I realize a lot of abuse survivors have been attacked recently for sharing and writing resources for  dealing with narcissistic abuse, and all of the attacks are based on lies, and done with a clear goal in mind, so itâs time to do some explaining and debunking.
If youâve read the âWhy does he do thatâ book, you already know that abusers quickly catch onto survivor terms and jargon and use them to pick victims apart. Victims are often accused of triggering abusers, gaslighting, emotionally abusing, neglecting and failing to acknowledge their side of the story; itâs done as an attack, to divert attention from their own abuse, silence the truth, and frame victims as the 'worseâ and even 'deserving of abuseâ. Narcissists on this site have gotten word of the term 'ableismâ and are currently having a field day screaming it at victims of narcissistic abuse. Itâs very ironic.
Ableism as a term is coined for the benefit of disabled people. Its purpose is to remind us to not discount the disabled people when planning and organizing society. Narcissism and sociopathy traits have exactly nothing to do with disability; they donât stop them from functioning in society, in fact, theyâre often rewarded for indulging in manipulation and deceit. To imply that theyâre covered under disability would mean we just have to let them manipulate, lie and abuse, because you see, they canât help it â except they proved to be able to, when thereâs any sort of consequence for them. I feel that we can, as a society, decide that itâs not acceptable for narcissists to appropriate terms meant for disabled, and use them against victims of abuse who have been traumatized, often to the point of an actual disability. Weâre struggling with anxiety, depression, panic and eating disorders, cptsd and a whole array of issues that greatly affect our ability to function, do narcissists think itâs ableist to shut us up when we point out how abuse did this to us? Of course not.
They also learned to compare themselves with bdp (borderline personality disorder), because psychiatry lumps them all in 'cluster B disordersâ, however bdp interlaps with a lot of trauma symptoms, and is an actual struggle, in difference to narcissism and sociopathy. Narcissists and sociopaths are extremely unlikely to get diagnosed, and I noticed recently a lot of young people are getting misdiagnosed with npd, despite not showing pattern of narcissistic behaviour; this allows actual narcissists to groom and manipulate them, and then hide behind when anything is called out. This is also why I will only use words 'narcissistâ and 'sociopathâ, and by that I mean a pattern of manipulative, harmful, toxic, cruel and abusive behaviour, followed by refusal to account for their actions and victim blaming, and not a person misdiagnosed with a personality disorder.
Narcissistic abuse is recorded as a specifically cruel, emotionally devastating and terrifying phenomenon that millions of children experience and live with; these wounds do not heal without ever being addressed, and for all of the victims currently experiencing it or trying to recover, itâs vital to create and share resources. Itâs also vital to provide a space where all of us feel safe to discuss it and out all our abuserâs crimes. To say to these survivors and victims that narcissistic abuse isnât real, or to not talk about it, is not only gaslighting but implying their entire lives didnât happen, they imagined their own torture, and to take away the option of recognizing and fighting this type of abuse.
Abusers keep insisting theyâre doing it only because theyâve been abused themselves, even though by now it was proven to not be true â and we have been fighting for some time to show that abused kid doesnât equal an abuser, and that itâs even worse to inflict abuse after you know what it feels like. Itâs also fairly ridiculous to imply that weâre a threat to them, since most of us have next to no social power, are barely getting by, and struggle to stay alive. Lots of us are in poverty as well.
Their last point is â not all narcissists and sociopaths are abusive, so letâs think about that one for a second. If there was such a thing as non abusive narcissist, would they attack abuse victims for creating resources among themselves? Would they see a traumatized person writing about abuse as a public resource who by default, should exist for them only, or be destroyed? Would they attempt to gaslight victims of narcissistic abuse telling them such a thing isnât real? Implying the victims are making up their entire lives? Would they feel comfortable harassing, threatening, attacking and silencing those who write resources for abuse victims, and are traumatized themselves? What about those narcissists who are abusive, should we let them abuse and keep silent for the sake of not bothering the fictional non-abusive ones? Who absolutely can stay away from these materials but for some reason, have a problem with it even existing?
This is where we come to the goal of these specific attacks on survivors; the point is to stop us from creating and sharing resources because their pool of victims of abuse shrinks once all the signs of abuse are easily recognized and shared. Narcissists donât like victims realizing theyâre being abused, and leaving. They donât like not having a lot of possible new victims who wont be able to tell theyâre predators. They especially donât like being held accountable for their actions or experiencing any consequences for it. This is why they find it perfectly acceptable for them to attack and threaten into silence survivors of abuse, in my case to the point of violent threats, rape threats, suicide baits and smear campaigns.
Recently theyâve been individually attacking people for sharing resources, either by accusing them of ableism or something worse, and we shouldnât keep this quiet. A lot of us have been attacked lately, so if you were, please speak up!
For every single abuser threatening and silencing, thereâs thousands of us, struggling with abuse and trauma, needing resources, or just realizing for the first time weâve been living in abuse. Narcissists are vocal, but right now theyâve had to do something they usually donât â team up. New abuse and trauma resources blogs are cropping up, in amount they never did before, and theyâre not going to be able to shut us all up.
If you got a private message requiring you to stop writing or sharing resources, reblogging from trauma blogs, reply to this post, send me a message, or screenshot it and Iâll give you an email to send it to, or dm me. Abusers are terrified of community support and itâs obvious given the way theyâre coming after us. Theyâre bullying and harassing people individually to prevent solidarity and resource sharing. Letâs let them know we talk and they canât isolate us and individually break us via private messages.
