A Girl With A Dream

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“Look who’s escaped the library! They’re keeping you awfully busy, aren’t they?” She teases, knowing full well where you’ve been the last 14 hours. 

“Like you wouldn’t believe. Professor Martinsson decided to assign a class of two hundred students a twenty page essay, and of course, had no intention of marking them himself.” You roll your eyes in exasperation, earning you a sympathetic look from Peggy. 

“Anyways, I’m headed to bed. Goodnight, Peg.” You stifle another yawn and head towards your room. Peggy moves to do the same, but quickly stops, remembering something.

“Oh, I almost forgot! Steve called today. It turns out his squadron is heading back a few days early, so he’ll be home tomorrow.”

“Oh Peg, that’s great! You must be so excited.” Steve is Peggy’s boyfriend of three years, and, as she has told you on many occasions, the love of her life. They met the summer before college, and have managed to maintain their relationship despite his being in the army. What the two of them have is what you always wanted for yourself- you’d be lying if you said you aren’t a little jealous when you see how they look at each other. 

“Yeah, I can’t wait to see him. Is it still ok for him to stay here?”

“Of course! Steve is always welcome here, you know that.” Since Steve doesn’t have any family, he usually stays with you and Peggy while he’s on leave. You don’t mind, Steve is a good guy, and always cleans up after himself. There is, however, one downside to Steve staying with you… 

“Bucky will be back too. Y/N… I know the two of you don’t really get along, but would it be alright if he slept on the couch? His parents are renovating so they don’t have a room for him, and Steve was hoping he could also stay with us.”

Ugh. Bucky Barnes. The bane of your existence. And unfortunately, Steve’s best friend since childhood. The two of them joined the army after highschool, and ended up in the same squadron, meaning that if Steve was around, Bucky was often in tow. Peggy must see the unenthusiastic expression on your face, because she shoots you an apologetic glance. 

“I know it’s not ideal, but it’s only for a week, then they have to head back to base. Besides, you’re so busy, you’ll hardly see him. Please?” 

“Alright, fine. But he better be on his best behavior.” you warn, only half kidding.

With a grateful thank you, Peggy heads to bed, closing her door. You collapse on your bed, now exhausted and irritable. Why did he have to stay here? There were perfectly good motels all over the city. With a sigh, you resign yourself to the idea that you’d be stuck with a snarky asshole on your couch all week. Your mind starts racing, as it always does when you know Bucky is coming. You wish you could just ignore him and get on with your life, but somehow he always ended up getting under your skin. It had been over two years since the incident that led to your mutual dislike, but you remember it like it was yesterday. 

Two and a half years ago

It was at the end of your first semester, right before Christmas break when you’d met Steve and Bucky for the first time. Peggy had begged you to come to a winter market with her, so she could introduce you to her boyfriend. 

The two of you trudge through the snow, Peggy gripping your arm enthusiastically as she leads you towards two men, their backs turned to you. When they turn around, Steve runs quickly to Peggy, scooping her into his arms. The sight makes you smile- you see right away how much they missed each other. Wanting to give them a moment, you turn to Steve’s friend, and come face to face with the most handsome man you’ve ever seen. He smiles warmly at you, his blue eyes sparking under the twinkling lights. 

“You must be Peggy’s friend. I’m Bucky.” He reaches out, offering you his hand, which you shake politely.

“Hi. I’m Y/N.” you smile back at him, mesmerized by the man in front of you. 

“Y/N… that’s a lovely name.” 

“Thank you.” His compliment makes you blush. Trying your best not to stare at him like a creep, you avert your gaze to the booths nearby. You try to think of something clever to say to him, but before you can, Peggy catches your attention so she can introduce you to Steve. The four of you explore the market, making idle but comfortable conversation. 

From there, you and Bucky slowly get closer. He’s around a lot, since Steve wants to spend as much time with Peggy as possible. He is so easy to talk to, and seems to genuinely want to get to know you. The two of you spend enough evenings as the third and fourth wheels to your friends, that you start to become friends yourselves. 

Everything changes the night before Bucky and Steve are set to head back to base. The four of you had been out enjoying the city, but it was approaching dinner time, and Peggy and Steve wanted to spend some time alone together before Steve had to go. 

“Bye guys, have fun!” You wink at Peggy suggestively, making her laugh. 

“Not too much fun though, we have to leave at the crack of dawn Stevie!” Steve also laughs, making a parting promise to Bucky not to be out too late. You both know he’s lying. 

Bucky turns to you, his signature cute smile on his face. “So, what are you doing for the rest of the evening?” 

“I thought I'd keep it low key. I’ll just order Chinese and watch a movie or something.”

“That actually sounds great… do you mind if I join you?”

“Oh… sure!” You’re elated that he wants to spend more time with you. Over the last two weeks, you may have started to develop a small crush. “You don’t have anywhere else you want to be?”

“Nah.” he brushes a strand of hair out of your face, making your heart flutter. “If I’m only here one more night, I’d like to spend it with you.” 

You feel warmth creeping into your cheeks. It sounds like perhaps, your crush is reciprocated. Before you can say something embarrassing and ruin the moment, you take him by the arm and lead him towards the subway.

Two movies and hefty plates of Chinese take out later, the two of you are sitting side by side on the couch, chatting as if you’ve known each other for years. You’ve been gradually moving closer to each other over the course of the evening, now sitting close enough that your shoulders touch. You pick up the remote and click off the tv, turning your head to look at Bucky.

“Are you nervous to go back?” 

“A little.” Bucky shrugs. “Our last stint was just training, now we actually have to go overseas.” 

His tone in nonchalant, but you can see a hint of worry in his eyes. You reach over and take his hand, squeezing it softly.

“At least you and Steve are going together. You can have each other's backs, right?” 

“Yeah.” He shoots you a half smile. “We always do.” 

After a few moments of comfortable silence, you suddenly realize he must need to go to sleep. He did say they were leaving early. 

