie collect leaves,” Sarah continued to explain, worry all across her features, her tiny hands on Joel’s hand, trying to stop him from advancing towards you and your daughter. 

His heart fell. Sarah was worried he might lose it again. He found himself feeling so disappointed in himself that his actions this week had made her see him like that.

He squatted in front of her, “No Baby Girl, I’m not gonna yell at her again. I was just worried about you. I couldn’t find you. Please don’t run away like that again, okay? At least let me know if you’re going somewhere else.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking worried. “I’m sorry Daddy,” she pleaded.

“It’s okay, just… next time tell me, okay?”

She nodded, hugging him.

The first hug she had given him since he accused Ellie of stealing from her.

He picked her up and walked towards you and Ellie.

“I’m sorry, I was just about to look for you. She just wandered over and started picking leaves up,” you started, worried he was going to accuse you of putting his child to work. Ellie stood in front of you, looking wary.

“No, I’m sorry, I just panicked. Turned around and she wasn’t there,” he said, putting Sarah down. “Need help?” he asked, looking at the huge pile that was still there.

“No, I’ve got it,” you said, “Say goodbye to Sarah sweetie, you’ll see her tomorrow.”

“Please,” Joel said, not daring to take another step, worried you would find his actions aggressive.

You stopped walking, but your eyes were not on him.

“I’m sorry, I really am. Please forgive me. Please don’t punish Sarah for my actions. She really likes being friends with Ellie,” he pleaded.

Your eyes narrowed, “I don’t punish children for their parents’ actions, Mr Miller.”

He felt as if he had gotten slapped.

“I deserve that,” he mumbled, looking at his feet.

But he couldn’t help but feel down at the fact that you called him Mr Miller. He was Joel to you on Tuesday.

You didn’t respond, your grasp on the cart tightened.

“You work here too?” he asked, desperate to not feel as small as he was feeling at that moment, trying to make things a bit less awkward.

“They live here. That’s their house!” Sarah chirped, pointing at a stone cottage in the distance.

“You live in a cemetery?” Tess’s voice chimed in, she and Daniel approaching. “You found her,” she said, offering her other hand to Sarah.

Sarah went closer to Ellie, taking her hand instead, both girls eyeing Daniel.

“When you said you lived near the cemetery, I didn’t imagine you actually lived on the land,” Joel said, his eyes still on you.

You still didn’t respond, not really knowing what to say, and not really in the mood to, to be honest. You only said something before to stop him from attacking you again.

“Everything okay here?” Bill asked, the man approaching with a leaf blower in his hand.

“Hey Bill,” Joel greeted.

“Joel,” Bill nodded, his eyes much like his husband’s as he surveyed what had looked to him like a stand off from the distance.

“Everything’s fine,” you answered, taking Ellie’s hand. “Come on Ellie, you’ll see Sarah tomorrow, okay Sarah? I’m sure your Daddy has places to be,” you coaxed the girl. She nodded, going for Joel’s hand instead of Tess’s offered one.

Joel gave up, seeing how uncomfortable you were with him there. “I’ll be going then, I hope to see you around.”

He leaned in a little and whispered, “I will keep trying to get back in your good book. I hope I’ll have the chance to. I’m really sorry for being such an ass, Annie,” he pleaded, reaching out to pat Ellie on the shoulder, the girl pulling away with a sourpuss.

“We really should go, Joel, we don’t want to be late,” Tess said, slipping her hand in Joel’s unoccupied arm. “See you around Annie!”

You nodded, pushing the cart and pulling your daughter’s hand at the same time. Bill took the cart from you and the trash bag from Ellie’s hand and told you he would take care of the pile, getting straight to work scooping the leaves into the cart.

Daniel started whining about being hungry, so Joel started walking away, looking back to see you one more time.

“Lives in a cemetery, huh? I don’t know how to feel about that,” Tess said, looking at you too.

“Nothing wrong with it, she must work here.”

“She brought her daughter to work with her? Playing among headstones? I don’t know. Can’t really imagine it. Each to their own, I suppose,” she said. “I don’t know if I can do it,” she laughed.

“Your child literally goes to school where you work,” Joel defended you.

“Yeah. My place of work isn’t morbid,” she laughed. “I’m joking, sheesh!” she said when she saw the grumpy look on his face. “I forgot you are crushing on her. God forbid someone jokes about your girlfriend, huh Miller?” she elbowed him a little.

“I’ll see you there. Tommy will meet us there too,” Joel said, pulling his arm away and led Sarah to his truck, turning around to look your direction, hoping to see a final glimpse of you. You were long gone.

“Order for us if you get there first, the usual. We’ll do the same for you if we get there first,” Tess said, unlocking her car.

Joel simply nodded, his eyes still looking for you.

“You don’t want to sit next to Daniel?” Tess asked her niece, helping the little girl into the chair she had chosen, across from her instead of next to Daniel or in front of him.

Sarah shook her head, settling in her seat. Joel and Tommy walked in, taking their seats, Tommy high fiving Daniel and giving Sarah kisses and a few tickles.

The three adults talked and caught up while the two kids watched something on Joel and Tess’s phones, both ignoring each other. Halfway through their meal, the door chimed. Joel looked up.

His heart leapt with hope and joy.

You had walked in with Ellie and a woman he had seen at his store every now and again. The three of you took a seat by the window a table away from theirs.

Sarah saw you and company and immediately lit up.

“Ellie!” she called out, taking her headphones off and jumping off her chair.

