Personal Inventory

In today’s ever-polarized society, interpersonal communication often takes a back seat to working together collaboratively and respectfully. Despite our differences, there is always a better way to express our feelings and opinions. In the workplace or at home, conflicts are bound to happen. However, how we deal with these conflicts to come up with solutions that work for everyone, that’s the key to successfully moving forward.

In this article, I will outline several really good strategies that I’ve used over the years to communicate more effectively. The goal of any discussion is to be sure that your opinion is expressed professionally and respectfully by opening the discussion to those who may have opposing opinions. It may sound difficult to do, but in reality, it’s quite simple.

Before you get started

· Define the issue - Is it an opportunity, a problem, or a challenge to be resolved? Make sure that everyone involved with this discussion is invited to give their input. Many times, the actual issue is not what you originally thought it was about after listening to others.

· Do your homework to research your point of view, as well as others, by reading and becoming well-versed in the subject.

· Approach the meeting/discussion with an open mind and practice your interpersonal communication and negotiation skills regularly.

· Be sure that all stakeholders are invited to participate in the discussion. If they choose not to participate, then be sure to share minutes from the meeting to keep them in the loop.

· In many cases, I’ve actually created written guidelines for stakeholders to review in advance of our discussion to ensure that everyone is in agreement on the goal of the meeting and committed to working together in a professional setting. Setting ground rules is also an efficient way to stay on track before a scheduled discussion.

When the discussion begins

· Appoint someone to be in charge of taking notes or recording the discussion. This ensures that all opinions are recorded and makes it easier to share the discussion and decisions made with everyone present or not.

· Actively listen to everyone physically in the room or on the Zoom call.

· Be aware of your body language, eye contact, and posture – Make sure that your body language, facial expressions and other nonverbal cues don’t detract from effective communication. Sometimes it’s as simple as working on your posture. By standing up straight or sitting upright in your chair, you are showing your commitment to the discussion. It helps to promote positive and effective communication.

· Watch your tone of voice and always be polite; don’t interrupt. It makes a big difference when information is shared in a positive, collaborative manner.

· Ask for feedback, be proactive to get everyone’s opinion and be willing to discuss them in more detail to be sure everyone is heard and on the same page.

· Paying attention is the key to effective communication. When another person is speaking, give them all of your attention and acknowledge that you are hearing their message.

· Put away your mobile device, shut off your computer, and limit any other distractions that may prohibit you from being present during a conversation.

· Work with empathy. Consider the feelings of the person you are communicating with so that you can better acknowledge their needs and concerns.

· With written communications, be sure to review your work and always re-read what you’ve written to be sure it’s clear, concise, and easily understood. Don’t use abbreviations, slang, jargon and other forms of language that may not be understood by others. Spell out words and ensure proper spelling and grammar.

When differing views are presented

It’s important to know that learning and innovation often happens when different people come together. In order to avoid conflicts, we need to:

· Approach other people with different views than you with curiosity. Assume that you can learn from them and them from you. Ask good questions to increase awareness and understanding. Show interest in other people’s ideas and plans. Ask questions about how they would implement their plan. These questions should be framed as questions, not judgments.

· Identify each person’s strengths. We all have unique skillsets that are different to our own. Try to understand and make the most of them. Focus the team’s attention on how you can achieve more as a team when everyone contributes the best of themselves. This reduces unhealthy competition because people feel empowered, heard, and the need for competitive and sometimes heated discussion diminishes.

· If someone in the room is behaving aggressively or competitively, try to understand the positive intentions behind that versus taking a competitive stance yourself. Sharing a common goal makes competitive behavior hard to carry on.

· Approach the discussion without the “need to be right”. Your opinion or your ideas might not be the best or only ones in the room. The first step to managing conflict and different opinions is to welcome it, don’t shy away from it. When multiple people have different opinions, start by listening to each person and view it as a good thing. Ask yourself and your stakeholders what can be learned from these different views? If there are many differences, it’s also important to keep track of these opinions by appointing a notetaker who can record or transcribe everything discussed. Be sure to include everyone in the discussion and don’t forget to include everyone’s views in the meeting minutes/notes.

· Be positive in your tone and approach. By doing so, you are opening up to the other person. Focus on the positive, the possibilities, and the possible connections.

· Differences and tensions are usually the result of poor or no communication. By making wrong or inaccurate assumptions, you are opening the door to misunderstandings, arguments, and feeling unheard.