“I’m sorry, I forgot you have an early start. You probably need to go.” 

For a brief second, you swear you see disappointment cross his features. 

“Oh… yeah. I guess I should go.” He stands, making his way towards the front door. He stops before he reaches it, turning back to you. 

“Thanks for tonight. It was exactly what I needed.” 

“Of course. Any time.” You wish he didn’t have to leave. You step forward, wrapping your arms around his shoulders in a tight hug. He immediately circles his arms around you, pulling you against his warm chest. 

The hug lasts longer than a normal hug would, neither of you wanting to let go just yet. You eventually pull back, your faces mere inches from each other, your arms still loosely around his neck. You look into his eyes, and see only longing in them. You suspect they mirror your own. 

“I don’t want to go.” He says softly, his hands gently squeezing your waist.

You weren’t expecting him to say it, yet it’s all you wanted to hear. You lean in, pressing your lips to his. The kiss is soft at first, but quickly becomes more intense. Your hands find their way into his hair as his lips move perfectly against yours. A few minutes pass before you pull back once again, looking into his gorgeous blue eyes. 

“Stay.” 

One word is all he needs. Bucky grabs the backs of your thighs and you jump, wrapping your legs around his waist. He carries you to your bedroom, closing the door behind you.

What followed was the most incredible night of your life. It wasn’t just that the sex was good- and it was- it was this feeling you had inside, the feeling that this man was your future. You had only known him a few weeks, but the spark you felt from the moment you met was real, and now you knew he felt it too. Or so you thought. 

You weren’t surprised the next morning when you woke up to an empty bed. He did say he had to leave early, you just wish he had woken you up to say goodbye. You weren’t surprised when you texted him later that day, and he didn’t respond- he was probably traveling. When you texted again a few days later with no response, you assumed he was just busy. After a month passed with no response, you started to get the picture. Clearly, he wasn’t interested. It broke your heart. You’d been so sure there was something between you, but obviously you were wrong. 

When you saw him again six months later, it was as if he was a different person. At least, he was different with you. Now, he was cold, and wholly uninterested in anything you had to say. He never smiled at you, never joked around the way he had done before. He was friendly to Steve and Peggy, but you? It was as if it pained him to be in your presence. 

You wracked your brain for weeks, desperately trying to think of what you could have done to upset him. You asked him once, but he brushed you off. Eventually, you came to the conclusion that he must have just been using you. 

You clench your jaw at the memory. You hate that after two and a half years, it still affects you. Seeing him still made you so angry- you tried to get over it and move on, you really did, but the whole thing sucked. You never told Peggy the whole story, as far as she knew, the two of you just had some sort of falling out. Steve never mentioned anything, so you assume Bucky didn’t tell him either. 

Too annoyed now to go to sleep, you play games on your phone until you manage to drift off. It was going to be a long week.

***********

You spend the next morning on edge. If Peggy notices, she doesn’t comment. You’re haphazardly throwing some linens on the couch for your unwanted visitor when you hear a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it!” Peggy practically sprints to get the door, and you chuckle at her excitement. 

“Steve!” 

“Hey honey!”

Steve steps inside, dropping his bag before wrapping Peggy up in a tight hug before kissing her. Once the lovebirds are done saying hello, Steve walks over, giving you a quick hug as well.

“Hey, Y/N! How’ve you been?” 

“Busy, but good. It’s great to see you Steve.” You mean it, too. Steve has become a good friend, and you’re always glad to see him home safe. 

Your happiness is short lived, as you hear the asshole himself saying hello to Peggy.

“Good to see you too Buck, I hope you’ll be ok on the couch.” 

“It’s more than ok, thank you. I really appreciate you letting me stay here.” You watch as he shoots Peggy a friendly smile, squeezing her arm in thanks. He’s always so kind to her. A kindness you don’t suspect you’ll ever be on the receiving end of again. 

Of course, as soon as he turns to you, his smile is gone. 

“Y/N.” he nods curtly in your direction.

You nod back without saying anything. If he can’t even be bothered to say hello, you certainly cannot.

A few tense seconds pass before Peggy starts laying out plans for the day. She’s taking Steve and Bucky out for brunch, then to a museum. Thankfully, you have more papers to grade, so you won’t be able to join them. You never thought you’d be glad for Professor Martinsson. You swear you see Bucky roll his eyes when you tell them you have to spend the day in the library, but you ignore him.

“Fine, but you’ll join us at the campus bar for drinks later, right? I mean, you have to take a break sometime!” Steve sounds so hopeful, you can’t help but give in.

“Alright, alright. I’ll see you guys there at eight.” You playfully roll your eyes as Peggy gives you an excited side hug. 

“Oh! Y/N! You should invite Chris!” 

“Who’s Chris?” Bucky pipes up suddenly, surprising everyone in the room. He usually doesn’t show any interest in anything involving you. 

“Not that it’s any of your business, Barnes, but Chris is a guy I’m seeing.” You respond curtly, not wanting to discuss your love life with him. 

You turn back to Peggy, promising her to text Chris to invite him. You miss the way Bucky’s jaw clenches when you say Chris’s name. 

**********

You’re so focused on the task at hand, you almost forget about your evening plans. Luckily, someone coughs a few desks down from you, breaking your focus enough for you to notice it’s almost eight. You quickly take your hair out of its messy bun,  brushing it with your fingers and unceremoniously shoving your papers back into your bag. 

The campus bar isn’t far, so you’ll only be a few minutes late. As you approach, you see Chris waiting at the door for you. He waves as you approach, and you wave back. He’s a nice guy, and he treats you well. You’d been seeing him for about a month, and it’s good- you don’t think he’s the one, but you have fun together. You’d dated only a few people over the last couple years, the longest one only lasting two months. They were all nice, but the spark wasn’t there. You hadn’t felt a spark for anyone since… no. You weren’t going to make yourself grumpy thinking about him. 

“Hey babe!” Chris greets you, leaning over to kiss you on the cheek.