“Sarah, maybe don’t bother them?” Tess called out, “They might want to be alone!”

“Oh, it’s okay,” the lady with you said. “We don’t mind,” she smiled at Sarah. “This must be Sarah. I’ve heard so much about you!”

“Hello,” Sarah shyly greeted, taking a seat next to Ellie. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Maria,” Maria introduced herself. “Are you done eating?”

“No. But I want to sit with Ellie,” Sarah said.

You looked at Joel for permission. His eyes were already on you. You made a gesture asking if it would be okay for Sarah to join your table.

“I’m okay if you don’t mind,” Joel said, standing up to take Sarah’s plate and cup to you.

“No,” Tommy hurriedly said, “I’ll do it,” he picked up the plate and cup and brought them over.

“Hi,” he said, holding a hand out to Maria, “I’m Tommy, I’m Joel’s brother,” he said, shaking your hand next.

“Hi,” Maria responded, “I’ve you at the store. Miller’s DIY, right?”

“That’s right,” Tommy said, sitting down.

“Would you like to move to a bigger table?” the server asked, “We can push the tables together, the girls can sit at the next table,” she suggested.

“That would be great!” Maria and Tommy chorused, both of them seemingly oblivious to the discomfort between you and Joel. Sarah and Ellie were quick to move, excited to have a private table all to themselves. You hadn’t even digested the idea of moving tables before you were corralled by an eager Tommy towards the table and found yourself plopped down next to Joel. Tommy took Daniel’s plates to the kids table and sat down, Maria taking Daniel’s place.

The server took Sarah’s meal to her and waited for you, Maria and Ellie to order.

The table fell into an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, you and Joel eyeing each other, both wondering if the other was kay with this arrangement neither of you had agreed with. Tommy and Maria immediately got to talking, seemingly unaware of the awkwardness between you and Joel.

It felt like forever for the food to arrive. When everyone had a plate of food in front of them, things were less awkward, but there was still a slight discomfort between you and Joel, but at least you had something else to focus on.

“I’m sorry for that comment I made,” Joel mumbled so only you could hear. “About the crusts and yolk with ketchup. That was…” the expression on his face completed his thoughts. “It won’t happen again.”

“So, Annie, where did you move from again? Florida, right?” Tess asked.

“How did you know that?” you asked, a nervous lump in your throat for the inevitable follow up questions.  

“Oh, I think Miss Lydia told me. Where in Florida? Must be a bit of a change to move somewhere with four seasons,” Tess prodded.

“How long have you been teaching at the school?” Maria asked Tess, and you felt yourself exhale in relief.

Conversation between the three of them flowed for a bit, you and Joel listening, though you could feel his eyes on you. It took everything you had not to look at him, focusing instead on Maria’s face.

Whatever conversation that was flowing at your table was interrupted by Ellie’s voice from the next table, followed by a chaotic scuffle.

“Stop! Don’t do that! You’re hurting her!”

Part 6

TAG LIST:

@bergamote-catsandbooks, @kirsteng42, @harriedandharassed, @vickie5446, @nialler-horan, @laurrrra, @missladym1981, @themoviefangirl-blog, @ashleyfilm, @cloudguide, @joelmillerpascal, @speaktothehandpeasants, @peelieblue, @olafsmiles2020, @strawberrylis, @pedro-pascal-3nthusiast, @mteveanna, @goonersquad101, @jennfromthebayarea, @cuteanimalmama, @inept-the-magnificent, @marty-mccunt, @hotforpedro, @girlbloggerlg, @lovefreylove, @mystickittytaco, @sunnytuliptime, @armandispunk, @pedroncigarettes, @ifall4dilfs, @mandolauren, @millerdina, @isabellaboo2025, @pascalgold, @vanderlindebae, @thatoneperson38747, @he-is-the-destined, @empresskatarina-blog, @nothinglefttogive, @kakiki3

WARNING:Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Grief/Mourning, Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Ellie is mentioned, Sheriff Joel, Sarah plays matchmaker, No age gap, Joel is in his 30s, Joel is Trying His Best (The Last of Us), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Fluff and Angst.

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

PART 6

PART 7

PART 8

PART 9

PART 10

PART 11

PART 12

Joel Miller

Big News @wheresarizona - Joel Miller x f!reader - one shot - Sweet sweet sweet, just a short little fic that brought me so much joy What if @bluestar22x - Joel Miller x f!reader - completed series - I'm sad this series is over, but it was such a great adventure to read it and choose the different path, I know one day i'll go back and try another route to see what will happen Portus Salutis @lillaydee - Joel Miller x f!reader - one shot - Joel with a twist. Lil writes the best asshole Joel, and I want to hate her for it, but she does it so well 😆 The Tomato Queen of the Apocalypse Meets the Most Handsome Scowl on Earth @the-blind-assassin-12 - Joel Miller x f!reader - one shot - Just the right amount of angsty but some hope in it. I hope Alyssa will bless us with more from these two. A kid's dream @petalsinblood - Joel Miller x f!reader - ongoing series - Oh do i love the premise for this story. I can't wait to read more from it. ✨Leave off your wandering @oonajaeadira - Joel Miller x f!reader - completed series - Oh how I loved this series. It takes it's time, and it feels so real. I fell in love with everyone and everything, especially Ellie and the sheep. ✨See you at three @almostfoxglove- Joel Miller x ofc - completed series - Finally finished this story and oh boy how I loved it. I'm in love with this Joel, Nell but mostly with Sarah and Ellie being the best menaces to exist.

