#lovedonelost

Losing a Loved One

As I mark another anniversary that I’d prefer not to think about, the topic of my blog this week centers on losing someone who was close to you. On April 1, 2021 it will be two years since losing my younger brother and closest friend anyone could ever have---Mark. It is impossible to capture the many emotions running through my mind when I think about him. We were born 13 months apart and spent the better parts of our lives inseparable. Mark was the quiet kid with all the brains. I was the loud and emotional one who was easily upset by the slightest of slights. Mark was super chill and always there for me. He was my counter-balance.

An example of how close we became over the years goes back to 1995 (yes, I’m old). Back then I was starting over after a divorce and Mark invited me to come live with him in California. I needed a change of scenery, so I took him up and moved West, and indeed I started over and thrived in my new world thanks to Mark. I ended up remarrying, having a couple kids, and moving to Hawaii and Atlanta over the next 15 years. We were not physically close anymore, but we definitely kept our brotherly connection alive with many visits and phone calls over those years.

Then it happened again. I lost a contract job while living in Atlanta and Mark came to help me out one more time. This time, he offered me a job working for him back in California. I packed up the family and moved one more time to be closer to him and to help him grow his business as his marketing and business development manager. Now that’s a great brother—not just helping his older brother once, but twice when I needed help the most.

Mark was loved by many people and together we shared a network of dozens of mutual friends. Growing up in the Midwest, I can remember spending many times with Mark playing games, getting hauled around by our parents, and working multiple odd jobs to make a few bucks. We were inseparable in so many ways—in fact, many of our friends called us “Paul-Mark” as if we were one person! I loved him with every ounce of my being.

On April 1, 2019—I was on vacation with my family at Disneyland. Standing in the middle of the happiest place on earth, I got the phone call nobody ever wants to receive. An older brother informed me of Mark having a fatal heart attack two hours south of where I was at that moment. I walked around completely dazed and holding back tears while my wife and kids were enjoying the rides. I finally decided NOT to break this terrible news to them right then and right there. After all, my young kids and wife were also extremely close to my brother—this would have been devastating for them to hear this sad news too. So I made up an excuse and drove back to where my brother was—by sheer chance we took two cars. I cried and listened to music the whole way.