You lead him inside, quickly spotting the table where the rest of your party is sitting. As you approach, you note the table is small, it will be a tight fit with all five of you.

“Hey guys.” They turn to you, Peggy and Steve greeting you happily, while Bucky just glances your way with his signature scowl. Somehow, he seems even grumpier than usual. “This is Chris. Chris, this is Steve, and his friend Bucky. And you know Peggy.”

They exchange pleasantries while you take off your coat and sit down. Much to your displeasure, the seating arrangement has you stuffed into the seat right next to Bucky, with Chris on the other side. You bump him with your shoulder, and he subtly moves away. Funny that he can’t seem to stand your touch now- there was a time he very much enjoyed it. Not wanting to spiral into bitter thoughts, you pull your focus back to the lively conversation being had by your friends, and your date. 

The evening starts well. Everyone is getting along- everyone except you and Bucky anyways- and the conversation is light and fun. You all enjoy a few drinks, and a round of shots courtesy of Chris. You stop when you start feeling tipsy, not wanting a hangover tomorrow. Chris, however, does not appear to share the same concern. You watch him slam back another shot, his fourth? Fifth? You’d lost count. You’d never seen him drunk before, and were starting to think that was a good thing. The more he drinks, the handsier he gets. Now, his hand is dangerously high up your thigh, and he squeezes it as he chortles at something Peggy says. It wasn’t even funny. You’re starting to feel uncomfortable, but don’t want to make a scene. 

As his hand continues to travel upwards, you lean unconsciously towards Bucky, bumping him again. The contact causes him to shoot an annoyed glance your way- however, when he looks down and notices Chris groping you, his expression turns into something unreadable. 

“Hey, where’s that waitress? We need more shots!” Chris is yelling obnoxiously loud, and it makes you cringe.

“I think you’ve had enough, buddy.” Bucky cuts in curtly. 

“Relax man, we’re having fun. Just loosen up, have another drink.” Chris is slurring his speech now, and a quick glance around the table tells you Steve and Peggy are getting uncomfortable with his behavior too. 

“I don’t need to loosen up.” Bucky snaps. “I need you to stop groping Y/N in front of the whole bar and acting like a dick.” 

“Bucky, stop.” You warn, not wanting this to escalate. “Chris, let’s go get some air.” 

Before he can protest, you grab him by the arm and pull him towards the door. You are so embarrassed, you brought him here to meet your closest friends, and he’s acting like a drunk eighteen year old. Once outside, you lean your back against the side of the building, taking a calming breath. You weren’t even aware you had closed your eyes, until you feel a body pressing against yours, causing them to shoot back open. 

“Hey, sexy babe.” Chris slurs in your ear as he starts kissing your neck. You are so not in the mood. 

“Stop, Chris. I’m not in the mood.” 

He doesn’t stop. In fact, you’re pretty sure he presses you up against the wall a little firmer, his hands tightening on your arms. You try to give him a soft shove, but he is undeterred.

“I said stop, Chris.” 

“Oh c’mon, tonight was supposed to be fun. You said it would be fun, remember?” 

“You’re drunk, and we’re outside. We’re not doing this here.” 

He groans, but still doesn’t move. “Don’t be such a tease. We’ve been going out a month, just relax.” Then, he moves his thigh between your legs, pushing them open slightly. 

You start to panic. You try harder to push him off you, but it’s hard with him gripping your arms. You try to kick at him to no avail. You’re about to start yelling for help, when suddenly Chris is ripped away from you, his hands dropping your arms. It takes you a second to realize what’s happening, but when you do, you’re shocked by what you see. 

Bucky is standing beside you, his glare fixed on Chris. If looks could kill, Chris would be a corpse. 

“Get. Your FUCKING hands. Off of her.” You’ve never seen him this angry. 

“Whatever man, we’re just having fun. She’s my girlfriend, not yours. You should mind your own business.” Chris rolls his eyes. Wrong move. 

Without another word, Bucky punches him right in the nose, knocking him to the ground with ease. Blood spurts from his nose and he groans. He rolls around on the ground for a minute as you watch in shock, before awkwardly getting back on his feet.

“Fuck this, she’s not worth it.” With that, Chris stumbles away down the street. 

You’re too mortified to say anything. How had the evening gotten so out of control? You feel tears brimming in your eyes, and wrap your arms around yourself, as if they were a protective shield. 

“Are you ok?” 

You startle at the sound of Bucky’s voice, so lost in your own head you forgot he was still there. His tone is uncharacteristically soft. You quickly wipe a stray tear off your cheek, not wanting him to see how upset you are. 

“I’m fine. I think I’ll just head home.”

“Ok… I’ll  grab Peg and Steve, and we’ll go.”

“No, stay. I can get home by myself.” 

“Y/N, you’re not going home alone. Not after that. Just let me-“

“Why do you even care?” You snap, your anger at him, at Chris, at this whole situation bubbling up. “You’ve made it clear for a long time you don’t give a shit about me, so why does it even matter to you if I go home alone?” 

“I’m trying to help you, don’t be so stubborn!” His tone now matches yours, the two of you facing off in the street. 

“I don’t need your help! I haven’t needed it the past two years, I don’t need it now! I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” 

“Sure.” He rolls his eyes, angering you even more. “That’s why you decided to date an asshole who’s only interested in sex.” 

The arrogance of this man is unbelievable. You shake your head in disbelief, your anger melting away into resignation. Chris was an asshole, but he wasn’t the only one.

“I guess you two have that in common.” 

That shuts Bucky up. He visibly deflates, a hurt expression forming on his face. As if he has the right to feel hurt- you were the one he hurt. You turn and start walking home, and he doesn’t try to stop you this time. 