Frankie Morales

✨The Small Things of a whole @sawymredfox - Frankie Morales x Benny Miller - ongoing series - The love I have for this story is heard to put in words, it's love and care and devotion and everything I ever wish for a FishBen story ✨Second Chance @the-blind-assassin-12 - Frankie Morales x f!reader - ongoing series - Not only do we have Frankie rescuing puppies, but we have fun dogs, and a non official therapy cat! Of course I love this story ✨The Devil's Pilot @vodkaandpizza - Frankie Morales x ofc - ongoing series - Oh how I love Esie, even more than Frankie (but don't worry I love him very much too). ✨Holding Pattern @auteurdelabre - Frankie Morales x f!reader - ongoing series - This story broke my heart and mended it back. Of course Emma is a master in writing angst and happy endings. i'll never tire of her writing.

Din Djarin

Eyes drabble @sawymredfox - Din Djarin x f!reader - one shot - I want to get lost in his eyes ✨Human @petalsinblood - Din Djarin - one shot - Soph writes angst like no one and this hurts good. ✨Short Debts Make Long Friends - Din Djarin x f!earthling reader - ongoing series - Hello? Obsessed much? I discovered this story thanks to @djarins-cyare and fell deep into it. Oh how I love it, how I'm dying to see what happens next. it's wonderful, funny, has a great world building, and damn do I love Din.

Other P boys

I'll be there for you @bluestar22x - Javi G x f!reader - completed series - Always a pleasure to return to this sweet sweet couple. Too sweet @oonajaeadira - Javi G x f!reader - ongoing series - It is sweet, so so sweet, and I live for that! ✨Clarusco @half-moon16 - Javi P x f!reader - one shot - HOOOOOT, but also, how dare you write feelings and angst like this? That ending was perfect! The buttoned dress @milla-frenchy - Javi P - one shot - This is canon, we all know this is exactly what happened after that scene. ✨Compulsion @iamskyereads - Ezra x OFC - completed series - How can I explain thi. It's like reading a great Sci-fi novel, with wonderful Ezra in the mix. The worldbuilding is wonderful, the characters fully fleshed. I wished I could read more and more of them ✨Coco's nut @oliveksmoked- Tim Rockford x f!reader but with many other P boys - completed series - So wonderful, so whimsical, a little sad, just the right amount. I'm happy I finally read this story ✨The Locksmith series @oonajaeadira - The thief x f!reader - I should hate Adira for breaking my heart like she did here, but really, this was such a wonderful story and she did give me a happy ending so I forgive her (I always will darling, you can break my heart as much as you want because I know you mend it in the end)

My own writing

MASTER LIST

Part 4

Disclaimer: I don't beta my work, and English is not my first language, so please excuse any errors.

You spent the Thursday and Friday drop off and pick up moving around the preschool compound like a ninja, stealthing around other moms to avoid being seen by that deranged lunatic.

You just couldn’t understand that man. How was he so sweet and funny at lunch and suddenly transformed into a psychotic, accusatory bitch a few hours later? You were angry too, Ellie had three long scratches on her face, possibly from Sarah. But no one saw you immediately accusing Sarah of clawing your daughter’s face off.

And as if that was not enough, he had now accused your child of stealing Sarah’s lunch box. What the actual fuck?

You did your due diligence. Like any responsible and mentally stable parent, you checked her bag. You never know. Best case scenario, she could have accidentally taken Sarah’s lunch box, which was identical to Ellie’s, black being the only colour available that day both you and that mentally and emotionally challenged man decided to get them for your daughters.

You would have even checked Ellie’s bag right there in front of him had he not attacked you like you had just robbed his fucking house.  

Of course, there was no extra lunch box in Ellie’s bag. You only found hers. Not that you ever doubted her.

You even asked her if she knew what happened to Sarah’s lunch box. She nodded but shook her head when you asked her who took it. You assured her she wouldn’t get in trouble. But nope. Nada. Just silence.

But you knew Joel Miller wouldn’t stop accusing your sweet little girl.

And that thing he said about the leftover crusts and egg yolks…

You already know how low on the food chain you were. And he was just throwing something you shared in your hidden insecurity about your financial state back in your face.

You were angry now. You hate this man. You want to slap him, shout at him.

The things he said to you…

The reality was, you mostly just felt stupid.

You were attracted to this guy. The first time you saw him, despite the sad smile he was giving you, you couldn’t deny the fact that he was extremely handsome. Quite possibly the most good looking man you had ever met up front. The fact that he was crying and wasn’t acting all macho about it – not hiding his face when he got caught – made him all the more attractive to you. And when you finally met him properly, you actually thought he was a good guy. The whole package, one might say. Good looking, polite, ridiculously charming and adorable in that inept, clumsy way. You actually got all hot and tingly when he smiled at you. Flustered when he touched you, even by accident. You even felt sparks.

But it turned out, he was just a bully.

Not that you were surprised. Your experience had taught you that you definitely had a blind spot when it came to seeing red flags in men. Your husband Eric taught you that. Repeatedly.

Maybe you shouldn’t be so surprised you found Joel Miller to be so attractive. You thought Eric was amazing too, at one point.

Oh how wrong you were.

Maybe you were just wired that way.

Which was why you should never interact with Joel Miller ever again. Or any men you were attracted to. You have Ellie to think about.

