How Very Peculiar...

                               i’m just a girl on a mission                                         but i’m ready to FLY

I thought I was calling the office of supreme genius.

Well, gorgeous, you’ve been rerouted to the office of too frickin’ bad.

Try to look less official.

Medical school, schmedical school!

You ready to do some work?

Why not? I haven’t slept this week, might as well give up eating too.

You should see what comes up when you type “death” into a search engine.

No wonder you can’t find a date.

Finding new ways to hurt each other is what we’re good at.

See, my code of survival says never mess with a woman who carries a gun.

I don’t know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.

I never said that. When have I ever said that?

Anybody ever heard of sarcasm?

You kick like a nine year-old girl.

You find baldness and wrinkles attractive?

Nobody gets therapy these days without a healthy dose of medication.

Are you hacking into the government’s HMO database? Is that legal? 

Of course not. We’ll both go to prison and you’ll be someone’s bitch.

Yeah, movie night. I’ll go make popcorn.

Easy there, tough guy. Have some coffee with your sugar.

‘Sometimes what we don’t do is every bit as powerful as what we do.

You have a lovely smile. But you don’t smile much.

Where else would any of us be on a Saturday night? It’s not like we have lives or anything.

Speak for yourself. 

Is there anything worse than cop-shop coffee?

Day-old cop-shop doughnuts?

She’s answering every question with just her name and Social Security Number.

Like a prisoner of war.

Captain America here shot number five.

Did you know that experts credit Confucius with the advent of the chopstick? He equated knives with acts of aggression.

It’s like trying to forage for dinner with a pair of number two pencils. It’s absolutely incredible. 1.3 billion people stay nourished because of these things.

If I weren’t a lesbian, I’d jump your bones.

Hanging out with you can be really depressing.

Serial killers make lousy tourist attractions.

In my experience, evil is not a cultural phenomenon – it’s a human one.

You really don’t know someone till you take a road trip with them.

Call me cynical, but considering it’s 2 a.m., I doubt it’s good news.

Please don’t tell me you have a crush on a fictional character.

What the hell was that?

He had a bomb.

You didn’t think we needed to know that?

Come on, genius, do something genius-like.

I’d call him an ass.

Trust me, you don’t want to model your social life on mine.

You are a goddess, woman.

I know what it’s like to be afraid of your own mind.

A magician doesn’t reveal his secrets.

Beauty can cover a multitude of sins, but underneath we all look exactly the same.

The world is pretty screwed up.

I’m gonna put this guy’s head on a stick.

You all right?

I’m fine.

What is the matter with you?

I have never seen you act like this.

You look like hell.

I’m trying to be more conversational.

I’m not scared. I don’t wanna be in an elevator with you, to be honest.

This is crazy.

You should have listened to me.

Do not make me smack you in front of all these people.

There is really no acceptable excuse for violence, but for you I am making an exception.

No, no… I’m talking evil twin, eviler twin… just think…

I’ll put on the coffee.

Okay, smartass, you drive.

Well, “roadside hotels” definitely go on my list of things to never do again.

Remind me to have her drug tested.

What are you guys doing here?

My dry-cleaning is more important than you.