Thankfully, your apartment is only a ten minute walk from the bar. Part way home you get a text from Peggy asking if you’re ok, and you message her back to say you were tired and headed home. Once inside, you lock yourself in your room, crawling under the blankets and allowing yourself to break down. Your tears wet the pillow as you think over tonight’s horrible events. Things were definitely over with Chris, yet another failed attempt at finding love. And what the hell was Bucky doing? Coming to your rescue, acting concerned, not wanting you to be alone. Then, when you called him out for using you, he had the audacity to look upset. He never cared enough to apologize for ghosting you, or even acknowledge what happened between you. Your mind was spinning, unable to stop the barrage of thoughts from consuming you. The fact that you were still a little drunk didn’t help. You decided that tomorrow, you would go into the city after class, and stay there for a night. You needed time to clear your head. 

*************

Bucky stared at the ceiling, replaying the night's events. He, Peg, and Steve hadn’t stayed long at the bar after you left, but by the time you all arrived home, your bedroom door was closed and the lights were off. All he told Peggy and Steve was that you were tired and went home, and that your boyfriend decided to party elsewhere. He didn’t tell them what Chris was doing to you, figuring you had the right to share that information when and if you wanted. Chris. What a complete  scumbag. You deserved better than some asshole who doesn't respect boundaries. You deserved everything good in the world. 

Bucky shifted on the couch, unable to get comfortable. After years in the military, he could usually fall asleep anywhere, but tonight sleep evaded him. All he could think about were your tears, the panic in your eyes when that loser had you pinned up against the wall. Bucky knew something wasn’t right about that guy. All he wanted all night was to get Chris away from you, but he knew he had no right to be territorial after how he treated you two and a half years ago. But, when he followed you outside to make sure you were safe, and he saw what was happening, he saw fucking red. Punching that dick in the face was the most restraint he could have shown. It took everything in him not to wrap you up in his arms and tell you everything was going to be ok. 

Then, you said the one thing he couldn’t handle hearing. You accused him of only being interested in sex, and he knew exactly what you meant. 

When he met you at that winter market, he knew he was a goner. Not only were you beautiful, but you were kind, welcoming- you made him feel at home without even trying. The more he got to know you, the harder he fell. He knew it was irresponsible to start something with you when he was about to be away for six months, so he tried to just be your friend. But, that night before he was deployed, the night you kissed him, he couldn’t hold back anymore. In that moment, all he wanted was you. He wanted to be with you, to come home to you, to have you in his life forever.

Then, he went back to base, and all his dreams of a future with you came crashing down. He started to think about the reality of being together, of him being gone most of the year, of you waiting at home worrying that he might not make it back. He had watched his fellow soldiers struggle to maintain their relationships. Even Steve and Peggy, who loved each other dearly, had their challenges. So, he didn’t reply when you texted him, needing time to think. As the months went by, he realized more and more that he couldn’t put you through this. He was already struggling mentally with all the death he saw, and could already feel the darkness creeping in. He couldn’t drag you down with him, so he ghosted you. When he finally saw you again, he pretended you meant nothing to him. Your hurt expression every time he brushed you off broke his heart, but it was for your own good. So, he let you believe that all he wanted from you was a one night stand. 

Every time he visited, he dreaded hearing that you’d found someone. Not that he wanted you to be alone, you deserved better than that- he didn’t think his heart could handle seeing you in love with someone else. After seeing you with Chris last night, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could maintain this charade. It might be over with that asshole, but you wouldn’t be single forever. Honestly, he was surprised you weren’t already snapped up by someone great. After all, who wouldn’t love you? 

When morning rolled around, he finally heard your door creak open. Sitting up, he turned to look at you as you quietly began to sneak out. 

“Hey.” You jumped at his greeting, not expecting him to be awake.

“Jesus, you scared me.” 

“Where are you going?” 

“I have early class. I’m also spending the night in the city, so I won’t be back until tomorrow.” 

You begin putting on your shoes, and Bucky gets up, moving towards you.

“You’re spending the night in the city? Why?”

You sigh in exasperation, turning to look at him over your shoulder. 

“None of your business. Besides, I thought you’d be thrilled not to have me around.” There is an edge to your voice as you say the last part. 

Bucky runs a hand through his hair, trying to think of what to say. He doesn’t want to fight with you, or push you away, but clearly you’re still upset with him.

“You don’t have to leave because of me. Especially after last night, you deserve to be where you feel safe.” 

You huff, turning to face him fully. “What’s up with you? Why are you pretending to care? We aren’t friends, Barnes, you made that decision. I’m not interested in whatever game you’re playing.” 

“It’s not a game! Just because we aren’t friends doesn’t mean I enjoy seeing you upset.”

You look at him suspiciously, as if you’re still trying to figure out what he’s playing at. 

“Whatever, Barnes.” With that, you leave, closing the door behind you. 

The silence is deafening. With no better option, Bucky heads back to the sofa, lost in thought once more. One thing he’s sure of- he can’t continue making you miserable. 

*************

“Buck, wake up”. 

Bucky wakes to find Steve shaking his shoulder. He had finally fallen asleep after the sun had started to come up. With a groan, he wipes his eyes and sits up, coming face to face with both Steve and Peggy, who are sitting on the edge on the coffee table. 

“Good morning lovebirds. Sleep well?” 

“We did. Then we woke up, when it was actually morning. That was many hours ago.” Peggy chastises him, fixing him with a pointed look.

“Ok, mom.” Bucky jokes, trying to lighten the mood. “Am I not allowed to sleep in while on vacation?” 

“Buck, we need to talk about something.” Steve’s tone is serious, and Bucky straightens up, suddenly realizing the both of them are watching him intently. It almost feels like an intervention. 

“Ok… something wrong?”

“You tell us. Y/N took off last night after you followed her outside, now she sent Peg a message saying she’s staying in the city tonight. What happened last night?”

Bucky doesn’t want to spill your secrets, so he plays it cool. “Nothing. I told you, she was tired.” 

“Oh please.” It seems his answer doesn’t appease your best friend. “She would have said goodbye. And, you were especially grouchy the rest of the night. Now, she’s not coming home until tomorrow? You obviously had some sort of disagreement.”