Which gave you another dilemma. There was a little voice in your head telling you that maybe, just maybe, Ellie being friends with Sarah wasn’t a good idea, seeing as her father had decided that your daughter was put on this earth to make his daughters life miserable.

But then, Ellie was the new girl in town. She had no friends. You yanked her away from her old life, the familiar life she where she had friends and brought her here, and by whatever good omen you somehow still had, she found Sarah. She loved Sarah. That much you could see. It took her weeks to warm up to the neighbourhood children at the park you took her to daily back home. Even the neighbouring children back then got side eyes from her. Ellie was picky when it came to making friends. She didn’t trust easily. But she trusted and bonded with Sarah immediately.

You didn’t have the heart to separate them.

You knew Miss Lydia had separated them in class, per that crazy man’s request. But Ellie told you that she and Sarah spent every second they could with each other, between classes, during breaks, play time, even ran to the others tables to show their drawings to each other. Took cheeky peeks at each other during classes.

You smiled thinking about those two. You wondered how long it would take until they discover passing notes to each other.

Surely they could remain friends without you having to talk to that nutter of a father? They see each other every day at school. No playdates necessary.

Yeah, you could do that. Let the girls be friends. No need to talk to that idiot. Not like he would want to talk to you anyway. He thought of you as a bad mother who taught your daughter to hit other children, steal and eat scraps of rejected leftover food.

Yeah, no more Joel Miller for you.

Joel was at his wits end. It had been two very long days since that day you huffed away from him, since Sarah told him she hated him.

He had been kicking himself for saying what he said to you. For attacking you the way he did, both for Ellie supposedly ‘hurting’ Sarah and for ‘stealing’ Sarah’s lunch box. He didn’t know why he did that, he didn’t even know why he got angry at you, why he would accuse Ellie of such horrific ‘crimes’. He kept replaying his outbursts in his mind, wondering what possessed him to act like that instead of just keeping a cool head and dealing with it in a different manner.

He wished with all his might he had responded the way you did when he accused you of all those things.

You could have accused him of being a bad parents and attacked him for the scratches on Ellie’s face, but you didn’t. You asked Ellie right there in front of him whether she attacked Sarah. He didn’t even ask Sarah if she scratched Ellie. He simply doubled down and escalated.

He didn’t even think you were a bad parent.

It’s him that’s the problem.

It’s his own low opinion on his own parenting. It was he who was lacking. He had always thought of himself as not enough when it came to parenting Sarah, but refused to let others fill in. He was too protective. He hovered too much. Didn’t trust anyone else to have her interest at heart. Tommy was the person he trusted the most with her. Even with Tess, whenever she tried to give a woman’s input or thoughts on how to deal with Sarah, he found himself rejecting her advice, every single time. He couldn’t get past the thought that Sarah was his daughter, therefore, he was the only one who knew what was best for her.

God, how he missed Daisy. She would know what to do. She would certainly never make you feel like the worst parent to ever walk the planet.

He couldn’t believe he did that. He couldn’t believe he would mock the crusts and yolks with ketchup. He couldn’t sleep that night thinking about it. You probably chose to eat Ellie’s discards to save money. Those were perfectly good food that shouldn’t be wasted. You just lost your husband, you were working at a store. It wasn’t as if you were in management or anything. You were literally working on the floor restocking the shelves and attending to customers. He doubted that you were making a tonne of money every week.

Your husband passed less than a year ago. Even if he had a pension, it couldn’t have been much, considering Ellie was your only child. He knew what it was like, having to scrimp and save just to put food on the table, to make sure Sarah had decent clothes and toys, to make sure she never had to go without.

And yet, he mocked a struggling single mom for her frugal choices. For not wanting to waste perfectly good food. Threw that innocent little factoid in her face.

He wanted to bury himself in the ground. Such was his shame for doing that to you.

And to top it all off, his daughter had now declared her hatred towards him. She saw how mean he was being to you. His daughter, a five year old, recognized that he was being mean. She wouldn’t even look at him, much less talk to him.

She didn’t even want him to tuck her in. In fact, she didn’t even want to go home unless Uncle Tommy came home with them.

“Why don’t you want your Daddy to tuck you in?” he heard Tommy ask her as he stood outside her bedroom, having had to leave the room and get Tommy to tuck her in instead.

“Daddy was mean. He yelled at Ellie’s Mama.”

“Well, he thought Ellie was hurting you, stealing from you.”

“No, she didn’t do that. She’s nice. She’s my friend. She’s my best friend.”

“You like Ellie?”

“Yeah. She helps me. She makes mean people go away.”

Silence.

“What do you mean?”

“When people are mean to me, she helps me. She makes them go away. She gets hurt too. But she helps me.”

“Who’s mean to you?” Joel could hear the tension in Tommy’s voice.

Silence.

“You don’t want to tell me?”

Silence.

“Okay, what did the mean people do?”

“They take my food. They take all of it. So Ellie gives me her food. And then they take her food too. Now we hide food so they don’t take all our food.”

“Is that why you are so hungry when you come back?”

Silence.

“Who? Who are being mean to you Sarah?”

Silence.

“Does Miss Lydia know? Does Auntie Tess know? Does Daniel know?”

Silence.

“Does Daddy know?”

Silence.

“Why didn’t you tell Daddy when he asked?”

“Daddy will yell. He will be mean. I don’t like it when Daddy is mean. Like he’s mean to Ellie’s Mama.”