· Keep the discussion laser-focused on the common purpose of the meeting. Be sure to regularly communicate the common goal to everyone involved. In the end, everyone should be in agreement on reaching an agreement along with the shared commitment that comes with it.

· Identify ways to incorporate all of the team members’ views. If you are only a part of the team, try looking for commonality in the different views. Be proactive, don’t wait to be asked.

As a leader, it is important to communicate openly with your team (group and individually) regularly. If you are part of a team, it’s your responsibility to speak up and communicate as well. It creates a positive and collaborative environment which is what everyone wants in a team setting. By getting everyone on the same page, moving forward together, that’s how projects both small and complex get completed successfully. Practice these communication strategies and remember to do your homework in order to get the very best results in your future interactions with your family, friends, and professional colleagues.

In all my years of living, I've had to face the reality of the old adage, "you can't take it with you" a few times. Whether it was the product of divorce, moving a few too many times for my career, or buying a home that just won't fit everything you owned in your previous address--downsizing happens. The most important thing to remember whenever you're faced with downsizing is only the items that bring you great memories or joy are worth keeping. The rest is replaceable. I'm not the most sentimental person so that makes it much easier. By taking inventory in what you have and visualizing where it will go in your new home, you can avoid the unfortunate situation of paying to move something that you cannot find space for. I find it easier and funner to sell or donate furniture that I've had and buy new, fresh stuff for your new home that will actually fit and look like it was purchased for the space you've selected. It may cost more to do that, but it's worth the investment in my opinion.

Another thing to consider when downsizing is asking "why." It sounds simple enough, but ask yourself why do I want to keep this? Do I really need it? Why is it worth moving it or storing it if you have no real intention of ever enjoying it again? Taking this approach will give you time to think long and hard before it ends up stuffed away in a closet or storage locker somewhere. If you can't find space in your new home for something, then that means it's not worth keeping. If you just can't part with it, consider loaning it to a friend or family member to keep in their home until you find the right place for it.

Losing a Loved One

As I mark another anniversary that I’d prefer not to think about, the topic of my blog this week centers on losing someone who was close to you. On April 1, 2021 it will be two years since losing my younger brother and closest friend anyone could ever have---Mark. It is impossible to capture the many emotions running through my mind when I think about him. We were born 13 months apart and spent the better parts of our lives inseparable. Mark was the quiet kid with all the brains. I was the loud and emotional one who was easily upset by the slightest of slights. Mark was super chill and always there for me. He was my counter-balance.

An example of how close we became over the years goes back to 1995 (yes, I’m old). Back then I was starting over after a divorce and Mark invited me to come live with him in California. I needed a change of scenery, so I took him up and moved West, and indeed I started over and thrived in my new world thanks to Mark. I ended up remarrying, having a couple kids, and moving to Hawaii and Atlanta over the next 15 years. We were not physically close anymore, but we definitely kept our brotherly connection alive with many visits and phone calls over those years.

Then it happened again. I lost a contract job while living in Atlanta and Mark came to help me out one more time. This time, he offered me a job working for him back in California. I packed up the family and moved one more time to be closer to him and to help him grow his business as his marketing and business development manager. Now that’s a great brother—not just helping his older brother once, but twice when I needed help the most.

Mark was loved by many people and together we shared a network of dozens of mutual friends. Growing up in the Midwest, I can remember spending many times with Mark playing games, getting hauled around by our parents, and working multiple odd jobs to make a few bucks. We were inseparable in so many ways—in fact, many of our friends called us “Paul-Mark” as if we were one person! I loved him with every ounce of my being.

On April 1, 2019—I was on vacation with my family at Disneyland. Standing in the middle of the happiest place on earth, I got the phone call nobody ever wants to receive. An older brother informed me of Mark having a fatal heart attack two hours south of where I was at that moment. I walked around completely dazed and holding back tears while my wife and kids were enjoying the rides. I finally decided NOT to break this terrible news to them right then and right there. After all, my young kids and wife were also extremely close to my brother—this would have been devastating for them to hear this sad news too. So I made up an excuse and drove back to where my brother was—by sheer chance we took two cars. I cried and listened to music the whole way.