“It was nothing. Just drop it, ok?”

Peggy shakes her head. “No, Bucky. I’m sorry, but I’m not dropping it this time. You and Y/N have been on terrible terms for years, which is odd since you seemed to get on so well when you met. Something happened last night. What did you do?” 

“I didn’t do anything.” Bucky feels himself getting defensive, even though he knows he is partially at fault for you running away. 

“I know Y/N well. She isn’t spiteful or mean spirited. Whatever happened, it isn’t her fault. What did you do?” 

“It wasn’t me, alright! Her dickhead boyfriend was trying to force himself on her! I stopped him, and she left.” Shit. He didn’t mean to say that.

“What?! Oh my god, is she ok?” 

“She’s ok, Peg. He didn’t get far. I tried to walk her home but she wanted to go alone. I wanted to let her tell you on her own terms, so I didn’t say anything.” 

“Thank you for telling me.” Peggy’s tone is softer now, and she stands up from the table. “I won’t tell her you told us, but I’m going to call her and try to get her home.” 

Peggy leaves to try your cell again, leaving Bucky and Steve alone. Bucky hoped this conversation was over, but Steve has other plans. 

“Buck, I’ve known you a long time. There’s something else going on here, isn’t there?”

He knows he shouldn’t respond, but he’s tired. Tired of pretending to hate you, tired of lying to himself and everyone else about how much you mean to him. If he was going to unburden himself, it might as well be to his best friend.

“Remember when we came here the first time, and Peg introduced us to Y/N?” Steve nods slowly, and Bucky continues. “Well, Peg’s right, Y/N and I did get along. In fact, I really liked her, and I think she really liked me. We even hooked up the night before we flew back to base.”

“Wait, what? You slept with her?” 

“Yeah. Then… we were deployed, and I started seeing just how badly our relationship could go. You know how hard it is. I would just end up disappointing her. And maybe you haven’t noticed, but I’m not handling everything as well as you. I have nightmares all the time, I get nervous in big crowds. She doesn’t need someone as messed up as me in her life.” 

Steve stares at him in shock. “Buck… that’s stupid.” 

Not the response he was expecting. “What?”

“I get it’s not easy being in a relationship in our position, but it’s doable if you put in the effort. And you’re not messed up. Yes, you’re struggling, but you’re a good person. If she felt for you what you clearly do for her, she would be there for you. I think you know that, you’re just scared to find out.” 

Bucky puts his head in his hands, letting out a sigh. “What am I gonna do, Steve? I really messed things up with her.”

“Yeah, you did. But you can fix it. Tell her the truth.” 

***********

Ring ring ring

Peggy calling, yet again. You’re getting glares from the students around you, so you step out of study group into the hall. 

“Hey Peg. Is everything ok?”

“No! You sent me a text saying you aren’t coming home tonight! Y/N, I know last night didn’t go well, but you should sleep in your own bed. If something is bothering you, you can talk to me.” 

“I just need time away, Peg. I need to escape for a bit.” 

“Y/N… is this about Chris?”

“What do you mean?”

“Ok… don’t be mad, but I know what he did. Bucky tried not to tell us, but we pestered it out of him.” 

“God damnit.” You mutter into the phone. “I didn’t want you to worry. I’m ok, honest. Bucky laid him out pretty good, I don’t think he’ll be a problem.” 

“I’m glad you’re ok. But then, why do you need to escape?”

You mull over your options. You could continue hiding the truth about you and Bucky, and tell her he was just getting on your nerves. Unfortunately, Peggy knew you well, and you got the sense she knew there was more going on. You’d been hiding the truth for over two years, maybe it was time. 

“Peg… I need to tell you something.” You take a deep breath, and lay it all out. “I slept with Bucky. It was back when we first met. I had feelings for him, and I thought he had feelings for me too, but then he ghosted me. That’s why he gets under my skin so much. He made me feel like I’ve never felt about anyone, then just acted like I was nothing. I’ve tried to get over it, but last night, he saved me from Chris, and was acting all protective, and it just pissed me off. I can’t be near him right now.”

“I know.”

“What do you mean, ‘I know’?” 

“Our apartment has thin walls. I just overheard Bucky tell Steve everything. And Y/N, I think this is more complicated than you realize. You and Bucky need to talk.” 

“He’s had two and a half years to talk to me Peg.”

“I know, but give it one more try. There are things he needs to explain. Maybe the two of you can finally clear the air.”

You can’t help your curiosity. Maybe, you could finally get some answers. 

     Ari stays in the building for the entirety of your dance class. He stands watch in the window for approximately four minutes, promptly disappearing from view the second you start stretching. You keep a wide smile on your face throughout practice; the idea of the big, bad, powerful Ari Levinson bored to tears while he waits in the front of the building for you is just pure joy. 

     At two-twenty nine, Ari appears in the window once more. His eyes connect with yours immediately, and he takes exactly one second to rake over your sweat-laced and thoroughly worked body before he looks to the floor. 

Once you’re dismissed, you take your time crossing the room and grabbing your bag. A few dancers leave while Alex catches up with you, discussing routines and stretches while you both pack your things. Assuming the sound of the door creaking is just other dancers leaving, a part of you is surprised when you hear that deep, loud clearing of the throat behind you. 

Slowly, you turn, finding the same blue-eyed, bearded man you’d been lusting after for days. He’s glaring, eyes flickering between you and Alex. 

“Two-thirty one,” Ari says slowly, glancing down at his watch as if to prove himself correct, “Car. Now.”

You roll your eyes, “Could I just have one—”

“No.”

Huffing, you zip up your bag and tell Alex you’ll catch up with him on Friday, then turn toward Ari. He levels Alex with one last glare before he follows closely behind you, letting you lead the way out of the studio. 

“You don’t have to be so rude,” you mumble, “What’s the harm in having a normal conversation once in a while?”

“Pointless,” he replies easily, opening the front door for you and gesturing you forward before he exits behind you. 