Joel closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead. He had seriously underestimated how smart and observant Sarah was, despite his efforts to shield her from his bad temper. He honestly thought he had been doing a good job in doing just that. But it turned out that his five year old knew all along how he would react if he found out someone had hurt her. And like an idiot, he proved her right. Twice over. With the mother of a little girl she had proudly proclaimed to be her best friend.

Great parenting, Joel Miller. Way to traumatize your precious child.

“But… Sarah, if you tell us, then maybe we could talk to Miss Lydia and she can tell the people who hurt you and Ellie to stop,” Tommy tried one more time. And then he spoke again with a voice Joel knew he only paired with the Miller signature puppy dog pleading eyes and bottom lip pout, oftentimes complete with clasped hands.

Silence. But Joel could tell there was some form of communication going on. Rustling. Shuffling. Some very loud gesturing, clapping of sorts included, and finally, the sweet, ring of laughter from his beloved daughter. Tommy must have tickled her as a form of info extraction method, but ever the steadfast, strong willed girl she was, she had resisted. Joel smiled to himself thinking of the kind of man his brother turned out to be with Sarah. The playboy rebel turned putty the moment that girl was placed in his arms.

Oh hell, who was he kidding? That little girl had him and Tommy wrapped around her little finger.

“You want a story?” he heard Tommy ask. Joel must have missed her request in his reminiscing. “You don’t want Daddy to read for you?”

Silence.

“Your Daddy makes the best voices, you know that,” he heard his brother say, “I cannot compete. You sure you don’t want Daddy to read to you?”

Silence. But the fact that he heard Tommy climb into bed with her gave him the answer. So he sat there and waited until Tommy finished reading, going to the living room when he heard Tommy climb back out, his footsteps heading towards the door.

“Sorry Joel, I tried,” Tommy said, stopping at the fridge to take two cans of Coke, sitting down on the couch, handing Joel his can.

“I know, I heard.”

Tommy opened the can and took a sip. “So you heard what she said about Ellie?”

Joel nodded, taking a sip himself.

“She told you all that in minutes, I’ve tried for two days,” he sighed.

“Okay, don’t beat yourself up. One, she loves me a lot more than she loves you, and two, I’m just better at talking to the ladies,” Tommy smirked.

Joel rolled his eyes.

“So, what happened today? I thought everything was done and dealt with yesterday?”

Joel sighed. “Sarah lost her lunch box. First time she brought it to school, and she lost it. I asked to see Ellie’s bag,” he sheepishly admitted.

Tommy’s eyes narrowed, “Asked, or demanded?”

Joel’s head lowered, his eyes focused on the can of Coke. “I may have been a bit… aggressive, accusatory.”

“And your first instinct was to accuse a five year old girl your daughter insisted wasn’t the one who hurt her? Sarah said that yesterday, I heard her, she told you Ellie didn’t hurt her. And yet you accused that same girl of stealing? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Joel sighed, “I don’t know Tommy, I don’t what’s wrong with me. It was like someone else invaded my body and I was just watching.”

“Oh come on Joel, that’s just you. That’s always been you. I get it, you don’t want Sarah to be hurt, but really? You accuse another girl to be the culprit? You don’t even know what happened. Sarah didn’t tell you, didn’t tell me, she didn’t tell anyone who did it. And that lunch box? I know you think the world is against you and Sarah, but you know how many water bottles I lost throughout my school years? Mom resorted to just giving me used Coke bottles for my water bottle. Not once did she accuse anyone of stealing anything. And you did it on day three!”

“I know, I know… if I could take it back…”

“You’d better, Joel, before that woman gets tired of your antiques and forbid Ellie from being friends with Sarah. She’ll definitely hate you for real then,” Tommy warned. “Plus, if you keep this up, you might never get a chance with her, ever. As it is, you might be too late already. All these years with your heart closed off, you finally like someone, no, Joel, you can deny all you want, but I know you. You like her,” Tommy chastised as Joel opened his mouth to deny his crush on you, “You finally like someone and you fucked it up because you couldn’t see past your blind fury. For fuck’s sake, go beg for forgiveness, Joel. I’m serious.”

Joel couldn’t sleep that night. From shame, from disappointment, from digesting the info he just found out from eavesdropping Tommy and Sarah’s conversation.

He had no idea why he chose not to believe Sarah when she said Ellie didn’t do anything wrong. And now that he knew Ellie was protecting his daughter, he felt like the biggest asshole in the universe. Ellie even shared her food with Sarah before her own food got taken away too. And of course, now that he thought of it, you told him Ellie came home hungry too.

Joel wanted to kick himself. Ellie had scratches on her hand, her face from protecting Sarah. She went home hungry because her food got stolen for sharing with Sarah, for not wating Sarah to be hungry. Both girls were being bullied, and they were protecting each other. His daughter had no other friends before school apart from Daniel, and she finally found another friend, one who helped protect her from bullies even if it meant she got bullied herself, and he decided to yell at the innocent girl’s mother for it. Twice.

Tommy was right. If you decided to stop Ellie from being friends with Sarah, he was done for. Sarah would never forgive him.

If that ever happens, his life would be over.

You were stacking some tomato soup on the shelf, standing on a small stool, tip toeing a little trying to get as many cans as you could on the top shelf, humming to yourself a little, your left ear filled with slow rock on low volume.

“Annie,” you heard your name called.

Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw him, standing next to the cart full of unboxed tomato soups with his hands in his pockets.

You chose to ignore him, coming down to get another box.