One Nation Indivisible

Take a look around. Is this the America you remember? Did we have to sacrifice our unity as a nation to become a modern society? I have never really been a political person, but lately it seems like it’s unavoidable. For years, we have witnessed the divisive nature of American politics seep into our everyday lives. We are competing Republican ideals against Democratic, Black Lives Matter vs. Blue Lives, conservative vs. liberals, political correctness vs. anti-progressiveness—there’s so much division and so much extremism today. In my opinion, our nation has lost sight its underlying identity as “…one nation, under God, indivisible…” and we should all be trying to get back to doing what’s best for our country.

A generation ago, Americans were not as polarized as we are today. We were more united as a nation. We worked hard to improve our communities, to provide better places to raise a family, to get an education, run a business, and live with freedom and dignity. I still believe that we can achieve a more perfect union, but we need to get back on track because the “Unity Train” has been derailed for many years now in America.

The modern version of America has transformed us into a fragmented environment filled with plenty of distrust and fear of one another. Don’t get me wrong. There are still many great, giving Americans who sacrifice every day for others, including and especially our military and the nation’s silent heroes—our frontline healthcare workers. But the overall vibe has grown much colder and isolating for many of us.

If we want to continue growing as a nation, I think we need to stop the divisive rhetoric and begin unifying around the proud traditions that made America a beacon of freedom, hope, and opportunity worldwide. Politics has poisoned people’s thinking and caused us to no longer look at each other as fellow Americans. We cannot rise up and become a better America without everyone working together to build a better society.

The solution to our current era of disconnection will not be easy. To return to a more inclusive and respectful nation, it’s important for each of us to take a look at ourselves in the mirror and ask if we’re doing everything we can to make our community a better place. It won’t happen quickly either. It took decades to get to this low point in American unity, so it makes sense that it will take time to return to a more unified view of ourselves as Americans first. What will it take?

It will take new elected officials who are committed to helping to turn the toxic state of our politics around. It will take better communications with our fellow Americans of every race, creed and viewpoint to understand and just listen to each other better. It will require our news media and social media networks to present a truly accurate and transparent picture of the issues we’re dealing with today. The confusion and chaos sown by the modern media are critical reasons that we are who we are as a country today. It won’t be easy, but it’s important that we get our collective vision of this country back to representing a more unified portrait of what it means to truly be an American.

Can’t we all agree on the most basic of American ideals? Are we not a country founded on the principles of equality, family, religious freedom, mutual respect, and economic prosperity? Is it possible to return to focusing our collective attention on these common denominators as all Americans? If you believe as I do that we can, then let us all take action to bring this shared commitment of Americanism into reality again. Elect only lawmakers who are committed to bipartisan politics. Make an effort to understand where others with differing views are coming from. Live your life as an example of what it means to be a truly patriotic American who is willing to sacrifice in order to make this nation a better place to live, to learn, and to worship as we please.

As the Pledge of Allegiance says: “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” We can all agree that we have a special country with many areas that require improvement. But first we need to stop the divisiveness so that we can focus our energy on building a better society for everyone. What are you going to do to make your community a better place to live?

Now that we're slowly crawling out of this global pandemic, it's time to talk about making your commute the best experience possible. To make that happen, you need to be resourceful and patient. You may be taking the least optimal route to work every day--and not even realize it!

Start by entering your home address and workplace address into an online map app like Mapquest or Google Maps. By checking how an online map would route your commute, you may find that there's a better way to get there. I'd suggest finding two or three possible routes to work. Why? Because someday you may need to take an alternate route to get to work or home due to traffic accidents on your regular route--so why not map out a couple alternate routes in advance?

Whether it’s birthday party for a few guests, or a few hundred, planning is critical to making your party a success. Planning a birthday party for yourself, friend or loved one can be fun, but it’s a lot of work. The better your plan, the less you’ll have to work. The most important details to nail down ASAP are picking the date, time, place and duration of the party. There are many other details, but nothing happens until you pick the date, place and time. Often, you’ll need to do this weeks or months in advance to reserve the venue. Restaurant parties are fun, but they can be costly.

If you enjoy planning and coordinating things—then I’d suggest the DIY option. With a good list of tasks to complete and deadlines, putting a birthday party together can be fairly easy and a lot less expensive than renting a party venue. Whatever you decide, do it early and stick to the date/time/place and the tasks/deadlines you’ve set.

Once you’ve confirmed the date, time and place, it’s time to work on the other important birthday details like the party theme, food and drinks, music (live, DJ or background music that plays continuously), and invitations. I’d suggest making a list of tasks to complete with deadlines. Refer to this list and check off tasks as you complete them. Think about everything you (or most importantly, the birthday boy/girl) would want to see at this party. If it’s a surprise birthday party, be sure to tell guests to arrive extra early so that you don’t have people showing up at the same time as the birthday boy/girl.