The action, while simple and done for you by all of your father’s men, makes your heart skip a beat.

“Right,” you say, trying to calm your racing heart, “You only talk about money and killing people.”

He chuckles, and you realize it’s the first time you’ve heard that sound. Although he’s not being genuine, it still registers with you. 

“Exactly. Now, keep your head down, or else.”

You swallow and do as instructed, which you’re sure surprises Ari as much as it surprises you. He keeps one hand on his gun, and his other ghosts over your back, still refusing to touch you. When you reach the car, still parked in the same place, he opens the passenger door for you, gets you in, then hurries around to the driver’s side. 

“Do you really think someone is after you?” you question, your tone incredulous. 

He side eyes you, “Can’t be too careful.”

“Wouldn’t want anyone messing up even one hair on your head, huh?”

With a shake of his head, Ari starts the car and flips on the radio, which covers up the next few words out of his mouth. 

“It’s not my hair that I’m worried about,” he says, and when you look over at him, he puts his sunglasses on and stares ahead, “Seat belt.”

You obey; sliding the seat belt across your body and clicking it into place. Your stomach growls as Ari pulls out into traffic, and you regret not eating much of the breakfast Javier made for you. 

“Can we stop somewhere to get food?” you ask. 

Ari scoffs, “What, didn’t enjoy your boyfriend’s feast?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“He damn sure acts like it,” Ari grunts, “You can eat at the house.”

You roll your eyes, tossing your head back against the seat like a child. He doesn’t react — not even when you turn your head and stare at his side profile. He just keeps driving, eyes covered by sunglasses and grip tight on the steering wheel. 

“Please,” you say quietly, innocently, watching his jaw immediately lock up. 

Bingo. 

He doesn’t reply, but he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. You bite down on your bottom lip to hide a victorious smile, then lean in closer.

“Please, Ari, I’m so hungry.”

You watch his head turn, his eyes connecting with yours. Even through the lenses of his sunglasses, you can feel his glare. 

“For fuck’s sake,” he mutters, “Where?”

     You guide Ari to one of your favorite food trucks in the city, where he circles around until he can find a spot close enough to it that he feels comfortable with. He looks around before he gets out of the car, and with a hand over his gun, he crosses over and gets you out, slamming the car door behind you. 

“Make it quick,” he mutters, pulling a fifty from his pocket and shoving it into your hand. 

“Fifty?” you question, raising a brow. 

He looks away from the street and down at you, widening his eyes as he shrugs, “What? Is that not enough?”

“No, I—” you stop yourself and regroup, remembering what you’re trying to do with Ari, “Do you want something, too, Mr. Levinson?”

You step closer as you ask; purposely batting your lashes at him and watching as his throat catches. Then, in one second, Ari shakes his head and nods in the direction of the food truck.

“Stop fucking playing,” he tells you, “Go.”

Rolling your eyes, you move forward to place your order. Ari remains only two steps behind you; scanning the street like his life depends on it. Maybe it does, you think. 

You order your food at a leisurely pace, knowing it’s making Ari sweat. He seems fixated on something, you realize, when you move away to wait on your order. Taking the two steps over, you cross your arms in front of your chest and look in the direction Ari’s glancing in.

“What’s going on?” you ask. 

“Don’t look,” he mumbles, “That black SUV was back at the studio. Keep your head down.”

Hand on his gun, Ari nonchalantly steps in front of you. Keeping your eyes on Ari, you take a step closer, then another, until your chest is practically touching his arm. Expecting him to remain still and not react at all, you’re pleasantly surprised when he turns his palm, pressing his warm skin to your tee shirt covered stomach. 

“Ari, what should we do?” you whisper to him. 

“We aren’t doing anything,” he fires back, “I will handle it. Your only job right now is to act natural and stay calm.”

“Do you want to leave?”

Ari clearly debates his answer, and just as he starts to shake his head and urge you to go wait for your food, the back door to the black SUV opens, and a tall, slick man in a gray suit steps out of it. 

“Fuck,” Ari whispers to himself, then grabs ahold of your arm, “Get in the car. Now.”

He starts to drag you away from the food truck and toward the car, ignoring your protests.

“Ari, what’s happening?” you question. 

“Eyes down,” he barks, long legs moving too quickly for your liking.

“Wait, just—”

“No,” he growls, “You do as I say, when I say it. Get in the fucking car.”

He opens the passenger door for you and shoves you inside, not willing to meet your eyes as he slams the door shut behind you. Huffing, you collapse back against the leather and cross your arms like a petulant child, watching as he crosses the front of the car. 

You expect him to get in. You expect him to peel out of here, forgetting your empty stomach and all of the cash you still have in the palm of your hand. Instead, he walks across the street and right up to the man in the suit, who is staring directly at the car Ari had just shoved you into. 

You watch, squirming in your seat as Ari stands straight, fearless, and reaches up, grasping the man’s jaw and directing his gaze to Ari instead of you. The sight makes something inside of you feel warm and fuzzy. Protected. 

They exchange words, and Ari’s hand never leaves his gun. It’s tucked into the waistband of his jeans, pressed tightly against his back. You can feel yourself being driven to insanity at the image of Ari, looking strong and powerful, protecting you in the middle of the street. It resonates with you that your goal had been to make him crazy — which is the exact moment the plan comes to form in your mind. 

Whatever the situation had been, Ari seems to de-escalate it. Your eyes go wide when both men start to step back, and the potential loss of the sight of your protector has you reeling. Without taking the time to think it through, you pull open the passenger door and step out of the car, making direct eye contact with the man in the suit. He starts to grin, and when Ari turns around, his eyes darken at the sight of you out of the car. 

Right there. That’s all you wanted. 

Feigning innocence, you start to walk over to them, ignoring how Ari spins and holds his hand out to you to try and stop you. 

“May I go get my food, Mr. Levinson?” you ask, jutting your bottom lip out. 

“Y/N,” Ari breathes, his entire body tense, “Get back in the car.”