“Let me help you,” he offered, but you picked up the box and climbed back up, placing the box on a lower shelf. You got the box cutter out of your apron pocket and slashed the box on all four sides, tossing the top part back into the cart. Your resumed your work, ignoring him.

“Annie I’m sorry. I’m sorry for accusing Ellie of hurting Sarah, of stealing from Sarah, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say, except that nothing I ever said to you during those moments reflect your parenting. It’s me. I have a problem. I’m the bad parent here, not you. I was projecting. I’m the one who felt inadequate, who felt like I failed my daughter and I took it out on you. I’m sorry Annie, I really am.”

“Annie, Sarah told me Ellie was just protecting her, Ellie had those marks on her because of Sarah, and I yelled at you for it, I accused her for it. Turns out someone was bullying Sarah, and Ellie protected her. They stole Sarah’s food, and Ellie offered her own lunch so Sarah wouldn’t go hungry. But they ended up stealing her food too,” he continued.

Your hands stopped working for a while. But then you carried on.

Hoping that was a sign you were listening, he went on. “Sarah won’t say who it was who was bullying her. Maybe you can ask Ellie? I was also hoping we could go see the headmaster together? I talked to Tess, asked her to look into it, but maybe if we involve the headmaster they could take action faster?”

Nothing. Box after box, you went on with your work, still humming. He stood there and waited for you until you were done, begging for your forgiveness every so often in hopes that you would respond, to no avail. He waited as you placed all the discarded box in the cart, picked up the stool and pushed the whole thing away, following you, still begging for your forgiveness, until you disappeared behind the double doors to the store room.

He tried again when you came back out to stock the shelves with various sanitary products, ignoring the looks the ladies in the aisle were giving you.

“Annie, please. It’s okay if you decide not to talk to me anymore, but please consider coming with me to see the headmaster. For the girls?”

“Annie,” someone else called out your name. “Everything okay?”

You looked up to see Frank standing there with his hands on his hips, eyeing Joel.

“Joel,” Frank greeted, his eyes wary.

“Frank,” Joel replied, “How’s Bill?”

“He’s alright. Annie, is he bothering you?”

Joel held his breath, waiting for your response. You shook your head slightly and he felt his lungs clear.

“Okay, let me know if he is,” Frank said, nodding at Joel, eyes still looing at him suspiciously.

Joel turned to look at you again, only to see you already pushing the cart back into storage, this time not coming back out.

“Ellie, Sarah’s Daddy told me someone was bullying you and Sarah? Stole your food? Is this true?”

Ellie nodded, her eyes focused on the sandwich in front of her.

“Who? Can you tell me who’s bullying you?”

Silence.

“Why didn’t you tell me, sweetie? I asked so many times!”

She was quiet for a bit, as if she was contemplating whether or not to answer you.

“I didn’t want you to be mad at me. I don’t want to go to the police station again. I don’t want you to get in trouble again. I always get you in trouble,” she said, looking sad and regretful.

Your heart sank. You pulled her into your arms, hugging her tight.

“Sweetie, I wasn’t mad at you, and I’m not gonna be mad at you for defending Sarah. And baby,” you said, pulling back so she could look you in the eyes, “You didn’t get me in trouble. I would die for you, it’s my job to protect you, and you won’t have to go to a police station for this, okay? I promise.”

“But when Papa died…”

The door to the staff lounge opened, and you shushed her. Understanding the predicament the two of you were in, she climbed off your lap and went back to eating her sandwich, and the two of you switched to thinking of plans to keep her lunch safe instead.

“I’m failing, Daze,” Joel whispered, speaking as softly as he could to avoid Sarah from hearing him. She had just finished telling her Mommy about her first week of school with much enthusiasm and was now admiring the bouquet of daisies someone had kindly left in the vase at the base of Daisy’s headstone. She had plucked one out and went to sit at one of the benches by the oak tree.

Correction. She had just finished telling her Mommy all about her new ‘bestest friend ever’, Ellie.

“I failed to protect her. She got bullied, Daze. Came home with marks on her body, bruises, scratches, and then I found out they stole her food, Daze. What kind of father am I that I can’t protect her from bullies?”

He sighed, “I should have paid attention in school, Daze. If I had, I could have homeschooled her,” he laughed.

“And that wasn’t even the worst of it all. When I saw a bruise on her arm, I got so blinded by rage, I forgot children fight. I got so mad at Ellie, at her mom, and when Sarah’s lunch box went missing I accused that girl of stealing too. Annie, her mom, she’s a single mom, such a sweet woman, and I yelled at her Daze. What kind of a man yells at an innocent woman?”

He could feel Daisy judging him, glaring at him, shaking her head at him. Joel found himself bracing for impact before telling her the next part.

“And you know what? Turns out, Ellie was protecting her! I yelled at and insulted an innocent single mom when I should be thanking her!”

And… there’s that phantom smack at the back of the head he was bracing for.

“I know, I know… I deserved that. I apologized, but I don’t think she wants to have anything to do with me ever again. I just hope she doesn’t stop Ellie from being friends with Sarah. Sarah would hate me for life if that happened. It took me two whole days to get back in her good books this time. God knows when she will talk to me again if Annie ended up stopping Ellie from talking to her.”

He took a deep breath. “Anyway, I promised Tess I would join her and Daniel for brunch today. She hasn’t really been out since Eddie passed. Poor woman. Daniel seems to be doing okay, though. But still… they’re struggling…”

“I should get going. Please say hi to Eddie if you see him, okay? I miss you Daze. See you next week.”