If you really want to plan this party with minimal stress, I’d suggest recruiting 1-2 friends to help you with the bigger details. Warning: Be sure you ask only trustworthy friends you can count on to get their assigned tasks done. Ask them to handle the food/drinks details, entertainment, invitations, and/or decorations. If you delegate some of the party planning details, you’ll have more time to get everything done and with a whole lot less stress than if you tried doing everything yourself.

Be sure to buy all your party supplies at least a couple days before the party date. You don’t want to be running all over town on the party date, so it’s best to buy stuff early, and don’t forget to buy a birthday gift! Keep your party supplies organized and easy to find on the party date.

On the big day, wake up early and get as much done in advance of the party. You should ask a couple friends to help you with the set up and ask them to handle some of the important chores to do during the birthday party, like preparing the food/drinks, decorating, getting the entertainment lined up, serving food/drinks to guests, and cleaning up. You don’t want to be barraged with lots of different chores to do before or during the party, so delegate some of these duties to a couple friends. You’ll have a much better experience if you can delegate, trust me.

If you are moving as many of us do throughout the course of our nomadic American Experience, planning is crucial to getting everything done and saving money too. Whether you are moving down the street, across the country or internationally, there are many details involved. To begin the moving process, you need to first sit down and map out your game plan. Do this as soon as possible so that everything isn't happening at the same time--making your move a truly stressful experience.

Create a list of all the critical things that must be completed first, then create a timeline of whatever needs to be done with solid deadlines or dates to complete the task(s).

Ask yourself these important questions:

1) Do you need to give notice to your landlord? Usually they require at least 30 days notice.

2) Have you set your moving date? Be sure you take time off from work or if you have a busy schedule, block time out to complete your move.

3) Create a list of utility companies and services like trash or cable providers both at your current address AND the new address you're moving to--then get their phone numbers/emails together so when your moving dates are set, you can contact all these companies to schedule dates/times for stopping or starting these services.

4) Organize your packing plans. Start with closets and non-essential places in your home first, then start packing those things ASAP. When you are one week away from moving, you should then start packing up your essential things in the kitchen, bathrooms, and living spaces. Do these areas last because you do not want to be living out of a box for weeks or looking for important things you need that were packed away already.

5) Before you start packing, buy all the supplies you'll need for moving, including packing supplies (boxes/tape/markers).

6) Once you're packed up and ready to move, plan your moving day as carefully as possible. Don't forget to reserve a moving truck or get bids for moving services well in advance of your moving date. Many of these companies are booked out for many weeks in advance. Get on their schedule ASAP and be prepared/flexible to moving your moving date to accomodate the moving service's schedule.

7) On Moving Day, get up early and contact your helpers to be sure they are still on board to helping out. It's always best to have at least one other person who has agreed to help you throughout the day. Be sure that this person(s) is reliable and won't flake out at the last minute. Have backup plans in place just in case.

8) Keep a checklist of the most important things that need to happen on Moving Day. Think about everything possible to add to this list and check it frequently to be sure you're getting everything done that needs to be done. This checklist should include tasks for both your old and new address.

Moving is always stressful. But if you plan properly, you can reduce stress and save money by avoiding unnecessary fees or expenses. Planning ahead makes a big difference in the quality of your moving experience. Good luck and Happy Moving Day!

Oftentimes, we take trips (short and long) without thinking ahead. The excitement of going anywhere, especially during this pandemic, causes many people to lose focus on what’s really needed to maximize the experience. My suggestion is to start planning what to bring on your trip by sitting down and focusing your attention on where you’ll be going and what you’ll be doing. Will you need warmer clothes or will you be on the beach most of the time? Think ahead by envisioning the main destinations on your trip and what you should bring to enjoy these destinations to the maximum. 

I’m a huge list-maker and planner, so I always consider what I would ideally do and where I would love most to go during my trips. I write them down and then add the items that would make the trip even better. For example, for a trip to the Grand Canyon, bringing a pair of binoculars along would be a great idea to get better views of the canyon. For trip planning, it’s the little things that sometimes make a big difference in your experience. 