“But—”

“Ah, she’s a pretty little thing, Ari.”

Ari’s jaw clenches as the words wash over both of you. Not missing a beat, you smile, leaning to the right of Ari to get a look at the man. 

“Thank you,” you reply sweetly. 

Ari grabs your forearm, pulling you back into his line of vision. 

“Don’t speak to him,” he growls, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh?”

You shrug, “Javi never makes me wait in the car.”

Ari laughs dryly, then pulls his gun from his waistband. He holds it at his side, grip on you still tight, to the point where you’re sure you’ll see bruises. Without breaking eye contact with you, Ari speaks. 

“Are we gonna have a problem here, Cristian?”

The man behind Ari chuckles, “Of course we are.”

Ari’s eyes shut for one second as he processes the response, then opens them again and levels you with a glare. You swallow, not liking the look in his eye, but before you can even try to apologize, he spins and takes a shot, then tugs you away. 

You don’t have time to process any of it — too busy being surrounded by Ari’s body and focusing on keeping up with his movements. You hear a few more shots, not able to determine if they’re to Ari or from him — and keep your head tucked tightly into his chest. 

When he makes it to the car, he approaches the driver's side and pulls it out to cover you both, then tosses you into the passenger seat. Just as you get your bearings, Ari steps down on the gas and doesn’t stop; letting the car get as far between you and the shooters as possible. 

For a long moment, the car is silent. It’s the type of silence you fear; the silence before the yelling. The screaming. The violence. You know Ari’s going to rip into you, and for that, you shrink down in your seat and watch him out of the corner of your eye. If the blow is coming, you want to see it, first. 

His knuckles turn white on the steering wheel. You can smell him on your body. His gun rests in his lap, and he makes no effort to move it. You look down and find the change from the money he gave you scattered across the floor, but you don’t dare move to pick it up. 

The blow doesn’t come. The yelling doesn’t come. Quickly, you figure out that the silence is worse. You’d rather Ari scream at you. You’d rather know that you pissed him off than have to sit in silence with no idea what happens next. 

So, you do what you always do. You speak.

“Ari—”

“Not one fucking word,” he demands, his voice dangerously low, “For once in your life, you’re going to listen.”

You nod and shrink even lower, which surprises both of you. The authority of his voice brings out something in you — the same thing that had come out when you saw Ari protecting you against that man and whatever he wanted. 

You’re not sure what to expect when Ari starts speaking again, so you keep your head down and stare at your hands in your lap. 

“I’m not sure what the fuck possessed you to get out of the car,” he starts, “That bratty fucking behavior may work with your father, or Javier, or whoever the fuck, but it doesn’t work with me. Do you understand that? Do you hear what I’m saying to you?”

His voice raises as he speaks, and when he pulls his hand back and hits the steering wheel, you flinch right where you sit. You’re suddenly scared of him in a way you never have been before, and when he looks over at you, you close your eyes. 

“Damn it, Y/N, answer me!” he yells. 

“Yes!” you scream, pushing as far away from him as you can get, “Yes, I understand, Ari.”

He doesn’t bother replying to that, and you both let the silence fall once again. You can feel the tears stinging your eyes — a far cry from the emotionless girl you’ve always posed to him. You turn your head to the window and demand the water away; insistent on not crying in front of him. He takes in a breath, then lets it out, then speaks once more. 

“I swear to God, you pull a stunt like that again and I’ll bend you over my goddamn knee.”

You don’t respond. You don’t move. You just remain rooted in your seat, pushed up against the passenger door, and watching as the city passes you by. 

Not one more word is uttered until you get back to the house. Ari pulls the car into the garage and shuts off the engine, but doesn’t get out right away. Afraid to even move, you wait for him to excuse you from the car. 

“Get out,” he mutters. 

Without a word, you grab your dance bag, leaving his cash on the floor of the passenger seat. You’re shaking with embarrassment, anger, and fear, but none of that stops you from slamming the passenger door as you exit. 

Before you make it three steps toward the house, Ari’s door opens and he scoffs before he gets out, slamming his door even louder than you. The noise makes you flinch.

“You’re really going to act like a fucking brat when you almost got both of us killed?” he yells across the garage. 

“Sorry,” you mumble, clearly not meaning it. 

He laughs again, but it’s cruel and unforgiving. You take another step forward, but jump in shock when Ari’s suddenly behind you, grabbing your arm. He pulls you into the house, grip tightening every time you try to pull away. You both find Javier and your father in the sitting room just off the foyer, and they both stand abruptly, reaching for their guns when they see the way Ari is gripping you. 

He grabs his own weapon and then releases you, shoving you toward the stairs. 

“You, upstairs,” he barks at you, then turns to Javier, “You, in the office. Now.”

Javier’s gaze moves from Ari to you, and when Ari raises his gun to Javier’s head, you jump into action. Your father is quicker than you; diving in between you and Ari and holding you back. 

“What the fuck is going on here?” your dad yells out. 

“Ari, don’t—” you start, but Ari stops you. 

“You’re in no place to be giving me demands,” he says, keeping his gun where it is and turning back to Javier, “Now, let’s have a talk.”

Javier swallows, his grip on his own gun tightening. It’s at his hip, aimed to the floor, but you know he’ll pull it out if he has to.

“About what, Mr. Levinson?” he asks. 

Ari clenches his jaw, not speaking right away. Your father runs a hand through your hair, trying to calm you down before he turns to the men. 

“Ari, what’s going on? What happened? Why is she so worked up?”

Ari ignores your father, seemingly completely focused on Javier. 

“Let me paint you a picture,” Ari starts, “Let’s say you’re out with her, and you sense danger. What’s the very first thing you do?”

Javier looks over at you, as if you’d be able to provide some sort of explanation for what he’s supposed to say. 

Ari growls, “Don’t look at her, look right here. What’s the first thing you do, huh?”

“Get Y/N to safety,” Javier says immediately, “Why are you asking me this?”

“How? What do you do with her to get her safe?”