He turned around, “Sarah, come say goodbye to Mom…”

Sarah wasn’t where she was when he started speaking to Daisy.

His head went cold.

“Sarah!”

He stood up, panicked, looking around. He saw a few groups of people scattered around, each small group or singular person standing around their loved ones headstones. A few looked around at him when he hollered for his daughter.

The coldness that started in his head now spread all over his body.

“Sarah! Answer me Baby Girl! Sarah!”

“Joel? What’s wrong?” Tess came running, one hand pulling Daniel along.

“Sarah’s gone. She was right there, and then she was gone.”

“Okay, don’t panic, let’s split up, I’ll take the left. You take the right,” she suggested.

Joel was losing his mind, running around amongst the headstones calling for his daughter.

“Sarah!” he hollered, “Sarah! Answer me Baby Girl! Sarah!”

“Daddy!” he heard her call back. He turned around and saw Sarah run towards him, Ellie standing a few feet behind her, looking guilty.

“Where were you?”

“I was playing with Ellie!” she answered.

Joel could feel the familiar heat rising to his head. He could feel himself starting to lose it. But then he saw you, standing just a few feet behind Ellie.

You rushed towards Ellie, taking her hand, ready to protect your daughter from this deranged man’s wrath.

But the wrath never came.

“I see her,” Sarah said, “I go to her. I miss her. I’m sorry Daddy, I won’t do it again. Don’t yell at Ellie’s Mama again,” she pleaded.

Joel’s eyes fell to the dried leaf-filled cart behind you, the pile of fallen leaves near it, the trash bag in Ellie’s hands, Sarah’s soiled hands.

“I help Ellie collect leaves,” Sarah continued to explain, worry all across her features, her tiny hands on Joel’s hand, trying to stop him from advancing towards you and your daughter. 

His heart fell. Sarah was worried he might lose it again. He found himself feeling so disappointed in himself that his actions this week had made her see him like that.

He squatted in front of her, “No Baby Girl, I’m not gonna yell at her again. I was just worried about you. I couldn’t find you. Please don’t run away like that again, okay? At least let me know if you’re going somewhere else.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking worried. “I’m sorry Daddy,” she pleaded.

“It’s okay, just… next time tell me, okay?”

She nodded, hugging him.

The first hug she had given him since he accused Ellie of stealing from her.

He picked her up and walked towards you and Ellie.

“I’m sorry, I was just about to look for you. She just wandered over and started picking leaves up,” you started, worried he was going to accuse you of putting his child to work. Ellie stood in front of you, looking wary.

“No, I’m sorry, I just panicked. Turned around and she wasn’t there,” he said, putting Sarah down. “Need help?” he asked, looking at the huge pile that was still there.

“No, I’ve got it,” you said, “Say goodbye to Sarah sweetie, you’ll see her tomorrow.”

“Please,” Joel said, not daring to take another step, worried you would find his actions aggressive.

You stopped walking, but your eyes were not on him.

“I’m sorry, I really am. Please forgive me. Please don’t punish Sarah for my actions. She really likes being friends with Ellie,” he pleaded.

Your eyes narrowed, “I don’t punish children for their parents’ actions, Mr Miller.”

He felt as if he had gotten slapped.

“I deserve that,” he mumbled, looking at his feet.

But he couldn’t help but feel down at the fact that you called him Mr Miller. He was Joel to you on Tuesday.

You didn’t respond, your grasp on the cart tightened.

“You work here too?” he asked, desperate to not feel as small as he was feeling at that moment, trying to make things a bit less awkward.

“They live here. That’s their house!” Sarah chirped, pointing at a stone cottage in the distance.

“You live in a cemetery?” Tess’s voice chimed in, she and Daniel approaching. “You found her,” she said, offering her other hand to Sarah.

Sarah went closer to Ellie, taking her hand instead, both girls eyeing Daniel.

“When you said you lived near the cemetery, I didn’t imagine you actually lived on the land,” Joel said, his eyes still on you.

You still didn’t respond, not really knowing what to say, and not really in the mood to, to be honest. You only said something before to stop him from attacking you again.

“Everything okay here?” Bill asked, the man approaching with a leaf blower in his hand.

“Hey Bill,” Joel greeted.

“Joel,” Bill nodded, his eyes much like his husband’s as he surveyed what had looked to him like a stand off from the distance.

“Everything’s fine,” you answered, taking Ellie’s hand. “Come on Ellie, you’ll see Sarah tomorrow, okay Sarah? I’m sure your Daddy has places to be,” you coaxed the girl. She nodded, going for Joel’s hand instead of Tess’s offered one.

Joel gave up, seeing how uncomfortable you were with him there. “I’ll be going then, I hope to see you around.”

He leaned in a little and whispered, “I will keep trying to get back in your good book. I hope I’ll have the chance to. I’m really sorry for being such an ass, Annie,” he pleaded, reaching out to pat Ellie on the shoulder, the girl pulling away with a sourpuss.

“We really should go, Joel, we don’t want to be late,” Tess said, slipping her hand in Joel’s unoccupied arm. “See you around Annie!”

You nodded, pushing the cart and pulling your daughter’s hand at the same time. Bill took the cart from you and the trash bag from Ellie’s hand and told you he would take care of the pile, getting straight to work scooping the leaves into the cart.

Daniel started whining about being hungry, so Joel started walking away, looking back to see you one more time.

“Lives in a cemetery, huh? I don’t know how to feel about that,” Tess said, looking at you too.