Make a list of the clothes you’d like to wear and consider the weather forecast. Bring enough clothes to match the type of weather you’re expecting. And then make a list of the things you’d like to bring along--consider how much time you’ll be there and the number of bags you want to haul along with you too. If you prefer to travel light, trim your list down to include only the most important things you’ll need to enjoy your trip. Start gathering these clothes, toiletries, meds, and trip things to assemble them in a safe place where you’ll easily find them. One of the worst things to do is wait until an hour before you leave to pack. It’s amazing how many things get lost or misplaced when you’re scrambling to pack for a trip. Use your list, assemble as many things in advance as possible, then pack the night before you leave. Many times, you’ll have to leave items used daily or frequently out until you leave--then add them to your packed bags right before you go. 

It’s easy to forget that we’re all still living through this epic and long health crisis, unless of course you experienced the sadness of losing someone close to you. COVID-19 has brought almost every corner of the earth to its knees. There are so many reasons to just try to forget this disease exists anymore. However, we all know that it’s still here with us, so the best thing we can all do is prepare ourselves for the long haul. 

Before you go out, be sure to bring at least two extra facemasks with you. If you happen to lose one or it gets dirty or contaminated, you’ll need a backup. I suggest putting extra masks in your car, stuff 1-2 in your coat pockets, and be sure to pack extra masks for any day trips you plan to escape the monotony of this pandemic.

Hand sanitizers should also be placed inside your car, packed in your purse, or stuff an extra supply in your coats too. You never know when sanitizer will come in handy after a trip to the grocery store or after doing any chore outside your home. 

And the hardest suggestion of all: We need to try our very best to stay home and do as much as possible without interacting with strangers who may or may not be infected with this virus. In the meantime, we have to all wait for our turn to get vaccinated. For most of us, this is going to be a long wait--weeks not days. Surround yourself with the things you love and the things you love to do. Get your exercise and outdoor time in, but please do it safely! 

In order to move forward, sometimes we need to tune out the noise that tends to distract us. A good example is the national politics that has been tearing the USA apart in recent months. If we allow ourselves to be immersed in the bitter divides that separate so many of us today, there is a strong chance that we can get lost in a forest of like-minded people. The problem with that is there are millions of others out there with different beliefs and by selectively tuning them out, we are limiting our thoughts and feelings to only those who agree with you or you agree with. My topic today is about doing the opposite. 

By tuning out the noise we’re seeing daily in the media and social media, we can return to our inner-selves, to our own belief system. We need to rely more on ourselves to decide what’s right or wrong, not allow others to tell us what they consider to be right or wrong. Believing in our own inner voices has taken each of us really far in life successfully. Why should we trade this in to listen to the noises coming from every media outlet and social media channel we tune into? 

Happy New Year Everyone! My name is Paul and I’m a professional writer and marketing communications expert. I’m also brand new to Tumblr and this is my first blog. My goal with this blog is to help anyone who’s interested in improving their life through planning and organizing. 

For my first topic, I’d like to briefly share my ideas on planning and organizing to achieve your personal and professional goals. It’s a perfect New Year’s Resolution topic on New Year’s Day 2021, don’t you think?

Everyone can always use a reminder once in a while on how to be more organized. The key to becoming organized is by starting with a plan. It doesn’t need to be a long, written-out plan. It can be as simple as a plan in your head about how you plan to achieve your goals. Whether it’s your goal to become a senior executive or to plan the perfect family trip, I’ve lived long enough and learned long ago how important planning is to reaching your goals.

I’m a list-maker, so my thought process always begins with a short list of the key actions or tasks that I need to do in order to ensure that all possible options are written down. I like to start by thinking ahead to envision what’s important and most interesting for me. By writing these ideas down in list form using a few words, I’m then able to take the next step of organizing or putting this list in the order of importance-- and in some cases, in order of sequence needed to achieve my goal(s) whatever it may be.

I’m not saying that I’m an expert in planning and organizing, but I have been told many times in my personal and professional life that I’m extremely well-organized and detail-oriented in my approach to getting things done. 

The secret I’ve learned over the years is to keep your plans simple and achievable; consider all of the possible pros and cons; and stick to your plan as long as it still makes sense--then be flexible to making changes when things don’t go according to the original plan.

That’s plenty for today’s blog. I hope you liked what you read. I’ll be sure to add more thoughts and ideas regularly if you care to follow me. FYI--I’m currently planning to launch a new marketing and communications company in 2021, so I’ll also be sharing my planning process for getting started with your own business in future blogs. Stay tuned--there’s lots more to follow!