“Mr. Levinson—” Javier starts, but Ari’s in too deep. He steps forward and presses his gun to Javier’s temple, ignoring the way you fight against your father to stop him. 

“Answer me,” Ari rumbles. 

“I put her in the fucking car,” Javier yells, “The bulletproof car. That’s what I do.”

“Ari,” your father says gently, “Let’s take a breather. Tell me what happened.”

Again, Ari ignores him and steps closer to Javier, but lowers his gun. Your father’s grip tightens around you, but you don’t feel it. 

“If I ever find out that you jeopardize her safety just because she bats those fucking lashes at you, I swear to God, there won’t be anywhere you can hide from me. Are we clear?”

“Yes, sir,” Javier nods. 

“Good,” Ari replies, then turns back to your father, “Now, we should prepare for tonight. I think Cristian might be a little upset.”

Your heart sinks when your eyes connect with Ari again; trying to process everything he’s said since the two of you arrived home. The protector in him is making you look at him lovingly, but the asshole in him is making you afraid. 

“My love,” your father draws you in, “Why don’t you go upstairs and take a bath, hmm?”

You stare at your father for a moment, then nod, “Okay.”

“Good,” he smiles, “You’re safe. Don’t worry about a thing. Go on.”

Your eyes travel from Ari, to Javi, then to your father once more. All three men watch as you turn and travel up the stairs, none of them uttering one syllable until they hear your bedroom door close.

a/n: i hope you guys enjoyed! please leave me some words if you can! reblogs are appreciated :)

The drunk party set it off. Tequila for you and Asgardian mead for him, you'd both started off with giggling over nothing; neither of you can stop the way your eyes flick to each others lips. 

"M'bored"

You huff and Bucky gets a bright idea, grabbing your waist and dragging you off to the quieter side of the room. 

"Come here" He pulls you into his lap, cupping your cheek, lips brushing against his. You don’t hesitate, parting your lips, letting his tongue slip though, your hands grasping onto his shirt, wishing he could be even closer some how. He shifts so you can straddle him, his hands on your ass, while you run your fingers though his hair, soft moans and whimpers falling from both your lips.

“Isn’t this more fun” Bucky rasps, pulling away for air while you take in a breath, your forehead resting on his. 

“Much better” You giggle, going in for his lips again, which he immediately reciprocates. 

Most of the team see at some point but they shrug it off figuring you’ll both forget any of this happened by morning because everyone’s shit faced. 

Except. 

It’s movie night.

Everyone's sitting around the living room, snacks out, comfy blankets, and the movie is great. It's one of your favorites. But there's something else you'd rather do...

You're sitting beside Bucky in a large beanbag chair, glancing at him every so often, his lips are so much more interesting than anything happening in that movie. He catches you sneakily looking at him and it makes him smirk; he shifts so he can pull you a little closer to him.

"Buckyyy" You pout at him, hoping he can take the hint without you having to say anything. "M'bored"

He grins, tilting your chin up, pressing his lips softly against yours. It's dark enough that no one would really notice unless they looked directly at what you were both doing. You part your lips granting access for his tongue to tangle with yours, his hand moving to grasp the back of your neck. Your hands fist his shirt, tugging on his dog tags to keep him as close as possible, nipping his lip, making him groan. You could stay like this forever and be perfectly content.

Your both so lost in each other, you don't notice the lights turning on after the movie ends. OR screaming and howling coming from the team when they look down and see you sitting right in Bucky's lap, his hands carded through your hair, making out with you like its the one thing that's keeping him alive.

"HOLY SHIT"

"What the-

"WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!"

"Do neither of you need oxygen?!"

"Bad Bucky"

You and Bucky yelped, breaking apart, feeling water hitting your face while Tony sprayed you both once more for good measure.

"Bad Bucky. Bad. Down"

"You wanna tell us what that was" Sam wiggled his eye brows while Bucky groaned.

"We were bored" He shrugged, his cheeks skill flushed and lips still plump. You nodded in agreement, while the rest of the team stared at you both. They have so many questions but don't even know where to start so they call it for the night.

Imagine they come down for breakfast and they find you on the counter, your legs wrapped around his waist, both of your plates still left on the counter because you got...busy.... Steve attempts to cough to get you both to stop but Bucky's to distracted, one arm wrapped around your waist, the other tugging your pony tail from your morning run. They all stand and watch for a while, Tony occasionally checks the time, a little impressed with just how long either of you can go without having to break apart for air. Sam finally breaks the silence, mostly because he's hungry.

"Okay, fucks going on with you both"

"What do you mean" Bucky's voice is breathless, his chest heaving. Neither of you even bother to look over, eyes still locked with each other, still glancing at each others lips.

"I've watched porn with less raunchy kissing than this" Tony snorted, while you both kept gazing at each other, clearly itching to jump at each other at any moment.

"We're just friends" Bucky helped you off the counter, hoping to drag you somewhere else because he wasn't done kissing you.

"Friends that kiss" You added, pulling Bucky by his wrist to go and make out somewhere else.

"I'm putting you both in separate cages!"

A few years later

"We are in the house of God, don't you dare pull that shit up here"

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Bucky snorted while Tony shook his head, rolling his eyes. Bucky could feel his heart race, while Steve squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

“I will pull out the spray bottle”

"You look gorgeous doll" Bucky whispered, holding your hands in his, itching to do the one thing he wanted to do so badly the moment he saw you that day, just a second longer...

"You may now kiss the bride"

His hands wrapped around your waist pulling you close, his lips smashing against yours. Your hands cupped his cheeks, moving your lips softly with his, the crowd erupting into cheers and happy tears while you both stayed lost in each other. 

"I told you not to pull that shit up here!" Sam sniffled, grabbing a tissue from Steve, watching you both still softly kissing each other, unable to stop the little pecks and nips on each others lips. You finally broke apart, still giving each other heart eyes; no one else stole his breath away like you did. 

"Friends that kiss, huh?"

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