“Nothing wrong with it, she must work here.”

“She brought her daughter to work with her? Playing among headstones? I don’t know. Can’t really imagine it. Each to their own, I suppose,” she said. “I don’t know if I can do it,” she laughed.

“Your child literally goes to school where you work,” Joel defended you.

“Yeah. My place of work isn’t morbid,” she laughed. “I’m joking, sheesh!” she said when she saw the grumpy look on his face. “I forgot you are crushing on her. God forbid someone jokes about your girlfriend, huh Miller?” she elbowed him a little.

“I’ll see you there. Tommy will meet us there too,” Joel said, pulling his arm away and led Sarah to his truck, turning around to look your direction, hoping to see a final glimpse of you. You were long gone.

“Order for us if you get there first, the usual. We’ll do the same for you if we get there first,” Tess said, unlocking her car.

Joel simply nodded, his eyes still looking for you.

“You don’t want to sit next to Daniel?” Tess asked her niece, helping the little girl into the chair she had chosen, across from her instead of next to Daniel or in front of him.

Sarah shook her head, settling in her seat. Joel and Tommy walked in, taking their seats, Tommy high fiving Daniel and giving Sarah kisses and a few tickles.

The three adults talked and caught up while the two kids watched something on Joel and Tess’s phones, both ignoring each other. Halfway through their meal, the door chimed. Joel looked up.

His heart leapt with hope and joy.

You had walked in with Ellie and a woman he had seen at his store every now and again. The three of you took a seat by the window a table away from theirs.

Sarah saw you and company and immediately lit up.

“Ellie!” she called out, taking her headphones off and jumping off her chair.

“Sarah, maybe don’t bother them?” Tess called out, “They might want to be alone!”

“Oh, it’s okay,” the lady with you said. “We don’t mind,” she smiled at Sarah. “This must be Sarah. I’ve heard so much about you!”

“Hello,” Sarah shyly greeted, taking a seat next to Ellie. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Maria,” Maria introduced herself. “Are you done eating?”

“No. But I want to sit with Ellie,” Sarah said.

You looked at Joel for permission. His eyes were already on you. You made a gesture asking if it would be okay for Sarah to join your table.

“I’m okay if you don’t mind,” Joel said, standing up to take Sarah’s plate and cup to you.

“No,” Tommy hurriedly said, “I’ll do it,” he picked up the plate and cup and brought them over.

“Hi,” he said, holding a hand out to Maria, “I’m Tommy, I’m Joel’s brother,” he said, shaking your hand next.

“Hi,” Maria responded, “I’ve you at the store. Miller’s DIY, right?”

“That’s right,” Tommy said, sitting down.

“Would you like to move to a bigger table?” the server asked, “We can push the tables together, the girls can sit at the next table,” she suggested.

“That would be great!” Maria and Tommy chorused, both of them seemingly oblivious to the discomfort between you and Joel. Sarah and Ellie were quick to move, excited to have a private table all to themselves. You hadn’t even digested the idea of moving tables before you were corralled by an eager Tommy towards the table and found yourself plopped down next to Joel. Tommy took Daniel’s plates to the kids table and sat down, Maria taking Daniel’s place.

The server took Sarah’s meal to her and waited for you, Maria and Ellie to order.

The table fell into an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, you and Joel eyeing each other, both wondering if the other was kay with this arrangement neither of you had agreed with. Tommy and Maria immediately got to talking, seemingly unaware of the awkwardness between you and Joel.

It felt like forever for the food to arrive. When everyone had a plate of food in front of them, things were less awkward, but there was still a slight discomfort between you and Joel, but at least you had something else to focus on.

“I’m sorry for that comment I made,” Joel mumbled so only you could hear. “About the crusts and yolk with ketchup. That was…” the expression on his face completed his thoughts. “It won’t happen again.”

“So, Annie, where did you move from again? Florida, right?” Tess asked.

“How did you know that?” you asked, a nervous lump in your throat for the inevitable follow up questions.  

“Oh, I think Miss Lydia told me. Where in Florida? Must be a bit of a change to move somewhere with four seasons,” Tess prodded.

“How long have you been teaching at the school?” Maria asked Tess, and you felt yourself exhale in relief.

Conversation between the three of them flowed for a bit, you and Joel listening, though you could feel his eyes on you. It took everything you had not to look at him, focusing instead on Maria’s face.

Whatever conversation that was flowing at your table was interrupted by Ellie’s voice from the next table, followed by a chaotic scuffle.

“Stop! Don’t do that! You’re hurting her!”

Part 6

TAG LIST:

@bergamote-catsandbooks, @kirsteng42, @harriedandharassed, @vickie5446, @nialler-horan, @laurrrra, @missladym1981, @themoviefangirl-blog, @ashleyfilm, @cloudguide, @joelmillerpascal, @speaktothehandpeasants, @peelieblue, @olafsmiles2020, @strawberrylis, @pedro-pascal-3nthusiast, @mteveanna, @goonersquad101, @jennfromthebayarea, @cuteanimalmama, @inept-the-magnificent, @marty-mccunt, @hotforpedro, @girlbloggerlg, @lovefreylove, @mystickittytaco, @sunnytuliptime, @armandispunk, @pedroncigarettes, @ifall4dilfs, @mandolauren, @millerdina, @isabellaboo2025, @pascalgold, @vanderlindebae, @thatoneperson38747, @he-is-the-destined, @empresskatarina-blog, @nothinglefttogive, @kakiki3